410 — Glee, Actually

Best Song

Blaine & Kurt – White Christmas












Rin says: As soon as Kurt came in with his harmonising ways, there was no other option but to make this Best Song. I’m currently listening to it on repeat and it’s just so lovely and really gets you in the holiday spirit.

The intro of the song is really quite awesome from Darren, because he really almost sounds like one of those old crones who would sing this song 40 years ago. It’s nice to hear him get to do different tones, even after everything he’s already sung on the show. AND AGAIN, it was kind of amazing to have Kurt this high up when he just did a song in a much lower register. JUST, A MYRIAD OF VOICES. BEST.

And there was ice skating (and hot chocolate!!) just like they talked about on the phone. And it was every bit as sweet, and kind of sad, as we thought it would be. PLUS. Darren and Chris skating.. is so cute. I also really liked how they filmed it when they were on the ice.

And Burt watched on like the cutest Father Christmas ever.

Except to anyone else watching, it might have been a little bit creepy. :-s

Sophy says: Nothing says Christmas like a Klaine duet! I love the way these two sound together. I’m normally all about Chris singing in a lower register, but I think that’s mostly because I’m so used to him singing higher that it’s like a treat when he does something different. But he works so well layering lightly over the top of Darren’s mellower vocals.

And Rin. Old crone. I can’t. I’m an old crone, okay. Bring Crosby was not.

Having said that, I totally get what you mean. Darren Criss does old-time cheese like nobody’s business. I MEAN HE IS BASICALLY A FINE AGED STILTON.

But okay. This performance… it was kind of heart-warming but in a heart-breaking way? Like somebody heated up the hammer first and then just smashed away??? Because wow. Isn’t this just exactly how Blaine’s first trip to New York to visit Kurt should have gone?

WHY WHY WHY.

Um. I thought the performance was brilliant in that it really encapsulated what was happening between Kurt and Blaine in this episode. Let me say first of all that I loved Blaine for coming to see Kurt for Christmas, for being there to skate and sing with this boy he loves so much, for putting on the brightest, bravest face he could find, and paying back the kindness Kurt showed him in the last episode. And more than anything I love that there was no pressure. He wasn’t asking for anything in return. He wasn’t presuming to be back in Kurt’s boyfriend books just because he was more or less back in his good books. In fact, he even made it clear for Kurt that he didn’t expect that, and that forever, for the two of them, ice-skating and singing and hugs and being there would be something that was conditional on nothing. And that’s a pretty beautiful thing.

Still, it broke my heart that you could see how different Kurt was with him. I’m not placing any blame on Kurt for that, because he has a right to be as different as he likes, and also because he was actually pretty fucking generous with his attentions. But at the same time there was this world-weary quality to the way he said “Always,” and the look on his face when he hugged Blaine at the end screamed We will never really be those boys who fell in love again. I’m sure Blaine could sense this, and I was as proud of him for making it through the visit without crying like a baby and ruining it all, as I was of Kurt for taking the friendship he was offering and being glad.

And you know, this was probably the first time I’ve really felt comfortable with the idea that Kurt was older than Blaine. I think the whole experience has grown him up a lot, and I was liking the confidence he had in this episode. He wasn’t insecure and bitchy, but at the same time he wasn’t going to be needy either. I like that he had the self-esteem to handle the situation maturely but also not to feel pressured to give more than he felt comfortable with.

And man, Darren’s face at the very end of the episode when he’s gazing at him whilst singing Merry Little Christmas? He really does do a good job of looking smitten with Kurt and ready to go the distance. I mean. Just.

8-.

Loved Burt looking on, because like Rin says, we know he’s not a dirty old man!!! But seriously, it was all kinds of sweet for him to arrange this for Kurt, because on the one hand he thinks maybe his son is still a little broken-hearted and might enjoy some wooing… but on the other hand he knows that it’s important for Kurt to start letting go of the bitterness and hurt before it builds up and changes who he is.

And what better way to let go of bitterness and hurt than with ice-skating and Christmas songs with the guy who loved you and hurt you and hates himself for it, but doesn’t want to be afraid about it – the guy who fucked everything up but still wants so badly to always be there for you no matter what in whatever way?

THERE IS NO BETTER WAY.

Also bring on Blaine/NYADA. I could hear the haters banging their fists on the table in outrage at the mere suggestion that he might get in. And all I have to say to that is Brody.



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Biggest LOL

Sue. Just. Sue.








Rin says: THIS WHOLE ENTIRE SEQUENCE WAS JUST HILARIOUS ON SUE’S PART. AND ALSO MAMA MARLEY. Oh my god…yes, that affection may return later on in the recap. I’m frightened too.

But I almost died laughing when Sue very seriously told her that she had nothing to do with the making of that film. IT WAS JUST PERFECT. Especially because Glee had probably waited for a while to make the ‘Marley & Me’ joke, making it all the more hilarious because it wasn’t expected. AND I JUST. LOVE. SUE. SO MUCH. And that even when she’s being nice, she’s still very horrible about it. It’s exactly the way Sue should stay, because they don’t need to go over the top to humanise her. Really.

The way she rolled her eyes as she was leaving her office was hilarious too, and then ‘Yep, this is exactly what I said’ AND THEY’RE ALL JUST STANDING THERE LAMELY IN ALL WHITE.

Wins. IT SERIOUSLY WINS.

And Jane’s face wins.

So, all in all, there was winnage.

Sophy says: I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE MAKING OF THAT FILM. GOD. I CAN’T. I JUST. LOL.

And I also loved Mama Marley’s face when Sue was all “Does this involve the Glee club singing a Christmas song in the auditorium with snow falling on an elaborate winter scene?”

