Everyone — Part 1

Sophy says: Swapsies! Cook and Effy seem to be having a lot more fun than Freddie and Effy, don’t they? I think it really reflects the way that Cook allows Effy to forget, to throw her head back and laugh and not give a fuck about anything… up to now, that is. Freddie on the other hand is a big shaggy funsponge of reality.

Freds’ rolled up pants make me lol.

Rin says: Love these shots, perfect for this episode. But they really should have called it, ‘Effy, Freddie and Cook. With a dash of JJ.’

Sophy says: I don’t see why Freds and JJ got to be in both the last two episodes. Did the Trinity really need them? I THINK NOT. =; Should have written in a scene for Thomas and Emily instead. =;

Sophy says: We open on a kind of hyped up, accelerated, full blast version of Effy’s 108 bender, in which she and Cook dance, laugh, kiss and indulge in a little random violence, all to the kind of noise-music the purpose of which has always seemed to me to be to drown everything else out.

‘Pump that pussy’ is not going to be added to my Skins playlist anytime soon.

Rin says: No? It’s not on your 8-. awww Skins 8-. 8-. playlist?

Sophy says: Can you imagine that coming on, like, right after ‘A Promise’ or something?

Sophy says: He really loves garbage.

Rin says: I can see this turning into a ballad, if it isn’t already.


Sophy says: The violence leads to them being ejected from the club – and by ejected I mean physically thrown out onto a heap of rubbish. They take a couple of breaths, look at each other, and burst into giggles. Then there’s straddling and kissing and carrying, and it’s all very sweet and tinged with an uneasy sadness.

It helps that the music that plays over the montage is gorgeous, dreamy M Ward – quite a contrast to the opening track.

Rin says: I loooooove how he’s carrying her and how everything looks all smiles and happy but you just knew this episode was going to be anything but.

Sophy says: Oh Skins. You’re too pretty for your own good. I bet all the other shows have locker shrines and dream about someday getting into your drawers.

Rin says: Every night I save you.


Sophy says: Why, Effy? WHY???!

Rin says: So it seems Effy has changed her mind regarding Sophome??

Sophy says: Effy wakes up first, sits up, looks around, lights a cigarette, and there’s something both terrifying and romantic about the idea that they just lay down on a patch of dirt and grass and made it their bed – it, each other, all they have.

She pets Cook’s morning boner, which lol… Skins and its boners.

Rin says: Skins/Boners.

“Morning Slugger.”

Sophy says: Cook wakes up to a bedraggled and smiling Effy. He asks where they are, and Effy reminds him that he’s supposed to be the “man with the plan”. He insists that he is – a couple too many times for comfort.

Rin says: I appreciate that they both look like they haven’t actually showered for days and days, and they’re wearing the same clothes they wore at the end of 308. Thanks for the accurate continuation Skins .:D.

Sophy says: Effy’s sick of wandering aimlessly from one shitty town to another, and Cook reels out some cheerfully defensive stuff about Bonnie and Clyde and destinations and journeys. Effy presses. “I’m serious, Cook,” she says, and there is something so lovely and soft-but-resolute about the way she asks him “Where are we going?”

Rin says: Really love how Jack’s ability to go from faux-:D to vulnerable and honest in a heartbeat. No one in this world of the next could have played Cook as perfectly as he does. And honestly, if they didn’t completely drop the ball with his character like they did after 405, then he would have ended up in my top Skins characters for sure. Sadly Jack being one of the top actors will have to suffice.

“We’re here. This is it.”
“Here. This town.”
“Because this is where my dad lives.”

Sophy says: This was such a bombshell for me, I guess because I was watching one episode to the next with no previews and therefore no idea what was going to come at me. And it hit me hard in that moment that we’d never seen where Cook came from – we’d never been given the slightest hint with regard to his family life, except that Freddie seemed to have been trying to be more of a mother to him than a friend for some time before we met them.

I think anyone could sense that this reunion probably wasn’t going to be a beautiful thing. But I don’t think anyone could have predicted FACE-MELTING JESUS CHRIST.

I absolutely adore the trepidation on Cook’s face as he tells Effy this is where his father lives. Jack O’Connell really is wonderful at conveying emotion with his face.

Rin says: As opposed to Lily’s ability to convey emotion with her shoulder blades? Yep, I’ll never let you forget that one.

