105 – Stanley

Sophy says: Yeah, you drink that courage up, Stanley. You’re gonna need it.

Your dad has nothing on us.

Rin says: I know right. We’re way more from the future than he’ll ever be.

Sophy says: We open on Stanley’s truth boom re: all the school he’s apparently been skipping. Overzealous is regaling his parents with a litany of entirely implausible excuse notes, my personal favourite of which reads:

Our cat gave birth to kittens and Stanley’s the only one who knows how to work the video camera.


Mark Lucerne.

So ridiculous and yet so totally something that would probably be true in my household. :X

The bottom line is: Stanley’s mum is worried, Stanley’s dad is pissed, and Stanley’s teacher is willing to give him a clean slate that isn’t really a clean slate at all – if he so much as misses one more class, he’ll have to retake the year.

Rin says: This teacher drives me insane. I want to hit him, all the time.

Also ‘curly Q’s’ totally reminded me of Housecam and curly G’s. 8-.

Rin says: AHAHAH THE MIRROR AND HIS REFLECTION. You’re just a whole family of stupid. <3

Sophy says: Seriously Stanley. Glass houses. Look them up.

Sophy says: Stanley’s dad berates him as they’re leaving, and gosh writing down this monologue is depressing, because it’s actually good. Why is that depressing, you ask? Because it didn’t seem good in the episode. The fundamental problem with this episode: the actor playing Mr Stanley is about as schizophrenically bland/overdone as the actor playing Stanley himself.

I don’t know… I don’t want to say he gets nothing right for me, just as I don’t want to say Daniel gets nothing right… but I just wasn’t feeling his performance, and I think if I had been, this episode would have been a much more memorable one for me.

Okay, okay. Maybe I’m just hung up on Peter Capaldi. But who in their right mind isn’t hung up on Peter Capaldi?

“You know who retakes junior year, Stan? You know who? Meth heads. Morons. People who can’t read. Kids who have water sports accidents. Heroes with setbacks. Not lazy little shits who can’t get out of bed in the morning.”

Seriously, it’s a lot funnier in my head than it was on the screen. (Will Ferrell is saying it in my head, by the way.)

Rin says: lol I can picture Will Ferrell delivering that perfectly.

Sophy says: Stanley’s mum gives him a bit of a pep talk in the car, saying she understands his dad isn’t an easy man to get along with, but he’s got to try, for her. And hey that’s a little ironic, isn’t it, considering that she won’t be bothering to try for him by the end of the episode.

Rin says: I think it just adds to why it didn’t feel quite right that the mum just leaves at the end.

Sophy says: Yep. There are a few reasons why it doesn’t work. a) she seems so confident and capable with regard to her silly husband, b) there wasn’t nearly enough rage and hate between husband and wife rather than just husband and son, and c) there’s no stomach-churny build-up scene like there was in the original. She’s just… gone.

Sophy says: Mr Stanley follows them on his bike, and I was greatly enjoying his face in the rear-view mirror until they pushed it from subtly hilarious to stupid, with the car door and the hitting and the mum being all “Oh he’s fine *coy smile*”. Please.

Rin says: URGH. I was genuinely pleased and found it refreshingly funny that the dad cycled home beside them. And then they OF COURSE had to push it too far. It was crazy of me to think otherwise, that they’d know when to stop.

Do they think we’re still that audience who thinks that falling down is the funniest thing that could ever happen to a human being?

Sophy says: Right. This is not America’s Funniest Home Videos, people. Or… it shouldn’t be.

Sophy says: It’s time for school and Stanley cannot miss the bus this time. “Happy Friday,” says Mrs Stanley, which is pretty cute. Mr Stanley plays the trombone, which is less cute, but more effective in waking the lazy little shit up.

Rin says: Mr Stanley and Daisy should start a brass marching band.

Sophy says: Stanley falls asleep in the shower. He misses the bus. Did you really think he wouldn’t?

Rin says: I know right, like there was any other choice. He’s so incompetent he can’t even catch a bus, yet he can drive a car. Go figure.

Sophy says: His parents have left for work already and they don’t have mobile phones and/or cannot be late, and also Stanley doesn’t have money for a cab or this town doesn’t have cabs, I don’t know okay. The point is he needs to take his dad’s prized automobile to school. Okay? Okay.

He still manages to be late, which is perhaps a little implausible considering he made it outside in time to see the bus drive by, and, you know, buses do all that stopping and whatnot, but whatever, maybe he had to go get gas or something.

Rin says: Pfffffft. If this was UK Skins, the girl in the background would be so very head in hands (1 and 2) looking at Tea. Even the extras aren’t as fun. :-.

Sophy says: Tony and Tea try to buy time for Stanley by messing with Overzealous.

Tony: “Hey Dave, sorry to interrupt, but I don’t know who else to turn to… I was at a party last weekend and somebody offered me a marijuana cigarette.”

Tea: “Dave, it’s been happening to me a lot too, actually. I think, it’s something that our generation is seriously struggling with.”

lol okay. The kids’ delivery is a smidge too heavy-handed for it to be believable that Overzealous takes them seriously, but still. Cute.

Especially Tea’s face. :X


Rin says: LOLOL I didn’t know you were going to talk about the extras too =)) Oh, we’re such bonded peas.

And I reckon. Then again, with this teacher who only cares if you show up, it’s no wonder so many of them had to be held back, year after year…

Sophy says: =)) What a bunch of Stanleys.

Sophy says: Overzealous is should-be-studied naive, tells them to say “No thanks,” to drugs, “I’m trippin’ balls on life.” When Stanley shows up he’s all 8-. “Wow, color me impressed! Did you do your homework too?” “No,” Stanley says, “but I’m here.” Overzealous, pointing at him overzealously “I’ll take it!”

One of the few moments where I find this teacher cute rather than um… wanting to punch him in the face?

Rin says: Is no teacher at this school over the age of 30?!?!

Sophy says: The kids fawn over Stanley’s ride at break, saying how it even looks like him, which… yeah… I see it.

Rin says: They could be brothers. They’d play ball with each other, talk about girls, when Car has a baby he’d make Stanley godfather…

Sophy says: Yeah but… do you see it?

Rin says: Yes.

Sophy says: Daisy works out that there’s no way his parents would let him take the car since he doesn’t have a license and all, and then she has one of those lines in this episode which actually had the potential to be great but suffer from nothing delivery.

