Lots of Tatiana Maslanys in the rear view mirror.
Sophy says: Morning Sarah. Welcome back to the multiplied nightmare that is your life.
Rin says: For some reason I get flashbacks to Skins 308. I see Freddie’s face smiling at Effy. And then I see my face….
But yeah, it was pretty cruel to have her be confronted by the reminder of her hellish life right after getting HIT BY A TRUCK BY HER BABY DADDY.
Sophy says: At least it was a helpful truck??? For now. I don’t trust Davy Crockett yet. GUILTY UNTIL PROVEN INNOCENT. That’s what I always say.
FREDS :((((((( YES I SEE IT NOW :(((( REARVIEW MIRRORS WILL ALWAYS BE A FREFFY THING :((((((
Sophy says: Oh gosh. All of this was so funny because Alison is just a very, very funny character and when you put her in extreme situations she is extremely funny. I was basically giggling from the moment she demanded to speak to Dr Leekie and the nurse assumed that was her dealer and she was all pfff about it and I was like Alison you actually do have a dealer and you are amazing and no this is not the DYAD institute. But I think my favourite part was when she told the nurse that Donnie was an enabler. I started laughing really hard and then the nurse was all ‘You want I should check his crevices?’ and I WENT TO A WHOLE NEW LEVEL OF REALLY HARD LAUGHTER. And also Alison using the word ‘tinkle’. And the quick cut to that from Fe saying rehab would help her find some dignity.
AND AND AND. WAIT. Possibly the most hilarious part of it all was the music that played during the scene in which Alison and Fe talked about what happened. Just. It was so emotional and serious business which made the whole scene more ridiculous somehow – basically it was the perfect accompaniment to Alison telling Felix, aghast, that she’d seen a woman shaving her armpits. Having just legitimately seen a woman shaving her armpits. And you know what, it was kind of horrifying Alison, I sympathize and so does Fe.
Speaking of Felix, he was super adorable with Alison in this episode, explaining to her about rehab and consent and how it might be good for her, pointing out that this way she’d be away from Donnie, saying they’d celebrate with brunch and mimosas – oops, just brunch. And it only made me feel more nervous than ever about him!!!!!!!!! YAYYYYY!!!!!!!!
I don’t know you guys. I think maybe when you get really invested in a character and what they stand for you get correspondingly more paranoid about all of that coming crashing down down. BASICALLY IT’S LIKE FELIX IS MY BIG GAY TV BOYFRIEND AND I AM A JEALOUS GIRLFRIEND TRYING TO CHECK HIS CALL REGISTER AND BROWSER HISTORY EVERY 20 SECONDS AND SNIFFING HIS UNDERWEAR AND I DO IT BECAUSE I LOVE HIM.
Rin says: So many people are now wondering how much of what you just said is true, or could be true. I’m sure everyone still has faith in your sanity though
It’s evident how much fun the writers and Tatiana have with Alison, and it must be a pretty huge relief to have someone as special and hilarious as her in the midst of all the shit that’s going down. I mean on a show that has brutal murders and egg-stealing, there’s also Alison being horrified at the sight of a woman shaving her armpits. Like, ON WHAT OTHER SHOW do these things happen? Orphan Black is the best of ALL worlds which is a true testament to the brilliance of knowing their clones inside out and what each one of them brings to the table. And Tatiana’s depth. HER MASSIVE MASSIVE DEPTH. Which is something we have to constantly say because of that stupid review that claimed otherwise. PRAISING TATIANA MASLANY UNTIL THE COWS COME HOME. That will be on our tombstones.
Seriously though, Alison tearing up over the hell-hole that is rehab and because of ARMPIT SHAVING is the cutest/saddest/most hilarious thing. And yes, the music that played during her talk with Fe was perfection. With Alison it constantly feels like everyone is in on the joke except for her.
Sophy says: I feel like the 2014 Ropher Awards should have a category that is just ‘The Tatiana Maslany award for being Tatiana Maslany.’ And the Ropher goes to…
“She’ll protect you.”
She fucking protected her.
Sophy says: Okay, so we had to had to put these two scenes together because even though they are each amazing in their own right together than are greater than the sum of their parts. Like, Helena saving Sarah was always going to be Best Scene, because come on, Sarah/Helena is the greatest thing in the world and this is the first we’ve had of it this season and also objectively speaking as a matter of universally acknowledged fact the scene was practically perfect in every way and also Sarah/Helena? Yes.
