Teen Jesus, Tina and Sam – 3
Sophy says: I. Loved. This. I loved this. I mean, this was one of the rare Glee performances that I actually enjoyed in a way that surprised me. I mean, by now it’s a given that if Lea Michele gets tears in her eyes and belts out a high note, I will squeal. But here I was squealing for the beautiful harmonies and the new sounds these voices made when they blended and the flamenco-ish percussion and specifically the way Tina was slapping her thigh and being all cute WITH HER CUTE FACE, and just. All of it.
I don’t even care that it’s about threesomes. It’s going on my ipod.
And I just… you guys? I had such a meltdown last week because I was so sure Marley would be taking everything over and Tina would be shunted to the background again, and whilst I do feel Marley was too prominent in this episode, she wasn’t so prominent that it actually hurt. By which I mean there was still room for Tina.
TINA IS MY NEW FAVOURITE OKAY?
I mean, I’ve always liked her, don’t get me wrong, but it’s sort of as though I’ve elevated my liking of her to project status. Project Tina Fangirling, I call it.
But for real, this performance was so pretty that I couldn’t even resent Teen Jesus being a part of it. Like, I was honestly looking fondly at Teen Jesus. He may have even copped some head in hands when the camera angle changed a couple of times.
AND THEN AS IF IT WASN’T ALREADY PERFECT ENOUGH BRITTANY JUST CASUALLY GOT ON UP AND PULLED A FUCKING RAZOR OUT OF HER BAG AND PLUGGED IT IN AND WAS ABOUT TO SHAVE HER HAIR OFF AND UNIQUE SHRIEKED AND BRITTANY SAID IF SHE CAN’T HAVE A HIGH PONY SHE DOESN’T WANT HAIR AT ALL AND I.
Marvelously done. The cutting from the performance to Britt was perfect, and the kids did such a lovely job with their reactions.
A TRIPLE PLUS.
Rin says: You know what was the biggest surprise of all when this song started? That it had gone from Tina having a major part in Womanizer, to Tina now having a huge part in this song. BACK. TO. BACK.
HAS THAT EVER FUCKING HAPPENED? Especially in an ep that wasn’t a ‘Tina’ ep e.g. Props. I JUST. WOW. I was so pleasantly surprised because, like Sophy, I was terrified that they would think they already gave us enough Tina in the premiere, so they could pull it back a bit and just give us small bursts of Tina every fifth episode. But! They didn’t! GLEE CARED. And… it’s so strange and new and oh think of the possibilities! Except no, let’s not. Put the heart condoms back on you guys, because last time we got burned.
I don’t know this Britney song… I don’t know any of her new songs, I’m not exactly a huge fan. AND GOING BY THIS SONG AND ITS CONTENT, I’M STILL NOT GOING TO BE A HUGE FAN.
I fucking love what Glee did here. It’s the only song so far that I’ve added to my ‘glee’ playlist from this season, simply because of their voices, the harmonies and the beat. And you know what I especially love? That Tina has the lower harmony, and SAM has the really high falsetto part. I LOVE IT. It’s so cute.
And remember when we liked Teen Jesus when he first appeared, because he was actually hilarious with his jesus sandals and his naive ways? It felt like they were bringing that back.. MORE TEEN JESUS, less Joe. I mean, his big downfall was getting a boner while helping Quinn with physio… maybe now that they so hilariously made all of that pointless, we can begin to like Teen Jesus again. Not that I won’t still be thinking somewhere in the back of my head that whenever he says anything it’s always a nothing the line that anyone could be saying, but they give it to him just so he’ll have something to do.
I’m going to request more Tina/Sam. I actually really want Tina to sing with EVERYONE. Actually? She’s already sung with everyone in Glee except for Artie, (and Jake) at this point. I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS GLEE Okay, well, whenever the ‘glee reunion’ will be, I need Tina singing with the oldies. OMFG, I’m dying just thinking about all of the ~Old Directions singing together again. I’ll probably cry, let’s be honest.
And the Brittany parts during this song? I die.
Because I had no fucking idea what she was going to do, and then she put the towel around her neck and pulled out the shaver, and jesus christ. I died laughing. HILARIOUSSSS.
Having said all that. I have got to stop singing this song at the top of my lungs when my family are around. The other day I was singing it, and then my brother started singing it. It was weird.
Sophy says: YOU SHOULD SING IT WITH YOUR ABACUS.
Rin says: Is it weird that I can see that so vividly in my head?
“First and foremost, I wish to address the rumor that I like to be milked like a cow because my breasts are filled with delicious, wholesome milk. That rumor is untrue.”
