Heather Hogan, Messiah

It’s rophydoes.com’s first birthday, and since the internet can’t eat cake, we had to find another way to celebrate. What could be more fitting, we thought, than to finally get off our butts and do that interview we’ve been talking about doing for months – the one with Heather Anne Hogan. Heather is rophydoes.com’s messiah, truly. If it weren’t for her sweetness and support we might never have made this shiny home for our recaps, which means we might never have done half the things we’ve done with this blog.

If that means something to any of you guys out there, that’s awesome. But even if it doesn’t, it means a whole lot to us. So… ha!

If you’re at this blog, we find it very hard to believe you wouldn’t know who Heather Hogan is already, but for any stragglers: Heather Hogan is a freelance writer who contributes to lesbian supersite afterellen.com and also has her own blog theheatherhogan.com. She’s probably best known for her exultant Skins recaps, but occasionally she pops up with things like this, which, well… read it. It will enhance your life. Seriously, it’s like… instant life-enhancer. In a word-sachet.

Apart from having a way with words and being darn funny, Heather is also one of the sweetest, most genuine, and most generally best people we know. And she’s one of the very best people you could hope to have a chat with.

Sophy says: Rin, fetch me my shawl and open the vegemite!

Rin says: We need to hire a butler.

Rophy says: Hi Heather. Let’s skip the pleasantries and go straight to Skins?

Heather says: Always.

Rophy says: We know how much you’ve been loving Skins gen 3 from all that flailing we’ve been doing with you over the past few months, but for the general Rophy-reading public, please share your top three most flail-worthy moments in the fifth series.

Heather says: Wow. Of the whole series? It’d be so much easier if you’d let me pick most-flail-worthy episodes! Actually, I don’t even know if I could choose only three episodes!

Hang on, I can do this. Grace’s dance sequence from Rich’s episode was one of the most desperately perfect things on TV just … ever. Franky and Matty’s “glorious fucking headfuck thing” in Franky’s episode resonated on every kind of Skins-level. And the Romeo/Juliet thing from Grace’s episode — the whole shebang, from Rich skipping over the lunar imagery of the soliloquy to Radical Face crooning about welcome home to answering Shakespeare with Shakespeare — it nearly slayed me. I watched it with SpaceDog and she was like, “Jesus, this is actually going to make your heart explode, isn’t it?” And it totally did.

O, wonder! How many goodly creatures are there here! How beauteous mankind is! O brave new world, That has such people in’t! (Jamie Brittain killed it this year, huh?)

Rophy says: He killed it so much he killed his own father.

So. How’s your shipping?

Heather says: My gen three shipping? Oh, it’s good. You know, just a little Mini and Franky. Just a little swooning when I think about the way Franky smiled into that Tempest kiss and the way it fucked with Mini’s head good and proper. You know, and just ALL THE GAY WAYS GAY MINI IS GAY.

I’m also shipping Heather Hogan/Alo’s farm pretty hard. My number one dream in life is to own a sheep farm in Wales, so.

Rophy says: So when you say you think Mini is gay…

Heather says: Gay as a window.

Rophy says: Agreed. A large window that has recently been cleaned.

Sophy says: LOOK AT HER LEAF-EARRING AND HER GAYBOW OMG!

And now I’m just picturing the three of us lovingly polishing the Mindow together.

And now I’m just going to be quiet.

Rophy says: Whose episode was your favourite and whose episode are you most looking forward to seeing next series?

Heather says: Rich’s episode was my favorite because it was so brave, creatively, and just a shining example of how when Skins does it right, they do it right-er than everyone. My favorite character from gen three, though, is Mini, and so I’m stoked for her episode next series.

Rophy says: What’s the gen 3 quote you’ll be quoting all the way home?

Heather says: I think it’s a toss-up between “glorious fucking headfuck thing” and “Trent Reznor can suck my cock.”

Rophy says: Can’t say either of those in church, can you. What’s your favourite Skins quote overall?

Heather says: “I like girls. I like sex with girls. I like their rosy lips, their hard nipples, bums, soft thighs. I like tits and fanny, you know? There! I’ve said it!”

Rophy says: Wow. It probably wouldn’t be advisable to say that one in church either.

What is your favourite little Skins moment that doesn’t get enough love?