And then the scene in which Kira gave Sarah her paper angel to protect her was actually slated for Head In Hands because oh my god cute and also I kind of loved the symbolism of Kira giving her mum something her dad made for her because oh my god cute and high levels of cute will usually make you a shoo-in for head in hands BECAUSE OUR HEADS ACTUALLY DO GO INTO OUR HANDS WHEN THINGS ARE CUTE.
But. It’s only when these two scenes are connected that we are flailing wildly. And flailing wildly? That’s always a Best Scene kind of a thing.
There is pretty much nothing I love more in a TV show than when the writers can be bothered to maintain a motif throughout – than when they recognize the importance of symbolism – than when they use carefully timed cues and throwbacks to connect certain events and make us think Holy shit and feel things we absolutely cannot feel.
This is one of those times. Because when Kira gave her mother the angel I was thinking about the time she put her arms around Helena in that alleyway. I was thinking about the fact that in that moment Helena was just a girl who got lost by other people, and Kira was the angel she had been tricked into trying to carve herself into.
Helena was always trying to transform. And when Kira decided that what came out of the chrysalis was not a butterfly but an angel – when she gave that angel to her mother to keep her safe – sure it was the kind of sweet gesture children make – maybe that’s all it was. But I don’t think so. I don’t think Kira is naive in making her gift. I think she knows. On some level she knew that Helena was out there somewhere, and that although many terrible somethings had happened to her she was not ruined, and maybe she was never going to be the angel her tormentors wanted her to be but that didn’t matter because she was theirs.
Helena is their angel – Sarah’s and Kira’s – and I think Kira knows that on some visceral in-her-bones half-child half-god level. Whatever it is that makes her different – that makes her more than just a girl – call it science, magic, art, luck, faith – Kira knows things. And one of those things is that Helena can be – will be – is being a force for good.
BECAUSE SHE SAVED HER SISTER OKAY YOU GUYS? The sister who tried to murder her the last time they saw each other – who believed she had succeeded and was glad – who hates and fears her so much that even when she puts down her torturer and staggers towards her the look on her face is the look on your face in your nightmares that no one in the world ever sees. None of this matters to Helena. Sarah is hers and she is Sarah’s. That is the beginning, middle and end of the story for her.
And the best part of this whole thing is that I should have known it would happen and yet I didn’t. Because we all knew it right? We knew that Helena was stalking Sarah because that’s the first thing she would do upon freeing herself from the crazy God people because Sarah is always the first thing Helena does. We knew it was her hovering ominously at Mrs S’s place after Sarah and Fe left. We knew she heard what they said about Rachel’s apartment and the fact that Sarah was going there alone. And I guess the thing is that for me… I was so caught up in the drama of everything else that I didn’t really ponder where that was going. So it was only during that lengthy pause between us seeing Daniel’s body crumple to the floor and Sarah’s saviour appearing that I knew in this gloriously sudden way who it would be.
Sarah didn’t though. You guys she really, really did not expect it to be that psycho twin sister she murdered last season. And that look on her face when that living dead girl moseys in is priceless.
What’s even more priceless? (Yes that’s a thing sshhhh.) The way Helena holds her sister. The way she molds herself slowly to her body as though parts of her that don’t have names are remembering what it was like to be with her in the womb – two people made from one and still cleaving unto each other.
And now I’m going to cry, you guys. I’m going to cry because when I watched baby Rachel Duncan playing on the home video all I could think about was how that was supposed to be Sarah and Helena. That was supposed to be their childhood. Loved. Looked after. Delighted in. Free and together.
Rin says: I’m surprised there wasn’t some kind of international news that hit shortly after this episode aired about a mass unconsciousness that swept the globe after fans failed to remember to breathe during the epic final moments. It was that incredible and the kind of scene you forget to breathe about.
First can we talk about that fucker Daniel and how he STARTED TAKING SARAH’S EAR OFF? What the ever loving fuck? Just because they rammed you with a car and hid you under a few branches? I’m pretty sure everything you’ve done to them is much worse but you don’t see them collecting ears. Christ. IF THIS IS THE KIND OF COMPANY RACHEL KEEPS then I have few hopes for Rachel switching sides. Not that we particularly needed a proclone on our side, but she bears the face of Tatiana you guys..you always feel some allegiance to that face no matter what!