“Your dad is gonna kill you. Not even in a fit of passion. He’s just gonna put you to sleep, like a cat.”

Angry-boots is saying it in my head. It’s super cute.

Next Michelle cheerfully says something about how Stan could have lots of sex in the back of the car and they proceed to have a bit of a romp, which… okay.

Rin says: I never want to see Stanley have sex, even if it’s just pretending to pretend.

Sophy says: I think Tony and Tea are trying to smoulder here? Unsure. :-?

Tony says Stanley should come to his choir concert tonight, and since he has wheels, he should take Michelle. Stanley objects for about .3 seconds, on account of how he probably shouldn’t steal his dad’s car again, but… obviously, he’s going to do the stupid thing, right?

Don’t even bother answering that question.

Rin says: Aw, I dunno. There’s a chance he coul… never mind. He agreed.

Sophy says: Stanley’s dad almost catches Stanley putting the keys back, then launches into a speech about responsibility and reward and whatnot. The car’s all kinds of symbolic, didn’t you know? Mr Stan was made to save his allowance all throughout his childhood, and by the time he was old enough he had the money to buy this car. It’s a Very Special Thing, okay? Just remember that when it gets wrecked.

He disabuses Stanley of the notion that he might be simply given the car someday, and I don’t know, I guess the dad is supposed to be a bastard or whatever, but he seems pretty solid here to me. Stanley is a lazy little shit, and about the worst thing you can for lazy little shits is let them expect things will just be handed to them regardless of their actions.

Rin says: Haha I know right. Are we supposed to feel sorry that Stan won’t get a car given to him for doing absolutely nothing? HE CAN’T EVEN MAKE IT TO SCHOOL. WHAT WOULD HE DO WITH A CAR?

Sophy says: WRECK IT????!!!

Sophy says: Stanley is so nervous about the fact that the keys are in his hand instead of on the hook that he’s sweating. Mr Stanley is somewhat perturbed by this and proceeds to squander another potentially awesome line:

“You don’t… I don’t know…get off on stitching small animals together, do you?”

Stanley says no. He gets off on having sex with them.

Rin says: JESUS CHRIST. D:

And I thought it could have been quite a Dexter-y reference. Which. Awesome.

Sophy says: Mr Stanley brags to Mrs Stanley about how much progress he’s made with their son. See they think he’s up in his room studying. But he’s not. You’ll never guess what he’s actually doing. YES THAT’S RIGHT. He’s taking the symbol-mobile to get wrecked!

Mr Stan says Stan’s good behaviour is down to him because “I treat him like an imbecile and he wants to prove me wrong.” Which… is kind of brilliant. But as mentioned earlier, there really doesn’t seem to be any serious animosity between the parents – they’re not seeing eye to eye, sure, but it’s all rather lacking in emotional bite.

Rin says: Who the fuck eats a sandwich from a plate standing up?


Sophy says: lol. Note to self. Eat sandwich off plate standing up in front of Rin. Film it.


Sophy says: Um… the mirror comes off? That is all. Nothing else to report.

Rin says: I thought pulling the mirror off was pretty funny…and then it was followed by horrible scenarios where it could happen to me and what would I do? I decided holding out a compact mirror would have to suffice until I made it to a workshop to get it fixed.

Sophy says: RIGHT, DRIVING WITH ONE HAND, VERY RESPONSIBLE. =; What kind of an azn are you.

Rin says: Omg, when two stereotypes come to a head. Which would win? Being responsible or bad driving?!

Sophy says: YAY IT’S MICHELLE. This just in: I like Michelle, because, you know, Rachel actually has some charisma. I’ll be looking forward to her episode.

“Watch this. Bye, mom! I’ll be out late with dangerous men. Probably do a gang bang, then maybe a pregnancy pact with the girls.”
“Sounds fun! Text me later!”

Her gleeful giggle is adorable. And hey, isn’t it weird that this little moment, despite being a clear throwback to Michelle scene with her mum in her ep in the original, actually reminds me of Sid and Cassie’s moment in 102, with the whole Watch this aspect.

Rin says: Yes, I liked this little bit! Michelle seemed to really get a kick out of it, which I love.

I like her excessive pearl-age too. Very Katie Fitch.

( :-. Katie :-. )

Sophy says: Stanley knocks over the bins, which I think is supposed to show us how the universe is always pissing on him, but really it’s just because he’s stupid.

Michelle asks if her dress is too slutty for a private school, and Stanley says he thinks it’s just slutty enough which… okay.

Rin says: I think it was, what do they call it in show business… a quip! It was a quip.

That rascally long haired quipper!

Sophy says: OKAY OKAY. Not gonna lie, I actually found the quipping pretty cute. One of the few times I’ve liked Stanley… I really think Daniel does best in his scenes with Rachel – so far, anyway.

Sophy says: They have popcorn at school concerts in America? I want to go to there.

This whole scene doesn’t work. At all. Because it’s not funny? To the extent that I’m not even sure it’s trying to be. Sure, the song is stupid, but the singing isn’t. It’s fine. Tabitha looks cute? It’s all very… normal.

Rin says: THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT! Where the hell did he get the popcorn from?!

Also this choir sucks. I would not go to see this.

Rin says: Does anyone know if this is James singing for real, or??

Sophy says: I’m pretty sure it is him, in which case omg he could be a total JLO someday. Triple threat. Or, you know, let’s call that a double threat, since the jury’s still out on the whole acting thing.


Sophy says: Tony and Tabitha sing and make out which… the direction here is just horrible and makes no sense. In the original Sid was looking over nervously at Michelle throughout the whole thing, particularly when they got close and when in for the kiss. Here Stanley looks at her once, early on, with no particular expression on his face, when nothing particularly worrisome has happened on stage, then proceeds to munch on his popcorn, seemingly oblivious to everything that is going on until Michelle is gone and he’s all “SHIT!” like she just pulled the pin out of a grenade or something. Given how clueless he seemed to be up till that point, he should have just wondered idly whether she’d gone to the loo.

Also the kissing was ridiculous in that it went on way too long. It was already a stretch to imagine that a kiss would be part of the show at an uptight private girls’ school in the original, but because it was brief and relatively chaste, you could just buy it. Here it’s a big old make-out session, which, not only is it unnecessary, but it totally takes you out of the fiction.