AND THEIR FACES AT THE WINDOW OH GOD HOW. It was all just so adorable. I mean, you guys, it was the kind of adorable even I can’t be a jerk about. EVEN WITH MARLEY INVOLVED.

Also Merry Little Christmas is my all-time favourite Christmas song. It makes me want to cry. Like. Always. And I was a bit eye-rolly about Marley singing it, because no disrespect to Melissa but I just don’t find her voice all that interesting personally. But then Puck and Jake joined in and I was all ;LKDJA;SLKJF;LADKFJLKJ!!!! And Jake’s voice is lovely and he should sing more. And and and then there was Klaine joining in. And it was the best.

Also Becca’s face is super cute in this scene. And I might be shipping Kitty/Teen Jesus a bit.

AND JANE LYNCH’S FACE LOL. HOW DOES SHE. BECAUSE. THE SHEER UNBRIDLED LOVE AND JOY THAT’S GOING ON. I CAN’T. AND.

SIGH.


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Best Scene

“I just wish I was never in that dumb chair.”





































Rin says: Um, what else can I say except for ALL OF THIS WAS THE BEST EVER. I am so happy that Glee gave a chunk of the episode to Artie, and that Kevin got a real chance to shine because he so rarely gets the opportunity. His little cryface at the beginning made me feel more for Artie than I have in A VERY LONG TIME. And as much as he does wonders in the chair, it’s also nice to see him out of it every now and then.

Okay, there are parts of this sequence that are a bit, ‘lol, Artie isn’t the glue,’ but when you realise that this is purely from the perspective of ARTIE’S OWN BRAIN and not what Glee actually believes, I think it makes a whole lot more sense. He’s dreaming, so of course it’s all going to be centred around him as being the most important person on earth. And I love it. I love that basically EVERYTHING goes wrong because he’s not in that chair, and if that’s what it takes for him to once again be okay with the fact that this is his life, then so be it. We all have to find ways of telling ourselves that we matter, and that we’re important just the way we are… we just don’t get the awesome black and white sequence with all of our favourite people on TV appearing before us :(

NOW.

RORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my god, I never thought I’d be so happy to see him again as I was. I MISS HIM, AND HE LOOKS SO GOOD. And can we have him back? I don’t care how they do it? Replace Riley? ..wait. Ryder. :-j AHAH.

I almost passed out and died when we got VINTAGE TINA. BECAUSE OH MY GOD. STUTTERING. And this might actually be the most believable of all the scenarios, because Tina might not have come out of her shell if she hadn’t had friends or Glee. It was kind of awesome that they acknowledged the Artie/Tina, because they WERE the closest out of everyone in the early Glee club. I WANT MORE OF THEM. IN WHATEVER CAPACITY I CAN GET.

BECKY’S THE SCHOOL SLUT.

JUST. I really fucking love and appreciate this show for going where they go. I really do.

Puck, Finn and them being bullies was great too, because I don’t think they would have grown in that respect had they not been a part of Glee. They would have just continued on throwing Kurt in the dumpster everyday and calling him a homo.

AND THEN, I’M SORRY. BUT.

“Who’s Blaine?”

AND IT FUCKING ZOOMED IN ALL DRAMATICALLY. Freaking amazing.

Will being a drunk was funny…and then… and then… and then…

All my Christmases came at once.

Terri. Schuester.

I HONESTLY COULD NOT AND WAS SPLUTTERING FOR BREATH BECAUSE CHRIST, I NEVER THOUGHT WE’D SEE HER AGAIN. And she’s just as amazing and INSANE as ever and it was fucking perfect and I adore Jessalyn and really wished that she came back more often. And then she fucking kissed the doll. I’m just. No. That’s. It’s too much and not enough all at once. I LOVE HER. Artie’s faces throughout were hilarious too.

Then there was librarian Rachel.. and, I don’t know. They probably should have shown Rachel going completely off the rails, but IT MADE ME REALLY MISS OLD RACHEL. From the clothes alone. I mean, does new Rachel even own a cardigan?! OR A SKIRT THAT GOES DOWN TO THE KNEES? :( AND HER EYES. HER BIG BEAUTIFUL BROWN EYES. :-.

And then literally the best thing I’m sure Kevin has ever done in his life.

Feliz Navidad.

There are no words. Except I was just laughing and laughing and adoring and laughing and adoring. So many awards.

Finally, I might never get over the cap of Finn carrying Artie. And the way Artie was smiling. And it’s just. So cute.

OH GLEE. YOU REALLY CAN STILL BE AMAZING, CAN’T YOU? AFTER ALL THIS TIME? Always.

Sophy says: Seriously one of the best things Glee has ever done. I like Artie so much better when he’s not in his chair. And the moment I wrote that I realized how wrong it sounded, but I figured I’d leave it so you can all gape at my foot/mouth. To be clear, it’s not that I have any problem with a disabled character or find him boring because of it or whatever. It’s just because Kevin is a whole new level of adorable when he’s dancing on tables and shaking maracas and I wish he got to do it more often.

I mean seriously, Feliz Navidad is one of my favourite Glee performances. And I really mean that. It’s stuck with me for days and I have watched/listened to it multiple times and every time I do I feel giddy and giggly and pretty much on top of the world.

BECAUSE. I DON’T THINK I’VE EVER SEEN ANYTHING CUTER. I MEAN. JUST. THE BIT WHERE HE WAS SWINGING TEEN JESUS’ DREADS. I COULD DIE. AND HIM DANCING WITH VINTAGE TINA. I JUST. AND I EVEN LOOKED FONDLY ON THE BARTIE DANCING. AND AND AND. THE MARACAS. DID I MENTION THE MARACAS?

SCRAPEY SHAKEY :(( LEST WE FORGET :((

Um. And also everyone’s reaction shots were priceless, but especially Rachel’s because, well, Rachel.