Also I was the same when watching, cause I was basically doing S3 bam bam bam all in a row. All by my onesies with no fandom to interrupt, which is kind of the best way to do it. To get completely immersed in the world and just watch. So yeah, it came as a shock and I actually really enjoyed the turn we were taking. He was always kind of a lost boy but now we finally got to see where he came from.


Sophy says: Run, Effy. Just. Run.

Rin says: And she cried ‘wah wah wah’ all the way home.

Sophy says: Effy walks Cook down to the water, and when he looks back at her and says “Aren’t you coming with me?” my heart kind of hurts because he looks so much like a frightened child, and I can feel from the look on his face and the tone of his voice just how much he has riding on this emotionally, and oh it’s just one of those accident-waiting-to-happen moments. :((

Effy says she’ll meet his father but not yet – he needs to do it first. She says “Don’t be a pussy,” with this lovely goading gentleness, and this is a really different Cook and Effy, isn’t it? They really have bonded on a new level off-screen, because we have never seen them be this way with one another – quiet, intimate, real. We have never seen him be this open with her and we have never seen her care this much about him. And that feels dangerous too. It is dangerous – because it’s all about Effy getting closer to the truth.

In this episode we see that Effy has actually started to know Cook – the real him, not the bluff of bravado he is 99% of the time. You spend all day every day with someone… whether you like it or not, you’re going to wind up seeing through each other’s facades. These two have bonded. Irony? It’s the kiss of death for them romantically.

Effy has seen Cook vulnerable. She’s seen him small and lonely and needing. She can’t pretend he doesn’t feel things anymore, can’t pretend he doesn’t give a fuck so she doesn’t need to either. Now that she can see how much he does care… she has to care too. And that means she can’t keep using him the way she is.

In a way Cook and Effy remind me of Buffy and Spike at this point… this particular exchange springs to mind…

“I can’t love you. I’m just being weak and selfish…”
“Really not complaining here.”
“… and it’s killing me.”


Rin says: If you guys knew how much Sophy really loved Buffy/Spike, you would know she just gave them a compliment of the highesttttt honour. Seriously.

Whenever I ask Sophy whether she loves me more than Spuffy she always suddenly has to go run some errands 8-) Or go watch paint dry 8-)

Sophy says: I just want to avoid a scene.

Sophy says: Cook heads down to the boat, and Effy looks on, a hint of guilt, and a lot of worry on her face. She whispers “Be careful,” and okay, I really don’t get how people hassle Kaya’s acting because it’s times like these that I remember how wonderful she could be.

Rin says: Anyone who hassles Kaya is just bitter.

Whenever they order a lemon lime and bitters they ask them to hold the lemon and lime.

“Ladies and germs, the fucking Milky Bars are on me.”

Rin says: Skins always manages to give you a a look at a persons character just by how they speak, ‘ladies and germs’ …. REALLY? GERMS? So this guy is a) Bit of a dick b) Self-appointed funny man c) Bit of a dick

Sophy says: I love that we don’t see the dad come out… we just cut immediately to the three of them charging ahead, hand-in-hand, straight to the bar. And OH MY GOD IT’S SUPER-HANS. I flailed so much when he opened that door. And yeah, okay…

Rin says: I think there’s some show that I need to watch in order to understand this.

Sophy says: There are a lot of shows you need to watch, Rin. In order to understand, like, the world. 8-)

Sophy says: Daddy Cook plays straight to Cook’s taste for chaos and indulgence, suggesting he flout all authority – ash on the floor – “in fact… piss on it.” Because to him doing what you like and not giving a fuck is what being free is all about. And one way or another Cook has grown up believing in that lie too. Ironic that despite not having him in his life, Cook is this close to being his father. If you hit the fast-forward button on life right now, this is exactly where he would end up.

And it’s times like these I’m so very sad about Cook’s arc in series 4. Because I wanted to say this episode will be his turning point, his road to not!houseboat… but it’s not, not really. And I guess that’s okay – that’s real. Sometimes people need more than one life-changing experience before they actually get off their arses and change their lives… so Cook needed to cast his father from his back and in series 4 he needs to cast his mother from his back too, and that’s great, that’s wonderful… and I think about the end of 405 and how my heart swelled and ached at how far Cook had come, at the man he was turning out to be…

And then it turned out that he actually had broken out of jail. And then his scenes in 407 happened. And just. No.

