The ship that made us want to punch someone in the face.
Sophy says: Elijah and Hayley is the worst thing that happened to The Originals. Or are. Both separately and together. They didn’t want anyone to care and they ruined it. Scratch that, they ruined it because they wanted everyone to care. The worst thing about this ship is how utterly forced it is. The second worst thing is that I loathe both characters. Elijah, because he’s a massive hypocrite, and Hayley because… she’s a massive hypocrite! Basically the only good thing about this ship is that the two of them are safely paired off together and probably won’t ruin any of the characters I actually like any time soon. Here’s hoping.
Rin says: You know, I don’t count this as a ship at all. I really don’t. But it is what I consider to be the worst pairing that ever happened for all eternity. So there’s that. Okay. Maybe I’m exaggerating, because it’s really nothing to do with Quinn or Santana themselves, but entirely about the way it happened and how it basically destroyed one character in order to get ‘two hot girls in bed yay!’ And the nerve of Ryan Murphy to say that it was a surprise for Faberry fans. What the fuck. Anyway I need to stop now or else this entire thing will become one big RIN SAYS NO to 414 all over again. But Quinntana. I hate it with a fiery passion.
Sophy says: Yeah, the only reason I didn’t choose this is because it happened but it never happened.
Heather says: Olivia Pope and President Fitzhole on Scandal. Olivia Pope is Olivia Fucking Pope, dude. Has she seen herself in the mirror? Has she had her eyeballs open as she’s kicked the collective asses of bad guys and racism and misogyny up and down the Beltway in Washington D.C.? I mean, has she even taken a peek at the collection of suits and coats in her closet? SHE’S OLIVIA FUCKING POPE. What in the world is she doing crashing her whole life against a man who is a whiny, petulant, duplicitous megalomaniac whose main goal in being President of the United States is to work out his stupid daddy issues? I hate that guy and I love Olivia Pope and I absolutely do not understand the shippers who ship this ship.
“See now I think it’s the daddy thing that’s throwing her.”
Incest is illegal. Mostly.
Sophy says: Okay. This category was originally conceived for illegal pairings that never actually, you know, indulged in outright criminality onscreen – your Debra/Dexters and your Klaus/Rebekahs. It was always supposed to be about the inappropriate tension that simmers under the surface – about two actors and two characters who have the wrong kind of chemistry and can’t help letting it show. But let’s be fair. Cesare/Lucrezia spent a long time being that pairing, it’s only that I took so long to find them that it all got, um, consummated in one year. You can bet these two would have taken out the 2011 and 2012 Rophers if I’d watched The Borgias then.
Rin says: GEORGE MICHAEL AND MAEBY, FOREVER AND EVER. They were one of the best most ridiculous parts of the show, and I’m glad they kept it that way for the return of the show. And I love Alia Shawkat.
p.s. Is it wrong that I’m excited for my choice next year? Yes, it is.
Heather says: I’m gonna agree with Rin on this one. I mean, of course the entire fourth season of Arrested Development hinged on a lie George Michael told to impress Maeby. “You may need to ride her pretty hard.” “I’d do what everyone around here says: Put it into Bluth.” Also, yes, I am in love with Alia Shawkat.
I kind of real life ship her with Ellen Page?
Sophy says: DO NOT CROSS OUT YOUR REAL LIFE SHIPPING. DO NOT LIVE IN SHAME.
So I still haven’t gotten around to watching the new series of Arrested Development. I pine for the show for years and then I leave it hanging.
And to think, I’m always saying how TV is a harsh mistress to me.
“Okay then. Give us a kiss.”
The tingliest kiss.
Sophy says: Oh my goodness. This was kind of a clap your hand over your mouth before your heart falls out of it deal. And look, it’s obvious, I know. When you’re watching a period adaptation that errs on the side of fluffy, you can be pretty sure there are going to be eleventh hour smoochies, but that didn’t make me any less edge-of-the-seat when Moray started striding through The Paradise hair-a-flopping, searching for Denise with greater impatience and determination as the score swelled with all the longing he was feeling – all the triumph he would be feeling soon, too, as he stared his demons down and smiled at the girl he loves like an idiot schoolboy. It was a happy ending – for now – and it was perfect. And yes, I’m aware that this happened in 2012, but I didn’t watch the show when it first aired. And sure, the season 2 eleventh hour smoochies were wonderful too, but this was what really set my heart alight in 2013.
Rin says: Oh my gosh Morise yes, especially because it took them so long. But with all the circumstances surrounding them in those final moments it was just the best FUCK IT ALL! moment. AND THEIR SMILEY KISSY FACES!
But my choice is the kiss between Beatrice and Benedick in Much Ado. Not just because it was a gloriously beautiful kiss and they belong together for eternity, but also because… WES AND FRED Seeing Alexis and Amy together again was a bit like coming home. Sometimes a part of me felt like LA had just been cursed by a black and white Shakespeare demon and we were back in the Angel days. It was truly wonderful.
Sophy says: How have I still not seen this movie. I blame the Perth Film Festival for hogging it.
Heather says: Nick and Jess’ first kiss on New Girl. Holy crap, dude.
“But I can feel my skin humming.”
Tingliest thing that wasn’t a kiss.
Sophy says: Okay this is another late entry, but you guys have to understand that Rin and I only found Bomb Girls in 2013 AND OUR LIVES WERE CHANGED OKAY? I’m not even joking. The reality is that if Bomb Girls was continuing to a third season Rin and I would probably be retro-recapping and gif-setting and pimping the heck out of the show… but as it is, we have to gird our emotional loins.
But enough of that. Betty and Kate. Kate and Betty. What a wonder that was – no, is – at least as long as we have that movie coming. Seriously though, I’m not even in the camp that sees the two of them getting not-married and living happily ever after…. actually wait, I am. But Kate still isn’t gay. Or bi. I just think she loves Betty more than anyone else in the world – I think she idolizes Betty – I think she’s accepted Betty as her personal lord and saviour, to be quite frank, and this scene proves it.
You guys, Kate tells Betty that everything was worth it because she found a friend. A friend who loved her. And the reason this absolutely kills me is that Kate is not the most liberated soul in the world. She’s been set free, sure, but she’s still a prisoner of her upbringing and of the times. It’s fucking hard for her to understand the gay love we all cherish today – it’s fucking harder still not to be scared of it when it’s directed at her – when it’s directed at her from the one place she feels safe – from the one person she cannot lose. Being loved romantically by Betty is really scary for Kate, because she needs her platonic love so badly. And that’s why she reacted the way she did when Betty tried to kiss her. That’s why she buried herself in how disgusting those feelings were.
But here, she gets it. Because she has to. Because she’s been confronted with the question: is your life better because Betty? Is there any way it could be worse than if not Betty? In this moment Kate understands and acknowledges – out loud – up close – that Betty’s love for her – no qualifications – is worth anything.
Prison. Shame. The rest of her life, wasted.
Betty’s love for her is worth that and then some.
I’ll be over here wailing and scratching the walls.
Rin says: Look, obviously Betty and Kate. I’m appalled I’m not giving them my own award and vote, but I figured I basically am because half of everything Sophy owns and does is mine too. I’ve picked a moment that really stood out to me during last year in TV and it was simple and nothing much happened at all except for two characters sitting on a bus. I still don’t consider myself to be a huge Annie/Auggie shipper, but they really get to have their moments on the show and I think what makes them work so well is the chemistry between Pipuh and Chris.
Heather says: Myka Bering and H.G. Wells throwing the word “friend” around about a hundred times while moving closer and closer together and staring at each other’s lips and crying in Warehouse 13 episode 414 (“Instinct.”) Myka literally hangs out the window as Pete drives away and Helena almost runs right after her and Ellie Goulding is over there singing about, “Go! Where did you go? Where did you go?”
“They’re bad calculations! Bad!”
The show that should have had half as many episodes.
Sophy says: This was such an easy choice for me. It’s pure mathematics. Approximately the first half of season 8 can stay. The second half of season 8 needs to go. Go start a family under the sofa in hell.