Rin says: The fact that the audience clapped for the duration of the awkward lengthy kiss made me worry about the state of America.

Sophy says: Michelle walks in on Tabitha and Tony who are actually doing nothing but getting changed, and goes mental on Tabitha’s ass, calling her a slut for no good reason – clearly the kiss was choreographed, so as far as she knows the only bad guy here is Tony, for not telling her beforehand. That’s what’s wrong with what Tony did. Not the actual kissing, but the creepy cruelty of inviting her along to surprise her with it.

Anyway, Tabitha tries to explain to Michelle that it was part of the program – “what the audience wanted” – but Michelle is determined to have a cat-fight here, so… she asks if Tabitha would give Tony a blowjob on stage if that was what the audience wanted, and Tabitha says “If it was super artistic, sure,” which is actually pretty wonderful and probably her best moment.

Rin says: Whatevs, I was just waiting for her to yell, TOO URBAN! TOO URBAN! 8-.

Sophy says: They should make it her catchphrase. Are you havin’ a laugh?

Speaking of having a laugh, I was a bit disappointed that some of the humorous aspects were cut out of this scene, such as you know, And I need you noooow tonight, and the flowers, and the… hm…

Sophy says: I guess we can see why they left that particular element out in the remake.

Seriously. Bearcrophilia.


Also I love Abigail and want her back, kthx.

Sophy says: Tabitha tells Michelle she needs to leave because this area is for performers only, at which point… Michelle slaps her. Bam. Just like that.

Honestly, Michelle doesn’t come over too well in this scene. In the original, what Tony had done was really horrible… what he was doing when she walked in was horrible… his behaviour to her subsequent to that was horrible…  and Michelle was calling him on it, first and foremost – Abigail was an afterthought, and even then, she was a way more smarmy and clearly guilty third party than Tabitha, with her diaphragm exercises and her condescending looks. When Michelle actually resorted to physical violence, it was because she was adding insult to injury by telling her she was mentally ill, not just because she asked her to leave. Sense. More of it was made.

Rin says: Tony totally should have grabbed some of that popcorn.

Sophy says: Oh my god, that would have been so brilliant, I’m not even kidding. Like… Stan’s still clutching his popcorn and Tony just takes it and starts munching. I WANT TO GO BACK IN TIME AND MAKE THEM PUT IT IN.

Sophy says: Anyway, Tabitha yells at Michelle to “go get lockjaw blowing a horse, you bowlegged bitch!” which… is a pretty creative take on the original but eh… Tabitha’s delivery is a little rushed and random and it’s kind of a blur rather than a show-stopping moment.

Rin says: I kind of wish they didn’t go there at all. WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT BE A METAPHOR FOR THE ENTIRE PREMISE OF THIS SHOW.


Sophy says: Whoa. Harsh. I hope @jamiefbrittain unfollows you, I really do.

Rin says: Stop being so jealous ffs.

Sophy says: Tony seems all kinds of amused with his “That escalated quickly,” and really, I like it when he plays it cheeky.

Stanley says they should go, Tony can fix it in the car, but Tony says he has the finale to perform in. He tells Stan to take Michelle home and comfort her, and I guess it’s supposed to be all suggestive or whatever, but I can’t help it, I just find Tony kind of lovable and innocent no matter what he says or does?

Seriously, he’s so completely non-threatening and cabbage-patchy that I actually believe him when he says he’s giving Stan a gift. Because he loves her. IT’S SWEET. 8-.

Rin says: He’s basically done everything but put a bow on Michelle! Whatta guy!

And see, James does have natural charm, but somehow it’s just not coming across on the show — whereas it does offscreen. Somehow he needs to find a way to have it translate all the time, instead of the rare shiny moments like right now.

Sophy says: “Michelle would never, never blow a horse.”

Yeah okay. Don’t get me wrong, I always loved Mike Bailey as Sid, but this kid as Stanley really makes me appreciate how much.

Tony’s face here is actually kind of awesome, as is Tabitha’s. Their reactions work better than the line. Sad.

Rin says: Have I ragged on Stanley’s shirt yet?

I don’t like Stanley’s shirt.

Rin says: Bestiality. Not a fan.

Sophy says: Neither is Michelle :(

Sophy says: Michelle wales on Stanley for a bit, insisting that he knew about Tony and Tabitha. He assures her that he didn’t, that Tony just told him to take her there so he did, and then he told him to take her home so he did. End of.

“This wasn’t some kind of big plan, okay?”

Which, okay… why can’t you just tell her the truth at this point? “Yes, it was clearly a big plan, but I was not a part of it.” Something along those lines.

Rin says: Because he’s a coward and a dumb ass?

And the best thing he’ll do is clean his room?

Sophy says: Michelle takes the reigns here, because she’s a feisty little thing. She says it was a plan, and “we don’t want to disappoint, do we?”

She straddles Stanley and starts kissing him, but he won’t kiss her back for whatever reason – perhaps chivalry since she’s totally doing this for the wrong reasons, but that’s kind of hard to buy after the whole bearsturbation incident.

She gets out of the car and Stan sits there like a lump and whines “Chelley…”

Michelle says what I’ve been wanting her to say since the last episode.

“Fuck you, Stanley. You’re pathetic.”

And I really like her in this scene, especially the contemptuous Tell him you kissed me.

Rin says: I’m convinced he doesn’t kiss her back because he doesn’t know how.

Sophy says: Omg true. I mean, we know he has trouble with the whole eating thing. He’d probably just try to rub Michelle against his face like he did with the chocolate bar.

Sophy says: Okay, I actually love this part. Stanley puts the key in the ignition but the car won’t start. And we’re sitting there thinking ‘Oh shit, he’s not going to be able to get the car home’ and we’re so preoccupied with that predictable outcome that we get kind of blindsided by Michelle opening the curtains, looking down, and thinking he’s just sitting there perving on her.

Stanley is all ‘Noo, it’s the car!’ and Michelle is all “Jesus! Give up!”

And then the car starts.

I giggled :X

Rin says: He still stared. He’s still a perve.

Then again, we all stared too. So. Conundrum.

Sophy says: Yeah, I don’t buy this whole pseudo-pining after Cadie via the interwebs bit. At all.