If they hadn’t had him break out of jail, if they hadn’t had him actively pursue Effy again… they could have made an amazing arc from this moment to the end of his story. An arc in which he learned that happiness isn’t necessarily about getting what you want and that freedom comes with being in being honest with yourself, facing up to your mistakes, instead of running from them.


Anyway, the bartender does Daddy Cook a kindness and lets him have a round on account of his son being in town, despite him the fact that he already has a massive tab. Daddy Cook’s response? A joke about fucking his wife. Class. He then shows how warped his view of the world is when he calls the guy a shithead and says the only thing that matters to him is money. He says there’s more to life than that.

“Like what?” Effy asks.

“Like shagging,” he says, and Cook laughs as though that’s funny or profound or profoundly funny or something. Daddy Cook is all ‘Great minds’ and Effy are I are all ‘Uh… no.’

Effy really is less than impressed with all of this, and you know when Effy stonem disapproves of your shit you must be a serious fuck up.

Still, she tries, she wants to think this can be a good thing… you can see her face change when Cook’s dad starts to talk in a relatively convincing way about how happy he is and how much blood means to him – in truth very little as we shall see.

“Feels right, doesn’t it?”

Cook buys it. Slowly. There’s this painful awakening of hope going on on Jack O’Connell’s face during this scene, and it’s really quite marvelous – and horrible, since we all know what’s coming.

Meanwhile, “like a dog with two dicks” will never not make me think of this.

Rin says: Totally foreshadowing.

Sophy says: She’s onto you, Rin.

Rin says: I was just saying hello.

Sophy says: Gross biker dude gives Effy the eye and she gives him her eye right back. Her scary shear-defeating eye.

Rin says: Her right braid looks kind of funny, like there’s a tiny tiny elephant standing on her shoulder, behind her head. Balancing on a ball.

Sophy says: Freds and JJ are working at some kind of lost property depository. Freds is depressed and listless, spinning in his chair and smoking pot. JJ is blue-bottling around and uses the words ‘piqued’ and ‘vexed’ in the same sentence, earning him several win points. He also manages to fall off the step-ladder in the course of his duties, which is less win. Still, it’s pretty funny when he tells Freddie not to worry – his “back and skull cushioned the fall.”

Freds says he told him to be more careful on the step-ladder and lol shut up Freds darling, nobody likes a told-you-so.

Rin says: It’s always slightly amusing when Skins kids get jobs. Cause they’re always kind of…bad.

Sophy says: JJ overreacts, jumping from told-you-so to “useless” and “mental.” Freds quickly says he’s not useless, but has trouble coming up with more, which is pretty much par for the course. Freddie McLair, ever not the wordmith.

Finally he settles for Levity – “Who loses a toilet seat on a bus?”

JJ dismisses his attempt at friendly banter, and calls him boring, which way to say what the fandom was thinking, JJ. I’m surprised they didn’t make you a trophy of some kind. (I would have stolen it and thrown it in the river.)

JJ apologizes and Freds says it’s fine in that passive aggressive wounded bear way you sometimes say things are fine. He tries to get on with the work but JJ is flipping out again, saying nothing is fine and and he’s quitting.

Freds is all ‘wtf you can’t quit’ and JJ gives us one of the most unintentionally funny lines of the series.

“Yeah I can. I learned from the best.”

OH MY GOD. =)) =)) =)) Honestly it’s like a thousand Freddie headshakes rolled into one as far as I’m concerned.

Rin says: He should have just gone all out, really.

Sophy says: lol omg I can’t. Spectacular.

Anyway, all in all this scene falls a little flat for me, mostly because JJ’s meltdown seems to come from nowhere. Okay, he doesn’t like it when Freddie smokes spliff on the job, but does he really have to have a full-scale hissy fit over it? I guess we’re meant to infer that what he’s really upset about is Freddie being depressed, Cook and Effy being missing, and just, you know everything. But I kind of wish that had come across a little better.


Rin says: With her flowchart, she always hits her mark.

Sophy says: Christ.

Rin says: You know I’m a bit disappointed, I kind of wanted to see Keiko again.

Sophy says: Luke gives us his best bemused face and we cut to JJ ON A BENCH! 8-. With cards. 8-)

Rin says: Ok yes, benches make every scene better.