Rin says: Yeah, basically. If Dexter had ended halfway through season 8 we would have had a pretty damn good farewell season and we would always look back on the show so fondly. But it’s been tainted forever and I still haven’t watched the back half of the season and don’t intend to.
Heather says: Skins’ final season. And by “half as many episodes,” I mean “the number of episodes it had multiplied by zero, which equals zero; divided by zero, which causes a black hole that should swallow up that whole entire goddamn mess and spit it out in some hell galaxy that we’ve never even seen or heard of.” Hashtag maths.
Sophy says: This choice is so valid. More on that later.
“My calculations are precise.”
The show that should have had twice as many episodes.
Sophy says: Okay, here’s the thing. There’s nothing more exhilarating (really, I’m including sky-diving and winning the lottery here, let’s pretend I know) than discovering a new TV show when there’re already a couple of seasons on the clock. This means that the moment you know for sure that it’s love – say, episode two or three – you’re guaranteed a long-term relationship. However, there is nothing more dispiriting than realizing just as you get to the end of your second season, that there will be no third.
So a movie is nice and I’m glad we’re getting it. But double the Bomb Girls would have been nicer. Because this is a show that makes me feel at home, you know? It’s a show that’s like a lovely hot cup of tea with a hit of whiskey. It’s not just entertaining, it’s comforting and kind of… nourishing.
DON’T STARVE ME NETWORKS? WHY DO YOU STARVE ME?
Rin says: WE SHOULD HAVE HAD AT LEAST, AT THE VERY LEAST, FOUR SEASONS TOTAL. It’s not just the writing, it’s not just the acting, but it’s the richness of the show and its ability to take you back into another time that makes it so good. I can’t wait for the movie as I’m sure it’ll be great and I’ll keep hoping that someone somewhere does the right thing and brings the show back to life like it deserves. #SAVEBOMBGIRLS
Heather says: I’m going to go with Orphan Black. It’s tricky because I think the ten-episode season worked really well for their narrative. The show might have been less consuming and enchanting if it stretched out for like a full American-sized season of TV, but Tatiana Maslany’s crazy amazing skills make me think it would have been just as good, only more.
“And frankly, it’s ludicrous to have these interlocking bodies and not… interlock.”
The couple who weren’t a couple who should have been a couple.
Sophy says: Okay well Faberry pretty much permanently own this category, even when I’ve stopped watching Glee, heck they’ll own it when Glee is off the air entirely. But my choice for 2013 is Abbie Mills and Ichabod Crane.
Sleepy Hollow came out of nowhere for me. I had no particular interest in the show and only started watching it because I saw people saying good things about it and the people were pretty and the day was rainy. I fell in love immediately. And a lot of that has to do with the amazing chemistry between Nicole Beharie and Tom Mison. Seriously they are just the cutest together and frequently cause me to cover my mouth and feel the prickle of tears when they share scenes together.
But let’s be real. 2013 wasn’t their time to be a couple. They’d just met and were kind of busy fighting a supernatural war between good and evil and meanwhile there’s that whole thing where Ichabod has a wife. So why am I choosing them for this category? Because of how much all the talk in fandom of them being BROtp pissed me off.
No. NO NO NO NO NO.
This Ropher is a recognition of the insane romantic chemistry between the actors and the characters and my way of putting the world on notice that I want to see it play out at some point.
Sorry Katrina. You’re cute and I like you, but you’re no Abbie Mills.
Rin says: Even if Faberry had absolutely nothing last year it still counts because as this category states, couple who weren’t a couple who SHOULD HAVE BEEN a couple. And I will never, so help me god, stop thinking Faberry should be a couple. When you get on the Faberry ship there’s no getting off, they’re an OTP-for-life type thing. I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever ship anything as hard again… or if I even want to.
Sophy says: I think you only ship like this once in your life.
Heather says: Easiest answer ever: Myka and H.G. on Warehouse 13.
Rophy says: We get the message. We’ll stick the show on the list.
“And when the music starts, we open up our hearts…”
Best use of a song in TV
Sophy says: I might have cried a lot during this scene. I probably should have given it a standing ovation whilst crying. In bed.
“I’m a body dysmorphic without the dysmorphic. I am a bulimic without the sick. I am fat.”
That’s the amazing dialogue that ushers the song in. And seeing Rae unzip the fat from her body, haul it through the house and burn it in the yard in a wish fulfillment fantasy that leaves her crying heavy tears onto her bathroom scales, while Thom Yorke sings If I could be who you wanted all the time… just wrecking. I was wrecked by this.
There were a lot of options for this category this year which is why it was good that this was among them, the clear winner, ahead of a brilliant pack.
Rin says: I don’t know! This is a hard one. I really liked the use of Jose Gonzalez’s cover of ‘Heartbeats’ in Covert Affairs when Annie and Auggie are walking around Hong Kong.. but then I also think about that montage in The Crazy Ones with ‘Imagine Me and You’ and the DUCKLINGS. But I can’t move past it. I cannot move past Love Song. If I just compartmentalise and think of Love Song as its own entity, it’s pretty much perfect. I still listen to it from time to time, and it’s probably the best song Dianna has sung. I JUST LOVE HER VOICE IN IT SO MUCH.
Sophy says: Yeah, this was on my shortlist even though everything that is Glee S4 is dead to me, at least in terms of Quinn Fabray. But this was beautiful and Dianna’s voice was beautifully used.
Heather says: Jenna Maroney’s musical rendition of “Rural Juror” in the 30 Rock finale. I will never forget you, Rural Juror! I will always be glad I met you, Rural Juror! These were the best days of my flerrrrm. Runner-up: Donna and Ann and April singing “Time After Time” on Parks and Rec.
Sophy says: THE RURRR JURRRR. This almost makes me want to pick up wherever the hell I left off for no good reason with 30 Rock.
“Come on, let’s get this gay show on the gay road.”
How is this not a gay show?
Heather says: As usual, I’m going with Rizzoli & Isles in this category. It’s gotten to the point that the show is giving Jane and Maura beards to try to keep their heterosexuality legit but it’s just ridiculous at this point. BuzzFeed says it’s the gayest not-gay show on television and even TV Guide just straight up asked Angie Harmon and Sasha Alexander why they’re not hooking up on this show. COME ON.
Rin says: I DON’T HAVE ANYMORE FEELINGS ABOUT THIS CATEGORY.
Sophy says: ME NEITHER OH GOD. NOTHING IS GAY AND EVERYTHING HURTS.
Rin says: BUT NEXT YEAR WILL BE A DIFFERENT STORY. SEEING AS WE CAUGHT UP WITH OUAT. AND OH MY GOD.
Sophy says: It’s canon, Rin. It doesn’t belong here.
It’s canon, Rin.
It’s canon, Rin.
“Well, from the title I thought it was about food.”
We want our money back for the ticket and the pretzel bites.
Sophy says: I literally couldn’t get through 20 minutes of Anna Karenina. And believe you me, I really wanted to like it. Sadly, for me at least, it was an experiment gone badly wrong. I do understand what Joe Wright was going for, but at the end of the day – or at the end of 20 minutes – the preciousness of it all, the clever stiffness of it, the because I can of it, was more than I could bear.
Rin says: Okay so for the actual movie that I paid for and thought didn’t live up to ANY of my expectations would have to be Gravity. I mean…was that really a movie, let alone an OSCAR worthy movie? Not in my eyes. Technically it was a stunning film though. And for the movie that I really wanted to love more than anything but it didn’t love me back was MAN OF STEEL. For fucks sake why why why was it so….bleurgh? I should want to shout and scream and be in awe of a superman movie, but it didn’t really do any of those things for me. It was poorly paced, and we really didn’t get a whole lot of story. Even if they think they were telling us a lot of things. Plus the Lois and Clark aspect of it was ABYSMAL. They were IN LOVE in an instant and that annoyed me to no end, I don’t care how destined you are. Sigh, I had such high hopes, especially when Henry Cavill was cast.
