Chapter One – The Boy Who Lived

Sophy does Harry Potter. Rin points and laughs (with Heather Hogan).

Heather says: BRB, going to buy myself some yellow trousers. I had no idea how AWESOME they look on me. (Probably better pick up a dressing gown while I’m out. For whenever Soph invites me over for a slumber party.)

Rin says: They’re khakis actually! They have quite a standing in fandom, khakis that is. I was trying to get some more fans for you, considering the current state of your following is pretty pitiful.

Sophy says: Why are the khakis…………… yellow. And also SILENCE! (Rin says: Don’t you mean…SILENCIO??? :) Sophy says: I don’t get it.)

*clears throat*

*cracks knuckles*

*shuffles papers*

I never truly believed this day would come.

I resisted it, as surely as I have in the past resisted wearing trousers, creating a twitter account, adding sugar to my coffee… as surely and as futilely.

Perhaps I should have known – there were signs, after all.

When you merge names and start a blog with someone who loves this Potter business the way Rin does, someone who makes it their mission, the way Rin does, to get you to love what she loves… you should know you’re in trouble.

The ad campaign Emma Watson did for Burberry was also a problem – pretty girls in trench-coats, a weakness, now I’ve told you.

And I guess when I let those sneaky audiobooks that were just there trick me into reading the inimitably juvenile Twilight series, I should have known that I would not, in good conscience, be able to keep my nose turned up much longer.

And so it is.

Harry Potter. After 13 years or so of artfully dodging every book and every movie, Sophy’s finally doing it. (Rin and Heather Hogan are going to sit back and watch, congratulate each other on making me cave, and, no doubt, offer up the odd smart remark.)

So here we go. Chapter One of Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone.

Except by unlucky hap, I have the US version, so I’m not reading Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, I’m reading Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone.

And really, what the hell is that about? I’m not down with the general idea of translating English into American, because I think it underestimates children’s intelligence, encourages them to narrow-mindedness and takes away what could be a very enjoyable exotic element – little Jimmy isn’t just reading about a magical world, he’s reading about a magical world in England, where they eat sweets instead of candy, and wear sweaters that may or may not bounce around the place of their own free will…

But regardless of the wider issue, swapping ‘Philosopher’ for ‘Sorcerer’ is just absurd. Sure, American kids may not know what a philosopher is, but ask the average ten year old in Britain and I very much doubt he or she will have an answer for you either. So maybe Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone is how English kids find that out, and Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone is how American kids don’t. Not fair!

And really, I may not know all that much about sorcerers, but I’m pretty sure the American equivalent of philosopher would be closer to, well, philosopher. This isn’t just a translation, it’s an out-right alteration – an alteration which seeks to talk down to American kids.

But enough of my crotchety mom-rant.

Heather says: If it helps, Arthur Levine, the American publisher — and one of JKR’s besties — said he wouldn’t have changed the title if he knew then what he knows now. It was the first book he ever published under his own imprint. He was scared. Hmm? Still unimpressed? OK. Me too, then. Stupid Americans!

Rin says: “He was scared.” That argument didn’t work for Naomi and it’s certainly not going to work for Arthur Levine. The lack of Emily Fitch’s in this world…honestly.

Sophy says: It didn’t work for Naomi? There’s a couple of pantsless girls frolicking on a secluded beach in Goa who beg to differ. One of them is not Mandeh.

Now SHUT UP!

So. We open with the Dursleys, a perfectly normal couple, who would never, ever, ever be involved in anything mysterious or exciting, and just as I’m thinking perhaps the narrator protests too much, I’m informed that they have a son named “Dudley”.

Dudley Dursley. That sounds pretty exciting.

‘Could it be that the title is a red herring?’ I ask myself. ‘Is this strapping young Dudley Dursley our hero???’

Rin says: The only thing that is going to be strapping is the bootlace around my eyes to prevent myself from reading your stupidity.

Sophy says: Whoa, rude. And racist.

