Blaine & Kurt – White Christmas
Rin says: As soon as Kurt came in with his harmonising ways, there was no other option but to make this Best Song. I’m currently listening to it on repeat and it’s just so lovely and really gets you in the holiday spirit.
The intro of the song is really quite awesome from Darren, because he really almost sounds like one of those old crones who would sing this song 40 years ago. It’s nice to hear him get to do different tones, even after everything he’s already sung on the show. AND AGAIN, it was kind of amazing to have Kurt this high up when he just did a song in a much lower register. JUST, A MYRIAD OF VOICES. BEST.
And there was ice skating (and hot chocolate!!) just like they talked about on the phone. And it was every bit as sweet, and kind of sad, as we thought it would be. PLUS. Darren and Chris skating.. is so cute. I also really liked how they filmed it when they were on the ice.
And Burt watched on like the cutest Father Christmas ever.
Except to anyone else watching, it might have been a little bit creepy.
Sophy says: Nothing says Christmas like a Klaine duet! I love the way these two sound together. I’m normally all about Chris singing in a lower register, but I think that’s mostly because I’m so used to him singing higher that it’s like a treat when he does something different. But he works so well layering lightly over the top of Darren’s mellower vocals.
And Rin. Old crone. I can’t. I’m an old crone, okay. Bring Crosby was not.
Having said that, I totally get what you mean. Darren Criss does old-time cheese like nobody’s business. I MEAN HE IS BASICALLY A FINE AGED STILTON.
But okay. This performance… it was kind of heart-warming but in a heart-breaking way? Like somebody heated up the hammer first and then just smashed away??? Because wow. Isn’t this just exactly how Blaine’s first trip to New York to visit Kurt should have gone?
WHY WHY WHY.
Um. I thought the performance was brilliant in that it really encapsulated what was happening between Kurt and Blaine in this episode. Let me say first of all that I loved Blaine for coming to see Kurt for Christmas, for being there to skate and sing with this boy he loves so much, for putting on the brightest, bravest face he could find, and paying back the kindness Kurt showed him in the last episode. And more than anything I love that there was no pressure. He wasn’t asking for anything in return. He wasn’t presuming to be back in Kurt’s boyfriend books just because he was more or less back in his good books. In fact, he even made it clear for Kurt that he didn’t expect that, and that forever, for the two of them, ice-skating and singing and hugs and being there would be something that was conditional on nothing. And that’s a pretty beautiful thing.
Still, it broke my heart that you could see how different Kurt was with him. I’m not placing any blame on Kurt for that, because he has a right to be as different as he likes, and also because he was actually pretty fucking generous with his attentions. But at the same time there was this world-weary quality to the way he said “Always,” and the look on his face when he hugged Blaine at the end screamed We will never really be those boys who fell in love again. I’m sure Blaine could sense this, and I was as proud of him for making it through the visit without crying like a baby and ruining it all, as I was of Kurt for taking the friendship he was offering and being glad.
And you know, this was probably the first time I’ve really felt comfortable with the idea that Kurt was older than Blaine. I think the whole experience has grown him up a lot, and I was liking the confidence he had in this episode. He wasn’t insecure and bitchy, but at the same time he wasn’t going to be needy either. I like that he had the self-esteem to handle the situation maturely but also not to feel pressured to give more than he felt comfortable with.
And man, Darren’s face at the very end of the episode when he’s gazing at him whilst singing Merry Little Christmas? He really does do a good job of looking smitten with Kurt and ready to go the distance. I mean. Just.
Loved Burt looking on, because like Rin says, we know he’s not a dirty old man!!! But seriously, it was all kinds of sweet for him to arrange this for Kurt, because on the one hand he thinks maybe his son is still a little broken-hearted and might enjoy some wooing… but on the other hand he knows that it’s important for Kurt to start letting go of the bitterness and hurt before it builds up and changes who he is.
And what better way to let go of bitterness and hurt than with ice-skating and Christmas songs with the guy who loved you and hurt you and hates himself for it, but doesn’t want to be afraid about it – the guy who fucked everything up but still wants so badly to always be there for you no matter what in whatever way?