Heather says: Austenland. I don’t think the screenwriters ever read a Jane Austen book in their whole entire lives. Man of Steel was worse, but trashing Jane Austen’s works is something I take way too personally.
“Come with me now, if you will, gentle viewers. Join me on a new voyage of the mind, a little tale I like to call…”
The movie that had us on the edge of our seats with our heads in our hands.
Sophy says: There were quite a few contenders this year, most especially The Perks of Being a Wallflower, and also Like Crazy, which probably would have won this if Rin hadn’t already given it her award last year. I mean, I know I follow her around like a lost sock that can walk but still, there are limits.
What Maisie Knew was the most exquisite and devastating film of 2013, and that is reflected in it being the only movie to make it into our Rophy’s Recs (so far). Much is made of Onata Aprile’s performance, and with good reason, but all the performances in this film were incredible, from Saarsgard to Moore to Coogan to our darling Joanna Vanderham. It’s an all round tour de force and I’m still a little haunted.
Rin says: MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING! I dragged my friends along to the cinemas and didn’t really tell them much about what to expect. And then as soon as the movie started I realised I hadn’t a clue what to expect either. And that was pretty much the best part about it. I was in awe for pretty much the entirety of the film. It took me a while to put myself into Shakespeare mode and to actually understand what the eff people were talking about, but after the initial shock it was so easy to enjoy. Everything about this adaptation is perfect and I think what made it work so well, apart from Joss being Joss, is that it definitely felt like everyone who was a part of that film really believed in what they were doing and were there to have fun with it at the same time. No one took themselves too seriously and that was very infectious as a viewer.
And I’m not going to lie, every time a new Whedon-alumni was onscreen I squealed. Reunions really are the best.
Sophy says: I need to watch this fucking movie. (And then you need to watch the Branagh version.)
Heather says: I was absolutely enchanted with Frances Ha. I could describe it to you in a single sentence: 20-something New Yorker searches for purpose and connection in a city that seems destined to crush her dreams. It’s as real as any film I saw in 2013 but not in that way that’s like, “Fuck you! I’m so fucking real!” likeGirls or something like that. It’s gently real. Subtly real. It sticks and it resonates.
“I’m a blood-sucking fiend. Look at my outfit!”
Sophy says: Okay, so I am aware that Helena isn’t strictly a villain, but nine times out of ten the best villains aren’t strictly villains. Helena is a victim and a monster. She is a sad and vicious person. She is a little girl and some kind of gruesome god to herself. She is the scariest fucking thing I have ever seen. And she’s also really cute.
Rin says: HANNIBAL LECTER. Because isn’t he just creepy as fuck and entirely gross and wrong and fucked up, but also the best? ESPECIALLY when he’s being hilarious to himself without showing it.. like when he makes food pun jokes at dinnertime. That guy.
Mads Mikkelsen is incredible and somehow manages to bring an air of intrigue to the role that could otherwise be one dimensional. I am foolishly hoping that season 2 won’t have me saying ‘STOP EATING PEOPLE’ as much but we all know that won’t happen. He’ll probably start a catering business on the side and host big events for fun.
Sophy says: HE WOULD THOUGH.
And I’m forcing you to watch Silence of the Lambs at the next Rophystock. In the dark. While I hover unsettlingly behind you.
Heather says: Pennsatucky from Orange Is the New Black because of the crazy-amazing way the show keeps pulling back the curtains on her character until the very final scene of season one when you’re like, “Holy shit, she’s an actual sociopath!” Like at first, she’s just a harmless religious nut. But then she’s a harmless religious nut who became a religious nut because an abortion clinic blew up when she was leaving it after having an abortion, and other religious nuts thought she did it and was a hero. And then she got tossed in the SHU and it was like, “Oh, but she’s just a harmless religious nut.” AND THEN SHE TRIED TO MURDER PIPER FOR JESUS.
“And she’ll never have eggs or yawn or brush her hair…”
The death we’re still sniffling over.
Sophy says: Ripley. There were quite a few deaths that has us crying this year, and, well, this is the year that The Red Wedding happened, which… yikes. But nothing compares to the full body pain I experienced when Ripley was shot and fell down and… actually died.
Rin says: OH RIPLEY. They are such bastards. If anyone deserved to live on that show and lead a very happy life it was Ripley. So of course he has to be the one to bite the dust. I hate them forever.
But my choice will have to be Mama Stark and to an extent Robb and Talisa because I cried like a little baby at the end of that episode. It was just the feeling of everything that everyone was fighting for was over in an instant and nobody was ever going to get their light at the end of the tunnel. THAT’S WHAT IT FELT LIKE. The whole point of Game of Thrones for me is the Starks and their happiness. They are the heart of that show by far and it seemed to me that all of their hardships would be worth it in the end because they would have each other. Well now they won’t have that. There’s not enough of them left. AND IT KILLS ME. Mama Stark was the glue.
Heather says: Sybil Crawley. What the shit was with you in 2013, Downton Abbey?
“What am I gonna do? Slay vampires on stage?” “Maybe in a funny way!”
The Boo Hiss award for wasting talent.
Sophy says: Nothing compares to the utter waste that was Lily Loveless and Kat Prescott in Skins Fire. Why were they even there? So Naomi could die? Seriously, I would have preferred they just mention her sad passing offscreen.
For the record, Kaya was wasted as well. As for Hannah and Joe, I couldn’t say. I didn’t watch Pure or Rise. Fire was enough.
Rin says: Skins you fuckers. They don’t deserve any more commentary than that. EXCEPT we probably would have given Dates some awards this year, but we can’t any more? It’s their own doing?
Heather says: The writing team that took over Community when Dan Harmon was fired. Watching season four was like living in an Edgar Allen Poe story where you wish a loved one back to life and she shows up at your door as like a nasty old skeleton, all, “Let’s cuddle up!” And you’re like, “Jesus Christ! Where is your skin? Where are your muscles? Where is your soul?” And you realized you should have just let her stay buried because gross, man.
Oh, yeah. And fucking Skins Fire. I will never stop being enraged about that. EVER.
Sophy says: I LIKED COMMUNITY SEASON 4.
“She irons her jeans. She’s evil.”
Best/Worst use of jean shorts.
Sophy says: Elena Gilbert became really fond of jeans shorts this year. And so did I.
Heather says: I’m throwing it back to Sophia because her crazy face is the only fond memory I have of Skins now.
Rin says: HAhahaha when all else fails.
“What are you doing here? Five words or less.”
Most annoying guest appearance.
Sophy says: Annoying doesn’t even begin to cover it. I have no particular objection to Yvonne Strahovski, but regardless, her character Hannah McKay pretty much single-handedly ruined what, but for her, might have been one of the greats TV shows of the last decade. Honestly, the only reason she didn’t take out this category last year was because she was gone and we thought that was it, we’d weathered the Hannah storm, and from now on everything would be okay. But no. The showrunners brought her back, and made her even more unbearable by retconning her character into some earth mother princess victim love of a good woman wad of utter shite. I will never, ever be over the fact that moments after throwing Deb’s body off the side of his boat, Dexter’s mind turned to Hannah and how that vile clinical, entirely self-obsessed murderess might be damaged by his love – and how he should probs go become a lumberjack and leave her to take care of his son.
Rin says: When Edelstein showed up on Castle I screamed. And then begrudgingly kept watching. But it honestly made me lose some interest because I haven’t watched past episode 2 this season and such is the power of Edelstein.
Sophy says: I’m glad the force is still strong in this one.
Heather says: I really like Damon Wayans Jr. I thought he was a hoot on Happy Endings (RIP). But I cannot figure out why in the world New Girl brought him back this season. It’s notoriously difficult to re-work a group dynamic when you finally get the will-they/won’t-they characters together, and they were already struggling to find ways to keep Winston and CeCe relevant to the A- and B-story shenanigans every week. Shoehorning Coach into the mix is the exact opposite of what they need to be doing with their ensemble recipe.