So Rin informs me that Dudley Dursley isn’t going to be a big lad when he grows up. But size isn’t everything, and I’ve just found out that the Dursleys are mysterious after all! They have a secret, a terrible dark secret that they couldn’t bear to be made known and it’s…

The Potters. Oh.

Yeah, Dudley’s chances of being the star are getting slimmer by the moment.

Mrs Potter is Mrs Dursley’s sister, but apparently she’s so very dreadful that Mrs D likes to pretend she doesn’t exist. The Potters have a small boy too, who I’m assuming is Harry, but really, these Potters sound all kinds of unpleasant, so I’m thinking maybe he’s the anti-hero? Dudley’s still in with a shot?

Rin says: I DON’T LIKE THIS GIRL. SHE MAKES MY HEART HURT.

Sophy says: lol, wrong fandom Rin…

Aaaaanyway, the Durlseys wake up one ordinary tuesday morning and go about their business – that’s drills for Mr D, gossiping for Mrs D, and screaming for Dudley. Oh dear, DudDurs, I’m pretty sure hero-babies don’t have tantrums. I had such high hopes.

Heather says: *makes note to revisit ‘hero-babies don’t have tantrums’ after book 5*

Rin says: Book 5? How dare you keep taunting Sophy with books that are thousands of pages away!

Sophy says: This is just like that time I put off doing everything I’ve ever had to do in my life and wound up a dinosaur learning how to drive. There I was, scaley, clawed feet grappling uselessly with those tiny pedals…

Mr D pops off to work and does his best to ignore all sorts of weird stuff along the way, such as a cat who appears to be not only looking at a map, but actually reading it, and a whole bunch of people in cloaks – apparently, for Mr D, these two are on a par in terms of odd.

It’s around this point that the word ‘muggle’ is used, and I bolt upright in my seat and tell Rin excitedly: “MUGGLE! I KNOW THAT WORD! OMG! SO WHAT ARE THEY???”

Rin politely ignores me.

MR D DOES A WHOLE LOT OF SHOUTING AT WORK AND IDK I’VE NEVER BEEN THAT INTO DRILLS BUT I LIKE THE SOUND OF HIS JOB.

He’s in a pretty good mood, as I think I might be if my job involved DOING THIS A WHOLE LOT and eating donuts. But then. The dreaded Potters and their son Harry are the word on the street full of cloaked people, and Mr D starts freaking the fuck out.

‘Jesus, how bad must these assholes be???’ I ask myself, whistling like a farmer whistles at a fine litter of prize piglets.

Mr D tries to convince himself that Potter is a common name and there’s no need to call Mrs D and freak her the fuck out too.

Right about now I’m freaking the fuck out, because some dude in a violet cloak has shown up and his face has “split into a wide smile.” I say no to that image. No.

Wow! You’ve outdone yourself Rin. Truly beyond my wildest nightmares.

Heather says: Well, well, Rinina. Now I know you can be easily coaxed into using your powers for Evil. I feel like you should have been honest about being a Slytherin when we met. Can a Hufflepuff even exist with a Slytherin? Can a lion lie down with a lamb?

Rin says: First. ‘RININA’ ?? I don’t even want to ask what my name is being merged with because all I can think of is a word that ends with ‘ina’ and it isn’t just Naomi’s mum. Ew. And second, I’m so upset that you would call me a Slytherin since this was probably the first drawing that Sophy specifically asked for. (SHE ASKED FOR ALL OF THEM!!!!!) And thirdly, as much as I’d hope to be in Gryffindor so I could see Hermione often, and become her bff, I think I’d probably be put in Ravenclaw. Or .. well I don’t know really. I guess it’s up to the Sorting Hat to decide and NOT one Heather Hogan. *hmmmph*

Heather says: With great power comes great responsibility, Rinininina. That’s a lesson from Spider-Man, and you’d do well to remem — oh, hang on. Phone.