BUT GOD. JUST. Puck and Finn being bullies was the best callback to the beginning of the whole show when Artie was being chucked in dumpsters and Finn proved he wasn’t quite as much of a dumb jock asshole as he might be by caring about it. Puck’s face walking away from the lockers was priceless. Like. I burst out laughing at it. And then Finn’s big stupid smile at the end of the performance that seems for all the world like the big stupid smile he gets on his face about Glee these days… and then he says DUDE THAT WAS SO GAY.

AND I JUST. IT’S SO BRILLIANT. Because it harks back to the whole learning curve Finn went through with the F-word. And just. HIS STUPID FACE.

And whilst I’m normally very touchy about things like Rachel Berry not getting the credit she deserves for MAKING GLEE HAPPEN SINGLE-HANDEDLY MULTIPLE TIMES BECAUSE FUCK YOU WILL FUCK YOU ARTIE FUCK YOU MERCEDES FUCK YOU FINN FUCK ALL OF YOU RACHEL DID THIS RACHEL RACHEL RACHEL.

Um. See? Touchy. But seriously, even though I’d normally be raging at the idea that Artie was the glue of Glee and that without him Rachel Berry would not have ambition, because LAUGHING MY FUCKING ASS OFF AND ROLLING ON FLOOR. But yeah. Like Rin said, this is Artie’s subconscious having a party. Of course he’s going to see things differently. And one of Artie’s consistent character traits is being self-centered, myopic and rather vain. Please note, I’m not trying to be a jerk here. I love those things about him. Honestly I wish they’d come to the fore more often, because Artie as a sweetie-pie is boring. But Artie as a razor-sharp egocentric control freak director is the best.

OH AND IT HONESTLY WAS A PLEASURE TO SEE RORY AGAIN. Like. I know they introduced Rory in literally the worst possible way by having him sing all over the place and help Brittany make cat poo for tea… but I don’t think he was a terrible addition to the group overall. I DON’T KNOW OKAY. I MISSED HIS CUTE LITTLE SQUISHY FACE.

:)

And speaking of cute little squishy faces, I loved Artie’s at the beginning when he’d been all banged up and was feeling sorry for himself. Like Rin said, it was actually quite emotional for me. Something about it made us both just… crumple and want to hug him. Because the whole thing was so lolsy but at the same time Kevin did such a good job seeming small and dejected and just totally like an actual kid who’d actually had a nasty fall and was fed up with everything. He nailed it, basically.

But the best thing by far. The most impossibly fucking GLORIOUS thing. Was Terri Schuester. Oh god how I love Terri Schuester. I almost screamed when I saw her. And every little thing she did in the 2 seconds she was on screen was MAGIC. WHEN SHE KISSED THE PLASTIC BABY I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO BECAUSE IT WAS SO GENIUS AND MY BRAIN JUST COULDN’T COPE WITH IT. I MEAN WOW.


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Best ‘Brittany is random’ Moment

“I wasn’t gonna insult you, all I wanted to tell you was that I think you’re delightful.”


Rin says: Probably the only tolerable thing Brittany did throughout the entire episode.

It makes me very sad that this is the case.

I MEAN.

COMPLIMENTING MARLEY WAS THE BEST THING BRITTANY DID???

Who are we.

Sophy says: LOL ‘DELIGHTFUL’.

But yeah. Get out Brittany. What.


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The OG’s (Original Gleeks)

Oh, Hanukkah!






Rin says: I was honestly laughing with giddiness throughout this. It was so RIDICULOUS AND CHEESY AND PERFECT. And Puck and Jake actually sound kind of gorgeous together? I want more? Please give us more? Plus, Puck’s actually doing all the work for Jake by making him more likeable again. You know, when he’s not pining unreasonably after Marley. It was kind of adorable that they were frolicking around on the Paramount set with their guitars, and everyone starting joining in and dancing. I ALMOST EXPECTED THEM TO DO THE CHAIR THING AND LIFT THEM UP AND STUFF. 8-. (Yes, the extent of my Jewish knowledge comes from TV)

And again, this is why we kind of felt like Rachel singing ‘Oh Holy Night’ could have been handled better. OF COURSE you don’t have to be Christian to appreciate the beauty of that song, but Puck and Jake singing a Jewish song just kind of highlights how they never really let Rachel be all that Jewish. Why can’t she sing a beautiful Jewish song?

That’s all :-j

AND MORE PUCK/JAKE :-j

Sophy says: OMG SO ADORABLE. Despite the fact that he has not been written in such a way as to make him remotely interesting or amusing or worthy of being called a Glee character… I can’t help liking Jake. Mostly because his face. And also his voice. And his dancing. And his being related to Puck. He has a lot in the plus column that way, you know?

Loved the two of them jewing around the Paramount Lot, and actually kind of loved the little plotline with their mothers bonding over what a jerk-off their father was. It was predictable, sure, but it was really nicely done, and it was kind of heart-warming to see them all together at the end. Puck has always seemed like a really lonely character to me. I’m not sure if that’s how he’s been written, exactly, or how he’s… failed-to-be-written. But either way it does feel like a brother is something he’s really needed all this time. So. If he can help Jake develop a sense of humour along the way, that’d be ace. Oh and keep him away from Ryder and Marley. PLEASE, PUCK? YOU MUST KNOW IT’S IN HIS BEST INTERESTS TO NEVER BE WITHIN 5 FEET OF THOSE DOUCHEBAGS???


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Rophy Says No!

Bram. Forever. Until the end of time.


Rin says: Okay. I couldn’t even bring myself to put in any more screencaps than the bare minimum, but I think you all get the idea. ALL OF THE BRAM. ALL OF IT.