“I can’t feel anything. Legs, arms, anything.”
The most disappointing TV moment.
Sophy says: Glee 414, without a doubt. There was a lot that disappointed me this year and the main contenders for this spot were Dexter and Skins and Glee… but Glee had to win out because I had the most eggs in that basket. Because I trusted that basket the most with my eggs?
Okay, that’s not entirely true. Dexter was the mightiest to fall – I was truly stunned by the writerly depravity that was the second half of the final season of that show – and Skins is rophydoes’ first love, and we admire those people so much that we would have given anything to call S6 an aberration.
However, Glee was the show I asked the least of. All I wanted was for Rachel Berry to stay Rachel Berry and for the events of 414 not to happen ever. I would have put up with all the Marley Rose in the world for that.
But alas. Rachel wasn’t Rachel for a long time, and then the show attempted to ‘replace’ Faberry for us, with a nonsensical, emotionless, invisible, not-to-be-repeated, college girls sex scene between Quinn and Santana. It felt like a slap in the face to fans who’d been loyal and loving and lived on so little, for all the reasons recorded in our recap of that episode. And I have to tell you guys that a year on it still feels like a slap in the face.
It still stings.
Rin says: Glee. It’s like being stabbed by a morgul blade from a ring wraith. IT’LL NEVER REALLY STOP STINGING.
Heather says: Skins’ creative team acting shocked and appalled with the backlash over Skins Fire. “We brutally murdered one of the most beloved lesbian characters/couples of all time in the most incoherent and cliched storytelling vehicle in the history of the United Kingdom. We brought Naomi Campbell back to your TVs to kill her. What’s your fucking problem, homos?”
Sophy says: I would have chosen this if Skins 6 hadn’t already had me setting the bar at… on the ground.
“Well, see, I like that you’re unpredictable.”
Something that surprised us.
Sophy says: Les Revenants really surprised me, mostly because I’ve always thought of French television as being kind of… bad. And it basically is, as far as I can see, except for this. This which is mad and beautiful and like some kind of soft nightmare in the pit of your stomach. I do hope that the subsequent seasons give me more answers about what’s going on than the first did, but I’d keep watching even if I knew I was going to be confused and alienated from the narrative until the very end. It’s that good.
I hear the US is remaking it. I’d advise everyone to watch the original first.
Oh and to be clear this is not ‘a Zombie show’, as many would have it. It’s a lot more subtle and intriguing than that.
Although there is some stomach eating. You have been warned.
Rin says: I’m going to go with Black Mirror because I pretty much had no expectations and didn’t really know what it was about. And the first episode got me pretty quickly because it was such a smart commentary on the modern world. Then the second episode blew me out of the water. I love futuristic stuff that isn’t too over the top and makes you think that this could actually be a version of our near future. I loved how Black Mirror dealt with that common theme, and gave us a whole bunch of unique episodes that had a different view.
Sophy says: Yes, yes, yes! And both of these were Rophite recs! We love you guys so much.
Heather says: Orphan Black surprised me in the very best way. I didn’t think there was any way in the world Tatiana Maslany could live up to the hype, but she blew open my mind-grapes from every direction. I’ve been in love with TV for my whole entire life and I’ve never, ever seen performances like the ones she knitted together in season one.
Sophy says: VALID. Though I was pretty sure I was going to like it.
“Isn’t it pretty? It raises the dead!”
How were we living before we found this?
Sophy says: There are so many options here, because as cruel as the TV gods have been this year they have also been kind. Rin and I have gotten into many new shows this year and we love each and every one of them, but this category is kind of for shows that have been around for a while and we have failed to love them like we should. So it has to be Miranda. The cutest, funniest, silliest, sweetest show around, starring everyone who is wonderful, but especially Miranda Hart, the most adorable person on the planet.
FRUIT FRIENDS. HOOVER GARY. WHERE’S MIRANDA. THIS YEAR’S LAUGH. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TODAAAAY TO MAKE YOU FEEEL PROOOUD?
Carry on Rin.
Rin says: I am so glad people pushed us to watch this show because it is possibly the silliest show I’ve ever watched in my life. And I love it for that. It somehow manages to use all of the 90s sitcom clichés to its advantage and no matter how many times you hear a catch phrase it’s STILL funny. Yet even with all of its silliness there is still so much heart and love.
LUCKILY I ENJOY LIVING ALONE I relate except I don’t live alone.
Heather says: Portlandia is my favorite thing I watched on accident in 2013. It’s been in the periphery of my radar for ages but I was all very meh about the whole thing, but when I finally watched one episode, I binged on all the episodes. Season four starts in February!
“Me sharpening my pencil, me reading, writing, falling asleep on a big pile of books…”
The Hermione Granger award for reminding Ropher of Hermione Granger.
Sophy says: GLADYS WITHAM. Okay, so Gladys does some things that Hermione probably wouldn’t be up for, like, say, sexing someone who is not her fiance in a field after he crashed a car with her in it………………. BUT LET’S LEAVE THAT TO ONE SIDE. And hey, maybe Gladys doesn’t read a lot of books either. But Hermione said it herself – there are more important things like friendship and bravery. And Gladys is nothing if not brave and a loyal friend. And most importantly she gets shit done.
The sex in the field Hermione would probably not approve of. Everything else that Gladys is? I think she’d give that a double tick. Especially the suggestion box.
Rin says: Simmons. I mean, I know she said she’s not Hermione right at the start, but she PRETTY MUCH IS. She’s like Philosopher’s Stone Hermione, slowly graduating to Chamber of Secrets.
Heather says: Simmons for sure. You know, at first I thought she was going to be the weakest link on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. but she has morphed into my favorite character in all of the Marvel Universe. And this is the most Hermione thing: “I can’t be a part of your bad-girl shenanigans. I like following the rules and doing what’s expected of me. It makes me feel nice.” And then she goes ahead and breaks every rule in the book, brilliantly!
Sophy says: Wow. That’s what Hermione would look like if she was played by Elizabeth Henstridge, basically.
“She truly was the finest of us all.”
Sophy says: Okay, so I’m sure everyone is sitting here yelling at me that I should choose Tatiana Maslany because I swore I would when we were doing those very belated 2012 Rophers… but here’s the thing. Everybody loves Tatiana Maslany. Okay, wait, not everybody, and not nearly as many people as should. But what I’m getting at is that whether she gets all the awards she deserves or not, she is very much a sung hero in fandom. We all know her worth.
So as much as I think Tatiana is equally deserving of this award, I’m going to give it to Nina, because maybe the show she’s on isn’t as cool or edgy, and maybe she doesn’t play quite so many characters, but the reality is that this year she has done phenomenal work. So much so that I have several times found myself noticing the work and thinking ‘That work should really get a trophy’.
Literally. If I had enough empty toothpaste boxes handy I would make something. With pipecleaners and glitter glue. Nina deserves such a prize and this very Ropher for her performance in 415 alone. Her portrayal of grief – the unending trapped lostness of it – was so spot-on that I sometimes go back and watch all over again just to marvel at the performance. And then on top of that she was perfect as a humanity-free Elena, perfect as a human Katherine Pierce, and perfect, however briefly, as an altogether new doppelganger, establishing a clear and engaging identity in what? 10 minutes of screentime? And with very little help from hair or make-up.
This girl is so, so brilliant. She deserves critical recognition. And maybe we’re not the Emmys or the Golden Globes or even the People’s Choice Awards, but we can still give her this award, with all our heart.
I’m speaking for Rin here. She doesn’t know it, but Nina’s acting is very important to her.
Rin says: It’s important to me because it’s important to you.
But my choice is going to be Ricky Gervais for Derek. He made Derek very endearing, not just the character but the entire show. It was such a far step away from any other role he’s played and I really think he needed that. The comedy was similar, less outrageous maybe, but his Derek himself was something very new and I enjoyed seeing that from him.
Sophy says: OH MY GOD YES.