Heather says: Naomi in Freddie’s S3 episode talking about Hamlet. For starters, it’s the first time she looks dead gorgeous. And for seconders, there’s nothing better than an arrogant know-it-all talking about Shakespeare. (Except maybe an arrogant know-it-all talking about Hogwarts: A History.)

Rophy says: Do you remember the moment when you first knew you were in love with Naomily?

Heather says: Outside the front door of the Panda Pops rager. The thing we don’t say enough about Naomily is just how very much they LIKED each other, you know? How much FUN they had together. Yeah, the chemistry. And yeah, the epic romance. But when I think about Naomi and Emily’s post-college life, I always think about how much better their lives will be together because, like Lizzy Bennet, they dearly love to laugh (with and at each other).

Rophy says: 8-. So true. What’s your favourite Naomily scene overall?

Heather says: Lake scene and the lead-up/climax of locker!smash! because they’re both so layered and just … perfect.

Rophy says: Okay, so now what’s your favourite scene with Emily in it but not Naomi and your favourite scene with Naomi in it but not Emily.

Heather says: I really do love Naomi in Freddie’s S3 episode, slipping out of her own insecurity to offer some insight to that glorious fucking headfuck guy with her Shakespeare shenanigans. And I love her whole “No. No! NO! … yes” with Effy in Effy’s ep, even though it was kind of weird narratively. And I thought Lily was brilliant in Thomas’s S4 episode about, “Don’t tell Emily.” And, and, and. Naomi is my favorite TV character ever. Emily’s JJ stuff in S3, and every scene she had with Katie were my favorite for her, non-Naomily-wise.

Rophy says: Okay! And now there’s a gun to your head. Naomi or Emily. What will it be.

Heather says: I’ll turn it on myself! FREE NAOMILY!

Rophy says: We thought you might take that route. But you do realize that in offing yourself you have basically chosen to save Naomi. Which, by the way, how did it feel to find you were most similar to Jesus in that Skins personality quiz?

Heather says: I am actually WAY more similar to Neville Longbottom than I am to Jesus.

Rophy says: Neville Longbottom is pretty similar to Jesus, just saying…

Back to Gen 1. Who was your favourite character?

Heather says: Cassie. She’s a lot like Luna Lovegood, only Luna wasn’t legitimately mad. Well, maybe she was a little. (“It’s like hazy days, you know?”)

Rophy says: Your favourite storyline?

Heather says: Sid and Cassie.

Sophy says: Even in series 2? Please say yes.

Heather says: Yes.

Rophy says: Okay, okay. Skins US. Who was your least favourite character? :) Who would you least like to see an episode from next series? :) WHAT? WE DISCUSSED IT :)

Heather says: I could really have done without every single one of the dude characters on US Skins, and I’m not saying that like some kind of boy-phobe. Tony most of all, for about three hundred thousand reasons. The character I ended up caring most about was Michelle, so I’d love to see where they take her if they get a second season.

Rophy says: You were supposed to tell us whose episode you’d least like to see. And the answer was supposed to be Blandy…

We’re going to assume your actual answer would be Tony, which, we suppose is fair enough. Tony/Chris/Abbud/Stanley/Bus orgy for Heather Hogan!

However. In all seriousness, during Skins US we didn’t quite see eye to eye on some things. It alarmed us. How did you feel about it?

Heather says: I think if I had written my US Skins recaps how I usually write — you know, how I am — they would have been full of energy and honesty and truth and passion about everything. There would have been a lot more surface area to them, and we would have found a lot to agree on. Writing about US Skins for me was like sitting in a viper’s nest or something, just venom, venom, venom from every direction. (Are vipers even poisonous?) And it wore me down into a place of bone-tiredness. So, I didn’t really give you much to play off of at all. At least not fully-realized, episode-long thoughts and feelings. I mean, I’m sure we would have disagreed about some things — I LOVE JJ AND YOU CAN’T STOP ME — but you guys were never wrong. You’re the fairest, most honest, most intelligent thing happening in the land of Skins, and the things you hated and loved were all valid things. If only I had a tenth of your GryffinClaw courage and cleverness, I would have been able to deal with my bullies and it would have made me a better writer and a better person. I mean, look at me: It has taken me three tries and two full days to answer this question! That’s how banged in my head is over US Skins!

Sophy says: Hm. Heather is all flustered.