And I just.. this won’t be the last time Anthea sits on a bench and discusses Effy, and both times are equally wonderful.

Sophy says: JJ watches the kids playing and smiles to himself in a sweet non-peado way, and then Anthea shows up because it’s time to talk about Effy, you know?

I do love that she recognizes him as “JJ, the magician.” Since we haven’t seen them interact on the show before as far as I remember and there would be no reason for them to have done so, I’m fanwanking that Effy has told her mum about him at some point. Which makes little sense character-wise but is really cute?

Rin says: I’m starting to think your fanwanking is a problem. You don’t go out as much as you used to…

Sophy says: All I do is skate around. :-.

Sophy says: That first cap is so beautiful. I just. I can’t even look. It makes that little park look like some kind of magical fantasy land.

JJ and Anthea have a very sweet, rather confected conversation about how he doesn’t do magic, not anymore and she’s not married, not anymore… and he tells her to pick a card and she says she thought he quit and Ollie’s delivery is absolutely gorgeous on “Some things are quite hard to let go of.”

Anthea says Effy likes magic, stumbles rudely into not the “stupid abracadabra sort,” apologizes sheepishly… and then we get this gorgeous and somewhat deliciously prophetic little speech:

“You know…she was four years old the first time she beat me at hide and seek. Four! I was looking for her for hours. When I finally found her… she just smiled. You know that Effy smile? That means…”You don’t know me at all. And you never will.”

See, that’s a kind of magic.

She’s so good at concealing things and…hiding, avoiding. But I do know her. And I know that she has got so much love in her heart… that the thought of letting it out, showing her cards… it scares her to death.

I never knew it would be possible to miss someone this much.”

Morwenna, you are perfect. Never change.

And it’s moments like ‘Some things are quite hard to let go of’ that make me wish they’d developed the whole JJ loves Effy thing a little more. I wish we’d seen him interact with her more as a friend and felt his pining more keenly… it would have made it all the more poignant and inspiring when he was the only one able to walk away and get himself a real girl. I just sort of feel that the plotline doesn’t work as the puppy-love joke that it is – either do it right or don’t do it at all.

Rin says: MORWENNA YOU ARE SO GREAT. That dialogue was also really fucking great. I love how easy it is to imagine Anthea and Effy playing hide and seek when she was 4, and how it just sits right with Effy as a character.

And yeah, the JJ/Effy thing was kind of a joke, but not a good one.

Rin says: Anthea doesn’t have time to listen to your whiny ass, she has a daughter missing!


Sophy says: Meanwhile, back at the pub, Cook is cheering his dad on as he consumes an entire jumbo size jar of mustard in exchange for a half a pint of bitter. He then throws up on the floor which Cook finds hilarious/brilliant. The bartender calls him a “sad little man” and I’d have to agree with that. So would Effy.

Rin says: You know, I really really really like mustard. It’s always my choice for Chicken McNuggets (which kind of reminds me that I haven’t had that for years and now I’m craving it), but this is just too far for too little.

Sophy says: HE CALLS IT A MUSTARDLARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rin says: Oh Cook. Him. Really???

Sophy says: Effy gets the rock out (ha… ha…) of the mustard pub, lights a cigarette, looks around. I absolutely adore the shot of her exhaling – there’s something wonderful about her placement in relation to the building behind her.

Rin says: All kinds of gorgeous with the angle and the framing. And the smoke. And the elephant.

Sophy says: She runs straight into the gross biker and his mates, who are all ‘No deal!!!!!!’ to smoking. It’s a weird little moment, because this guy is totally sleazy and skeevy… but also “straight edge,” as in no drink, no drugs… and he actually seems to want to give Effy good advice, along the lines of looking after herself. Odd. Not sure what to make of the guy beyond his purpose as a plot device.

Rin says: Yeah, they’re all straight-edge but still really gross and all :smug: Hey Effy :smug:

Sophy says: Cook runs up and comes out with this inherently horrifying sentence: “Come on, Eff. We’re going clubbin’. You, me and Dad.” Effy is upset, perhaps because of the good advice she’s just received, the caring that she’s running away from; perhaps because she can see where you, me and Dad is going to ultimately lead and it’s not pretty. She wants to just leave – right now. Cook’s not having it.

He tells her there’s nowhere else to go – “This is it. And it’s fucking brilliant! Come on, let’s go get fucked up.”