THERE IS NO BETTER WAY.
Also bring on Blaine/NYADA. I could hear the haters banging their fists on the table in outrage at the mere suggestion that he might get in. And all I have to say to that is Brody.
Sue. Just. Sue.
Rin says: THIS WHOLE ENTIRE SEQUENCE WAS JUST HILARIOUS ON SUE’S PART. AND ALSO MAMA MARLEY. Oh my god…yes, that affection may return later on in the recap. I’m frightened too.
But I almost died laughing when Sue very seriously told her that she had nothing to do with the making of that film. IT WAS JUST PERFECT. Especially because Glee had probably waited for a while to make the ‘Marley & Me’ joke, making it all the more hilarious because it wasn’t expected. AND I JUST. LOVE. SUE. SO MUCH. And that even when she’s being nice, she’s still very horrible about it. It’s exactly the way Sue should stay, because they don’t need to go over the top to humanise her. Really.
The way she rolled her eyes as she was leaving her office was hilarious too, and then ‘Yep, this is exactly what I said’ AND THEY’RE ALL JUST STANDING THERE LAMELY IN ALL WHITE.
Wins. IT SERIOUSLY WINS.
And Jane’s face wins.
So, all in all, there was winnage.
Sophy says: I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE MAKING OF THAT FILM. GOD. I CAN’T. I JUST. LOL.
And I also loved Mama Marley’s face when Sue was all “Does this involve the Glee club singing a Christmas song in the auditorium with snow falling on an elaborate winter scene?”
AND THEIR FACES AT THE WINDOW OH GOD HOW. It was all just so adorable. I mean, you guys, it was the kind of adorable even I can’t be a jerk about. EVEN WITH MARLEY INVOLVED.
Also Merry Little Christmas is my all-time favourite Christmas song. It makes me want to cry. Like. Always. And I was a bit eye-rolly about Marley singing it, because no disrespect to Melissa but I just don’t find her voice all that interesting personally. But then Puck and Jake joined in and I was all ;LKDJA;SLKJF;LADKFJLKJ!!!! And Jake’s voice is lovely and he should sing more. And and and then there was Klaine joining in. And it was the best.
Also Becca’s face is super cute in this scene. And I might be shipping Kitty/Teen Jesus a bit.
AND JANE LYNCH’S FACE LOL. HOW DOES SHE. BECAUSE. THE SHEER UNBRIDLED LOVE AND JOY THAT’S GOING ON. I CAN’T. AND.
“I just wish I was never in that dumb chair.”
Rin says: Um, what else can I say except for ALL OF THIS WAS THE BEST EVER. I am so happy that Glee gave a chunk of the episode to Artie, and that Kevin got a real chance to shine because he so rarely gets the opportunity. His little cryface at the beginning made me feel more for Artie than I have in A VERY LONG TIME. And as much as he does wonders in the chair, it’s also nice to see him out of it every now and then.
Okay, there are parts of this sequence that are a bit, ‘lol, Artie isn’t the glue,’ but when you realise that this is purely from the perspective of ARTIE’S OWN BRAIN and not what Glee actually believes, I think it makes a whole lot more sense. He’s dreaming, so of course it’s all going to be centred around him as being the most important person on earth. And I love it. I love that basically EVERYTHING goes wrong because he’s not in that chair, and if that’s what it takes for him to once again be okay with the fact that this is his life, then so be it. We all have to find ways of telling ourselves that we matter, and that we’re important just the way we are… we just don’t get the awesome black and white sequence with all of our favourite people on TV appearing before us
RORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my god, I never thought I’d be so happy to see him again as I was. I MISS HIM, AND HE LOOKS SO GOOD. And can we have him back? I don’t care how they do it? Replace Riley? ..wait. Ryder. AHAH.
I almost passed out and died when we got VINTAGE TINA. BECAUSE OH MY GOD. STUTTERING. And this might actually be the most believable of all the scenarios, because Tina might not have come out of her shell if she hadn’t had friends or Glee. It was kind of awesome that they acknowledged the Artie/Tina, because they WERE the closest out of everyone in the early Glee club. I WANT MORE OF THEM. IN WHATEVER CAPACITY I CAN GET.