I really loved their reveal of who Rachel is and where she came from, and how that lead her to be the person she was. I loved the contrast of what Cosima was saying to the video we saw Sarah watching, and like Sophy said — could have been Sarah and Helena’s happy loved life. It drums up an interesting question though because Rachel had everything — loving parents, a stable home, a set trajectory in life that would see her succeed, and yet she’s easily the coldest one of the lot. Obviously having a happy upbringing makes all the difference in the world and I wish more than anything that Helena and Sarah would have had an easier life — but there are also ways in which it isn’t the be all and end all. Adversity sucks and I don’t think it’s something that children should have to overcome, but it’s also what has made Sarah become a much much much better person than Rachel. I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT OR IF I’M MAKING SENSE BUT I FIND IT INTERESTING TO THINK ABOUT.
Helena appearing in her white dress, covering in blood… I thought Sarah would pee her pants, or maybe she was even too terrified to do that. I love how twisted and complicated things are going to get from here on out between these two, but am also hoping for some cute fluffier moments aka jello? That might seem difficult with Helena killing their mother, but I’m sure they’ll work something out.
Sophy says: Can I take this moment to say how much Rin enjoyed Sarah covering up the car with her little branches? Because she really, really enjoyed it.
Sarah totally did pee her pants.
Rin says: BECAUSE IT WAS SO PATHETIC AND DESPERATE. The one measly branch she put on the hood. And then Daniel was all like FUCK THIS and climbing out anyway.
What The Dickens?
Sophy says: Ugh these guys. I was so beyond skeeved by the turkey baster action and the entire flashback scene to the surgery they performed on Helena, like, to the point where I didn’t even want to cap it and hey maybe that’s why it’s not included here under ‘What The Dickens’. But I think what’s really creepy is just BOB’S FACE.
Sorry, Henrik’s face.
Just look at it okay? Look at how blue-eyed and gleeful he is about stealing a lady’s eggs? I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HATE HIM.
But what I find brilliant about the end of this episode is that the moment his creeper wife said ‘Hallelujah’ everything kind of clicked for me. Well, not everything – let’s say, a teeny tiny little smidge of everything clicked. Which is that it’s all about God – however the show is going to define him – whether they will at all.
Cosima talked us through the LEDA reference, about that asshole rapist Zeus who had a tendency to sit around checking out the human chicks and then disguise himself to go rape them and like… can we just… he turned himself in a swan for the rape. Like? Is that supposed to make it less horrifying for the woman? I don’t know about you guys, but the only thing I can think of that might be worse than being raped is being raped by a swan.
See for the scientists this is about creating god – about reaching for something beyond what we already understand – making something that is greater than the sum of our parts – something more than two ordinary humans can make together in an ordinary way. They want to create super-babies, basically – part human, part whatever they put in the mix that is God. And then for the passionately religious on the other side it’s about creating god also – they take what science has reached for and incorporate it into their existing mythology. It’s a miracle right. Science is a miracle. And god is something you make is a petri dish if you have the right ingredients.
And it’s about God for Kira too. She is, unquestionably, something greater than a normal human being. And so is her aunt. And so is her mother. And Kira is aware of this. She knows herself and her kind to be celestial without ever having been taught to know it.
So that’s what the ‘Hallelujah’ was about to me. It was about realizing that although Henrik and his folk are gold star crazy assholes, they’re not just gold star crazy assholes. What they believe in is as real for them as what DYAD believe in – what Kira believes in.
And I guess we believe in it too. This is the word of the Clones. Thanks be to Clones.
Rin says: NO BUT. THEY ARE FUCKING CRAZY.
I HATE BOB SO MUCH.
Sophy says: Succinct.
We’re Not All Tatiana Maslany
Where Sarah gets it from.
Sophy says: OH MRS S. YOU TAUGHT SARAH WELL.
Actually wait I seriously hope Sarah just kind of picked this behavior up by osmosis. As opposed to there being actual sex classes.
I found myself quite fond of Mrs S’s mumbling British paramour and interested to see where all of this goes. Whilst I have no doubt now that Mrs S is not a baddie in all of this, it was explicitly stated in this episode that there are things she knows that Sarah doesn’t – a lot of very dangerous, worrisome things that Sarah undoubtedly has a right to know and will probably wish she didn’t once she does.
I AM SO NERVOUS.
Rin says: Oh Mrs S. Such a minx.
Revealing sides of yourself, in a very literal sense too.