The phone rings and Stanley is all “Cadie???” because he has some kind of serious brain dysfunction going on and like, if he sees a photo of Cadie, he assumes Cadie is calling. Um. Anyway, it’s Tony, but he quips “Yep, it’s me, Cadie, having a blast at the asylum.”

Seriously Stan is so stupid I half expected him to buy it. ‘Cades, have you been taking male hormones again?’

Anyway, Tony wants him to pick him up from Tabitha’s place, which Stan does because… he’s a complete idiot?

In the original you really had the sense that Sid was conditioned by Tony’s bullying to basically respond despite himself to anything Tony asked of him. Here they’re telling me that’s the case. But they’re really not showing me why.

I don’t know. All I really get from this is ‘Tony has entitlement issues, Stanley is stupid.’

Rin says: YOU USED THE WORD QUIP TOO =)) I fear we’re starting to merge.


Cadie’s profile picture is completely adorable. Stan’s is. Stan.

Sophy says: I just picture him taking like a thousand myspace photos. And then being like… ‘Yep. That’s it. That’s the one.

Rin says: The shot on the left of them driving may be my favourite of the episode. The lights and the reflection off the car <3

Stan has picked Tony up from Tabitha’s (after their intercourse) and he’s muttering something about never listening to Tony again. Tony then tells Stan to take a right and he immediately does so. Hehe nice touch.

Sophy says: Yeah, I really like that shot too.

And I did like how Stan was all No more buttmonkey/funny syphilis and then right away… though I’m not sure it really establishes Tony as brilliantly manipulative so much as it establishes Stanley as stupid, which… way ahead of you, guys.

I also liked “You’d always be in bed if it wasn’t for me.”

Rin says: Tony purposefully leads Stan through a military base…and ya know, they just leave those babies wide open. Whilst the military police sit in a car, waiting by the side of the road to chase down anyone who enters. That’s efficient.

Sophy says: That’s AMERICA!!!!!!!!

Rin says: I liked James in this scene, and again, he’s much better when he’s being more cute and funny, rather than smouldering and pining.

“Maybe you can get some tears going. Say something like, ohhhh the worst part of this thing is that it may change the way you see me.. I don’t know, something like that.”

Sophy says: hahahahah YES. I really liked this. And that’s why despite his awful faux-Stonem moments I can’t say James is the worst actor in the cast. Because sometimes, when he lets go a bit, he does cute little things like this.

Also, the worst part is that it might change the way you see me? I think this might be the first time we’ve seen Tony Snyder actually be brilliant and hilarious. Needs moar.

Rin says: The car catches fire and Tony looks the happiest he’s been all season.

Sophy says: Again, WHERE IS THE POPCORN.

Yeah so, the law totally catches up with Stanley. I like the “nice cop” and his “god no,” when Stanley asks if he’s going to let him go.

And okay, wait a minute. “This is all your fault,” Stanley tells Tony, and I’m like… what? WHAT? Grow up you little turd, it was your decision to steal your dad’s car the first time, because you’re too much of a moron to catch the fucking bus or whatever, it was your decision to steal it the second time which you did because you wanted to get into Michelle’s pants don’t lie to yourself, and it was your decision to steal it the third time to come pick Tony up NOBODY HAD A GUN TO YOUR STUPID HEAD. AND MEANWHILE LEARN TO LOOK WHERE YOU’RE GOING. TONY’S VOICE IS NOT YOUR EYES. IDIOT.

Rin says: Did you just suffer from a rage blackout?

Rin says: Liked that shot of the parents with Stan in the reflection, and the mum having her hand up on the glass. ;))

Sophy says: Yeah, I also loved the fact that when Mr Stan asks where he is, he says “I’d rather not say,” when he’s right outside. Oh Stan. As Michelle said, give up.

I also love that the dad tells him to run, and he does, only to be dragged back by nice cop. It was well executed and quite amusing.

Rin says: Nice direction here, getting Stan and his dad to be practically twins with their [-( — which makes it even better for later when the judge tells him to break the cycle.

The military man wants the dad to drop the charges of GTA, but of course he’s an asshole so he refuses. The mum tries to sign for him, but being that the dad is the owner of the vehicle she can’t. So it’s settled then. Father vs Son.

Sophy says: Good call on the matching body language. Although I think Stanley might have to be a fat bastard when he grows up or something. I can’t imagine him ever being hyper the way his dad is.

Rin says: Tea and Daisy have come to visit Stanley, as if he was on death row or something. It’s also cute that they’ve come to visit Stan for moral support. They’re putting together characters that aren’t expected, so it’s nice to see them interact outside of the greater group dynamic.

Sophy says: I agree. This whole Daisy/Tea/Stan scene was a very good move. And I rather like the song that plays here. ‘I Lost Time’ by A Classic Education.

Rin says: I loved, “I appreciate the thought girls, but I just do not have the energy for a threesome.” It was witty, and how they played off of each other is more of what I want to see!

Stan and all of that filth is freaking disgusting. You know hot to stop this from happening parents? DONT FUCKING BUY OR GIVE YOUR KIDS FOOD.

Sophy says: hahahaha I loved that they went there with the gross. No punches pulled.

I also thought this scene was really cute, and everyone involved pulled off their lines nicely. The show needs more of this.

Rin says: I do love the key-hole shots of these two from across the crowded party. And Stanley’s octopus shirt.

Sophy says: I love these two shots. I really like the expression on Stan’s face, as well as the way Michelle is standing. And I’m not the fondest of Stanley’s hair normally, but in that cap it somehow looks awesome. He looks like he just stepped out of Point Break or something. (In my mind Patrick Swayze sidles up to him right after this screenshot was taken and says “Fear causes hesitation, and hesitation will cause your worst fears to come true.” It gives him the courage to go up and talk to her. 8-.)

“I’ve been meaning to go myself one of these days.”

Rin says: That line was played way too throwaway when it could have been much much cuter, and funnier. I liked that Chris had FREE STANLEY written onto his bare chest though. So supportive. I was hoping to see them picketing outside of the courtroom later on. Alas.

Sophy says: Totally agree. This is another one of those squandered lines that makes me sad. And Jesse’s laugh after ‘really badass’ was so false and stiff, too.

Rin says: Michelle kisses Stanley for forgetting that he’s not Tony, and um, no he’s not. He’s worse, maybe? He wanted in on Michelle’s panties via the means of transportation, and masturbated on her bed?