BECKY’S THE SCHOOL SLUT.
JUST. I really fucking love and appreciate this show for going where they go. I really do.
Puck, Finn and them being bullies was great too, because I don’t think they would have grown in that respect had they not been a part of Glee. They would have just continued on throwing Kurt in the dumpster everyday and calling him a homo.
AND THEN, I’M SORRY. BUT.
AND IT FUCKING ZOOMED IN ALL DRAMATICALLY. Freaking amazing.
Will being a drunk was funny…and then… and then… and then…
All my Christmases came at once.
I HONESTLY COULD NOT AND WAS SPLUTTERING FOR BREATH BECAUSE CHRIST, I NEVER THOUGHT WE’D SEE HER AGAIN. And she’s just as amazing and INSANE as ever and it was fucking perfect and I adore Jessalyn and really wished that she came back more often. And then she fucking kissed the doll. I’m just. No. That’s. It’s too much and not enough all at once. I LOVE HER. Artie’s faces throughout were hilarious too.
Then there was librarian Rachel.. and, I don’t know. They probably should have shown Rachel going completely off the rails, but IT MADE ME REALLY MISS OLD RACHEL. From the clothes alone. I mean, does new Rachel even own a cardigan?! OR A SKIRT THAT GOES DOWN TO THE KNEES? AND HER EYES. HER BIG BEAUTIFUL BROWN EYES.
And then literally the best thing I’m sure Kevin has ever done in his life.
There are no words. Except I was just laughing and laughing and adoring and laughing and adoring. So many awards.
Finally, I might never get over the cap of Finn carrying Artie. And the way Artie was smiling. And it’s just. So cute.
OH GLEE. YOU REALLY CAN STILL BE AMAZING, CAN’T YOU? AFTER ALL THIS TIME? Always.
Sophy says: Seriously one of the best things Glee has ever done. I like Artie so much better when he’s not in his chair. And the moment I wrote that I realized how wrong it sounded, but I figured I’d leave it so you can all gape at my foot/mouth. To be clear, it’s not that I have any problem with a disabled character or find him boring because of it or whatever. It’s just because Kevin is a whole new level of adorable when he’s dancing on tables and shaking maracas and I wish he got to do it more often.
I mean seriously, Feliz Navidad is one of my favourite Glee performances. And I really mean that. It’s stuck with me for days and I have watched/listened to it multiple times and every time I do I feel giddy and giggly and pretty much on top of the world.
BECAUSE. I DON’T THINK I’VE EVER SEEN ANYTHING CUTER. I MEAN. JUST. THE BIT WHERE HE WAS SWINGING TEEN JESUS’ DREADS. I COULD DIE. AND HIM DANCING WITH VINTAGE TINA. I JUST. AND I EVEN LOOKED FONDLY ON THE BARTIE DANCING. AND AND AND. THE MARACAS. DID I MENTION THE MARACAS?
SCRAPEY SHAKEY LEST WE FORGET
Um. And also everyone’s reaction shots were priceless, but especially Rachel’s because, well, Rachel.
BUT GOD. JUST. Puck and Finn being bullies was the best callback to the beginning of the whole show when Artie was being chucked in dumpsters and Finn proved he wasn’t quite as much of a dumb jock asshole as he might be by caring about it. Puck’s face walking away from the lockers was priceless. Like. I burst out laughing at it. And then Finn’s big stupid smile at the end of the performance that seems for all the world like the big stupid smile he gets on his face about Glee these days… and then he says DUDE THAT WAS SO GAY.
AND I JUST. IT’S SO BRILLIANT. Because it harks back to the whole learning curve Finn went through with the F-word. And just. HIS STUPID FACE.
And whilst I’m normally very touchy about things like Rachel Berry not getting the credit she deserves for MAKING GLEE HAPPEN SINGLE-HANDEDLY MULTIPLE TIMES BECAUSE FUCK YOU WILL FUCK YOU ARTIE FUCK YOU MERCEDES FUCK YOU FINN FUCK ALL OF YOU RACHEL DID THIS RACHEL RACHEL RACHEL.