And at this point… which I say as if it’s been episodes and episodes and it’s only been two, but they just feel so TIRESOME AND BORING. If I were to roll my eyes any more than I was at the both of them, my eyes would have popped out and I probably would have been grateful. It might have been amusing when Brittany was giving everyone outrageous gifts, but the moment it started to become a serious, ‘BOTH BRITT AND SAM REALLY THINK THE WORLD IS GOING TO END!’ .. then I couldn’t. I really couldn’t.

It was fucking beyond dumb.

And absurd.

And ridiculous.

And everything under the sun.

And can we please with how.. okay, if the world was going to end. Would Sam really just abandon his PARENTS AND SIBLINGS?! Because remember when they gave Sam half a storyline, where he kind of really cared about them? And went so far as to become a stripper to help pay some bills? No? They would just ignore all of that and get married instead? Oh, okay then.

I FUCKING HATE THEM.

The worst part is, is that it’s not even cute. It’s not even funny.

If you’re going to very poorly try to retcon everything, then IT BETTER AT LEAST BE ADORABLE. And nothing about them are.

Brittany can handle being as dim-witted as she is, because she’s that character. What they struggled with in the past was finding the balance between the absurdity and the reality. But they were really making some really strong strides with her character at the start of this season, by developing her emotionally in a way that made sense. What they’re doing with her in regards to Bram has reversed ALL of their hard work, because Brittany must really have no sense of what love is, if she’s ready to marry the guy she’s been seeing for a week when she thinks the world is going to end — instead of calling her ex-girlfriend/best friend. It’s just downright idiotic that they’re basically assassinating her character in service of a storyline that no one cares for, and is probably going to get dropped pretty soon.

And again, I’m upset they’re ruining Sam equally, by having him become really really stupid in order to make it seem like he’s the same as Brittany. Sam was NEVER anywhere near on the same level as Britt.

It’s just FRUSTRATING because none of this is the least bit organic, and it COULD HAVE BEEN. It really could have been. Instead they got lazy and rushed it, and where once I really enjoyed their dynamic, it just infuriates me any time they’re on screen together.

Sophy says: Yeah. Bram.

So.

I can actually sort of buy that Sam wouldn’t bother to go see his parents when the world was ending. Because parents are something rarely seen on Glee, first of all, and second of all, this is the kind of larger than life, absurd little sub-plot that Glee indulges in without giving a damn about the consequences. Most of the time I can get on board with it – just ride out the LOL and forget the rest. Because, come on, I’ve seen Melancholia. I know that Sam and Brittany’s reaction to believing the world is ending is so far removed from any appropriate reaction to it that it’s kind of moot to worry about whether Sam did or did not take the time to hug his parents.

But what very much is an issue for me is Brittany not bothering to go see Santana when the world is ending. That makes me want to stab the writers in soft, fleshy, vulnerable places. Why is it harder to ignore? Because the person Brittany is marrying about the end of the world is the person she replaced Santana with in the last episode. That kind of draws your attention to her lack of interest in saying goodbye to Santana like an enormous elephant in a small room draws your attention to an enormous elephant in a small room. I mean, it was just a really tasteless time and context in which to do this kind of joke-plot. Sorry, gag-plot.

It was a gag plot.

AS IN VOMIT.

And yeah, they are pushing Bram’s cutesy psychic connection harder than they pushed ‘Marley is really nice and pretty and has to wear hand-me-downs and sticks up for her mom and…’

Bottom line, they’re trying way too hard with it. Which I’m sure means it will have plenty of fans in lameos who don’t know any better.


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Congratulations! We didn’t hate you?

“We should probably still call the police.”



Rin says: Whatever. It was cute.

I don’t want to talk about it.

Sophy says: This was very strange and confusing for us.

There were things afoot involving Marley… and we didn’t hate them. I think Rin is right. Let’s just say no more about it.

I’m going to back out of this category slowly.


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Head In Hands

Best dad ever. Again.





Rin says: Oh Burt. After all is said and done, you might be the only character on Glee who remained pretty flawless. BECAUSE YOU’RE JUST EVERYTHING A PARENT SHOULD BE, OVER AND OVER AGAIN. It’s kind of dizzying.

Kurt’s face when Burt first arrives? I DIE. LOOK AT HIM. HE LOOKS LIKE A LITTLE KID AND IT’S THE MOST ADORABLE FACE EVER.

“If you don’t like it you can return it.”

Burt, you’re ridiculous. And amazing. His present was Blaine. BECAUSE HE KNEW KURT WANTED THE OPPORTUNITY TO SEE HIM. And. God. Like. I know that most of us pretty much expect this at this point, but it’s also really fucking nice to remember that this is a father actively getting his son together with another man. And yes, Burt has always been pretty damn amazing on that front, but this just goes another extra mile.

Sigh.

DADDY BURT, JUST BE OUR DAD? OKAY? YES, ROPHY’S DAD.

Sophy says: OH BURT. I pretty much covered my feelings about Burt bringing Blaine to NY for Kurt above, but just. God he is the absolute best dad ever. I mean.

And the line about returning Blaine if he doesn’t like him? That was the best part of it all to be honest. Because it showed that although Burt likes Blaine a lot and enjoys playing fairy godmother and all, at the end of the day his loyalty is to Kurt, first, second and third. So if Kurt had felt like sniffing and folding his arms and telling Blaine he wasn’t ready for this and he should skate away forthwith? That would have been cool with Burt. And I love that.

YOU GUYS I AM SLIGHTLY WORRIED THAT BURT’S CANCER IS A SRS BSNS THING AND HE IS BEING SET UP TO DIE IN OR NEAR THE END OF THE SEASON AND/OR SERIES. SERIOUSLY.

I mean, prostate cancer is very treatable in most cases. But I worry. They’re unlikely to be tossing it in there for no reason and they’re also unlikely to do a repeat of ‘Kurt’s dad almost dies, everybody sad, everybody happy, okay now sing!’ So… I worry that this is a seed. And it’s going to grow into a big old character death heartstrings grab.