Heather says: Tatiana Maslany, absolutely no question about it. She’s a freaking magician, is what she is. How are Allison and Helena played by the same person? How can she be in a scene with two more of herselves and never have you question that it’s three completely different characters in the room? A wizard. She’s a wizard.
Sophy says: OH MY GOD YES.
“And then Dawn said we were a cute triangle!”
The second-cutest human ever award.
Sophy says: Fitzsimmons. What, they count as one person.
Rin says: Onata Aprile. I was smitten with her from the start of the movie and honestly if she hadn’t been as good as she was, and had the chemistry that she did with the other actors, the movie would have suffered greatly. She somehow has the ability to be both adorable and incredibly heart-wrenching in the same breath.
Heather says: Yeaaaah, it’s Tatiana Maslany for me. Again. Her face. Her face.
“My wedding! I’m getting married, can you believe it?!”
Best future wife.
Sophy says: Oh you have no idea how hard I would marry Vera Burr. All she needs to be is real. Marco wouldn’t stand a chance.
Rin says: It wouldn’t be good for me, but I’d marry Alice Morgan. Or maybe it’d be very good for me having my very own psychopath. YOU’D NEVER LOOK FUNNY AT ME WITH ALICE BY MY SIDE. Let’s ignore the fact that she said, “Some little girls grew up wanting ponies, I always wanted to be widow.” Minor details.
I should also give a special mention to Melinda May. I would also marry her in a heartbeat. Do you think I have a type?
Heather says: I think I say Amy Poehler every year for this category and the reason I know it’s true is that it never changes and I usually feel trapped when I order the same beer twice in a row, so: Amy Poehler.
“The wedding. What wedding?”
Best future husband.
Sophy says: Do you guys know how much I love Eyal? Every time he shows up on Covert Affairs it’s like he’s been gone for years. That’s how much. And maybe marrying this guy would be kind of an unwise choice – though not as unwise as marrying Alice, Rin, you are a fool for love – but I don’t care.
I don’t care because…
Rin says: My baby Will Graham. SAVE WILL GRAHAM! I have no idea what they’re going to do with him in the second season and I’m slightly worried, especially because of his BRAIN TUMOUR THING. He’s my puppy dog and I just want him to be happy And not get eaten by Hannibal.
Sophy says: This is probably more foolish than marrying Alice. Hannibal would eat you, Rin. In the time it would take him to make some toast to go with.
Heather says: Nick Miller, man. We’d be terrible for each other because we’re the same person, but gosh, I love him.
“Really, we’re just good friends.”
Rin says: Renfield and Grady/Dracula/Vladdy whatever you call him are totally married. I love them. Mostly because they have this devotion to each other that is certainly rare for someone like Dracula. I MEAN. Obviously he’s going to fall in love with a human girl who may or may not be the reincarnation of his dead wife.. but you don’t see the human best friend very much do you. I don’t even know what to call them, best friend seems weird. THEY’RE NOT EXACTLY FRIENDS, EXCEPT THAT THEY ARE. Renfield is Dracula’s assistant or something, except they’re really equals.
WHO DOES ALEXANDER GRAYSON LOVE?
Sophy says: YES YES YES THIS IS MY CHOICE ALSO. This one time Dracula wanted to self-destruct by going out and eating people willy nilly because he was super upset, and Renfield, who falls under the category of ‘people’, tackled him. He tackled him.
I think Drac should put a ring on it, to be honest.
“Miss Edith speaks out of turn. She’s a bad example and will have no cakes today.”
Worst thing ever.
Rin says: I guess it comes down to expectations and what I never saw coming. Skins Fire? Sure we went in fully prepared to love it, but we knew after Skins 6 of what these people were capable of destroying. So it was never really a surprise. With Dexter, again, they’d done Hannah before. I didn’t really expect them to suddenly make her the most epic love of all time for Dexter…but I wasn’t surprised. They shoved her down our throats before, why not again? It was really the way they treated Deb that made me want to kill EVERYTHING ANYONE HAS EVER LOVED. I’ll never not hate them.
But Glee was something that was unexpected. In a really really hurtful way that kind of felt personal. Or maybe it’s because by the time it was over for me, I had already put most of my eggs into their basket. AND NOW I’LL NEVER HAVE CHILDREN. What, no.
I just didn’t really expect them to ruin everything I had ever loved about that show. Maybe I should have seen it coming with the way season 4 was going…the newbies were slowly destroying the show for me, the new york storylines weren’t panning out… Quinn was nowhere to be seen. But that was also what made it so hard to see, the fact that Quinn was never really there. So a huge portion of what the show was to me was never really harmed, even though many other things were. Quinntana was the straw. The really pathetic straw.
Sophy says: Skins Fire, for me. The fact that writers I have loved and admired so much could let this happen to a show I would have thought was at least as precious to them as it was to me… the fact that they could be so fucking careless after the disaster that was Skins 6… it’s mind-boggling.
This category was created to properly express the sheer badness that was Gossip Girl season 6. I didn’t actually expect to have anything to go in it this year. I never would have dreamed anything Bryan Elsley and Jamie Brittain put out there could have made it in.
Heather says: Three guesses what my answer is to this question; bet you don’t need the first two. (Hint: It’s Skins Fire.)
“It’s really nice that you guys missed me. Say, you all didn’t happen to do a bunch of drugs, did you?”
The year’s best fandom.
Sophy says: Look, the Veronica Mars fandom is amazing for getting itself a movie, and Rin and I were in on that, got the teeshirt and are very proud, but at the same time, I want to show some love to the amazing Bomb Girls fandom, who may be smaller in numbers, but who worked just as hard – if not harder, since it was a fan-born kind of thing – to get their TV movie.
And hey, maybe it’s not what we want. Maybe we all desperately want a third series of that show and anything less than that is going to feel like skim milk in a cup of dirt. But I’m still proud of us – of you guys who were around loving the show and making a difference before Rin and I even started watching. I think we did good – really good. And you are all invited to the rophydoes Bomb Girls TV Movie hangout, whenever it airs.
Rin says: I loved the #SaveBombGirls campaign and am so happy they’re continuing to fight! It’s important! WE NEED THAT THIRD SEASON.
But there’s something about having a show off the air for 6 years and then asking its fans to fund a movie, and then absolutely CRUSHING the goal within a day that is overwhelmingly powerful. And then breaking all types of crazy records. It was amazing. I always thought Veronica Mars fandom was small, especially after all this time. And then seeing SO many people wanting to pay for just another 2 hours with these characters that obviously touched many of our lives… it just amazes me what is possible these days. It always felt a little bit like this show was never loved or recognised the way it should have been, and finally it’s getting what it deserves.
Heather says: Veronica Mars fandom, dudes! We got us a movie!
“Are you going like stalker-boy on me now?”
Most watched wife.
Sophy says: This was actually a tie for me but since Rin is giving her award to the other wife below I picked Oona Chaplin. I watched her in The Hour, Game Of Thrones and Dates, and she was totally amazing in all three. And her face.
Rin says: Johanna Vanderham. We married her, and now she’s on our ‘watch everything they’re in’ list. And it’s so worth it because she has done some really good projects! She does the kind of stuff I wish Dianna did.
Sophy says: JOANNA THOUGH.
Heather says: I’m going with Amy Poehler this year. Not only did I do a full Parks and Rec rewatch and swoon my way through her Golden Globes co-hosting gig with Tina Fey and watch every episode of Smart Girls at the Party and her Heart to Heart remake with Adam Scott and her guest appearance on Jimmy Fallon; I also saw that really terrible animated film she was in called Free Birds.
“Have a sentence, even!”
The best single line of dialogue.
Sophy says: You guys. You guys.
‘A dog is the most enthusia… Enthusiastic, is that a word? The most enthusiastic thing on the planet. It just goes… if you go, “Do you want to do this?” It goes, “Definitely. That’s my best thing.”’
I want it tattooed on my body. Half words and ellipses and all.
Rin says: “I’m not trying to be a hero, I’m trying to live my life.”