Um. See? Touchy. But seriously, even though I’d normally be raging at the idea that Artie was the glue of Glee and that without him Rachel Berry would not have ambition, because LAUGHING MY FUCKING ASS OFF AND ROLLING ON FLOOR. But yeah. Like Rin said, this is Artie’s subconscious having a party. Of course he’s going to see things differently. And one of Artie’s consistent character traits is being self-centered, myopic and rather vain. Please note, I’m not trying to be a jerk here. I love those things about him. Honestly I wish they’d come to the fore more often, because Artie as a sweetie-pie is boring. But Artie as a razor-sharp egocentric control freak director is the best.
OH AND IT HONESTLY WAS A PLEASURE TO SEE RORY AGAIN. Like. I know they introduced Rory in literally the worst possible way by having him sing all over the place and help Brittany make cat poo for tea… but I don’t think he was a terrible addition to the group overall. I DON’T KNOW OKAY. I MISSED HIS CUTE LITTLE SQUISHY FACE.
And speaking of cute little squishy faces, I loved Artie’s at the beginning when he’d been all banged up and was feeling sorry for himself. Like Rin said, it was actually quite emotional for me. Something about it made us both just… crumple and want to hug him. Because the whole thing was so lolsy but at the same time Kevin did such a good job seeming small and dejected and just totally like an actual kid who’d actually had a nasty fall and was fed up with everything. He nailed it, basically.
But the best thing by far. The most impossibly fucking GLORIOUS thing. Was Terri Schuester. Oh god how I love Terri Schuester. I almost screamed when I saw her. And every little thing she did in the 2 seconds she was on screen was MAGIC. WHEN SHE KISSED THE PLASTIC BABY I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO BECAUSE IT WAS SO GENIUS AND MY BRAIN JUST COULDN’T COPE WITH IT. I MEAN WOW.
Best ‘Brittany is random’ Moment
“I wasn’t gonna insult you, all I wanted to tell you was that I think you’re delightful.”
Rin says: Probably the only tolerable thing Brittany did throughout the entire episode.
It makes me very sad that this is the case.
COMPLIMENTING MARLEY WAS THE BEST THING BRITTANY DID???
Who are we.
Sophy says: LOL ‘DELIGHTFUL’.
But yeah. Get out Brittany. What.
The OG’s (Original Gleeks)
Rin says: I was honestly laughing with giddiness throughout this. It was so RIDICULOUS AND CHEESY AND PERFECT. And Puck and Jake actually sound kind of gorgeous together? I want more? Please give us more? Plus, Puck’s actually doing all the work for Jake by making him more likeable again. You know, when he’s not pining unreasonably after Marley. It was kind of adorable that they were frolicking around on the Paramount set with their guitars, and everyone starting joining in and dancing. I ALMOST EXPECTED THEM TO DO THE CHAIR THING AND LIFT THEM UP AND STUFF. (Yes, the extent of my Jewish knowledge comes from TV)
And again, this is why we kind of felt like Rachel singing ‘Oh Holy Night’ could have been handled better. OF COURSE you don’t have to be Christian to appreciate the beauty of that song, but Puck and Jake singing a Jewish song just kind of highlights how they never really let Rachel be all that Jewish. Why can’t she sing a beautiful Jewish song?
AND MORE PUCK/JAKE
Sophy says: OMG SO ADORABLE. Despite the fact that he has not been written in such a way as to make him remotely interesting or amusing or worthy of being called a Glee character… I can’t help liking Jake. Mostly because his face. And also his voice. And his dancing. And his being related to Puck. He has a lot in the plus column that way, you know?
Loved the two of them jewing around the Paramount Lot, and actually kind of loved the little plotline with their mothers bonding over what a jerk-off their father was. It was predictable, sure, but it was really nicely done, and it was kind of heart-warming to see them all together at the end. Puck has always seemed like a really lonely character to me. I’m not sure if that’s how he’s been written, exactly, or how he’s… failed-to-be-written. But either way it does feel like a brother is something he’s really needed all this time. So. If he can help Jake develop a sense of humour along the way, that’d be ace. Oh and keep him away from Ryder and Marley. PLEASE, PUCK? YOU MUST KNOW IT’S IN HIS BEST INTERESTS TO NEVER BE WITHIN 5 FEET OF THOSE DOUCHEBAGS???