:(

Not gonna lie. I would cry buckets. BECAUSE KURT/BURT ALWAYS.

Rin says: I would not be okay with Burt dying. Ever. He has to just live forever. Like you, Sophy.


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Most Rophy

The Rophmobile.


Rin says: I kid you not. It has been said before that our preferred mode of transport would be a motorbike with a sidecar.

And ofc I would be on the bike, and Sophy would sit in the sidecar.

It’s just so Rophy.

AND WE WOULD DRIVE IT ONTO THE PARAMOUNT LOT. SEEKING OUR WIVES.

“Do you know Dianna Agron????”

Sophy says: OMFGGGGGG EVERY NOW AND THEN I’D HAND RIN SOME JERKY TO KEEP HER GOING. AND I’D READ HER A SPOONFUL WON’T DO. LIKE. I’D HAVE TO YELL IT LOUDLY SO SHE COULD HEAR. IT WOULD BE THE BEST.


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Quinn Glory Shot

“She died.”






Rin says: I was in hysterics.

AND YOU GUYS KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE QUINN.

But come on, anyone who didn’t find this funny took the whole dream sequence way too seriously.

BECAUSE.

SHE LOST THE WILL TO LIVE.

AND DIED OF A BROKEN HEART.

AND THEN TURNED INTO A WHITE ROSE.

OH MY GOD, I CAN’T.

PURE BRILLIANCE.

Sophy says: This is literally one of the best things I’ve ever seen. It almost makes up for Quinn not actually being in the episode, because it was just that HILARIOUS.

I MEAN. QUINN FABRAY. SHE LOST THE WILL TO LIVE. AND. I CAN’T. AND. I won’t repeat what Rin has said. I may as well just co-sign. But it was the most perfect and genius way to involve Quinn without being able to actually have Dianna Agron on screen. Kudos, show!

37 Responses

  1. Ned
    Ned at · Reply

    Somehow putting Artie’s It’s a Wheelchair Life segment first put me in the mood for silly nonsense, so I took this episode in that spirit and enjoyed it. Maybe Glee should have a warning at the start every week, like South Park? “All characters and storylines in this show are entirely nonsensical and should not be taken seriously by anyone. Any continuity with previous episodes is accidental.”

    Beiste saved the Bram thing for me, as soon as she showed up. Her little “Bzzt! Google alert!” thing. She’s brilliant. Western Ohio’s marriage counselor to morons.

    Sam’s always had storyline problems (maybe they start writing before finding out how many eps they can use Chord? Idk) but I’m currently seeing it like this: Sam is easygoing, grounded, doesn’t want to be single, will marry the first girl who says yes. It could have been Quinn, it could have been Mercedes, it could be Brittany. He’s not intense, romance-wise. Does that make sense? Britt…I want to believe she’s being an idiot because of ongoing Brittana issues, so if/when they address that, something could be salvaged there. (I don’t exactly care any more though.)

    Yes yes yes to “Feliz Navidad” – Artie’s brain is a hilarious place. (I like that he’s confused about who’s graduated.) I even liked Terri. I was laughing so much, I almost didn’t notice Rachel being Rachel. And that chair. Gosh. Um.

  2. Caroline
    Caroline at · Reply

    Always involve Quinn. Everywhere and forever.

    What would Teen Jesus and Kitty’s mashup name be? It’s sad I’m actually really losing brain cells thinking about this…

    And please don’t ever try to say that Burt may die. Please? He is immortal. I cried so so so much when Sue’s Jean died…I don’t know that I wouldn’t need serious psychotherapy and antidepressants if Burt died. Kurt can’t have no parents. That’s too much. That’s. Just. Too. Much. And that would be Finn’s mom losing two husbands… :”””'(

    Please just no. I will even let you NOT get Brittana back together, Ryan Murphy, but please don’t let Burt die???? Please?????

    1. Matt
      Matt at · Reply

      Well their first names don’t lend themselves easily to a portmanteau. Wildehart?

  3. Elysse
    Elysse at · Reply

    In order of each part of the episode..

    I was so glad Terri was back lol, her craziness was awesome. Except the other day I was at work (at a charity shop) and a woman came in with a doll in a pram, and I thought she was going to donate it, but she was actually just buying a better pram and donating the old one. For her baby doll. D:
    But yeah, overall that section was cute.

    The Klaine section was so head in hands…I felt happy and sad and feelings?! And I agree, Burt is the best character ever and should always remain flawless and please don’t kill him Glee.

    Next section-I approve of Puck and Jake and their relationship. That is all.

    Bram story was super boring, but Beiste was in it so yay!

    And the last bit was so so cheesy, but nice I guess. And Sue was funny.

    But uh overall, a somewhat useless fluffy episode, but nice enough I guess.

  4. Tammy
    Tammy at · Reply

    I kind of really love Puck and Jake together. With Puck saying he’s moving back to Ohio, it looks like we’ll get a lot more of them. I approve, especially of them singing together. It’s just that with Puck, now that I’ve seen his resemblance to my own twin brother, I CAN’T UNSEE IT. And I just watch his squishy face on screen and think, Tim? (Yes, Timmy and Tammy the twins…isn’t that the most nauseating thing ever?) But, still, I love Puck and Jake.

    I think you should add a new section to your recaps. Old Rachel Barbra Berry Sightings. Every now and then, there’s a hand gesture or a comment and I just revel in it. Of course, that category might be too depressing.

    BURT CAN’T DIE. Glee makes me cry more than any other television show (that’s on right now), and I kind of resent it sometimes. I don’t like crying (except I’m kind of a big sap so I can’t really help it). But if they kill Burt I will just lose it! Buckets of tears. :( And Kurt’s little face, and him losing BOTH parents, and just NOOOOOOOO. But at the same time, I will be kind of pissed if this was just a throw away line on their holiday episode in order to invoke some feels.