Sophy says: LOL OMG HIS DELIVERY. Even just “And now a performance of music to be enjoyed by all,” was effing hilarious.
And was everyone as stoked to see Figgins as I was? AND EMMA? WITH HER LITTLE SCRUNCHY FACE WHEN BRITT CHANNELED ALBERT NOBBS?
Rin says: Figgins is the character that Glee is so lucky to have. Sure they only have to give him a few lines every other episode, but he’s also probably the only character they haven’t butchered at some point.
“In the 58-year history of the William McKinley High School Glee Club, there has never been such a debacle!”
Sophy says: OH MY GOD, HE IS SO ANGRY AND DEVASTATED HE LOOKS LIKE HE COULD START SINGING ABOUT IT ANY MINUTE.
AND THE WORD DEBACLE. I JUST. WOW.
Rin says: I COULDN’T HELP BUT LAUGH SO MUCH THROUGHOUT THE DURATION OF THIS. And I’m sure that was the point of it, right? It was meant to be ridiculously over the top, yes?
BECAUSE HE TOOK IT SO SERIOUSLY. And ’58 year history’ DEBACLE.
Oh Will. You’re such a loser.
All of it. All of Brittany’s plan. Genius.
Sophy says: EMMA!!!!!!!!!! This is the scrunchy face I was referencing above.
OKAY. So I wouldn’t even know how in the world to start singling things out. Every little thing Brittany did was magic. And Brittany/enormous coffee cup is my new OTP. Seriously could that have been more gloriously Alice in Wonderlandy? NO IT COULD NOT.
And ‘Leave Brittany alone’ was one of the greatest random-character moments in Glee history. And just. Tina. “You have cheeto hands. And cheeto mouth.” I laughed SO HARD. And the way Brittany keeps stuffing more and more of the cheetos in her mouth so that somebody will freaking notice that she’s lip-syncing already. GENIUS.
AND HER LITTLE CLOSED-MOUTH SNICKER.
I also nearly had a heart attack over the picture she drew of her and Santana, mostly because Santana looks so feisty in it she’s basically an evil Muppet in crayon, and because she’s really made an effort with her boobs. And then Rachel and Kurt in heaven.I don’t? HOW? HOW SHOW? HIS SCARF? AND THE WAY RACHEL IS LEANING INTO HIM ADORINGLY WITH THAT STUPID EXPRESSION ON HER FACE?
AND LORD TUBBINGTON JOINED A GANG. Seriously, I wish Lord Tubbington had been made a regular instead of Marley. He has so much more personality.
Okay, those are just some of the things I screamed with delight at, but on a broader level I thought the whole Brittany/Britney plotline was genius, and that’s coming from someone who initially thought it was stupid to do another Brittany/Britney episode. I was well and truly won over. Brittany’s intentional trainwreck was one of the cleverest plots Glee has come up with in quite some time. I think it’s the self-consciousness of it that really gets me – the reveal that Brittany is doing all of this on purpose when all the way through the episode I’m thinking it’s just your standard downward spiral being made to fit with the week’s theme by the writers. I mean, it was a downward spiral – quite a genuine one, really – and it was being made to fit with the week’s theme… but by Brittany herself. It was the character shaping her life to her pop idol, and that was kind of amazing.
I read somewhere that Britney’s people are really unhappy with the episode because it mocks a difficult time in her life… honestly, I’m not going to tell Britney Spears or her nearest and dearest how to feel or anything, but I really, truly don’t think that it was a mean-spirited episode in any way. I felt it really honoured Britney as a pop star and as a resilient human being. I mean, Brittany said as much in her scene with Sam: she admires Britney because no matter what, she always picked herself up and came back better than ever. Yes, they poke fun at things like the head-shave and the umbrella-whack and the less than elegant lip-syncing performance that really took Britney to rock bottom. But they poke fun at them in the gentlest possible way. And those things happened. They did. Everybody knows it, nobody’s forgetting it – ever. But I think we’re at a safe enough distance from them now, and Britney is in a great enough place, to make it fair game to look back and have a bit of a laugh.
If you’re going to make a career out of celebrity, this is what you get, bottom line. In fact, a lot of the time you get much, much worse than this.
One thing I disagree with completely is the notion that Brittany faking her downward spiral so she can have her big comeback is an implicit accusation that Britney faked her downward spiral so she could have her big comeback. Exactly where is the logic to that? I don’t see it. For a start Brittany acting out scenes from Britney’s life doesn’t make those scenes inauthentic in their original context. But more than that, Britt wasn’t faking. She was… but she wasn’t. That’s what makes this episode so kick-ass – the fact that it has an actual nuanced plot that can’t just be boiled down to a cliche. Yes, Brittany was putting on the shaving attempt, the umbrella beating, the lip-syncing… but she was putting them on because she really was suffering. Brittany wasn’t looking to make a comeback in her career – she doesn’t have a career. She was looking to make a comeback in her life. Because she’s lonely and lost. Because she doesn’t know where to go next.