Rophy Says No!
Bram. Forever. Until the end of time.
Rin says: Okay. I couldn’t even bring myself to put in any more screencaps than the bare minimum, but I think you all get the idea. ALL OF THE BRAM. ALL OF IT.
And at this point… which I say as if it’s been episodes and episodes and it’s only been two, but they just feel so TIRESOME AND BORING. If I were to roll my eyes any more than I was at the both of them, my eyes would have popped out and I probably would have been grateful. It might have been amusing when Brittany was giving everyone outrageous gifts, but the moment it started to become a serious, ‘BOTH BRITT AND SAM REALLY THINK THE WORLD IS GOING TO END!’ .. then I couldn’t. I really couldn’t.
It was fucking beyond dumb.
And everything under the sun.
And can we please with how.. okay, if the world was going to end. Would Sam really just abandon his PARENTS AND SIBLINGS?! Because remember when they gave Sam half a storyline, where he kind of really cared about them? And went so far as to become a stripper to help pay some bills? No? They would just ignore all of that and get married instead? Oh, okay then.
I FUCKING HATE THEM.
The worst part is, is that it’s not even cute. It’s not even funny.
If you’re going to very poorly try to retcon everything, then IT BETTER AT LEAST BE ADORABLE. And nothing about them are.
Brittany can handle being as dim-witted as she is, because she’s that character. What they struggled with in the past was finding the balance between the absurdity and the reality. But they were really making some really strong strides with her character at the start of this season, by developing her emotionally in a way that made sense. What they’re doing with her in regards to Bram has reversed ALL of their hard work, because Brittany must really have no sense of what love is, if she’s ready to marry the guy she’s been seeing for a week when she thinks the world is going to end — instead of calling her ex-girlfriend/best friend. It’s just downright idiotic that they’re basically assassinating her character in service of a storyline that no one cares for, and is probably going to get dropped pretty soon.
And again, I’m upset they’re ruining Sam equally, by having him become really really stupid in order to make it seem like he’s the same as Brittany. Sam was NEVER anywhere near on the same level as Britt.
It’s just FRUSTRATING because none of this is the least bit organic, and it COULD HAVE BEEN. It really could have been. Instead they got lazy and rushed it, and where once I really enjoyed their dynamic, it just infuriates me any time they’re on screen together.
Sophy says: Yeah. Bram.
I can actually sort of buy that Sam wouldn’t bother to go see his parents when the world was ending. Because parents are something rarely seen on Glee, first of all, and second of all, this is the kind of larger than life, absurd little sub-plot that Glee indulges in without giving a damn about the consequences. Most of the time I can get on board with it – just ride out the LOL and forget the rest. Because, come on, I’ve seen Melancholia. I know that Sam and Brittany’s reaction to believing the world is ending is so far removed from any appropriate reaction to it that it’s kind of moot to worry about whether Sam did or did not take the time to hug his parents.
But what very much is an issue for me is Brittany not bothering to go see Santana when the world is ending. That makes me want to stab the writers in soft, fleshy, vulnerable places. Why is it harder to ignore? Because the person Brittany is marrying about the end of the world is the person she replaced Santana with in the last episode. That kind of draws your attention to her lack of interest in saying goodbye to Santana like an enormous elephant in a small room draws your attention to an enormous elephant in a small room. I mean, it was just a really tasteless time and context in which to do this kind of joke-plot. Sorry, gag-plot.
It was a gag plot.
AS IN VOMIT.
And yeah, they are pushing Bram’s cutesy psychic connection harder than they pushed ‘Marley is really nice and pretty and has to wear hand-me-downs and sticks up for her mom and…’
Bottom line, they’re trying way too hard with it. Which I’m sure means it will have plenty of fans in lameos who don’t know any better.
Congratulations! We didn’t hate you?
“We should probably still call the police.”
Rin says: Whatever. It was cute.