Rin says: How much does “This is it,” resonate with, “It’s you and me, babe. It’s always gonna be you and me.”

He’s trying really hard to hold on to her, but this is never what Effy really wanted.

Sophy says: Effy does not agree on the whole brilliant front, but she kisses him anyway, goes with him anyway. She’s having trouble hurting him, and that’s got to be scaring her more than anything.

Rin says: So so so different than the kiss we saw at the start.

Sophy says: Totally. But also I find that in general in this episode Cook and Effy are way less sexualised than usual. As in… we never see them have sex, whereas in most other scenes involving the two of them this series they’ve either been bitching at each other or getting naked. I mean, it’s probably more of a logistical thing than anything else what with being homeless and therefore bedless, but it still means something thematically… it’s not about the mindless shagging anymore, for either of them.

Rin says: I like that he looks almost honoured to be punched by Katie.

Sophy says: BAM, BITCH GOES DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sophy says: I adore this scene. It’s really eerie how Effy is this young girl, pigtails and all, dancing alone in the middle of a dingey bar in the middle of a dingey nowhere. I also love the fact that gen 2 followed gen 1 in having a Cat Stevens moment, regardless of the fact that they featured the Norma Fraser cover.

I love, love, love this song, and I think it’s rather marvelous how well it fits the scene – the general sentiment of the episode.

I would have given you all of my heart
but there’s someone who’s torn it apart
and he’s taking almost all that I’ve got
but if you want I’ll try to love again…


Rin says: And again we have a huge contrast from the beginning of the episode to now. There’s lights, there’s music, there’s dancing, but it’s completely different. Effy’s by herself on the dance floor and it’s not pumping and chaotic, it’s soft and slow.

Sophy says: After a quick burp, Cook asks what his dad thinks of Effy, and I really wish he hadn’t because Christ.

“Very tidy. Nice pins, quality tits and an arse like two snooker balls in a sock. Marvelous! Yeah. I’d ride that to hell and back. Looks like I’ll have to get in the fucking queue, though.”

So, so wrong. Wrong to the amount of wrongest.

And it looks like the wrongness is finally getting through to Cook. He’s been kind of starry-eyed when it comes to his revolting father, but talking that way about Effy? That’s the sort of thing that’s going to chip away at the stars.

Cook says no, she’s his, he’s going to keep her. “No cunt’s taking her away from me.”

Rin says: Urgh I can’t. Where’s Sophia and the knife. We need the knife to cut this bitch.

Sophy says: Daddy Cook leans in and says, sneeringly that it “looks like some cunt already has.”

Violence ensues.

Rin says: Yet it’s not the KFF-one-punch-KO type of fight… I guess Cookie just doesn’t care that much?

Sophy says: Caring. Katie Fucking Fitch does it better.

Sophy says: You didn’t really think they were here to see Cook’s dad did you? There’s a race a’comin’. And with both of their partners abandoning them… bound to be some bad dreams.

Rin says: What? Where did Sophome go?!! That bitch!

Sophy says: You can’t partner up with a gnome! They’re so slow!!! And probably have no genitals!

Sophy says: So, so pretty. And I kind of love the way Cook is smiling in his sleep. He’s such a bruised little boy :(

Rin says: I swear Cook spent most of both seasons being bruised and battered.

Sophy says: Effy sits on the houseboat, drinks, looks up at the moon, hates herself for letting things get this messed up.

Rin says: They really like using Effy and the moon. I’m starting to think it’s a bit of ship. Unfortunately it’s a man in the moon, not a girl.

Sophy says: I just can’t even with this scene. So upsetting.

Daddy Cook asks Effy how it feels to have everyone want you, then gets down to business, asking if she’s going to let him into her pants. He even touches her about it and I just honestly feel quite ill.

Rin says: Sick bastard.

I kind of adore how he and Cook have the same ‘COOK’ tattoo on their hand. It’s a nice little touch, and it makes me wonder how Cook, our Cook, got it in the first place. Was it all he remembered of his dad when he was little, before he left, and when he was like 14 got it done without ever really telling anyone it was ’cause his dad had it too.

“Yeah. Too pretty for your own good. That’s why you destroy everything you touch.”

Sophy says: Wow, way to feed into her insecurities there, gross peado dad.

I adore the way Effy holds her ground with him, she doesn’t freak out or cry or run away. She barely reacts at all and there’s a certain confidence, a strength in her nonchalance.