Rin says: I sense weakness.

Rophy says: SO, HEATHER. Do you think we could ever wear you down on the Blandy front?

Heather says: I almost peed my pants when you started Photoshopping her out of the photos in Michelle’s recap. I like Betty, but yeah, I get it.

Sophy says: This is just like that time we abused JJ repeatedly and you loved us anyway. 8-.

HEATHER SAYS: DON’T YOU EVER COMPARE BETTY TO JJ! I FOOKIN ADORE JJ!

Sophy says: Omg, she’s cracking, Rin! She doesn’t even want Blandy mentioned in the same sentence as JJ!

Rin says: Who and who?

Rophy says: If you could choose one character from Skins US to cross over to Skins UK, who would it be and what would happen?

Heather says: Michelle? Rachel Thevenard got a lot more out of that character than I expected, a lot more than what was on paper. But, man, I just can’t see any of those US actors making the leap to UK Skins.

Rin says: WAIT. Why did you choose to export Michelle over Cadie? Why? Why? Why?

Heather says: I just think Michelle is more combustible. I really, really love Cadie, but she’s way more docile. If you’re going to put a character in the UK-verse, you don’t want a character who is going to crack; you want a character who is going to explode in a blaze of glory. I’d hook her up with Alo, I think. That’d be good fun.

Sophy says: REDHEAD POWER. I like Rachel but I actually think Britne is a more combustible actress than she is, to use your word. It’s funny though, because I can nevertheless see what you mean. Because they did kind of drop the ball on Cadie towards the end there – she was really given very little to do and wound up being kind of a weak presence. Still, I’d love to see what she could do with a more central storyline. SO EVERYONE SIGN THAT DAMN PETITION, OKAY?

Rophy says: What are your hopes for season two of Skins US, provided that there is one?

Heather says: Skins was always going to have some growing pains making the leap across the pond. It had some moments of great promise, I think, but if it were to come back for a second season, I’d be a lot more demanding as a fan. The creative team has had a chance to see what translates to an American audience and what doesn’t, what the actors are capable of and what their limitations are. If it does come back, I wouldn’t want to see ANY remnants of UK storylines. And I’d want to see more cohesion on a season-wide level. Do you know what I mean? The first season was a bit disjointed, even for the Skins narrative model. I’d like for the show to feel like Skins and look like Skins. One of the weirdest things to me about US Skins is that it looked nothing like UK Skins, which was a branding-miss, I think. And also it was a miss for my eyeballs.   I don’t know. Writing words about US Skins makes me feel like I’m like one of those mice that keeps getting electrocuted when it reaches for the cheese.

Sophy says: HAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAH OH. POOR ELECTROCUTED HEATHERMOUSE. And I agree entirely, the two biggest issues were the relative lack of Skins pretty, and the shying away from original storylines. Okay no. The two biggest problems were the Blandy and “monkey man”.

Rin says: And too much matching. Sophy and I have talked many times about what we’d wear to the Skins Movie premiere (it may involve jean shorts), what would you wear?

Heather says: Hmm? Sorry, I didn’t hear you: I was digging around in your rubbish looking for sweet wrappers and old toothbrushes.

Rophy says: Speaking of the Skins movie (please, please, please!) what are your hopes/dreams/aspirations with regard to that?

Heather Hogan: Naomily: The Movie

Sophy says: Pretty much.

Rin says: A given.

Rophy says: What’s your favourite Rophy macro? Did you tell us already with the Ropher awards? Do we care?

Heather says: Every single time Mandeh and Sophia show up. 408 macros will always hold the specialest place in my heart because that’s the first one I read and I knew my life would never be the same after it.

Rophy says: *basks* Now what’s the best thing on the internet? (That has nothing to do with Ropher.)

Heather says: Is there any better feeling than stumbling across a really in-character, really well-written fan fic? No. Nothing.

Rophy says: We asked Heather to link us to her favourite fanfic and she went straight back to Ropher. We had to cut her off.

So. What’s the best portrayal of a gay relationship on TV, apart from Naomily?

Heather says: Cam and Mitchell from Modern Family.

Rin says: Big yes to them, hilarious but also incredibly heartfelt.

Sophy says: They are lovely. I’ve been catching up on Modern Family lately, and Mitchell/Pigeon owns my soul.