No? No?

But I did like that she kisses him whilst he’s sipping from the can.

Sophy says: Seriously, cheating and all, I find Tony way less gross and callous than Stanley thus far. Still, this was very nicely done.

Rin says: It’s getting out of hand.

Sophy says: Like… I didn’t even notice the swap at first. I was like… what is this bullshit macro and why is Rin so excited about it? And then I saw. 8-.

Rin says: How dare you even consider that I would ever make a bullshit macro. Thin ice.

Rin says: Michelle pushes Stanley into the lake and then falls for the OLDEST TRICK IN THE BOOK. Cmon Michelle, you’re supposed to be smart!

And Dan lets out the fakest laugh in fake-tonia whilst he splashes Rachel. I mean, Rachel lets out squeals and it’s all very natural, whereas Dan is just like, hah hah.. hah hah hah.. hah hah..

And omg these poor kids, I can only imagine how cold that would be. I’m that wuss who screams at how cold the water is at the beach on a 40 degree day.

Sophy says: As much as the twinsies thing is upsetting, I do love that first cap. They look beautiful in it, and wardrobe has done an excellent job with their outfits in this scene. The vibrant red of her dress against the leafy, pale background, the orange of his shirt toning in with her hair… beautiful.

I think she probably wanted to fall for the trick. And I find her very charming in this scene, and fake laugh notwithstanding I don’t actually mind Stanley here either.

The exchange before she pushes him into the water is quite adorable.

Michelle tells Stanley he’s one of the nice guys, and he doesn’t seem too happy about it. Then…

“If only you had like, a bad-ass criminal record or something… I’d totally be into it.”

“As a matter of fact, I do.”

“I love this song.”
“I love you too.”


I don’t. NO.


In what world would this be okay? And the way Michelle was all :-j :-j .:D. No.

Sophy says: I actually loved Michelle’s reaction, mostly just because it was so sweet and natural, even if I, in her shoes, would have been rolling my eyes and telling him to go bearsturbate more.

But yeah… they had a moment similar to this in the original, but it worked better for me because it wasn’t even trying to be that corny old slip of the tongue. Michelle simply said she liked the song playing, and then a moment later Sid said he loved her. It was kind of random of him, but I think random works better for me than too cute.

Rin says: No.

By the way, that top right cap sort, Michelle is kind of reminding me of Lena Headey? Yes? No?

Sophy says: YES, I see it. Young Lena Headey, for sure.

Rin says: Ah, we’ve been wrong all this time! She’s a keeper. For sure.

Sophy says: Tea’s eyes. Opened, with ours. *single tear*

Rin says: Picture this in real life okay? Beach party. Girl on her own making sandcastle.

Like… ???????????

Tea is gorgeous in this scene though, with her purple singlet, short shorts and high tops. <3 Love the greenery behind her in that second cap too.

Sophy says: I’m picturing it, and it’s Eura.

Seconding the extreme love for Tea’s outfit here. At first I totally thought those were jars of vegemite in her hand, by the way.

Rin says: As Betty/Tea are having a laugh about condoms as flags, Tony turns up being all puppy dog again. Tea brushes him off without even turning towards him, tells him she’s busy. Busy? With what exactly?

It’s like telling your friends you don’t want to go out tonight because you’re busy watching the paint dry.

Sophy says: Oh my god, as awful as Tea/Betty is mostly on account of, you know, Blandy, I straight up SNORTED when Tony came up to them. Just the way he was saying “Tea! Tea.” It was total disapproving Aunty again, I can’t.

Someone needs to get Tea a new ship, stat. I mean what is going on here. Are her only choices paint drying or someone with a penis?


Rin says: Omg so true =)) =)) BUT WE SAW ALL THOSE LESBIANS IN THAT CLUB THEY WENT TO. WE SAW THEM! Unless they were all just straight ladies enjoying the company of other straight ladies. :-?

Sophy says: At a gay nightclub. :-?

Rin says: They exchange ~looks and again, it’s just more build up.

Sophy says: Build up to what? More uncontrollable giggling while he tries to slip it in again?

Rin says: Oh god. He’s huge. And pudgy.

Sophy says: He’s not just a cabbage patch doll anymore. He’s a sumo cabbage patch doll.

Rin says: Seriously. Giant baby, wanting his mommy. LOOK AT HIS SOUR FACE. He must have eaten a whole lemon!


I really love the cap of Michelle hugging Stanley. I’ve been intrigued by that since I saw it in the ads (or credits?) and I’m a bit disappointed to find it’s just a rehash of the original scene. Buuuuut, it’s still pretty.

Rin says: And once Michelle has dealt with one baby.. the other one skulks off. AND EVEN DOES A FORLORN LOOK BACK OVER THE SHOULDER.

That’s some serious forlorning.


And yeah. This is an example of where this episode is thwarted by the insistence on returning to the original framework. I don’t get it… so far, in the episodes that are a mix of old and new, the new has generally been far more engaging than the regurgitated old, and not just because I’ve seen it before, but because it’s awkward. This Michelle does not want to go to the places that Michelle did, and I’m utterly unconvinced by the attempt to suddenly have her do so. The new works so much better than the mish-mash, so why not let these writers take the training wheels off and forge a new path?

Rin says: I love how level 3 is just labelled ‘Women.’ ALL WOMEN ARE ON LEVEL 3. ALL.

Sophy says: Emily Fitch would never ever leave level three. Ever.

Rin says: Stanley has some nerve to be asking Cadie if she could be the someone he needs to talk to. Especially the way he treated her last episode. Like, christ.

Also Cadie’s room is kind of awesome. I want crepe paper trees on my walls!

Sophy says: I know right. a) why would he want to talk to her, because let’s be real, he’s not interested, and b) how would he actually physically be able to make himself go ask after the way he’s treated her? Unless he’s really just that stupid that he doesn’t realize how much of a shit he’s been.

Rin says: Also, I kind of want to try and clear something up here. Is Cadie in a clinic because she tried to kill herself? Was that busload of pills at the end of her episode a SUICIDE ATTEMPT? Because um, I didn’t really get that at all. And if it was, it really seemed to be a lot less significant than it should have been?

Sophy says: I took it as her going back on her medication… three different coloured pills does not a suicide attempt indicate?