OH BETTY. I don’t care if you’re not trying to be a hero. You’re definitely mine. BUT GOD. That’s what makes her such a hero, she’s just trying to live life with as much dignity and honesty as she can, despite the prejudice and general ass-holeryness that might come with it.
Heather says: “You may have heard I killed a guy.” – Emily Fields, Pretty Little Liars
“They got the mustard out!”
The best FUCK YEAH! moment.
Sophy says: Okay, basically my pick for ‘FUCK YEAH!’ is just Hannah. Everything that Hannah is. All the time. But since it specifies a ‘moment’ we’ll go with that time in the pilot when these bitches were making fun of Derek and so she went up to them and you think she’s going to have some harsh words with them and give them a lecture on being kind to the less fortunate or something and she straight up HEADBUTTS THE RINGLEADER.
SHE. JUST. HEADBUTTS HER. AND LEAVES.
In conclusion she is the most ‘FUCK YEAH!!’ human ever.
Rin says: Bomb Girls after Bomb Girls! And from the same episode nonetheless! But they are so deserving of multiple awards because it was that incredible. I LOVE LORNA SO MUCH. So much for basically making sure that everyone in that factory realises how amazing Betty is and for starting a round of applause. It just warmed my heart forever and it was a huge moment of unity between our girls.
Sophy says: UGH I already crowned Hannah the most fuck yeah human ever, but Lorna is a close second. This is an excellent choice but I also fist-pumped kind of violently that time Vera was in the hospital and Lorna was all “You do your best for that girl.”
Heather says: Daenerys getting her army on Game of Thrones. “Unsullied! Slay the masters, slay the soldiers, slay every man who holds a whip, but harm no child. Strike the chains off every slave you see!”
“Peas in a pod. Bonded peas.”
And this is why Ropher are soulmates.
Sophy says: Well, I’m thinking both of us treating Skins Fire as the straw that broke the camel’s back works. Rin and I have been very forgiving with Skins – if not of the material itself of the people. By which I mean we’ve been willing to give the show another go after it let us down about as badly as it’s possible to be let down by a TV show. And then even after that we watched Dates because we felt that whether we respected what they did with Skins or not, these people were talented enough that they deserved us taking a look. And we were right. Short term, at least, we were right. Dates season 1 was truly lovely and we enjoyed it from start to finish, barring one frustrating episode.
But here’s the thing. Heather Hogan was angry. Heather Hogan was done. And nobody – not even us – was as willing to give Skins and the Skins team as many second chances as her.
Here’s something you may not know about Heather. She is a very gentle soul. She is very forgiving and thoughtful and balanced and good. So if she’s seeing eye to eye with us? We know we must be right. Very right.
Peas in a pod, no matter how infrequently our fandoms overlap these days.
Rin says: Man this sucks. Just looking at Naomi’s face makes me sad. That’s how much I care about the characters and how easily this whole thing could have been fantastic. A return to greatness…righting their wrongs and going out on a high. I would have probably felt less angry about Skins 6. But they wanted none of that.
I think we’re pretty much peas in a pod with the majority of the Skins fandom at this point. We should have known from the moment they named them Fire, Pure, Rise that we were going to get a whole lot of pointless drivel. As the names suggest. HONESTLY. What the fuck happened in Skins Fire for it to be called Fire? If there’s some kind of thematic link I can’t find it. Then again there’d probably have to be actual realistic themes in the first place. When I think about how there are genuinely people out there who enjoyed those episodes it makes me wonder if this is the beginning of the end.
Heather says: Wow, Sophy. Thank you. That made me cry. My thing about Skins Fire: I have never felt so betrayed by a story/group of storytellers in my life, which is the most scathing indictment I can think of.
“My heart expands, tis grown a bulge in it.”
The best sentence Heather Hogan wrote.
Sophy says: Definitely what she wrote about Skins Fire. We were all hurting so badly in the wake of it and I feel like Heather kind of put a bandaid on it, not in the sense of making it right, because it is never, ever going to be right, but in the sense of being our fearless leader in dark times?
Rin says: After raging about Skins Fire, it is probably best to go and read what Heather wrote about it on her tumblr. It won’t make you feel any less angry about it, but it’ll probably help you figure out why we’re all so angry/depressed about it. The second last paragraph especially is…special. Especially special.
“Wow! They should film that story and show it every Christmas.”
The best macro Rophy made.
“Oh that’s the sound she makes when she’s speechless with geeker joy.”
The best thing that happened to Ropher.
Ropher says: The Veronica Mars kickstarter coming out of nowhere and blowing everything out of the water and showing us that there is always hope… that is probably the best thing to happen to us last year.
“That’s right! I’m back, and I’m a bloody animal!”
The greatest comeback.
Sophy says: We are so proud of SMG, you have no idea. We were so sad to have to file ‘Ringer’ under ‘Biggest Disappointment’ in previous years, but who cares, because now, here we are, SMG the star of a new show that we love enough to actually recap it’s that good. The Crazy Ones makes us happy. SMG as Sydney? Makes us happy. Enough said.
Rin says: Yeah definitely SMG. After Buffy this is easily the best thing she’s done. She is perfect in the role and brings so much charm and fearlessness to the role that it’s kind of refreshing to see her so free…without the weight of the world on her shoulders you know? And the episode where she becomes a gamer addict is phenomenal. Technically that aired earlier this year but I don’t care! The montage of her winning over Lauren is the greatest thing.
Heather says: Speaking of which: Kristen Bell has really struggled to find her way in a post-Veronica Mars world but she freaking killed it in Frozen (the best Disney movie of our time) this year and plus the Veronica Mars movie and plus she was pretty hilarious as Leslie Knope’s counterpart in Eagleton on Parks and Rec and plus House of Lies is really growing on me.
Rin says: Really? Did House of Lies get better? I watched the first episode and stopped. I just couldn’t.
“It’s like being in the Real World house. Only real.”
Reality star we want to stalk (in a cute way).
Sophy says: I don’t watch much Reality TV. As in I watch basically none other than cooking shows. That’s why Jamie Oliver was a shoo-in for this category this year before Amber forced me to watch DWTS. Okay, I’ll be honest. I only watched Amber’s performances on youtube. And then at the end I started watching the other performances just so I could categorically state that Amber was better. As a Glee fan I was thrilled to see Amber succeed – and to put on display all the skills Glee could have been tapping if it had the time between Marleys. But as a dancer, I’ve gotta say I was impressed. Amber worked her butt off and nailed so much. She was a deserving winner and definitely my favourite thing about Reality TV this year.
Rin says: HEHEHE Amber winning DWTS was freaking amazing. I am so happy for her and also I loved how supportive the cast was of her. They are the most adorable kids together.
I loved seeing Lea on Top Chef, first because I FUCKING LOVE TOP CHEF, and secondly because I know how much Lea likes it. I remember seeing her tweeting about watching Top Chef way back in the day, and it’s kind of awesome when a celeb is a real fan of a show before they get to be on it. It was also hilarious when she was such a cliche on the show as well, being the celebrity with the VEGAN diet and all the chefs facepalm. Except for CHEESE! She loves CHEESE! Remember when she was all “Don’t tell Dianna!”… oh those were the days. AND JUST LOOK HOW SMALL SHE IS COMPARED TO PADMA! Hahahahahehaaeh
Heather says: Bill Nye The Science Guy. Man, that dude was so great on Dancing With the Stars. All his excited, nerdy interviews leading up to the show and his robot dance and his adorable little smile. Such a bummer her got hurt so early in the game. But he danced through the pain! (For at least a little while.)
“But you just left!”
Best guest star.
Sophy says: I primarily conceived of this as an award for Tatiana’s work on Parks, but I feel it’s fair to extend it to every time Tatiana guested on Orphan Black, because really, that’s what it feels like when other clones pop up – like Tatiana is guesting on Tatiana’s show. But she was such a delight on Parks, she really was, helping us over the hump of losing Ann with her scrubs and her cute Tom-faces (by which I mean the faces she pulls when deeply confused by Tom). More, please.