Rin says: That’s bestiality, not a gay relationship.

Rophy says: What’s the best portrayal of a straight relationship on TV, apart from Naomily? Err…

Heather says: Lily and Marshall on How I Met Your Mother.

Rophy says: We only watched HIMYM for JMO. Sorry, Willow.

If you could make a show with one character from Skins, one character from Buffy, and one character from one other show, who would they be?

Heather says: Tara from Buffy, Chris from Skins and Ianto from Torchwood. It’d be a show about how they came back to life and haunted their creators. It’d be a comedy. And Freddie would guest star. And so would loaves of bread. And Sophia, perhaps.

Rophy says: That sounds like something we would buy on DVD. Twice.

What was your first TV love? (We could totally answer this one ourselves…)

Heather says: Oh, man, so easy and such a perfect question because who I am today is because of how much I loved Lois and Clark. It aired on Sunday nights at 8:00 on ABC and I wouldn’t even accept phone calls during that whole hour. Like my sister would be all, “It’s 8:14; you know she’s not coming to the phone, [whomever]. You’ll have to talk to her in homeroom tomorrow.” If the internet then had been like the internet today — with fandoms and fanfic and forums and whatever else — I would have flunked out of school.

Rophy says: Everyone who is wonderful loved Lois and Clark.

Who is your TV wife?

Heather says: Helen Stewart from the old UK soap Bad Girls.

Rophy says: Okay now sell her to us.

Heather says: No. I will, however, link you to the 200,000 WORDS of fanfic I wrote about her. (No, I won’t.)

Rophy says: We just meant DESCRIBE HER. Seriously. We’re not even sure we want her yet. It might be a pay us for a room in the cage kind of situation.

Heather says: She has the sexiest Scottish accent you have ever heard in your life and she was always saying things like, “Sit in that chair!” and “Haven’t you worked out yet how to be a good girl?” Mmm.

Sophy says: Scottish accent you say…

Rin says: No vacancies.

Sophy says: Try and convince us to watch ‘Pretty Little Liars’. (It won’t work.)

Heather says: I actually don’t want to convince you to watch Pretty Little Liars because one of my favorite things in life is Rin’s white hot fury every time the show is mentioned, simply because it had the audacity to name its lesbian character Emily.

Sophy says: It was pretty rude…

Rin says: I didn’t condone the asking of that question in the first place.

Rophy says: What’s the worst TV plotline you’ve ever come across?

Heather says: The L Word was the biggest clusterfuck in the history of the world. Seasons 3, 4 and 6, especially. Ianto getting killed on Torchwood during Children of Earth was AWFUL. Tara getting killed on Buffy. Pizz getting introduced on Veronica Mars. Clone Lois eating the frog on Lois and Clark. Yeah. Let’s go with that one. It was the beginning of the end of the greatest show of my childhood.  

Sophy says: I don’t even remember the frog. I really need to get myself those DVDs. Or not?   Do you think Tara’s death was bad or just sad? Can you elaborate a bit about that?  

Heather says: I didn’t watch Buffy until after the series was finished. I already knew Tara was going to die, so I was sort of … prepared for it? (Says the girl who still cries EVERY TIME Dobby gets pierced with that sword.) Maybe it would have been bad experiencing it in the moment, but for me it was just really, desperately sad.

Sophy says: Oh, good. I thought you might have been getting all up in Joss Whedon’s business. We were going to have to have words. (Although, lol Dollhouse.)

Rophy says: Give us your top five most nostalgia-inducing songs?  

Heather says: To Travels & Trunks, Hey Marseilles; The Weepies, World Spins Madly On; No One’s Gonna Love You, Band of Horses; Sweet Disposition, Temper Trap; Hedwig’s Theme, John Williams  

Rophy says: Ah Hedwig. What a fabulous owl.

What’s your favourite Hermione Granger moment?

Heather says: Choosing my favorite Hermione Granger moment is — it’s the most difficult thing anyone has ever asked me to do! I think she’s the greatest character in the history of literature! Probably my favorite Hermione moment is only my favorite in retrospect — knowing what we know now about how it was really Hermione who saved the whole world — and it’s at the end of Philosopher’s Stone when Harry and Ron are being eaten alive by Devil’s Snare and she remembers that she needs to make a fire to save them, but she forgets she has magic. So she’s all, “There’s not any wood or matches!”  