She saw Britney Spears feel that way. She saw her fix it. She thinks the meltdown was the how – and maybe she’s right, you know? Maybe we all need to go a little crazy sometimes to get back to where we want to be.
I guess what I’m driving at is that Brittany’s Britney-spiral was planned, sure, but it wasn’t cynical. And there was nothing cynical about the show’s portrayal of Britney Spears either.
Whether they should have done her the courtesy of discussing the content with her, given that she appeared on their show last time, and given that she’s allowed them to use her songs? That’s a different issue. And yes, they definitely should have, in my view, whether it would have made any practical difference to anything or not. They owed her the courtesy of a warning.
But I’m glad they didn’t hold back and give us an artificially “appropriate” Britney episode. I wouldn’t trade this adorable trainwreck for the world.
YOU GUYS HER LITTLE FACE WITH THE OREOS. AND WORLD’S BEST GRANDMA. AND KIKI. AND SHE THOUGHT SHE WAS DOING A VOICEOVER????
And “Tough love feels a lot like mean.”
All the awards. All of them.
Rin says: Let’s make it clear. All of this was biggest LOL. But it was also easily the best.
I don’t really need to go into details about which parts I liked, because honestly you guys, I thought all of it was equally hilarious and well done. I was laughing throughout all of the Brittany scenes, no lie. BUT I really do need to mention how much more I like Brittany, and how I feel like I’m much more invested in her as a character than I was before. Apart from this episode, the only other episode that really worked for me Brittany-wise was I Am Unicorn. Where they kept the silly Brittany, but also made sure to give it story and heart. And not to the extent that included cat-poo-candy.
This is Brittany finding herself without Santana, and I love that. I love getting to know all of these kids all over again, without their significant others, and the focus is much more on their friendships with each other. It’s a nice change of pace than what we’ve come to know Glee to be in seasons 2 and 3.
I’m also not really going to touch on the whole Britney issue, cause I haven’t read any of the comments about that. In my opinion, they didn’t do Britney a disservice. And I feel like they did it all within the means of respect to Britney. They never said anything untoward about her, and the clear message from Brittany’s point of view (which is the whole point of the episode) is that Britney is a true idol to her, and she admires her for pulling herself back together. To me, none of it came with any sort of malice or cruelty. They poked fun at events that actually happened in a parody. That’s what comedy is most of the time, especially from shows that are often self-aware and love to make pop culture references. There has been so much worse done on shows like SNL, 30 Rock etc. They didn’t cross the line, is what I’m trying to say. Crossing the line would have involved them making some sort of commentary on the whole K-fed thing, and her kids. Or having Brittany snort coke or something. They didn’t. Glee know where to draw the line.
Plus come on. Leave Britney Alone is one of those vids that invented the concept of viral videos.
FINALLY. One thing I really really loved and appreciated is that they’re actually getting Brittany some academic help! Thank god. And it’s all that much better when it’s in the form of Will and Emma tutoring her.
Sophy says: I DON’T EVEN UNDERSTAND HOW. I mean, have I ever even thought of Sam and Brittany before? Like as in Sam/Brittany? In a platonic way, settle down Brittana stans.
What I mean is they’re such ADORABLE friends, when we actually get to see them being friends. That’s one of my favourite things about this season – the way it’s throwing new people together. And I really loved that in this episode we saw not only Sam care about Brittany, but all of the kids. I mean, okay, not so much Marley, but she doesn’t count. There were times when the group’s heart felt a little shrivelled last season (Hey Quinn! You’re not dead! Brb six flags!), so it’s nice to see them focusing on all the ways these kids actually love each other. They could all see that Brittany was suffering in this episode, and even though not all of them understood her as well as Sam did, they all cared enough to try to understand her. It’s a really small thing, but one of my favourite parts of this episode is just Tina, Blaine and Artie watching Brittany beat Jacob with her umbrella, and discussing amongst each other that singing at her isn’t making her feel better, and maybe they need to try harder to make her feel like she’s in the spotlight because maybe that’s what she needs. Just. Those are my kids right there. Being good friends to each other when it counts.
But yeah, so much crazy love for this particular new friendship.