Rin says: Since you’ve already chosen the guest start we freaked out over the most last year, I’ll pick the other one: Kristen Bell on Parks. How fucking smart are Parks being with their guest stars? They seriously know what’s up in fandom, as in who’s currently the most squee-worthy relevant people. And they have used both of them so well! I love Kristen as an Eagletonian because she is as snobby as the rest of them, but without the malice towards Pawnee that the rest of them have. WHICH JUST MAKES HER RIDICULOUS LIFE AND NOT KNOWING ANY DIFFERENT KIND OF ADORABLE.
SURE LET’S NOT HAVE BRUNCH, LIKE ANIMALS.
Heather says: Oh, y’all are both right. Can I just amen?
Rophy says: Always.
“You are quite the human.”
I will stan them until the day I die.
Sophy says: Brienne of Tarth. Or I guess I will stan her until the day she dies, as everybody tends to do on Game Of Thrones. Oh who am I kidding, I shall but stan her more after death.
Brienne is one of those doubled characters that you admire for being so kickass and gloriously self-contained and head-held-high, but then at the same time you are drawn to their fragility and quiet fear and it’s like they need you, you know? That’s how I feel. Like Brienne needs me. Not so much to help fight off the bears George R R Martin sends her way, because she has a Jaime Lannister for that… but she might need me to fight off metaphorical bears for her in fandom? This stan is ready.
Rin says: I realised something when I was watching The Desolation of Smaug. I’m still a Legolas fangirl. And maybe it’s just something that’ll never go away? BUT GUYS. He is a legit badass. It’s not even so much that I want him to marry me, but the fact that I kind of want to be him??? I GUESS I WANT TO BE TAURIEL WITHOUT THE MAYBE LOVING A DWARF THING.
Heather says: JK Rowling, no matter how many pseudonyms she writes under, no matter how many ill-advised things she says about the Harry Potter-verse post-Harry Potter, no matter if the Fantastic Beasts movie is a flop, no matter what forever and all time.
“When I look into the future all I see is…”
What we want from 2014.
Sophy says: I want a second series of Dracula so badly it hurts. I also want a third season of The Paradise. Also for the bomb girls movie to be a huge success and spark a third series or at least a second movie. a girl can dream, right? VERONICA MARS MOVIE. And for Hayley to die in a fire. Perhaps more than anything I want the whole Aunty Sarah thing on TVD to turn out to be a lie. Oh and the sire bond to be fake. I’m never going to stop asking.
Rin says: 2014 is basically the year of EVERYTHING GOOD HAPPENING. We already got Sherlock, which HA, can’t wait for that to take over next year’s awards. I want the rest of Lea’s album, especially the song On My Way. I also want the second season of Dracula. The Bomb Girls movie. A third season of Bomb Girls. VM, obviously. Orphan Black – I want to know who the fuck Mrs S is. Hannibal. GOT – I want Arya to lead the army to victory with Gendry by her side. I want them to be friends with Dany and her dragons. OH! I want How To Train Your Dragon 2 to make me cry. There are loads of things I want from this year, but mostly I just want no more of my TV shows to fuck me over. I’ve had enough of that for a lifetime already, don’t you think?
Heather says: What I wanted most was for The Lego Movie to be the greatest movie in history, and guess what? It totally was. Now I am going to use all of that successful goodwill and wish it onto Veronica Mars and Orphan Black.
“I’d feel like killing myself.”
Please never happen in 2014.
Sophy says: I don’t think there’s really anything I’m dreading in 2014. I guess I want Dianna Agron to be in Glee as little as possible?
Rin says: I think it’s happening already from rumours and hints and stuff, but they’re probably going to wreck Quinn’s character even more and pretend Faberry doesn’t exist. So whatever.
Heather says: The thing I want to say is too mean, so I’ll just hope that Glee doesn’t make my head literally explode.
“Harmony! Has! Minions!”
Funniest Human Ever
Sophy says: THIS GUY THOUGH. Everything he says and does is THE BEST, but the article the image used for the award comes from made me sure of this choice.
And you guys, he has a tumblr.
Rin says: AMY POEHLER. Because everything she does is magical and hilarious.
Heather says: Yeah, Amy Poehler. Bonus if it’s Amy and Tina Fey together.
“That’ll put marzipan in your pie-plate, bingo!”
The Rin will cry if you don’t get a trophy award for being loved by Rin.
Rin says: I read and loved the book and had high expectations for the movie and it met them. Well, the only thing I was sad about not being in the movie was when Charlie goes with Candace to the clinic and they stays with her in the back of the car afterwards. I think they filmed it but it was cut from the movie and I wish they didn’t cut it. But as a whole I love the entire story and everyone was freaking amazing in the movie, a special shout out to Ezra Miller who really stood out to me. I basically spent half the movie in kind of tears.
I FEEL INFINITE!
Sophy says: YES. I loved this movie. What Maisie Knew beat it, but I still loved it a whole lot.
“That’s disturbing. You’re emotionally scarred and will end up badly.”
The Sophy has feelings too award.
Sophy says: I really don’t understand how we got through 50 flipping Rophers without a single one going to Call The Midwife. I can only conclude that it is so consistently perfect that we subconsciously exclude it from the running in every category to give some other shows a chance.
If you’re not watching this… leave. Just leave and never come back. That includes you Heather.
“She’s beautiful, with a lion’s heart and the face of an angel!”
Congratulations on your face!
Sophy says: There were so many contenders this year, but they all kind of got blown away by this kid. She should be in everything ever. Hollywood, she speaks English. Cast her in things.
Rin says: It’s so often that we congratulate Evi on her arms that we sometimes neglect to congratulate her face But give her a bow and some giant ears and voilà!
Heather says: Lupita Nyong’o. I mean, good Lord. I hope this year’s Oscars race is only the very beginning of a lush career for her.
Rin says: Oh wow, yes you are very correct. 12 Years A Slave didn’t happen until 2014 for me though
Sophy says: Yeah, that was a 2014 movie for me but this woman. Although Chiwetel might have beat her to this award, I don’t even know. WAIT I DO KNOW I WOULD HAVE CHEATED AND HAD THEM BOTH.
“When I think that something could happen to you, it feels bad inside, like I might vomit.”
Favourite new show.
Sophy says: I know it’s already had a few awards and I love, love, love Sleepy Hollow and Shield and The Crazy Ones and even Orphan Black was new for me this year………. but it still has to go to Dracula. I love this show so much. So much.
Rin says: The show I look forward to the most each week is Agents of SHIELD! I think it continues to get better and better and there are moments in every episode that make me laugh, make me sigh, and make me want to hug our adorable kids. And Coulson and May too! I think they’ve been handling the stories of Skye and Coulson really well by not dragging their feet and continuing to explore it every episode just enough to keep the interest going. I’m just really excited for the show to keep building and seeing where it decides to take us.
Heather says: Oh, it’s absolutely Orphan Black for me. I usually can’t even watch episodes of TV more than once, but I have watched every episode of that show a zillion times already. Tatiana Maslany is a face magician, man, just weaving her Canadian voodoo around my soul.
“This isn’t about his physical presence! It’s about his heart.”
Heartthrob of our hearts that throb.
Sophy says: This category was inspired by Tegan and Sara and their amazing album and I really should be choosing the two of them for it…
However. Betty McRae. What is Betty if not the definition of Heartthrob? This girl punches homophobic jackasses in the street, no matter what kind of social suicide it might have been in those days. This girl leaves notes with breakfast about giving her whole life up for the girl she loves – the girl who loves her back as much as she can and that is enough. That is enough to give her everything and to be glad.
And that’s pretty much what a heartthrob is to me. Someone brave and bold and brimming with love – someone who’ll do the right thing nine times out of ten, but especially for you.