Rin says: I adore that moment (and pretty much all of them?) because let’s be honest, Hermione’s the real hero. And I cannot believe how much the movie people screwed that up, as well as cutting out her potions scene. Unbelievable. I’m still hoping they go back and re-do it. I DON’T CARE IF THEY’RE 10 YEARS OLDER NOW. JUST GO BACK AND DO IT.

Rophy says: Write a brief love letter to JK Rowling. Sign it with kisses. don’t use something you’ve prepared earlier, we’ll know…

Heather says: Dear Jo,   There are a lot of things I could say about how flawless you are as a human being. About how you’re the kindest, warmest, most gracious, most intelligent celebrity in the whole world. About how you, above every author on earth, can be trusted as a storyteller. About how I started becoming the change I wanted to see in the world because you showed me what that looked like. But you’ve heard that all before, I’m sure. What I want to say to you is that you saved my life. Thank you.   Yours etc. Heather Anne  

Rophy says: Where are the motherfucking kisses?  

Heather says: xxx…?  

Rophy says: FAVOURITE HARRY POTTER COVER.

Heather says:

Rin says: I want those really bad, I want to frame them and caress them for the rest of my life.

Sophy says: Holy crap, they look like they came out of the Soviet Union way before the books were written. Awesome.

Rin says: What’s the worst thing about Harry Potter?

Heather says: That it had to end. I would have read a hundred thousand Harry Potter books.

Sophy says: Dude, wtf was that question. You just wanted her to say Ginny Weasley, didn’t you. DIDN’T YOU.

Rin says: NO!

….

Sophy says: 8-) Jane Austen characters. Pick a favourite.

Heather says: Fanny Price. (That is a joke. I hate Fanny Price. She is the worst fucking thing.) I know it’s cliche, but Elizabeth Bennet is my favorite. Have I ever told you my theory about how Charlotte Lucas was gay for her? I totally think Charlotte Lucas was gay for her. I’m also gay for her.

Sophy says: I like to think we’re all a bit gay for Elizabeth Bennet, deep down.

Rophy says: What is the novel that has had the most profound effect on you as a person and/or as a writer?

Heather says: To Kill a Mockingbird will always be the most important book in my life. It’s my soul-sustainer, a story that resonates down into my bones. And really, truly, all I want to do with my life is echo Scout Finch wherever I go: “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view . . . until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.” And: “I think there’s just one kind of folks. Folks.”

Rophy says: What’s the worst feedback you’ve ever received?

Heather says: I think it’s safe to say I didn’t make any new lesbi-friends writing about US Skins. Let’s just call that the worst feedback I’ve ever received, collectively.

Sophy says: That’s more a question of content though, right? It had better be. Because you write better than most people breathe. 

Rin says: I think we made a few new lesbi-friends with ours. You can have some of them.

Rophy says: What’s the best feedback you’ve ever received?

Heather says: One of my favorite writers told me I’m an “oasis in a sea of wankers.” Which is such an amazing phrase I keep meaning to get a t-shirt made. Or, like, some new business cards or something. Heather Anne Hogan: Oasis in a Sea of Wankers. You’d hire me with a slogan like that, right?

Rophy says: We’d hire you with a slogan like ‘Heather Anne Hogan’.

What’s the piece of writing you’re proudest of to date?

Heather says: My two favorite things I’ve ever written are my Skins 408 recap and my “JJ” retro-recap.

Sophy says: That last page of your JJ recap was so beautiful. I still remember feeling teary when I read it.

Rin says: Yeah, 408 was the first Heather recap I read and it was SO AMAZING, especially because it made me feel more than the actual finale did. And well, JJ recap. It already has the appropriate Ropher award to its name.

Rophy says: So. Do you have any plans for a novel or some such?

Heather says: I have, in fact, written a novel. So far it has been rejected by – let’s see; can I count that high? — 12 publishers.  

Sophy says: Impressive. 13th time lucky? Does that work? No? Rin?

Rin says: Always making it racial. I’m not some kind of Buddha so I’d really appreciate it if you stopped trying to rub my tummy for luck.

Rophy says: Can you tell us a little bit about your novel or is it all top secret?