I adore this dialogue, both the writing and the delivery from Kaya:

“You’re not his dad. Not really.”
“And you’re not his girlfriend. Not really. You’re going to fucking snap that boy’s heart in two.”
“And you’ve been doing it to him every day of his life.”

I think that Effy learns about as much from this man as Cook does, because he doesn’t just represent what Cook could become, he also represents what Effy herself could become – entirely self-serving and given away to destruction and hate.

And I think she realizes that in this moment and I think it’s her turning point – please note that she goes straight to the phonebox.

Rin says: I love that she’s both protective of Cook, but also not denying that she’s going to break his heart. She cares, she really does, and that’s probably why she has to break his heart by putting a stop to what they’re becoming. And yeah, turning point.

Sophy says: hehehe, she looks so funny in that cap where she’s walking away. Like an overstuffed soft toy.

She looks so pretty in Freddie’s photo. Hey that was taken at that busstop the day she met Thomas, right? Nice.

Annnd I love the song that starts to play here. ‘Littlest Birds’ by the Be Good Tanyas.

I love you so dearly, I love you so clearly…


Sophy says: No one should ever be that confused.

Rin says: Lara was. And Albert 8-)

Sophy says: So Freds is missing Effy. He has a good long look at her photo and then… straight to the porn!

Oh teenage boys. You are so gross.

Rin says: There’s something so feminine about his button-up zip, I just can’t.



Rin says: It just wouldn’t be Skins if all boys didn’t have a wanking scene.



Sophy says: That second cap may be one of the funniest things that has ever been on Skins. Just… his pants… and… the way he’s standing.

I was going to manip Rin’s head onto it like I did with Karen’s no pants moment, but I didn’t want to taint its natural beauty. Forgive me?


Sophy says: For some reason I feel like Sophia is one of those ghosts who’s been a ghost forever even though she only died like a year ago. Like, I keep thinking we should be impressed at the ancient one’s learning of such things as facebook?

Rin says: You and Sophia have no friends in common.

“Sorry, it’s just…Facebook really needs to hear about this.”

Sophy says: HAHAHAHA OH KAREN. I love the way she ducked out then ducked back in so casually. And her evil little cackle as she leaves is so adorable.


And I love that she’s more really amused rather than horrifically scarred. I’d be the latter.

Sophy says: Freddie finally manages to pull his pants up, tells JJ he can uncover his eyes. JJ gives him a speech about how they can’t quit cos they’re musketeers and whatnot, and honestly, I wish they’d shown that more, I really do, because if they had I’d be nodding my head and clutching at my heart and it would be so nice. Still I agree with JJ when he says they have to find Cook and Effy and “sort this mess out once and for all.”

Annnnd then the phone rings, because it’s time for them to find Cook and Effy, you know?

Rin says: So convenient and lap-fally.

Sophy says: Effy says Cook’s in trouble, he needs Freddie’s help, he needs to come get him. Freddie is confused and probably still a little wounded too. He asks why she can’t help him, which I know a lot of people hate him for, but after all the shit Cook and Effy have put him through I can’t blame him for being a little bit petulant in the moment.

Rin says: Cheap jabs is what teenagers do best :-j …but then it sets up the next line oh-so-perfectly so you how can you be mad.

Sophy says: Here it is, the answer he would in no way have been expecting and the one he’s really, really been wanting no matter how hard he’s been trying to pretend otherwise. Why can’t Effy save Cook from himself?

“Because I love you.”

Rin says: LOVED IT. Kaya <3

Sophy says: Effy hangs up, and Freddie lets his phone slip shut as he takes in what she’s just said. Back in her phonebox Effy cries like a baby – she cries like that was the hardest thing she’s ever had to do – and we remember Anthea’s speech and we know that it probably was.

I like to think of Effy as utterly terrified in this moment. Because she’s put it out there. She’s asked. And now he has all the power – to show up or not show up – to show up for her or not.

Honestly, the wait must have been agony and the relief when she saw him at the race must have been bliss.

Rin says: Well, depending which race really. In reality it would have been bliss, in our reality it would have just been annoying =;

Rin says: Adore adore adore that first cap.

Sophy says: It’s morning and Cook can’t find Effy. Daddy Cook concludes that she must have “fucked off” because she’s “jealous of you and me.”