Sorry, that was Naomi. She heard you were cheating on her with a know-it-all, bushy-haired Not-Naomi. Didn’t you realize everything is so fragile? Anyway, gotta go. She’s gonna cook me some eggs.

Sophy says: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH RIN/VAGINA FOREVER! ♥

I ignored everything else because it seemed spoilery, and also because Rin/Vagina is a tough act to follow.

Rin says: I am not okay with this.

Sophy says breezily: Anyway! The guy with the messed up face is pretty cheerful, because someone is gone and everything is great or whatever. He hugs Mr D and calls him a muggle, and I’m still not sure what that means, but it sounds demeaning, and hello! Ever heard of personal space, Mr Splits???

Mr D is understandably upset and toddles off home thinking about how much he hates imagination.

When he gets home the map-cat is loitering arrogantly in his front yard, so he hurries inside to hear his wife prattle on about her day. She tells him Dudley has learnt a new word: ‘Won’t’, and I say Mrs D don’t sell Dudders short, that’s totally two words in one!

Superduds!

Rin says: If you ever start a fanclub, so help me god, we’re through.

Sophy says: *kicks scrapbook under the bed*

Okay where are we… Oh yeah, there were these owls everywhere that I forgot to mention earlier, but it’s okay, because there’s a news report all about them on TV. Basically the story is this: there are these owls everywhere.

Oh and there’s also been a downpour of shooting stars, which is pretty cool. And a bit scary, maybe. I’m not sure how I feel about the idea of massive, luminous balls of plasma pelting down on me relentlessly…

Heather says: Oh, that’s pretty. Now you’re back to using your powers for good. WHAT KIND OF SNAPE ARE YOU?

Rin says: D: You’re supposed to be on my side ganging up on Sophy. What is this?!

Sophy says: SNAPE??? HEATHER, ARE YOU TYPING WITH YOUR NOSE AGAIN???

Back to our story.

Mr D is as unnerved as I am, and he thinks it’s finally time to talk to his wife.

(Her name is Petunia, by the way, and I think that’s pretty awesome. One of the Larkins’ kids was called Petunia, I’m sure. Now that I think about it, it’s kind of weird that all their girls were named after flowers except Mariette. I suppose she was just meant to be a special snowflake, and, well, she sort of was. Especially when played by Catherine Zeta Jones. Seriously, when I was a kid I thought Catherine Zeta Jones was the loveliest thing ever made. I’m less enamoured of her now, since, you know, her eternal summer kind of faded a bit, but come on…

/tangent)

Mr D brings up the dreaded sister and Mrs D is shocked and angry at the mention of you know who, so he drops it pretty quickly and goes up to bed.

Outside, the map-cat lurks…

While map-cat is busy being otherworldly, a man appears, a man who is very old and very thin and sporting a long wizardy beard to go with his long wizardy clothes.

Rin told me to leave her messages whilst reading and at this point what I wrote was this:

‘there’s some gay wizard
in a pair of heels
with a long beard’

Turns out that this is Albus Dumbledore. And I think to myself that I know Dumbledore! Willow Rosenberg introduced me to him in Lessons! I immediately decide that I will picture him as Giles, and it’s so easy

The narrator proceeds to tell me that everything about Dumble-Giles is unwelcome here, taking care to mention his effeminate footwear again, and I’m thinking ‘Whoa, homophobic neighbourhood.’

Dumble-Giles pulls out something that looks like a silver cigarette lighter, but is in fact a ‘put-outer’. He uses it to turn all the streetlights off. Ooooh.

Meanwhile map-cat turns into a woman, who turns out to be one Professor McGonagall. I don’t know her. I’m thinking she can’t be too special if Willow Rosenberg didn’t see fit to introduce me to her.

They chat somewhat cryptically about the celebrations that are going on and how even the muggles know something’s up and I guess I’m catching onto the obvious: ‘muggles’ are what those in the wizard world call ordinary human beings.

Whatever. The important thing is that along the way Dumbledore pulls out a bag of lemon drops and offers one to the Prof. She declines. She is a fool.