Heather says: I am totally superstitious talking about writing fiction, but here’s what I’ll tell you: I have this friend who used to work at a library and she was always meeting the maddest people. (Lots of Hermione Grangers AND Luna Lovegoods in the library.) So she’d send me these one-line descriptions and I’d write little stories about the people she met. One day she said, “Today a man came in carrying a soup can; he asked for change for a nickel.” My novel is about a 10-year-old girl who meets that soup can man.

Sophy says: Awesome. I assume we’re going to get signed advance copies of Soup Can Man? *waits*

Rin says: *by the mailbox*

Rophy says: Would you ever want to write for TV?

Heather says: You know what I’d rather do than write for TV? I’d like to be the person who fetches your coffee or tea or gin/tonic or whatever in the office where you guys write YOUR TV show.

Rophy says: Acceptable. Could you also write the hard parts for us?

Heather says: Guys. Seriously. There’s no reason you shouldn’t have written a treatment yet. DO IT! *cracks whip*

Rophy says: We like it when you get all equestrian and/or lion tamery 8-.

Now. Onto the hard-hitting stuff. What’s the longest you have ever gone without the HH hat on your head?

Heather says: I am never not wearing it. I wear it when I sleep, when I take a shower. Always.

Rophy says: Prove it.

Heather says:

Rophy says: When we invite people over we usually expect them to cook us a five course meal. What would you prepare for us?  

Heather says: Pork Salad. Vegemite on toast. Lilt. Garibaldis. Those big Disney World pickles.

Sophy says: I have never tasted four of the items on that list. Delicacies! Except pork salads, they just don’t exist.

Rin says: Ungrateful. You will eat it, and you will enjoy it. You will not hide bits of it in your napkin.

Rophy says: ANALYZE THIS:

Heather says:

Rophy says: 8-. What is your #1 guilty pleasure?

Heather says: I sometimes abuse my charm to get extra samples from the sample people in the grocery store. I like tiny foods.  

Sophy says: Oh my god, I love tiny foods! Sometimes I wish all my friends weren’t dead, so I’d have more cocktail parties to go to.

Rophy says: EGG OR BANANA

Heather says: Eggs! Scrambled! I like brunch almost as much as I like tiny foods!

Sophy says: :)

Rin says: I don’t think Heather has a clue what she has just done. But Reather is over, forever. I feel like I can’t breathe?

Sophy says: First Jade, now Heather… they all come to the Sophlette in the end.

Rophy says: Gloves or mittens?

Heather says: Mittens forever.

Rophy says: What were you like back in high-school?

Heather says: A douche-y, less musically gifted version of Troy Bolton.

Rophy says: You could never be douchey, douchebag. Are you too young to remember spandex?

Heather says: I wear spandex every time I ride my bike!

Rophy says: What’s the first band you loved obsessively?

Heather says: Panda and the Pops

Rophy says: Omg prescient. What was your favourite movie growing up?

Heather says: Who Framed Roger Rabbit. I’ll bet my sister and I watched that VHS 600 times. I can quote the whole thing from memory.

Sophy says: There was a time when I could quote the entirety of Four Weddings and a Funeral, but alcohol and dementia have ruined my extremely dull and time-consuming party trick :(

Rophy says: Who was your favourite actor/actress growing up? As in, who got the most TV Guide posters on the wall?

Heather says: Soleil Moon Frye! She played Punky Brewster! Did you guys get Punky Brewster in Oz? She was also the girl that punched Joey too hard on Friends.

Rin says: TUMBLY.

Sophy says: Even I remember the girl who punched Joey too hard, Rin.

Rin says: No I remember that, but, like, don’t understand anything else she just said?

Rophy says: Are you actually grown up?

Heather says: Have you seen my dinosaur wallet?

Rophy says: Huh. If you were a dinosaur, what kind would you be?

Heather says: Littlefoot from The Land Before Time.

Rophy says: Pretend you are creating ‘eau de hahogan15.’ What are your ingredients?

Heather says: One of the reasons I am most like Neville is that I would be the worst potions student ever!

Sophy says: Fine, fine. I’ll do it for you. Eau de Hogan has base notes of pepper and tea, top notes of lime blossom and fresh air, and just the faintest hint of toast.

Rophy says: What’s your favourite colour?

Heather says: Orange is my most favourite color.

Rophy says: Omg. Everyone who is wonderful loves orange.