    Terri Schuester is perfection.

    Kurt and Blaine were very adorable. I do appreciate that they are not rushing a reconciliation between these two, even though I’m sure there’s pressure from fans. It’s nice that they are letting this play out as it would in reality, and not just putting a popular ship back together. And it’s really bringing out amazing things in Darren and Chris’ acting. Perhaps they will end up back together, but I’m hoping that they will have earned it through quite the journey.

    Thanks for the holiday recap, ladies! Your writing (both of you) through this whole thing was too adorable for words. Happy Holidays to you both!

  5. Smiley
    Smiley at · Reply

    I have lost the ability to enjoy glee. Yes, the Artie’s Imaginary World of Walking was cute and sue with the Marleys but that’s it for me. I was never into Klaine so that’s a little boring for me.
    And Bram, I loved them so much for the Britney 2.0 episode, I was really looking forward to seeing that friendship grow, but theyy had to turn into a relationship because suddenly Sam had always been in other relationships in love with Brittany. Just another disappointment from Glee, I’ll be ok.

  6. Snicky
    Snicky at · Reply

    This X-mas episode … Oh boy oh boy oh boy …

    I liked/loved the first part. Kevin/Artie was adorable and sweet and cute …
    His banged up face made me wanna pet my screen …
    But then shit got real and he gave me my favorite holiday song: FELIZ NAVIDAD ! Oh, I haven’t stopped listening to it since. He was great while he sung it and the dancing and the cuteness … All the faces of the other Glee members were hilarious, too!

    Artie and Brittany even danced around for a little bit and I DIDN’T EVEN MIND because the song was so cheerful! Yeah, talking about a X-mas miracle!
    Only thing that bothered me a little bit: they kinda did this Artie hating on his wheelchair a couple of times before. Can’t they find other ways to make him interesting?

    Couldn’t help but wonder: did Santana ever came out (to Brittany for starters?) if Glee wouldn’t have been there?

    Next part: the Klaine storyline was very sweet and heartwarming and omg, Burt, you are the sweetest! I really do hope that this time around, the cancer thing is just a ‘little’ thing in a way that I wish for it to be not life threatening or hard on the Hummels. I hope Burt was telling the truth and it’s easily beaten, because that’s what my favorite Glee family deserves !

    Klaine was perfect on the ice. I love how they are taking it slow. How Blaine was STARING at Kurt all the way , like a puppy in love. It was so cute!

    Sue/Marley/MommaMarley storyline was also very nicely done. Sue was hilarious … She’s still evil even when she’s nice. I love that about her. And time after time, she ends up softly smiling as she watches Glee perform!
    I really laughed hard when I heard Marley say: “We should probably still call the police.”

    And then that horrible bit in the middle where Brittany and Sam have the worst storyline ever and are being used by the writers to make something stupid even more stupid.
    I mean, their onscreen relationship is already about the worst thing ever and now they add this?
    Come on, it was so unbelievable I started laughing at the end … OUT OF MISERY!

    Brittany truly believing the end of the world is near? Okay, I’ll buy that one. But not calling Santana ? Saying yes to the proposal? Not using all the money she cashed to buy presents for her friends to go and visit her at Louisville and marry her instead of Sam? That sentence of Sam using the word “soulmate”? REALLY GLEE? are you fucking kidding me?
    I don’t even thing Bram shippers believe that one.
    The only thing that did make it seem a little bit more realistic was the not so overly happy face Brittany had all the way through the ‘ceremony’. And the fact that when they woke up the 22nd of December, she looked in total shock about the fact that she was married to Sam. Like, how she was terrified that Santana would find out and beat the living crap out of both of them?
    Also, if you really are soulmates, shouldn’t it be a good thing, being married – even though the world didn’t end?

    So, yeah. I was really really pissed about that storyline. But I don’t even feel like writing a lot about it .. It’s THAT ridiculous. NAH!

    Now, Santana Lopez, get your ass back over to Lima, make Trouty disappear and take Brittany with you on your success train to NY !

  7. Ruben
    Ruben at · Reply

    Well….I didn’t like the episode, but it’s glee, so lately, it’s not news…but I really, REALLY, don’t ever buy that Rachel, with all her ambition, even without glee club, would end up as the librarian in her high school, it’s just…NO.

    And yeah, Quinn seriously died because Rachel wasn’t in her life…seriously…be more obvious show.

  8. SH
    SH at · Reply

    The Bram story was intolerable and for those Brittana fans still hoping for a reunion, is it worth it? Do you want a girl who has forgotten about her ex girlfriend/best friend so quickly and easily to get back with her? Probably a reluctant yes but I think that’s the intention of this. The writers don’t want Brittana back and they don’t want fans to want them back either so they’re forcing Bram onto the fans as a way of forgetting Santana/Brittany. Bram is just so, so unnatural and sudden that it feels stilted and awkward. Heather and Chord could have chemistry with inanimate objects but they just exude ‘friendship’ in this story. I don’t see the romantic chemistry that they could have easily had if the story was slow burning with its progression. I am a Brittana fan but would not have been opposed to Bram if it was dealt with properly (disregarding the inequality of Brittany’s bisexual representation and the Brittana story -v- Bram story). I am a total Sam lover and always was and the writers have totally assassinated his character for this story (not to mention Brittany’s major regression since Britney 2.0). They had comedy gold in the form of a Bram friendship and ruined it in favor or a tired old ‘romantic’ story (which lacks any romance, strangely enough). I don’t believe that Sam thinks Brittany is his soulmate and I certainly can’t buy the sincerity of his proposal (his second in total) after his recent breakup with Mercedes (because, Glee writers, I have not forgotten his season long pursuit of Mercedes like you have).