I don’t want to talk about it.
Sophy says: This was very strange and confusing for us.
There were things afoot involving Marley… and we didn’t hate them. I think Rin is right. Let’s just say no more about it.
I’m going to back out of this category slowly.
Head In Hands
Best dad ever. Again.
Rin says: Oh Burt. After all is said and done, you might be the only character on Glee who remained pretty flawless. BECAUSE YOU’RE JUST EVERYTHING A PARENT SHOULD BE, OVER AND OVER AGAIN. It’s kind of dizzying.
Kurt’s face when Burt first arrives? I DIE. LOOK AT HIM. HE LOOKS LIKE A LITTLE KID AND IT’S THE MOST ADORABLE FACE EVER.
“If you don’t like it you can return it.”
Burt, you’re ridiculous. And amazing. His present was Blaine. BECAUSE HE KNEW KURT WANTED THE OPPORTUNITY TO SEE HIM. And. God. Like. I know that most of us pretty much expect this at this point, but it’s also really fucking nice to remember that this is a father actively getting his son together with another man. And yes, Burt has always been pretty damn amazing on that front, but this just goes another extra mile.
DADDY BURT, JUST BE OUR DAD? OKAY? YES, ROPHY’S DAD.
Sophy says: OH BURT. I pretty much covered my feelings about Burt bringing Blaine to NY for Kurt above, but just. God he is the absolute best dad ever. I mean.
And the line about returning Blaine if he doesn’t like him? That was the best part of it all to be honest. Because it showed that although Burt likes Blaine a lot and enjoys playing fairy godmother and all, at the end of the day his loyalty is to Kurt, first, second and third. So if Kurt had felt like sniffing and folding his arms and telling Blaine he wasn’t ready for this and he should skate away forthwith? That would have been cool with Burt. And I love that.
YOU GUYS I AM SLIGHTLY WORRIED THAT BURT’S CANCER IS A SRS BSNS THING AND HE IS BEING SET UP TO DIE IN OR NEAR THE END OF THE SEASON AND/OR SERIES. SERIOUSLY.
I mean, prostate cancer is very treatable in most cases. But I worry. They’re unlikely to be tossing it in there for no reason and they’re also unlikely to do a repeat of ‘Kurt’s dad almost dies, everybody sad, everybody happy, okay now sing!’ So… I worry that this is a seed. And it’s going to grow into a big old character death heartstrings grab.
Not gonna lie. I would cry buckets. BECAUSE KURT/BURT ALWAYS.
Rin says: I would not be okay with Burt dying. Ever. He has to just live forever. Like you, Sophy.
Rin says: I kid you not. It has been said before that our preferred mode of transport would be a motorbike with a sidecar.
And ofc I would be on the bike, and Sophy would sit in the sidecar.
It’s just so Rophy.
AND WE WOULD DRIVE IT ONTO THE PARAMOUNT LOT. SEEKING OUR WIVES.
“Do you know Dianna Agron????”
Sophy says: OMFGGGGGG EVERY NOW AND THEN I’D HAND RIN SOME JERKY TO KEEP HER GOING. AND I’D READ HER A SPOONFUL WON’T DO. LIKE. I’D HAVE TO YELL IT LOUDLY SO SHE COULD HEAR. IT WOULD BE THE BEST.
Quinn Glory Shot
Rin says: I was in hysterics.
AND YOU GUYS KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE QUINN.
But come on, anyone who didn’t find this funny took the whole dream sequence way too seriously.
SHE LOST THE WILL TO LIVE.
AND DIED OF A BROKEN HEART.
AND THEN TURNED INTO A WHITE ROSE.
OH MY GOD, I CAN’T.
Sophy says: This is literally one of the best things I’ve ever seen. It almost makes up for Quinn not actually being in the episode, because it was just that HILARIOUS.
I MEAN. QUINN FABRAY. SHE LOST THE WILL TO LIVE. AND. I CAN’T. AND. I won’t repeat what Rin has said. I may as well just co-sign. But it was the most perfect and genius way to involve Quinn without being able to actually have Dianna Agron on screen. Kudos, show!