And I am starting to like Dumbledore and his lemon drops a whole lot.

The name ‘Voldemort’ comes up, as his absence is the cause for all the celebration, and Prof isn’t very happy about it – his name, that is. Apparently Voldemort is generally referred to as ‘You know who’ because he is so fearsome and vile that nobody likes to say or hear his name.

I am reminded of the Dursleys’ horror of the Potter name… could the Potters and this Voldemort be in evil cahoots????

No????

Anyway Dumbledore, because he is all kinds of brave and sensible, thinks they should just call a spade a spade, or a Voldemort a Voldermort, as the case may be.

They start talking about these Potters who give the Dursleys so much trouble. They, like Dumbledore and the Prof, are fabulous wizards – sorry, were fabulous wizards. It turns out that Mr and Mrs Potter are both dead… slain by Voldy, who is super-powerful and super-evil – more powerful even than Dumbledore and way more evil. Seriously, Dumbledore doesn’t even bother trying on the evil front.

So we have death, right there in the first chapter – a double murder no less!

I find myself wondering whether there will be a little infanticide thrown in the mix, whether the book is called Harry Potter because Dudley Dursley is going to grow up to be not strapping, perhaps, but still consumed with a crusader’s need to avenge his poor little cousin’s death!

But no, Harry survived the attack, somehow, inexplicably. He is special or something. So special that according to Dumbledore there will be books written about him and every child in the world will know his name. And that’s cute, JK Rowling. Someone had faith in themselves.

Turns out Voldy tried to kill the infant Harry, but for whatever reason he was unable, and scurried off in shame to who knows where, leaving the wizard world free of his tyranny, and Harry minus a pair of parents, plus a scar shaped like a lightening bolt on his forehead.

But hark! It’s a new character – a huge fellow called Hagrid who shows up on a flying motorcycle. He has “feet like baby dolphins” and “simply looks too big to be allowed.” He seems very sweet thought, and I’m pretty sure he’s been cast in the role of gentle giant. My mate the BFG was there first Hagrid, don’t get cocky.

Heather says: Sophy, you remind me of BFG’s Sophie SO MUCH: “The maid screamed. The Queen gasped. Sophie waved.”

Rin says: She sounds a bit special. Which yes. Accurate comparison.

Sophy says: SNOZZCUMBERS!!!!!!!

Hagrid has baby Harry in his arms. This is why Dumbledore and the Prof have been chilling outside the Dursleys’ place – for some reason they think it will be a good idea for Harry to be in their care now that his parents are dead. They don’t seem to be aware that the Dursleys loathe him on principle and aren’t likely to be the softest of places to fall.

Could have done a background check first, guys…

Hagrid mentions that he borrowed the bike from one Sirius Black, and that name seems familiar to me too. Who plays him in the movie? No wait, don’t tell me! SPOILERRRRR.

There some chit chat, and at one point Hagrid asks if Dumbledore can remove Harry’s scar.

Dumbledore says that he wouldn’t remove it even if he could – scars can come in handy, he tells us – he has a perfect map of the London underground above his left knee.

I gotta say, I’m really identifying with this Dumbledore character. I have a scar on my wrist where a camel bit me. It helps me tell left from right!

Hagrid says some sweet gentle giantish stuff I can’t remember, and whizzes off. Dumbledore says he’ll see Prof McGonagall soon, and she blows her nose “in reply.”

Dumbledore switches the streetlights back on with his ‘put-outer’, which I guess turns into a ‘turn-oner’ at will, and watches McGonagall slink off in cat form.

He looks at tiny Harry on the doorstep and bids him good luck before leaving.

If we didn’t know already, and I’m not being cheeky here, as I’m sure the target audience benefit from the repetition, we’re reminded at the close of the chapter that Harry is very special. It is also confirmed, rather dismally, that he’s going to have a really shitty time with the Dursleys since they hate him so much.