    As for the Klaine? It was bittersweet and I miss them. I’m so sad that Blaine cheated because it just isn’t him. It’s not what Blaine would do and it was silly and out of place but I hope they get them back together in a meaningful way, which they will as Klaine is the relationship most treasured by the writers (second is Finchel).

    As for Artie getting to feature prominently, can I just say…. FINALLY!!! I love Kevin McHale and I loved this story. It was ridiculous and far fetched in the best possible way. It was gold and it saved the episode for me.

    Oh, and Burt is the most magnificent thing to come from Glee.

  9. believeinfinn
    believeinfinn at · Reply

    I really, really, really hope Burt does not die.

    They should find a way to use Bieste more. She is a thoroughly entertaining character and it is a shame they waste her talent.

    The Bram romance is an abomination. It is not cute. It is not funny. It is out of control retconning and, based on the insults of lesbians last week, it comes across as some shameful vendetta. Dana and Finn on Homeland had more chemistry than these two.

  10. Norwestorm
    Norwestorm at · Reply

    I didn’t like this ep as much as you guys, but you’ve drawn me in to your giddy silliness, and it reminded me that this is the way you watch the Glee Christmas episode. And I did like seeing Kevin sing and dance. And Rachel!librarian was delicious. And Terri! So nice to have her back. What you say makes sense about Artie being so self-centered or egocentric, so there you go.

    I like that Burt remembered Rachel. And that she was actually going to spend time with her dads. And loved the ice skating. But I think you’re taking the plot device cancer too seriously. I understand the fear, because Burt is dear. Though I’m a little annoyed at the lack of meaningful parental interaction overall on the show. You take what you can get, right?

    Also Marley’s suggestion that they should still call the police was brilliant.

    I really like Jake just because I find his portrayal to be winning, even if the writing and characterization are off. Their boondoggle was ridiculous, but I’ve resolved that with my comment above. I cringed a bit that two adult women must hate each other until their sons save it all for them. But it’s fine, character-wise.

    Quinn would be a white rose. In a wheelchair! Oh, Glee.

  11. Matt
    Matt at · Reply

    I’m with the people who didn’t care for this one but in my case it had more to do with the format of the episode. For one thing, nothing about it reminded me of Love, Actually, although admittedly I haven’t seen it in a while. Sue’s introduction felt tacked on, and then the episode didn’t actually do what she said. The stories never actually came together, there was just a group number that involved many of the characters. I really like the idea of an anthology episode, but the execution was terrible.

    Artie’s sequence and song was cute, and Terri was probably the best thing in the episode. I definitely liked it better after you pointed out that it was totally in line with his more douchebaggy character traits. Meh to Rory.

    The Klaine sequence was okay, although their duet is my least favorite of their 3 Christmas ones. Burt is always welcome, but yeah the prostate thing seemed odd and I really hope they don’t kill him off. What ever happened to him being a US CONGRESSMAN? One of the show runners more annoying dangling plot threads, imo. That’ll change a person, and they’ve never addressed it, I don’t believe.

    The Puckermans sequence was okay, and I love seeing Puck in LA. I don’t get why they won’t show him and Mercedes akin to Kurt and Rachel in NY. Maybe it’s just because I’m in the business so I can’t suspend disbelief, but if they really walked through an active shoot, you better believe they would’ve been kicked out in a second. Cute brother development though, and I like their moms.

    The less said about the Bram sequence the better. Travesty. Especially when you consider that trouty mouth is Christian, just got married, so what exactly do you think they spent those 3 days doing. Ew.
    I am really hoping their whole relationship is just the way they’re dealing with losing Santana and Mercedes. What they said in 409 rang so false, I can’t help but think neither character truly believes what they were saying either. I’m hoping for a scene where they realize

    Honestly Marley’s segment was the only one I enjoyed, but then I’m one in the minority that really likes Marley. She’s never reminded me of Rachel, I see her as more a Finn character type. I liked that her eating disorder was front and center, and her mom is growing into one of my favorite characters. Her police line made me laugh harder at glee than I can remember. And Millie and Sue’s interactions were hilarious. The Marley and Me joke was also particularly strong. The final song would win best song in my book, just lovely.

    I’m jumping on the Joe/Kitty bandwagon, Wildehart all the way! Maybe Wildheart would work better though: slightly more evocative than just their last names smooshed. Kitty is easily my favorite new character, I was kinda hoping her proclamation in 405 would prove true, that Marley is in fact a “scheming little kissas

  12. Mad
    Mad at · Reply

    BURT SHIPS KLAINE THE MOST. Yeah all the scenes with Kurt and Blaine were so wonderful and sad at the same time. Goddammit Blaine you and your heart-eyes.

    BLAINE/NYADA ALL THE WAY. Though again I am questioning the legitimacy of this school: What kind of a school lets in Brody but doesn’t let in JESSE ST. JAMES.

    HAHA I WOULD TOTALLY BE DOWN WITH TEEN JESUS/KITTY. LOLZ. Seriously after that hilarious face he made last week when he hugged his fellow paintballers I am A-OK with Teen Jesus.

    I love Kevin and yes he needs more songs. I always think about how unfortunate it is that Kevin is one of the best dancers but he’s stuck in a chair for most of the show. So I am always happy with an Artie dream sequence because DANCING!

    Yeah, I would way rather have Rory around than Ryder.

    Kurt: “Who’s Blaine?” Me: *weeps*

    You guys why can’t Librarian Rachel be Rachel’s actual new grown-up look instead of her all black plus 80 pounds of make-up plus hooker boots look she’s sporting these days.

    TERRI SCHUESTER AHAHAHAHAHA YES. That was perfect.