SAM DREW HER A MAP. AND NORMALLY HE TOO USES A COMPASS? Dippy Sam is by far the best version of Sam. They deviated from him a bit too much when they were making him Poor Sam. Glad to see he’s back, and less judgmental street urchin, more loveable blonde puppy.
I’ve seen it said that this is the beginning of Sam/Brittany as a romance, but I honestly think that’s jumping the gun. I mean, I hope it’s jumping the gun. Not because I’m opposed to the idea of the two of them together on any fundamental level, just because it would be so nice to have a solid guy/girl friendship, where the two of them totally could be into each other romantically, but just aren’t.
We’ll see where it goes – if anywhere – maybe it’s just a lovely isolated little moment that reflects how well these kids have come to know and love each other when we’re not looking.
AND AND. The very cutest part was probably Brittany saying how she misses Santana AND HOW SHE SAID SANTANA WOULD HAVE USED MEAN WORDS AGAINST ANYONE WHO GOT DOWN ON HER. Just. “Used mean words against”. I mean.
And can I just say how much Heather has improved with her acting? Obviously she’s always been great at her random one-liners, but she had to carry this episode, and not just on a comedic level – emotionally. And you know, I really think she did a great job. When she said Santana was also her best friend… when she lay on her bed gazing at her ‘unavailable’ status. I really felt things. Sad, achey, sweet things.
I think my favourite line though was “Thank you, Kiki, you’re the only one that I can trust now that Santana’s too busy for me,” just because of the matter of fact way she said it. It somehow made it all the more poignant that she just rattled it off alongside her ridiculousness, like it was nothing, when obviously it really, really wasn’t nothing to her.
AND WITH THAT I SAID GOODBYE AND SWOOPED OUT THE DOORWAY, MY VOICEOVER CONTINUING DOWN THE HALLWAY.
Rin says: FUCKING HELL. THAT VOICEOVER MOMENT WAS THE GREATEST. It was underboob all over again.
I die for these two. Like Sophy said, I’d never even thought about Sam/Brittany, but now that we’ve had it? I want it. AS FRIENDS. Settle settle.
And yeah, I would love for them to remain platonic too. BECAUSE Glee really hasn’t had many long lasting girl/guy friendships that haven’t been about romance at some point (KURT/GIRLS DOESN’T COUNT), so I’d love for these two to be that. Especially now that Brittany really needs a good friend, after all her closest friends have left.
THE COMPASS THING. I LOVED THAT THEY CONNECTED BRITTANY AND SAM TOGETHER IN SUCH A SIMPLE WAY. It was adorable and such a Glee way to go about forming a new friendship.
I was also scared that I wouldn’t like Sam as much as I did when they were doing Samcedes, and that when he wasn’t with Mercedes we’d just go back to not caring about him. SO WRONG. I loved him in this episode, and in particular this scene. One thing that has always been apparent about Sam, is that he would be a really good friend to have. Apart from that one time he told somebody that they had rich white girl problems, he seems like the kind of guy who would always have your back. And yeah, I just really love good friends? It’s the heart of Glee? Welcome to the club, Sam/Brittany?
And totally agreed that Heather has improved. The ‘serious’ Brittany moments are something I’ve struggled to connect with in the past, but in this episode? OH MY STARS. When she delivered that line about Santana also being her best friend, my heart just about imploded. It was so SWEET and SMALL, and touching, and not only for Brittany, but for Brittana.
I’m really loving this whole distance thing with Brittana. Yes, it causes angst and heartache, and they might even break-up over it. IDK. But I’m interested to see how it all pans out.
Sophy says: Don’t even talk to me about Samcedes. I’m still bitter, to be honest. I’m not saying they had to keep them together or anything, but the ship was just begging to sail somewhere awesome and it feels like they just decided not to bother and I RESENT THAT. I just hope they’re not going to pair Sam up with somebody else and pretend like Samcedes never happened, the way they did with Tina and Artie. I’ll settle for some butterflies/flirtation/angst/closure/sweetness when Mercedes comes back to town. If they give me that I guess we’ll be square.
Rin says: Oh yeah, I hate that they split them up without so much as a … WELL THEY DIDN’T EVEN MENTION IT. They’re doing what they did at the start of s3 again, where they’re just like, ONE THROWAWAY LINE, okay! DEALT WITH!
Best ‘Brittany is random’ Moment
Sophy says: I wonder if Katie and Emily would have needed subtitles?
Rin says: EMSY SHUM.
Oh god. Subtitles are literally the best thing in the world. I always think of the twins now….
….and Mrs Thomas.
Sophy says: Mrs Thomas should be on this show. Dispensing chapstick to Santana, Brittany and Quinn. Quinn can share hers with Rachel. That’s all I’m going to say.