But the world is full of joy right now. Little Harry rolls over in his sleep and clutches the letter Dumbledore has left with him, as non-muggles everywhere are raising their glasses and saying “To Harry Potter, the boy who lived!”

Rin says: To say I’m proud of Sophy is an understatement. An old dinosaur really CAN learn new tricks. *single tear*

AND NOW.

HEED MY WARNING. NO SPOILERS OR I WILL TURN THIS CAR AROUND AND WE’RE GOING STRAIGHT HOME.

Sophy miraculously was able to stay away from ALL things Harry Potter for the last…decade plus, (hibernating perhaps) and she literally knows nothing about the series and what happens. YES even the BIG events that practically everybody knows about. So do not write ANY spoilers in the comments, and please stick to what is discussed chapter by chapter. Harry Potter is special, and I don’t want anything ruining the experience for her. This is a big deal for me too! (I’ve been trying to get her to love it for as long as I can remember.) We’re also hoping to get other non-HP-readers to join in and I don’t want them getting spoiled either.

Now love, love away!!!

50 Responses

  1. Kim
    Kim at · Reply

    Epic. Hilarious. Amazing. I’m so excited to read these.

    But also, what happens when Sophie doesn’t want to stop reading long enough to recap her thoughts? There’s no way she’ll be able to stop herself once she gets rolling. As someone who can make it through the Twilight series, I can tell she’s easily taken… (I admit I’ve also fallen victim to Twilight) My hope is that they just keep coming faster! More Harry Potter!!! More Harry Potter!!!

  2. M
    M at · Reply

    never spoilers.

    for some reason i heard sophy conspiratorially telling us this story in a hushed and excited voice.
    around a campfire. the tone is really wonderful.

    i can’t WAIT to deconstruct and analyze with you guys along the way. megaLAWLZ for the hh/rin interjections.

    great start, sophy!

  3. logan
    logan at · Reply

    i’m having a hard time finding the words to express how happy i am that you are recapping harry potter

  4. shley
    shley at · Reply

    This makes me inexplicably happy. Anytime anyone who hasn’t read HP starts to read HP, I feel like the world gets a little bit better.

    Also, I had to stop reading and scroll my screen up so I could read without being terrified of the split-faced man. seriously. it was like the joker gone very very wrong.

  5. lolkat
    lolkat at · Reply

    I love this with the passion of a thousand Sophias. High five to Sophy for being Potter-free for so long – I thought I was the only one! You may even inspire me to read along with you…

    …but probably I’ll just read your recaps. They have a habit of telling me everything I need to know about life.

  6. buttercup
    buttercup at · Reply

    random question: is heather hogan super tall or are you guys kinda short? because she’s rockin some long legs…

    but back on track: sophy welcome to the wonderful world of harry potter!…i don’t know how you’ve managed to steer clear of it for so long and not know the BIG STUFF…you’re like a unicorn or something…this will be so much fun…

    brilliant and hilarious as always…

    :)

    1. heather hogan
      heather hogan at · Reply

      I am actually really embarrassed to say this, but I don’t know how not-Americans measure height. It’s never come up in my travels or in my readings, and the Wackopedia entry on “Human Height” is worthless. So, um, in American I’m 5 ft 9 3/4 in tall and Rophy are 4 ft tall. And in, um, meters I am 1.761 and Rophy are .9843.

      1. buttercup
        buttercup at · Reply

        lol…it’s weird because on everything else we use the metric system, but when it comes to height we still use feet and inches down here in Oz…idk…we are roughly the same height (although i haven’t calculated it to the third decimal :P ) so i deem you not to be a giant…congratulations…rophy are midgets….
        :)

      2. ThaDarkSlayer
        ThaDarkSlayer at · Reply

        Holy crap. You’re tall. You make me feel like a dwarf at 5’3. LoL

  7. vOlknoir
    vOlknoir at · Reply

    im beyond happy about this. was it last week when you guys twitted about re reading (in sophy’s case, reading) HP? i think it was right after we saw the last hp trailer, yup the one that brought me/us to tears, anyway last week i was like ‘ it’d be great if rophy recaps Harry Potter, i mean imagine how awesome would that be!? and then I did imagined it and i pictured you, ok the drawing versions of you, with your head’s exploding and Heather’s face in shock. Seriously recapping Potter’s Epic! and I cant believe it your brave like that!