The end of that ep might have been more exciting if I’d gotten the impression she was trying to off herself.

Rin says: All the more reason for me to put crepe paper trees on my walls. Naomi would eventually turn up. 8-.

Sophy says: Watch Rin’s bedroom Where the wild things are itself.

Sophy says: Stanley tells Cadie about everything that’s gone wrong in his life – whine, whine, whine – and Cadie listens. But when he apologizes to her, suggesting that he’s the reason she’s in here, she’s not having a bar of it.

Rin says: And why would she, honestly. CADIE YOU’RE WAY TOO GOOD FOR STANLEY. You’re like tiramisu and he’s a fruit cake riddled with sultanas. Yeuck.

Rin says: Omg, the way her face changes. Brilliant.

Sophy says: Cadie your jokes are the best. Please tell them always.

Sophy says: “I’m sure plenty of girls would kill themselves for you,” Cadie says, “but I don’t… think about you like that, sorry.”

Rin says: I don’t know whether to rejoice or.. I literally cannot tell if they’re going to pursue Cadie/Stan. I’m really hoping that they’re not going to, but I know they are. THEY ARE. And I’m going to be so annoyed. :-.

Sophy says: I’m sorry to say Rin, that I think we can infer from the “That’s good… I guess,”/”You guess?” that follows that Cadie/Stan is far from over.

Honestly I’d prefer Michelle/Stan if they must do one of the ships, and that’s despite the twinsiness. At least it would be something different – provided they treated it as a real viable relationship instead of following the Sid/Michelle path of wrong, blippy doom.

I just… at least Stanley, as a character, has some chemistry with Michelle. With Cadie there is just none, and watching the show pretend there is just because it can’t let go of the original blueprint would piss me off to no end.

Rin says: Mrs Campbell turns up and I was quite happy to see her. She was, afterall, one of the better parts of Cadie’s episode and their relationship and how she handles Cadie’s condition is interesting to me. The actress is also one of the better, if not the best, adult on the show.

Mrs Campbell thinking Stanley was a patient was perfect.

Sophy says: Mrs Cadie for the win. I love the fact that after the disappointingly straight bitchiness of the final scene in Cadie’s ep, we’re again seeing a grey area with Mrs C. She does love her daughter, despite everything. Movie night. Adorable.

Rin says: *points bread*

Sophy says: *shakes head*

Rin says: SERIOUSLY. That second cap =)) HOW IS HE NOT A PATIENT???

Sophy says: I don’t know, Rin. I just… don’t… know.

I think the whole ‘Bye Cadie’ trainwreck was one of those ‘another take’ situations, MTV. Because really. No.

Sophy says: Roll up, roll up! It’s time for the best scene of the episode – possibly the best scene of the show so far, actually.

Stanley asks Cadie’s mum how Cadie ended up in the institution, and she replies, awkwardly, with smiles to cover the anxiety, “Well, you get a call in the third grade. It’s a teacher and they say ‘We love Cadie. She’s so creative. We’ve just got a few concerns about her… behaviour. And then suddenly she’s in the system. And from then on it’s not if she sees someone, it’s who, it’s not if she takes something, it’s what and how much and… the years go by and you think… she was just in the third grade.”

Beautiful and true and moving and thoughtful monologue is all four of those things in spades. And to top it off, Mrs Cadie’s delivery is absolutely gorgeous, taught, toothy-smiled, and infused with pain and self-doubt and nostalgia. A+.

Rin says: This definitely stood out against the rest of the episode and was my favourite part too, for all the reasons listed above.

I also liked that this could have been the first time the mum has actually spoken about Cadie so candidly to anyone. Last episode we saw her be all about appearance and trying to hide Cadie, but it seems like whatever Cadie did has woken her up slightly to the severity of her daughters condition. That she needs love and care, and I especially like that they’ve already headed in another direction because Cassie’s parents pretty much disappeared off the face of the earth. Whereas Mrs Campbell is right here. For movie night.

Sophy says:

Sophy says: Stanley stares at her for a beat, then turns to head for the elevator. The scene ends perfectly with “I think uh, my parents got that call from the school about me. My dad just yelled at me a lot and told me to be less weird.”

“Good dad,” says Mrs Cadie as the elevator closes, with just the barest hint of tears in her eyes.

And this is wonderful, and brings up so many questions about parenting and how what’s wrong can seem so right and vice versa. Cruel to be kind? Love them through it? To medicate or not to medicate? And on, and on.

Rin says: YESSS. The bigger picture of it all was lovely. And there doesn’t need to be an answer, the fact that it provokes thought alone is enough. More of this please Skins US. MORE OF THIS!

Also I think the girl in the poster is doing a slight head in hands.

Rin says: I really really really could have done without the BIG BEEFY guy. What was that all about?

Something about the big brown oversized suit reminds me of Harry Potter, except that Dan >>>>> this Dan. And that’s saying something.


Um. Yeah, the big Bertha type character didn’t really work for me. I did rather like the judge though, mostly because the actor had a compelling world-weariness about him. But Mr Stanley kind of ruined everything by being so absurdly clueless as to thank him when it was obvious to anyone with a head that “Parents like you never cease to amaze me,” was not a compliment.

Anyway, the judge simply dismisses the case, because he thinks fathers should let their sons get away with stuff, which lol okay. He tells Stanley to break the cycle of being a bastard and yeah, alright, but can he break the cycle of being a lazy little shit while he’s at it, too?

Rin says: Tony was waiting outside for Stanley and this is where Stan is about to change. He’s had enough of Tony and simply walks past him without a single word. Although spoiler alert! HE DOESN’T REALLY CHANGE. He still does everything Tony tells him to! See: Abbud’s episode.

Sophy says: Lol, oh man. I have to suffer through the obnoxious silent treatment and it’s not even a game-changer? Really, I think Stanley is a bit too bitchy to Tony, to be quite frank. Yes, Tony was an ass with the Michelle thing – though it never really came across as intentionally cruel so much as an attempt to let him have his chance with her that he couldn’t go through with when Tea hurt his widdle feelings. And okay, directing him into the military base was a dick move and didn’t turn out so well… but this whole thing is not just his fault, and hey, at least he showed up to support him, unlike everybody else?

Rin says: When Stan gets home, the dad is already there — I guess he drove and Stan skipped.