Rin says: Green is my favourite. When you grow old, which hobby would you rather? Knitting or Bridge.

Heather says: Oh, Bridge for sure because of Bridge Mix. Do you have Bridge Mix is Australia? It’s like a mix of delicious chocolate-y nuts and fruits. I assume you eat it while playing Bridge. I’ve never heard of any knitting-specific snacks.

Sophy says: Why wasn’t Canasta on the list? I intend to play a lot of Canasta when I’m… oh shit. It’s time and I haven’t even learned how! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SOMEONE FETCH A DECK OF CARDS!!!

Heather says: I’m not trying to brag (yes, I am), but I am a BRILLIANT canasta player. I don’t care who my partner is; I never lose.

Rophy says: Dogs or Cats? Yes. Choose.

Heather says: So you want my cat to kill me in my sleep? Because you know the answer is dogs. (Even though I love all of my own personal pets equally.)

Sophy says: Just the fact that you know your cat is a keen murderer tells us the answer really, doesn’t it?

Rin says: I base all my important decisions from what an 8-Ball says. Do you have a similar higher power that you turn to?

Sophy says: Lol.

Heather says: I have this jar with little strips of paper inside, and on each strip is a Katie Fitch quote. So, like — here, I’ll demonstrate. Katie, what should I do after I finish this Rophy interview? Answer: “You’re looking sexy. Ever heard of a shower?” See? She’s right! I haven’t had a shower since I worked out! OK, let’s do another one. Katie, what should I tell the US Skins fans who are going to try to kill me over how I responded to that previous question? Answer: “You can pretty much fuck off now.” Yikes! That’s pretty harsh. Can you think of a more tactful thing I could tell them? “You’re in my way. Move.” Wow. OK. Katie, sometimes I get really bummed out because I miss Noami and Emily so much. What should I do? Answer: “Don’t cry. Don’t fucking cry.”

And we call Effy an oracle.

Rophy says: 8-.

What’s your high score in Tetris?

Heather says: I haven’t played Tetris in a hundred thousand million years. Let’s ask Katie. Katie, what’s your highscore in Tetris? Answer: “Bumble mumble jimjams!”

Yeah, sometimes she speaks twin, and I have no idea what the hell she’s saying.

Rophy says: A bit like us then?

And we’re done. We have about another 5000 words worth of questions we could ask Heather, but she’s a busy lady, so we’ll leave it here.

FOR NOW.

Hope you enjoyed the interview, feel free to join in the conversation in the comments below :)

(We are especially interested in your Tetris scores and your feelings on the whole cat issue…)

 

19 Responses

  1. M
    M at · Reply

    “…there’s nothing better than an arrogant know-it-all talking about Shakespeare. (Except maybe an arrogant know-it-all talking about Hogwarts: A History.)”

    but soft, what light through yonder gryffindor common area breaks? it is the east, and hermione’s wand at lumos, is the sun.

    (it’s 5:41 am, i have so many problems:)

    1. Snixxmas
      Snixxmas at · Reply

      I don’t care that I’m 18 months late here, THIS ^ wins everything. :)

  2. Michelle
    Michelle at · Reply

    According to Tetris Friends, it’s 73492 on marathon mode. I liked cats. Then my roommate got one. Its name is Ke$ha for a good reason. I’m not a big fan of cats anymore. Well…maybe especially of Ke$ha. (Dogs forever.)

    And I adore you guys. <3 Michelle and Ropher = bff

  3. Lanu
    Lanu at · Reply

    Who was your favourite character?: Cassie – agreed

    Blandy – have to go with Rophy on this one. …she’s…well…bland…

    Naomily: The Movie – agreed. whole fandom says “yeaaa!!!”

    The L Word was the biggest clusterfuck in the history of the world – agreed

    I have, in fact, written a novel – O_O who in their right minds would reject such a thing….

    The Weepies, World Spins Madly On; No One’s Gonna Love You, Band of Horses; Sweet Disposition, Temper Trap – we might just be made for each other….

  4. Civa
    Civa at · Reply

    Who Framed Roger Rabbit was the best ever! My brother and I also watched it 60 bajillion times. I think we even broke the tape.

  5. Trxd
    Trxd at · Reply

    I love heather, like, is it possible to find a cuter girl who is also ridiculously smart? (apart from Hermione maybe obvs)

    But those Harry Potter covers? EXCUSE ME WHILST I VOMIT.