    Im so happy sophy finally caved in and started reading these books, because they’re seriously lifechanginamazing! I hope you enjoy every word, and I still cant believe you dont know anything about them! or the movies! *imagine ‘cartoon me’ with head exploding*

    loved this first recap and i cant wait for the rest, makes wanna read the books along with ya !! then I’d have potter from now til november, *sighs* november feels so far away !! JK should get to work and write more amazing stories, it’s not surprising she’s British… British do it best after all!

    oh yeah! loved the interventions from heather and rinina !!! waaah! i laughed so hard at rin’s new nickname! Also Heather, im so jealous naomi’s calling you (and making you eggs and I dont even like eggs! ew) I bet she wanted Lily’s khakis back =P also i just noticed sophy only wears dresses, blue dresses ( i mean it matches her eyes but is it a requirement to be cool like her? *mental note: buy more dresses and actually wear them*).

    that Silencio reference, were u talking about mulholland drive? cuz thats the first thing that came into mind, and it was creepy.

    ahh giles! buffy’s references are always welcomed! =) and my gaydar must be off cuz when i read that first chapter i didnt tag dumbledore as gay, but now that u mention it, jigsaw pieces are falling into place ( can’t think about puzzles without immediately thinking about woods scene “be brave and want me back” I blame afterellen for that one).

    also, I feel ya, seriously, the language thing ugh! u cant even imagine how much sucked reading the first 3 books in spanish ( and spanish from spain for that matter!!! you could say we have the same differences as uk vs usa english) then i switched to english because seriously !!!!??! I only have the american versions of the books thou.

    3 thumbs up (im including one of my toes, im not deformed nor a mutant) for this recap! loved it, but i love more the idea that rinina and heather helped u to see the light =) enjoy !!!

    ps: heather do u actually have an HH cap?

    1. anat
      anat at · Reply

      Oh Heather please say yes! that would be soooo awesome, someone should make u one if there is none! (talking about the HH cap btw)
      And another hallelujah for Giles = Dumbledore! that’s just pure win hahaha.
      It also made me think about how much time has passed since HP came into the world and that made me feel really old for a moment.. But than i realized Sophy has a dressing gown (not for salad [OILS] but for wearing) and she’s just now starting to read the books.. By the time she’s done with them i’ll be riding my hovercraft to work. :p

      1. heather hogan
        heather hogan at · Reply

        Standby for a photo.

        1. heather hogan
          heather hogan at · Reply
          1. M
            M at · Reply

            is that lip-biting? did naomi teach you that?

            1. heather anne
              heather anne at · Reply

              I bite my lip or stick out my tongue when I concentrate/when I write. I am in a perpetual state of chapped lips.

          2. anat
            anat at · Reply

            Oh really Heather?? REALLY??
            Nice try, but you should have let Rin make that one for u ;)

            I like the lip biting thu.. I can see you were concentrating hard.. hehehe

  8. buttercup
    buttercup at · Reply

    also: i can’t believe you read twilight…i dont know what to do with this information…cry perhaps…shake my hands at the gods and ask why?…for shame…

  9. Kat
    Kat at · Reply

    Jeeze. I have no idea how you’ve managed to avoid this for so long. That takes major skill. MAJOR. SKILL. Since it’s like, everywhere.

    What’s all this about Emma Watson in a trench coat? Excuse me while I melt into a little puddle.

  10. anat
    anat at · Reply

    One question – are you going to do the recap chapter by chapter? on all 7 books?? =O
    That’s one heck of a project u got yourself onto! If so, there won’t be a happier person than me cuz that means we get all the wonderful advantages of your craziness for another like.. 7 years at least no? hahaha
    Good luck Sophy ;) you’ll love it!