Mrs Stanley has left, and some of the dialogue is rather lovely, but the delivery is unfortunately not.

When Stanley was yelling, ‘FIX IT’ I straight-up broke out in laughter. If I ever need a giggle, I’ll just think of this scene. 8-.

Sophy says: See now why couldn’t he just skip to school in the first place???!

Oh god, I laughed so hard at the fix it part. And it’s a shame, because I think it was really only two of the Fix-its that were lolworthy, and if they’d been okay it could actually have been a great moment but just… lol omg. No.

I really like the detail of “She’ll answer my phone.” Thoughtful, true to life.

Rin says: He cleaned his room. Break out the confetti.

Sophy says: I think this might have been more poignant if we’d, say, seen his mum be upset about the state of his room, or be nagging him to clean it up throughout the ep. But yeah, nice work Stanley. You could be a janitor some day.

Rin says: I really liked the setting for this final scene. Sitting in the remains of the shitty car, sharing a beer. I especially thought this exchange was written well, “It’s not a piece of shit dad, well – it is now, but… it wasn’t. I just drove it wrong.” I also liked how they made up another fake note to excuse Stanley from school, tying the start to the end.

And it’s moments like this that I can really see the potential of Skins US. Because even though I have so many problems with this show, I can recognise what they’re going for in each episode. They do have overall themes and arcs, but when it comes down to it, the execution is lacking.

Sophy says: So much was right with this last scene. The dialogue, the scene-setting, with the burnt out car and the beers… I’m even okay with most of the delivery here – the dad’s “No. Never.” when Stanley says he thought he’d left, is really nice, and Daniel actually surprised me by doing a lovely job on the I just drove it wrong line.

Which… I guess that’s the whole point of the episode. The car isn’t a piece of shit, Stanley just drove it wrong. Stanley’s life isn’t a piece of shit, he just drove it wrong. Mr Stanley’s son… his marriage… they’re flawed, but they’re not wrecks – or they wouldn’t have been if he’d known how to fucking drive them right.

But it’s not as simple as that, is it? It is with a car, but it’s not with a human being. And this all goes right back to what Mrs Cadie was saying about good dads and She was just in the third grade.

Major points to this episode for achieving some real thematic resonance. I have my issues with it, which mostly involve the acting, and the intermittent insistence on retracing the original episode’s footsteps…

… but I guess I liked it. It might have lacked some of the dazzle of Cadie’s ep, perhaps because it lacked, you know, Britne Oldford, front and centre… but it had a point. It had a message. And when my dream cast acts it out in my head, it’s actually pretty damn funny.

And on that note…


28 Responses

  1. gaby
    gaby at · Reply

    random observation, not quite sure.
    but in the car who’s door hits stanley’s dad, is that eura???
    because the pigtails and what-not definately looks like her. but its a pretty distant shot so its hard to tell.

    1. Olive
      Olive at · Reply

      Hahaha! Oh Eura! She can’t get out of the car without Tony’s help.
      Also, there is no way that Big Bertha guy would at juvenile court.

    2. Erika
      Erika at · Reply

      omg i think it is! she’s so creepy…

      1. Gaby
        Gaby at · Reply

        ok good so im not going crazy xD

        1. Breanna
          Breanna at · Reply

          She was photoshopped in there. I went back and watched it on the original and she’s not there. Verrryyy sneaky! :)

    3. Rebeccapedia
      Rebeccapedia at · Reply

      If you’re right that’s the most amazing SPECIAL PERSON spot ever!! I would check, but I can’t be bothered, so, no dice!

      Skins US, it’s just, I keep watching, hoping that they’ll cop on, it’ll get better and not so smarmy and cheesey and OTT and just generally lacking the Skins integrity that makes it ok to watch and identify with a growing-up stage that has basically passed me.
      ALSO the Cambell thing. Everytime you wrote Mrs Campbell I kept thinking
      “GINA?! Gina’s here??? :) WHERE?? DID SHE BRING NAOMI??? AND DID SHE BRING EMILY??? SO EXCITING!” Oh wait, NO.
      I won’t stop watching, but I just can’t be happy. I just want it to work so much better, and it keeps letting me down. It’s like that thing where someone has something you really want, and they keep going “Here you go!” and then yanking it away, AND YOU JUST KEEP TRYING TO TAKE IT BUT THEY JUST KEEP PULLING IT AWAY! I know it’s there Brian, I’ll wait, I have patience, and faith that eventually you’ll stop teasing me :D But if you two quit and leave me said patience will fade faster.

  2. Dj
    Dj at · Reply

    I love ur post but I have to disagree with you guys. I love Cadie and Stan…. And I think they could be good together when he starts treating her right. But the rest of ur post is spot on! Funny, funny, funny!

  3. anamewhatsinaname
    anamewhatsinaname at · Reply

    “””Rin says: URGH. I was genuinely pleased and found it refreshingly funny that the dad cycled home beside them. And then they OF COURSE had to push it too far. It was crazy of me to think otherwise, that they’d know when to stop.

    Do they think we’re still that audience who thinks that falling down is the funniest thing that could ever happen to a human being? “””

    thank you!!! THIS SFM!

    ROFL at the extras that one guy that sits behind tea looks like 35. LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    laughed my ass off while reading this one. great!
    and btw thanks for not holding back ever (it seems) even though BE and JB are probably reading. everything you’ve said needed to be said.period.

  4. Nemesis
    Nemesis at · Reply

    I actually liked Abbud’s ep more than this one. Maybe because of the insistance that NewTony is a singer (his voice was even more horrible than Tabitha’s), or that he has any charisma at all. The actor of Stanley was ok with Michelle and his parents, other than that – snoozefest. Plus, your manip – it took me ages to figure out what happened there, I actually needed to read your comments to get, because they look so much alike it’s creepy!
    And Tea needs a ned love interest (that is NOT Tony!) asap! I did like the car and bycicle moments, as well as the sandcastle, even though I didn’t pick up on the condoms. But it was a fun touch.
    But what really, really annoys me about Skins!US are the TV moms. They’re stylish, they’re too young to have teenage kids and all of them are full of make-up, wrinkle-free and have a perfect bikini body. They look like overstyled actresses, not mums
    And thanks for pointing out the Harry Potter court suit – I didn’t even see it, before you pointed it out!