He tells Cook not to worry, she’ll be back, and Cook asks how he knows that, and the answer he gets absolutely breaks my heart.

Sophy says: “She’s in a small town, she’s got fuck-all money, and she’s got no car.”

There’s something so horrible about the practical approach Cook’s dad takes to the situation, something so cold… what Cook is desperate for, as we will find out later, is something good that will not leave him like both his parents did. And when his dad says Effy will be back just because she doesn’t have the means to get away from him, I’d imagine it feels like a punch in the gut.

He’s wrong, of course. Effy will be back and it has nothing to do with money or a car. But Cook doesn’t know that, and right now it must look to him like this revolting man is all he has in the world.

I think that’s why he buys into “Fanny is fanny. Family is family,” so easily. He’s so ready for others to give up on him that he’s quick to give up on them first.

Rin says: He’s full of wisdom there. HE’S JUST REPEATING WORDS.

Sophy says: They light their cigarettes as we cut to the pub. And I really love the scene changes in this episode, they’re just… snappy and kind of awesome.

Rin says: Lighting from the one lighter :X:X:X

Cook kind of looks like he’s dressed in a school uniform.

Sophy says: Okay so there’s a race in town tomorrow and the dude KFF beat up for sleazing on her girl is totally the champion or whatever, and Cook and his dad bet his boat on Cook winning it.

It’s a cliched kind of quirky and it’s pretty damn boring.

However, I did love it when the pub owner kissed his sleazeball champion son on the cheek after the Cooks had left. Lol forever.

Rin says: There was something endearingly weird about that.

Sophy says: Freddie and JJ have managed to locate the town Cook and Effy are in via the number from the phonebox. Look, they’ve arrived just in time for the big race! 8-)

Rin says: I liked the filming for the setup of the race, but I’ve always wondered what that pile of junk was for. Like..were they supposed to light it on fire? WHY DIDN’T WE GET A FIRE :-w

Sophy says: BACK TO THE DRAWING BOARD, COOKIE. Still, he should count himself lucky that his gayest partner actually decided to show up :X That KFF =; She’s probably off being a selfish heterosexual somewhere =;

Rin says: Awwwwww, but he tried! He really did.

Sophy says: ROFL! I will never get ove that face. It’s totally a ‘Why I oughta!!!’ face.

Rin says: Those shoes. So bi-curious. Or grandfatherly. Or both.

Sophy says: Bicurious grandads :X

Sophy says: I really love JJ’s shirt. I want one.


Sophy says: Cook sees Freddie and JJ and proceeds to be a prick to them both, asking what the fuck they’re doing here with palpable aggression and disgust. It’s horrible and uncalled for, but kind of understandable – they’re ruining his delusion of happiness by getting their reality all over everything, after all.

“Do I look like I’m in trouble?” Lol, I love the way he says that so indignantly with the bruises all over his little face. I don’t love the vile follow up: “I’m fucking ten times better than you’ve ever been, you pair of miserable, boring shites.” But again – I can see where it’s coming from within him.

Cook asks why they’re here. Freddie is silent, but JJ cracks under the pressure and blurts out the truth. They’re here because Effy called Freddie. Ouch. Cook immediately leaps to the conclusion that Effy is why Freddie came and it’s another instance of him dismissing the people who love him – another instance of get them before they can get me.

Because of course Freddie is here for Effy. But of course he’s here for Cook too.

Cook deflects by suggesting they race for Effy’s heart. Or rather… for the right to own her.

“Winner gets to keep her forever.”

“You’re a child.”

“You’re a pussy.”

Freddie, true to form, knows how ridiculous this situation is, but still lets himself get dragged into it.


OH TOWNSPEOPLE. Always so lolsy.

Sophy says: Oh Effy. Try harder. Oh Freds. Let it go.

Rin says: See, she’s just annoyed =;

Sophy says: Effy shows up and Freddie gives her the kind of concerned, melty look that spells I love you too whether I like it or not. Cook gives her the kind of small, bruised look that says something like You’ve broken my heart like I knew you would.

No time for anyone to talk though. There’s a race to be run. 8-)

Rin says: You’re just upset because you weren’t asked to be one of the participant grannies.

Sophy says: I was a bit piqued and vexed.

Sophy says: JJ joins them for some unknown reason that might have to do with him loving Effy, idek?