  11. heather hogan
    heather hogan at · Reply

    Rin, I hope you’re saving the paper versions of these paintings for the Rophy museum.

  12. diggablu
    diggablu at · Reply

    I have also manage to avoid all things Potter related up to this point, but….fuck it – why not.
    Sophy can be my old, old nanna with the bad hip and this can be the bedtime story she reads me.

  13. Hybrid
    Hybrid at · Reply

    I can’t believe you’re really doing this! It’s like a dream come true…*_*

    Anyway, when I read the first chapter and saw Dumbledore for the first time, I totally thought “GAY” LOL

    I’m going to reread HP now, look what you make me do, seriously…*shakes head*

  14. AceOfBa.....bar
    AceOfBa.....bar at · Reply

    I have just finished reading and it was radical! Just like Rin, so I’m told.

    I have never read Mr Potter’s adventures, but they came alive in a way that can only be described as re-capped.

    A colleague wanted me to read the series, however I had work the next day and unfortunately couldn’t. A decision that I will regret until Nelson gets his eye back.

    The writing was exceptional.
    The drawings need to be seen to be believed.
    Heather Hogan’s custom hat was a revelation.

    Made my week.

    Best regards,

    Babar

  15. shadow1905
    shadow1905 at · Reply

    *waves hi to bluesuzanne* Wow, you’ve got a LOT of energy if you’re going to recap the whole series like this!

    The English -> American translations were so totally beyond idiotic. They grew less over the years because the American fans WANTED the books to have their British flavor. Publishers are a bunch of chickens.

    LOL at you knowing Dumbledore from BTVS :)

  16. Miss Erin
    Miss Erin at · Reply

    This is fantastic!! I’ve wanted to read the books for some time now, but could never be bothered starting… because, you know, seven books is a huge commitment to make. But, something tells me getting the story this way is going to be far more entertaining. :D

  17. Kirsten
    Kirsten at · Reply

    Just when I thought I couldn’t love Rophy anymore you go and start recapping HP! I greatly enjoyed Sophy’s recap/Rin and HH’s commentary. But split faced man freaked me the fuck out! Not a fan! Anyways, I think I too am going to have to reread the series now. =)

  18. Moi
    Moi at · Reply

    Sophy, are u fucking with our heads?! U read fuckin twilight and yet have never touched HP?! WHAT?!?! Am outraged, and I’m not even a HP stan! Well, I used 2 be but the last 2 books kinda bored me so…

    Rin/vagina=otp forever and ever, brb shaking and crying. The rest is fecking outta this world. My mind=blown

  19. polymorph80
    polymorph80 at · Reply

    Seriously. HOW have you gone completely unspoiled for this? Have you genuinely spent the last ten years on Mars under a rock with your eyes shut and your fingers in your ears? This shit has been EVERYWHERE.

    Also, US translations = fail. But at least they’ve admitted it. It’s not even as if the Philosopher’s Stone was a literal “stone belonging to a philosopher”! Do leftpondians know what “alchemy” is (or was)? Or does that “science” date to a point too far before their history?

    Hagrid’s flying motorcycle just reminds me of Meat Loaf.

  20. Carissa
    Carissa at · Reply

    This makes me feel like I’m experiencing HP for the first time all over again. It’s glorious. I feel that it’s a preview of what giving HP to my future children will be like. Except I doubt they’ll be as witty. I’ll be happy if they’re half as witty.

  21. Mandorla
    Mandorla at · Reply

    YES! I really wanted to go through the whole Potter thing! now I know I’ll be addicted to this blog forever.

    NO! Sophy! I’m so worried for you!
    I’m really really concerned that in the long time you need to recap 7 books some random idiot will show up and spoil you… and that would be, like, a catastrophe. Please, don’t read comments alone. Please. Do me this courtesy.