  5. folkpants
    folkpants at · Reply

    Um, guys, in cap #23 did you rophy in Eura gazing into the car? If you did: LOL to infinity. If you didn’t, JC WTF.

    1. folkpants
      folkpants at · Reply

      I see Eura was also the cause of Mr. Stanley’s crash. Little trickster. She’s just everywhere, like wallpaper. I bet she was on the bus to Canada, too.

  6. almostred
    almostred at · Reply

    Oh my god, I just *adore* your recaps <3 I was seriously laughing for 30 minutes at that "interesting extras" thing ahahha (especially the one in Mini's episode OMG XD). Anyway, I want to propose a new ship for Tea: Michelle/Tea!!! They can have first hate!sex, than revenge!sex and then Tea makes Michelle understand that there're some particular ways to treat a lady (not Tony's) making sweet lesbian love to her <3 Oh and also, THEY ACTUALLY HAVE SOME CHIMISTRY!

    1. Nemesis
      Nemesis at · Reply

      Where have you been? Tea/Michelle had a fandom since the trailers for the first episode came out!!

  7. Buckbeak
    Buckbeak at · Reply

    OMG guys HAHAHAHHHA! The twin factor LOL Though I’m surprised you didn’t bring Sophia out regarding the fair amount of jean shorts in this episode :P

  8. K
    K at · Reply

    It has to be her! She’s also sitting at the kitchen table in that cap with the army guy… I do wonder why she’s in none of the funny farm caps though. Would be fitting. (I also worry that she’s trying to take over Sophia’s job as a stalker… that just can’t end well.)

    1. K
      K at · Reply

      aww man, I meant to reply to gaby’s post…

      1. Gaby
        Gaby at · Reply

        LOL its ok i found it :D
        its settled then. its totally eura. and i do fear that she’s trying to take over sophias job, i dont know why sophia hasnt done anything about it yet, shes put her guard down, which is very unsophia of her. who does eura think she is D: definately not effy thts for sure.

  9. Lily
    Lily at · Reply

    I’m tempted to say this episode, for me, was a bit like the nail in the coffin that is Skins US. I just… sort of hated it. I feel like it turned one of the most intriguing episodes of Skins into a ridiculous and mainly shallow snoozefest, and I was waiting and waiting for something to happen, and nothing really did? There are tiny moments that are just gems, but not enough. The story line just feels wrong and nonsensical with this Tony and this Stan/Sid… their personalities and motivations don’t seem to match the story line for me, so it’s all coming out a bit forced :( And I really, really want to like it!!

    I haven’t been able to watch Abbud’s episode yet, but I don’t even know if I will.. maybe your lol-worthy recap will lure me into watching it?!

  10. Nemesis
    Nemesis at · Reply

    *lol* How come noone has picked up on all the tiny PhotoshopEura’s? The parking lot, Stan’s living room… you guys are geniuses!

    1. gaby
      gaby at · Reply

      ahhahahahahhahaha i and everyone who thought the same as me look so stupid now.
      u got us rophy
      nice work

  11. Niki
    Niki at · Reply

    Just wanna say it IS James that is actually singing- who knew he could actually do things well?!


    But I wanna say I love reading these everytime you post <3 So much enjoyment- and your graphics are AMAZING :D

  12. a reply
    a reply at · Reply

    god. just have eura chilling in stan’s kitchen. not terrifying or anything.

  13. uber
    uber at · Reply

    So Eura manips freaking me out – esp when I’m like “…With this show I’m not even 100% that she wasn’t randomly there… oh ok “_alt” phew”

    That said:
    Rin says: Picture this in real life okay? Beach party. Girl on her own making sandcastle.

    Like… ???????????

    Sophy says: I’m picturing it, and it’s Eura.

    :S I could totally be that person…. similarly
    Rin says: Who the fuck eats a sandwich from a plate standing up?

    All the time Rin, idk, it drives my mom nuts too though, if that helps?

    I agree with you guys about most everything – I was pretending half the dialog in the episode had been delivered better, too and that helped me enjoy it? like. *heavy sigh*. And yes yes yes yes to Mrs. C’s thoughtful sad speech and the contrast Stan brings up and how that moment is just so good shining out from all the NO that happens with US Skins.

    Also I had a whole slew of things I wanted to say on your Mini recap and I like had a tab open where I copied things I wanted to comment on and everything but then I was reading it at 3am and fell asleep :( but brilliant work on that, guys

    And that head-swap macro was gold <3 <3 <3

    1. Nemesis
      Nemesis at · Reply

      The best part of it is where she’s sitting in an empty car and it looks SO REAL and Stan’s dad crashes against the car’s open door, but unless there has been more photoshopping … actually there’s noone there. It’s just an empty car and for some reason it’s standing around with an open door. Or the door spontaneously opens by itself, I don’t remember. It’s genius. The door is this Skins’ version of JJ. Watch for season 2 when the car comes back with a ukulele and gets Tea’s episode. The rest will be equally divided between Abbud and little Tony, who will have Justin Bieber’s haircut.
      And I’d STILL watch it, if it had a laugh track. I might be having a Skins-related problem :)

  14. TheRealTRXD
    TheRealTRXD at · Reply

    No Sophia macro? Tea was even wearing jean shorts! =(

  15. sassylima
    sassylima at · Reply

    i dont like the guy playing stanley – he has ONE expression! like all the time.

    you guys are hilarious! thank you for these wonderful recaps :)

  16. Brooooooke
    Brooooooke at · Reply

    OMG LOL at the Eura’s. I only caught the one in the car that knocked over Mr Stan the first time, but then I went back to see the rest.

    This ep had its moments, but it was still kinda bad. Am really waiting for Michelle’s ep, and when in Daisy going to ever get a storyline lol. She seems kinda annoying anyway.

    Stan getting mad at Tony really irritated me too. Sid had the right to get mad, Stan doesn’t. As much as I don’t like Tony, he can’t be blamed for Stans stupidity. Bad writing.

  17. Brieana
    Brieana at · Reply

    I’m from America and my school sold snacks at games and plays and stuff. I usually don’t eat when I go to those so I never really paid attention to what they were selling, but for all I know, there could have been popcorn.
    I also didn’t notice the Stanley/Michelle switch at first.
    Personally I didn’t even bother with watching this episode. I think that I’m done with season one of MTV Skins.

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