The skeevy champ does a pretty hilarious sort of pre-emptive victory dance.

Rin says: And of course he has to be wearing tinytinytiny shorts.

Sophy says: Turns out it’s a granny race. Cos it just wouldn’t be quaint enough otherwise. I hate this so much.

Rin says: Lalala, neither of these caps is what I really see.

Sophy says: Effy is pretty. Rin, I’m so glad you let her keep her braids. Even if it was only out of fear.

Rin says: I had a feeling you would confiscate my shears if I sheared Effy…and I saved up for two whole summers to get them.


Rin says: HAHHAHAA I loved how he was watching at first, and looked around all :smug: and :*) -ly, and then HIS FACE AFTER =))

Sophy says: :O I thought Naomi wasn’t in this episode!!!! :O :O :O

Rin says: What a fucking stereotype. No wonder you’ll never win.

Sophy says: I cannot look at that second cap. I just cannot. PTSD.

Cook pushes Freddie over, Freddie doesn’t care enough to get the granny back on his back on account of knowing how much bullshit this is.

“Fair? What do you think this is, Enid Blyton?!”

I loved that line, and I think it was a good call at this point. We’re past the point of what’s fair and what’s not and we’ve reached the part where this shit needs to get sorted, like, now. I sort of would have loved to see Freddie just duck back to the crowd and start making out with Effy so it was the first thing Cook saw when he reached the stupid finish line.

Luckily, Freddie is less of a prick than me?

Rin says: HAHA THE SECOND CAP IS SO HILARIOUS …and only a handful of people really know why.

Sophy says: A small handful. That will stay small.

Sophy says: JJ charges ahead at the last moment for a surprise victory we all saw coming a mile off. 8-)

Rin says: Apparently the guy to the right didn’t.

And that cap of Freddie in the light is AEGIVWEPGNAWIREPGASEaghrsegniaprnapwegRAISZVAs.

Sophy says: He cried a puddle. A PUDDLE.


…okay that was a bit harsh.

Sophy says: JJ is celebrating his stupid victory, and Cook is pissed. He gets all up in his face about it, which is all very unfair since JJ didn’t know a thing about the bet, but whatever, Cook isn’t fair at the best of times, so. Deal with it, JJ.

Rin says: Yeah, deal with that finger to the forehead!!!

Sophy says: :O JJ does deal with it! He gets both Cook and Freds in the “wushu finger hold” and tells them their eyes will pop out if he applies the correct pressure. It’s cute.

Rin says: :O

“J, my eyes aren’t going to pop out.”
“Do you really want to take that chance?”

Sophy says: Cute, cute, cute. Freddie laughs and Cook can’t help but laugh too, and for a moment it seems like things might be okay. I adore JJ’s “Let’s not air our dirty laundry in public, boys.”

Although it would have been that much more impressive if he’d said ‘linen’.



Rin says: He’s getting to Effy-levels of embarrassing…

Part 2

8 Responses

  1. Gee
    Gee at · Reply


  2. Miss Erin
    Miss Erin at · Reply

    So I was taking notes while reading this (nerd alert) and had this…

    The macro of Anthea & JJ on the bench is pure gold! “Anthea doesn’t have time to listen to your whiny ass, she has a daughter missing!” LOL!!


  3. X-Acto
    X-Acto at · Reply

    I loved Anthea’s speech to JJ.

    The cap with the swan reminds me of the opening credits for series 3 with Cook mixed in.

    Also, I think Cook’s dad encouraged him to get the tattoo before they went to the pub the 2nd time because it looks red and raw.

    But great recap. I enjoyed it.

  4. Emily
    Emily at · Reply

    Oh, god. The Ann-hog/ mayonegg reference was pure genuis!

  5. diggablu
    diggablu at · Reply

    Freds granny looks like a 90yr old Naomi.

  6. Chloe
    Chloe at · Reply

    YAYY! This made me so nostalgic – I miss gen 2 so much, s5 is still good but just can’t compare :(

  7. ohwowlovely
    ohwowlovely at · Reply

    Hi, it’s me again!

    I have a Skins playlist too, actually I have 3, one on spotify, one on my phone and one on my ipod. I have all the union of sound versions on my ipod too. And obviously, the official one on cd and my ipod.

    I’m just starting to read this recap, I really wish it was another Naomily episode instead of depressing Effy stuff.

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