    Seriously Jake is such a great singer and dancer. KEEP HIM AWAY FROM RYDER AND MARLEY OH MY GOD. Both of them need to be gone yesterday.

    That whole Bram was so stupid I can’t even. It was BORING AS SHIT OH MY GOD. That is what is annoying me about Glee this season, there is a bunch of stuff like this that is just tiresome and boring. (Or whole entire characters that are tiresome and boring.) Please stop with the Bram. I ONLY WANT BLAM, RUNNING AROUND IN THEIR SUPERHERO COSTUMES, LEAVING THANK YOU NOTES WHEN THEY RESCUE TROPHIES.

    Yeah the Marley storyline wasn’t horrible, Sue helped elevate it. ( but don’t think I have forgotten how incredibly stupid Marley’s whole storyline is, Ryan Murphy. Also, Marley’s mom is all “oh look you became anorexic this is terrible” when she was totally down with Marley dieting when she obviously didn’t need to.)

    BURT YOU PERFECT HUMAN I CAN’T. And yes, I am VERY worried that Burt will die. The way he was like “OH IT’S TOTALLY TREATABLE!” never bodes well on TV. Also, I just found out that Ryan Murphy’s own dad died of prostate cancer too, and he bases a lot of the Burt stuff on his own dad (apparently he was all great and supportive). LEAVE BURT ALONE, RYAN. DON’T DO THIS TO ME.

    QUINN TOTALLY DIED OF A BROKEN HEART OH QUINN yes, that was rather hilarious. I just loved how totally over the top that whole dream sequence was (while sad at the same time).

  13. There I said it
    There I said it at · Reply

    I have a REALLY fucking important mission for you, Rophy.

    Look, Faberry is the best thing ever, we all know that. My friend knows that I ship it but the problem is that she doesn’t realize what makes it so flawless and why I’m loving it and all. Heck, the last episode she watched was Michael and the fabulous bathroom scene said NOTHING to her. Clearly only Glee isn’t enough so what can I show to her to make her realize? Something simple, maybe a tumblr post? No, she doesn’t read fanfics and stuff, she’s part of the regular audience. I haven’t explained all that much about Faberry to her so she doesn’t know why I find it so incredibly sad.

    Of course the best way would be showing her your recaps but they’re too long ’cause English ain’t her native language. ;) THESE WOULD NEVER BE TOO LONG TO ME THOUGH, THE LONGER THE BETTER <3

  14. Daz
    Daz at · Reply

    I hope they will forget that Burt is even sick by the next season. Just as they forget everything that I remotely care about. Quinn, Santana, Rachel who? What baby? Lol, do we ever even have friendships on this show?

    However, Glee mostly annoys me in every way I can imagine, lately, and then some, so I have a bad feeling about this.

    In general, though, the episode, while having it’s moments, seemed as a mess to me. While Love, actually, sort of ties together at the end, this felt very choppy and was somewhat hard to remember. I wish there was a scene like the one back in S1, where the club was just together and jamming and it felt so real, I wanted to go there and be there and live under one of those chairs if necessary.

    Now, though, I just wish I could stop watching.

    But I keep holding on.

    I suck.

  15. LauryeMal
    LauryeMal at · Reply

    Sorry for the lateness… incoming festivities that involved tons of food and booze made it difficult to articulate, let alone write a comment :P (even if I’m more and more convinced that a decent amount of alcohol is definitely needed when it comes to Glee).

    I’ve to admit that I’ve now got this bad habit of fast forwarding the whole episode to see if there are any Quinn/Rachel/Santana moments, just to put myself into the mood, before actually watching it. So when I saw that it was a “complementary” episode (notable exception for Klaine) I was ready to be bored the heck out.

    So imagine my surprise when I found myself almost enjoying the episode… (again that it might have been the eggnog talking…)

    Also, it might have been the alcohol that made me threw a pillow to the tv when they said Quinn died. Sorry it was a natural reaction. I just later realize the “she died of a broken heart” BECAUSE THE FUCKING LOVE OF HER LIFE MARRIED FINN (!!!) Now excuse me while I gently put myself in a corner rocking back and forth blabberint “com’on, it’s just a dream”.
    Btw.. It she would have turned in a gardenia I would’ve flipped, and screamed and just generally go banshee for an hour or so, just saying (Glee you’ve missed out, again…)

    Was it weird that the first thing that I’ve noticed is Artie’s dream sequence is that there was no Blaine but somehow we got all the other newbies?? (Kurt didn’t graduate, but then so Finn or Puck… how’s that?) again.. Glee lacks of consistency is very troublesome at times.

    Burt is the greatest TV dad ever. No contest (sorry Keith Mars…). Nyada baseball cap? Too precious for word.

    DreamSequenceRachel was no OldSchoolRachel, sorry. It was more a version of Sexy Librarian Rachel (not that I particularly mind, but still…).

    Not amount of alcohol will ever made Bram watchable or sensed. The sooner they will sink that ship, the better.

    Always involve Quinn. Everywhere and Forever

    Just entered my New Year’s resolution list.

    Again, thank you for another year of insightful commentary and amazing recaps.
    I’m actually looking forward for the 2012 Rophy Awards. You definitely already won mine 

  16. k.
    k. at · Reply

    http://ericazach.tumblr.com/post/17819147448/faberry-and-their-first-time-this-is-a-very

    Don’t know if you’ve already seen it and it’s rather unrelated to this cap. You’re welcome.

  17. christina
    christina at · Reply

    the IAWL skit was one of my favs too. it’s my favorite movie and i thought they did it justice. of course i would’ve loved to have had quinn in the episode and it was sad that they had her die, but of a broken heart? because rachel never got any confidence from being the star in glee club to draw her out and make her see how amazing and beautiful she is? i think so.

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