I am so happy she is getting more and more story as we go on and that even when we think there’s more to her story, there’s more behind that too. IT’S LIKE A EVERLASTING GOBSTOPPER AND BY THE END OF IT WE’RE GOING TO HAVE A WEIRDLY COLOURED TONGUE.
Sophy says: Disturbing.
Sophy says: AHAHAHAAHAHAH. I JUST. I loved how Art yelled at her and she just looked at him and kept running.
And to be honest I’m a little bit disappointed Helena didn’t kill Gracie. But maybe that’s not something a Helena does? I’m trying to think of who Helena has killed that she didn’t have to kill as part of her Kill-the-evil-copies-of-me indoctrination. Basically, there’s her birth mother? Which has a whole set of reasons that are separate. Other than that I don’t think she’s necessarily a rabid murderess so much as just a person who has been seriously traumatized and at the same time taught that the rules of man do not apply to her. So maybe there’s hope for her yet?
I feel like not killing this young girl even though she tried to suffocate her with a pillow for no actual reason… that’s a ray of light for Helena’s future. I NEED HER TO HAVE A RAY OF LIGHT YOU GUYS. I NEED IT.
Also ‘Gracie needs to open up her heart.’ Ugh shut up you creeper. I may have wished Gracie dead but I don’t want her opening up any parts of herself on your say-so yeesh.
But really, please creepy god-people, Helena is not Nicolette Grant. STOP TRYING TO MAKE HELENA IS NICOLETTE GRANT HAPPEN IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
Rin says: HAHAHAHAAHHAHA. THE RUNNING WAS THE BEST PART.
And I also wish that she had killed Gracie. For a second I was thinking maybe Helena thought she had done enough to kill her, but then I thought about how if Helena wants someone dead – they die. There are no ifs or buts about it. She would never shoot someone on the wrong side of the chest even if it was the right side of the chest. But I also wish she had killed Gracie, irrelevant of whether or not Gracie is an innocent or not. It would have hurt Bob and Bob’s wife. But even then I can kind of see Bob shrugging about it and deciding it was all part of the plan and he can’t be upset or angry about it. He’s that scary.
While Gracie was attempting to kill Helena, both of us were kind of laughing at her poor attempt and smugly saying how dead Gracie was going to be very soon.
We might be more vicious than Helena, is that something we should concern ourselves with?
Sophy says: No.
Head In Hands
Sophy says: We love a good clonepersonation and whilst on the surface this one is a little disappointing as it doesn’t involve swapping outfits or teasing hair or even putting on a foreign accent… it was not disappointing because SARAH AS RACHEL IS THE CUTEST THING. I just really enjoy her attempts to be bossy in a posh way instead of in a scary way.
POSH NOT SCARY.
Okay let’s to the Spice Clones, you guys, this is long overdue.
Rachel is posh. Helena is scary. Cosima is baby???? ALISON IS SPORTY? SARAH IS GINGER? IS THIS EVEN WORKING ANYMORE??? NOT REALLY????
Rin says: It all worked perfectly until Sarah as ginger spice. But wow, they should really start a tribute band, shouldn’t they? AND REMAKE SPICE WORLD. It would be one of the most extravagantly pointless remakes of all time, but also solely necessary? MAYBE TATIANA SHOULD REMAKE ALL THE MOVIES AND PLAY ALL THE ROLES? Can you imagine? That would actually require a lot of making out with herself which might get a little weird though.
I hope Cosima has to play dress ups soon. Is she the only one who hasn’t so far? It’s something she would be ridiculously bad at and at the same time super adorable. She’d have to don some kind of super beanie and squint a lot.
NOOOOOO BABY WHY WHY WHY IT HURTS
SERIOUSLY LOOK AT HER LITTLE SADFACE IT HURTS MAKE IT STOP
Sophy says: Sometimes you’ve just gotta have an extra category. For stuff like this.
WHERE WERE YOU, DELPHINE???? WHERE WERE YOU WHEN THIS WAS HAPPENING????????????
Rin says: I can’t ever refuse a special category for Cosima, bundled up on the computer, a position I find myself in 80% of the time. I’m just wondering how much more time has to pass before it becomes acceptable for me to bring in a blanket to work.
COSIMA YOU WILL BE OKAY. Orphan Black knows better than to have lesbian blood on their hands.
Sophy says: LESBIAN BLOOD IS THE BEST/WORST KIND OF BLOOD.
Rin says: There will be riots with people holding signs saying stuff like that if Cosima dies and they’ll fully paint their hands red and stuff for the drama of it all.