    Also: lol for the english-american translation thing… I didn’t even know it existed! (i’m Italian). First thing I thought was “hey, welcome to our world!”.. expecially with tv series, translators always do messed-up things that become pretty ridiculous… sometimes so ridiculous that they almost become ART.

  22. Stephanie
    Stephanie at · Reply

    The picture of Dumble-Giles had me laughing so hard I almost choked to death and woke up my mom. She was not amused. Parents just don’t understand.

  23. Liz
    Liz at · Reply

    Only just a few months ago I finished the whole series and the movies didn’t live up to the books. Also I just realized the only book I read before I watched the movie is the last one and it was a weird experience. And, jesus, I only started reading HP books because my favorite teacher insisted on it. I was powerless against her and her dominatrix presence.

    I’m sad to say I can’t partake in your reread because I don’t own any of the books *looks sheepish*; besides I have problems reading books I’ve already read, so I’m sorry. But enjoy Sophy, I promise you won’t regret it…for now anyways.

    1. diggablu
      diggablu at · Reply

      strange… “…for now anyways.”
      *sinister soundtrack* BUM BUM BAARM.

  24. Snicky
    Snicky at · Reply

    I don’t even like Harry Potter (well, I like the movies, but don’t read the books) but I DO read the recaps … Why?
    1. Come on – because it’s Rophy *puts head in hands*
    2. No matter what, there’s always a spark of Naomily in it ! …

  25. MK1709
    MK1709 at · Reply

    These should come with warnings not to have anything liquid around while you read them, and least of all try drinking said liquid (Yes it came out of my nose. No, it missed my newly repaired laptop.)

    Other then that, welcome to Harry mania Sophy. You’ll love it here :D

  26. HoneyB
    HoneyB at · Reply

    I’m sorry, are you reading the books or listening to them? If listening I personally prefer the British audiobooks with Stephen Fry, he does a great job. The American ones also have a Brit, Jim Dale narrating but I really appreciated Stephen more. I was lucky enough to borrow copies of books 1 thru 6 from a friend but was so anxious to get book 7 I ordered the audio from Amazon.uk to make sure I’d get Stephen. Apparently the audiobooks they had in Canada were the U.S. ones…

    Why does my email address show 3 “oh’s” and not two zero’s and one “oh”?

    Recently found your page thanks to HH via AE. I have LOL’d a few times already from reading some of your other posts. Thanks for that!

    1. Sophy
      Sophy at · Reply

      Listening and reading. And dude STEPHEN FRY??? STEPHEN EFFING FRY????????? That’s it, I need to get the British audiobooks.

      1. HoneyB
        HoneyB at · Reply

        Erm, ah, yes, ” STEPHEN EFFING FRY”. Enjoy, I love listening to him.

  27. JeanTong
    JeanTong at · Reply

    I’m dying of laughter. I might be dead of laughter by chapter 5. It’s time to test this theory, I think.

  28. anne
    anne at · Reply

    Thanks ! I’ve read all of your Skins recaps and looooved it! Really amazing. So to read someone who hasn’t read HP yet and who knows nothing about it (!!! how’s that even possible?!) to do a recap of it, there’s no words. I’m going to the next chapter right now! This was a brief commentary but 1) words can’t explain how great I think it is, 2) English is not my first language. Anyway, thanks again!! :D

    1. Sophy
      Sophy at · Reply

      Why thank you anne! We’ll try and get back to churning out the HP chapters once the Christmas period is over :)

  29. Ylva
    Ylva at · Reply

    can i just say how much I LOVE that you managed to include naomily in this recap before even getting passed the title! :) Impressive! that´s the kind of thing that will allways compell me to keep reading!

  30. Sali
    Sali at · Reply

    “So special that according to Dumbledore there will be books written about him and every child in the world will know his name. And that’s cute, JK Rowling. Someone had faith in themselves.”

    I NEVER EVEN NOTICED THIS!!! Self-fulfilling prophecy there xD

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