Rin says: DIANNA AGRON WILL ALWAYS BE MY HEARTTHROB. But I have to give the award that was named after them to them, at least for the first year! Tegan and Sara once again proved that they are complete professionals when it comes to their music. They’re not afraid to evolve their sound and try new things that interest or inspire them, and Heartthrob was definitely different from what they’ve done before. And I freaking lost my mind when they released Closer. I’m pretty sure I cried. There’s something about getting new Tegan and Sara music that feels a little bit like falling in love. I remember that even though the album leaked, I waited (SOPHY DIDN’T WAIT AND TEASED ME FOR DAYS) for my hardcopy to come because that’s just the way I like to listen to my new T&S. And song after song after song just made me respect and love and admire these two even more than I already did. Closer, How Come You Don’t Want Me, Now I’m All Messed Up? These songs are on my list of most favourite songs ever….by anyone.
I’m a The Con fan. That’s what made me love Tegan and Sara. So I’ve never really felt like anything can compare…but Heartthrob? I basically think it’s a tie now.
PLUS I saw them perform at the Sydney Opera House last year. And well. There’s nothing quite like seeing a Tegan and Sara concert. MY HEART. IT THROBS.
Sophy says: RIN MADE IT RIGHT RIN MADE IT RIGHT. They really did deserve the inaugural award.
Heather says: Tatiana Maslany. Have you heard her speak about feminism and sexual orientation and the gender binary and all that other sexy-smart stuff? And have you also heard her beatbox? And have you also seen her act? And have you also seen her smile? And … and … and … yeah, she’s the dreamiest.
“You know, I honestly don’t think there’s a human word fabulous enough for me.”
Sophy says: Okay so I shamelessly added this category because I wanted Dancing On The Edge and the people in it to take out so many other Rophers and couldn’t make it happen. I have, however, convinced myself that we actually need this category, because when I thought about it, I could equally have chosen Southcliffe for this.
But DOTE is the winner. An absolutely stunning miniseries – intelligent and inscrutable in that peculiarly Poliakoff way – beautiful and destroying and filled with incredible performances and people who should be congratulated on their faces. And the music. Always the music.
Rin says: Have you guys not watched DOTE yet? Can you please? It stars Chiwe, who we should all know from Serenity, except most people now know him from 12 Years A Slave. And he’s AMAZING. But you know who else is amazing in this? EVERY FUCKING BODY. I think what I loved most about it is its mysteriousness. I consider myself a fairly intelligent TV watcher in the sense that I think I know what’s going on — and this series loves letting you believe that. And then suddenly you’re being lead down a completely different path and it keeps twisting and turning, and making you think all the while. This show is a ride. With lots of awesome awesome awesome music.
Heather says: Top of the Lake, although I did really enjoy everyone’s stupid commentary during the Golden Globes about, “What the hell is Dancing on the Edge?” Like actual entertainment journalists tweeting that they were too dumb to know what’s good. So but Top of the Lake. Elizabeth Moss was a freaking marvel in that thing. And she finally brought home some acting hardware for it, which she has deserved for years as Peggy Olson!
Rin says: OH GOOD! I’m glad Top Of The Lake got a mention!!
Sophy says: Top Of The Lake needed an edit. I say that with love, you know, like how you you’d only tell someone they had lettuce in their teeth if you really cared about them. But yes, Elizabeth, so much love.
AND TUIIIIIIII :(((((((((
“Siegfried? Roy? One of their tigers?”
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?
Sophy says: Was there any other choice for this category? No, because this category was created for whatever the fuck was going on with Dianna Agron in that Killers video. I still don’t know what to do with myself about it.
Rin says: I hate her, okay? Sure we did our mini recap and I said a few things about it there, and yet, I still don’t really know how to talk about it. What the hell IS it? WHAT HAPPENED? Isn’t that what everyones thought was as they finished watching it? What happened??? I am just in awe. Her legs. The way she stared right into the camera. She started singing about some girl. SHE TOOK TO THE STAGE AND SALUTED. THEN PUT ON A FAKE MOUSTACHE. A moustache guys. And it was the most adorable thing you’d ever seen in your life? Sigh. I can’t go on.
WHATEVER THE FUCK IT WAS I AM STILL NOT OKAY. AND IT’S BEEN MONTHS.
I may never recover. But this is my favourite version of Dianna Agron.
Heather says: Pretty Little Liars, and I mean that in the very best way. Sometimes a girl is just wearing a mask of another girl’s face under a mask of the Phantom of the Opera so she can pretend to be her boyfriend pretending to be her dead best friend. Also sometimes there are parrots whistling clues.
Rin says: Next year I’m banning you from picking anything from PLL. Did you even watch The Killers video? Christ.
Sophy says: HEATHER, THE CATEGORY WAS CREATED FOR DIANNA AGRON IN THE KILLERS VIDEO. NOT SOMETHING THAT CAUSED ME TO SQUEAL AND NEARLY CLOSE MY LAPTOP ON MY FINGERS AS I WAS SCROLLING DOWN THE PAGE.
“The elders conjured the perfect punishment for me. They restored my soul.”
Practically perfect in every way.
Sophy says: In ending the way it did, Luther actually made itself a strong contender for BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED EVER FOREVER. As much as it hurts to let go of a show you love, it is such a thrill to see it go out on top – and not just, you know, at a kind of a plateau near the top, but at an actual freaking pinnacle of amazingness. Luther said goodbye to us on its own terms. Luther strode out of our lives with John and Alice. And sure, I’m going to miss it terribly, but who am I to tell those two what to do?
Rin says: DIANNA AGRON IN THE KILLERS VIDEO AGAIN! Hahahahhha. No. Even though she could very well take this out. I do have to agree about Luther. We waited. We waited so patiently and it was one of the finest moments of TV history. That’s how great it was. I think what amazed both of us so much at the time is that our other shows had let us down. A lot. Season 3 of Luther was after we had to say goodbye to shows that hurt us. And put us into a funk. It felt like TV was never going to be the same. Maybe TV just isn’t good any more? And then Luther came along and fucking blew everything out of the water and reminded me why I love TV so much. It honestly felt like it gave me new life. Here was a show that basically ended with its best ever episode and showed us that people really do fucking care about their own characters and stories and respect their fans.
Heather says: Frozen, dudes. Kristen Bell, Idina Menzel, a love story between two sisters, crazy amazing animation, and the best Disney music EVER.
Rin says: This is very fair. Frozen will be in our next Rophers. ALTHOUGH MAYBE NOT IN THE CATEGORY YOU’D APPROVE OF.
Sophy says: MUAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA.
“Inspirational music, a montage.”
Sophy says: Les Revenants by Mogwai. The Paradise, Dracula and Call The Midwife were all worthy contenders, but this score is an actual album that I listen to regularly. And it works to astonishing effect in the show. So. Les Revs. Amazing.
Rin says: I’m going to go with Les Revenants. Les Revs isn’t something I would ever have watched unless Sophy told me too. And I am so grateful she did because it is such a great show. It kind of breaks your heart while also terrifying you. And the music is perfect. I love shows that have their own unique scores and themes that they use for certain parts. The score is moody and atmospheric which adds so much depth to the show, as if it was another character in of itself. God, I am so excited about season two.
Heather says: Frozen. Again. Do you want to build a snowman?
And the winner of the gayest race for 2013 is…
Sophy says: So any other year Quinn Fabray is the gayest thing to ever gay, but unfortunately this year she was disturbingly heterosexual. What with the ‘college girl’ thing. Thanks for that, Glee. Let’s hope you stay out of her life in 2014 or at least out of her pants.
So with that in mind, I can’t give Quinn her rightful award this year and with that in mind, Enzo from TVD is the clear winner. I don’t know, you guys. Is the character actually meant to be a giant homo? Or was it just the Ian Somerhalder of things getting too much? Either way I pretty much heard violins every time Enzo looked at Damon.
Heather says: Myka and HG from Warehouse 13. You don’t hang out of the car window and cry when you’re driving away from your platonic brunch buddy who moved in with her boyfriend. You hang out of the car window and cry when you’re driving away from the love of your life.
Rin says: I have nothing to say.
Sophy says: You say it best when you say nothing at all.