    Seriously Rophy, watch Bad girls, watch it if you know what’s good for you, it is amazing on a skins-level of unable to describe through words only through interpretive dance -ness.

  6. spacedog
    spacedog at · Reply

    You three are great.

    There, I said it. And I will never take it back.

  7. Amy
    Amy at · Reply

    you know how peanut butter is really good? and chocolate is super yummy?? but when you put them together magic just happens & your taste buds get tingly and you just want MORE!?!?!?! that’s rophy & heather together.

  8. Indigo Wille
    Indigo Wille at · Reply

    I beat Tetris on FB, online and my phone!!!!!!!!!!!!! I believe Heather Hogan is the actual messiah.

  9. Ruth
    Ruth at · Reply

    Heather “her writing makes me feel like I’ve been kicked in the chest, but in a good way” Hogan wrote Helen “Sexiest Wing Governor EVER” Stuart fanfic?

    OMG I WANT THAT FANFIC PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!!!

    I have all of Bad Girls on DVD and I still watch it to this day with my head in my hands.

    Rin, Sophy, if you can persuade Heather to give me that fanfic, so help me I will fly over to Australia, cover myself in vegemite and sacrifice myself on the altar of your awesomeness.

    (Once I’m done reading and squeeing, of course. And the terminal case of fangirling I’ll develop should negate any guilt you have over the whole human-sacrifice thing. Really it’d be a mercy killing)

    ((Also also, can I use Marmite instead of vegemite? It’s just better.))

  10. Barbara
    Barbara at · Reply

    Uh, so first of all I have to admit that it took me about 10 hours to realize that you had in fact ALREADY posted the HH interview and that there was a link in your birthday post. I kept checking twitter anxiously. *facepalm* So . . . I feel brilliant.

    BUT! More importantly. I love this interview. And I want to read Heather’s novel. And ALLLLLL of her Bad Girls fanfic. And I think it just became one of my life’s goals to play Canasta with Ropher.

    Also: who on EARTH would choose someone other than Elizabeth Bennett?!?!?! I can’t even fathom.

  11. Amanda Trott
    Amanda Trott at · Reply

    I want the name of each and every person who was mean to Heather about US Skins and I will find them and tell them that they are big meanies.

  12. Amanda Trott
    Amanda Trott at · Reply

    Then I will run away in a panic because confrontation scares me.

  13. heather anne hogan
    heather anne hogan at · Reply

    I love you guys SO MUCH. Also, that mouse with the HH hat? And then the rollover text? I DIE.

  14. Manu
    Manu at · Reply

    I want to live with the three of you in a farm. Somewhere.

    We only watched HIMYM for JMO
    TROLOLOLOLOL.

    I LOVE YOU, RIN.

  15. folkpants
    folkpants at · Reply

    “…even though my affection for Naomi and Emily knows no boundaries or end now. Like light.”

    This is one of my favorite Heather Hogan quotes from her recaps. (just one, there are many, many) But what I love about it, is it’s how I feel, too. This light (from all of Skins, really) reaches all of my dark corners. And what Heather and Rophy have done is focus this light so that it is so intense that I could set ants on fire. (But I’m not cruel.) I could never seperate the show from Ropher now, as it should be I think. Also, who doesn’t like every so often almost peeing their pants from laughing? Thank you ladies, you are wonderful. And I look forward to ANYTHING any of you write in the future.

    PS- That Katie Fucking Fitch magic eight ball sounds fantastic! Anyway the RophyCap winners can get one?

  16. betweeniandk
    betweeniandk at · Reply

    “I base all my important decisions from what an 8-Ball says.”

    Me, too.

    *sigh*

    Today in the break room at work, I noticed that someone left a Sarcastic Ball out to toy with.

    First question: “Does my headache have to do with the fact that I am working on a Saturday?”

    The response: “Oh, Please.”

    I immediately added it to my amazon.com wishlist.

    x0 heatherophy xo

  17. Gena
    Gena at · Reply

    Which line do we stand in for Heather Hogans autograph? Near the Rophy autograph line, I hope?

    1. Rin
      Rin at · Reply

      Ahaha :X

      I have her autograph. I keep it in my wallet. (Not really.) (But really I do.) (Not.)

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