The OG’s (Original Gleeks)
Sophy says: I actually sort of jumped out of my seat and knocked the headphones out of the jack. Because.
SANTANAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Return to me in full body form. Immediately.
Rin says: I would actually love to see a bit of full body Santana in her new place. And also delve a bit into why she chose to take the cheerleading scholarship over her chance to be in NY. Maybe they just didn’t want everybody in NY at once.
BUT UM. This scene was both adorable and heartbreaking. The whole distance thing is making me like Brittana more, and I completely sympathised with Brittany. It’s always ridiculously hard being the one left behind, and I love that they used this early on to help explain why Brittany was feeling so lost.
Sophy says: Both having a threesome at seven and beating up a police horse are two of the most heinous mental images that have ever been planted in my head… and yet I was giggling and sighing. That’s how great Mark is, and that’s why I really hope his relationship with Jake isn’t going to consist of, well, this. He really, really needs to come back to Lima and get to know his baby bro! And okay, maybe some of the dialogue here wasn’t the best – eg. can we stop going on about how Will and Finn make people into men, already? – and maybe the direction was a little frenetic – and maybe it was a bit ludicrous that he just dropped in and out of the story like that all the way from LA… but I was too excited to see Puck to care. And “One thing – whether you join Glee club or not – you’re my brother.” PERFEEEEECT.
Now let’s see the show follow through on the sentiment.
Rin says: I’m not even going to lie. As soon as his face was on my screen, I burst into tears.
I have no idea why. It’s not like Puck is even my favourite character, and IT’S ONLY THE SECOND EPISODE FOR CHRIST’S SAKE. But I just… I’ve always loved Puck, Lauren notwithstanding, and seeing his big gooey face complete with mohawk, brought forth ALL the love I feel for the entire cast. I’m a big feelings drama queen is what I’m saying.
As hokey as it might be to suddenly bring in a new character and claim half-siblingship, I honestly don’t mind it at all. Jake is interesting, when he’s not with Marley, and I have no problems delving into Puck/Jake. NOT IN AN INCEST WAY. HAVE WE LEARNT NOTHING FROM SKINS??
Because in Glee, there really isn’t any sort of sibling love, and that’s something that they’ve lacked.
And if anyone needs a bit of family, it’s Puck. Beth and Jake might be ‘mistakes’ but they’re his family.
Rophy Says No!
Sophy says: Seriously, Brody, get out. I quite literally dislike everything about this guy. I mean, I know some of you are going to disagree passionately, but I HONESTLY PREFER FINN? At least Finn started out a loveable dork dressed up as a jock. This guy is just a cliche from the word Go, and smarmy as hell to boot.
I’ve gotta say, if that ominous shot of the orchid is anything to go by, there is nothing that Brody is going to do except piss me off even further. Because is this show really trying to tell me, via the means of plant, that Rachel moving on from one male is supposed to be symbolically tied to her moving on to another male? I just.
Why couldn’t Rachel just be single this season? Why couldn’t she at least have had a few episodes in which she was Finn-free and ANYBODYELSE-free? Was that really so much to ask? And why does she have to be interested in Brody romantically, as we all know she eventually will be (just like we all know she’ll ultimately choose Finn)? Just because he’s conventionally physically attractive and likes her? Just because he officially has a major interest in common with her?
It’s just about as artificial as Jake and Marley zeroing in on each other. Okay, it’s not. Nothing is as artificial as that. But still.
Look, okay, Brody’s not a horrible person or anything, but he is a horrible, horrible character. For a start there’s the fact that he pulled the whole ‘Oh we’re not allowed to do that… WHICH IS WHY IT’LL BE SO MUCH FUN’ line, which has been done so many times by now that I think if anyone ever did it to me in real life I would consider punching them in the face. And then he writhed around with Rachel and literally grabbed her crotch, and okay, I would definitely punch someone in the face if they did that to me, and dance alone forever. And then he showed up at her apartment to tell her she’s “sexy” for the way-too-manyth time that day, with a “sexy” orchid to give her, and tells her how he’s super duper respectful of her boundaries because crotch-grabbing is such a routine part of any choreography and I always lean in and try and kiss people when I’m giving them space. I mean, seriously. The guy barely knows her. He knows very, very little about Rachel Berry. One thing he does know? SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND.
You know why she’s still hung up on her boyfriend, Brody? BECAUSE HE’S HER BOYFRIEND.
You know what you don’t do if you want to respectful, Brody? TRY TO KISS GIRLS YOU KNOW HAVE BOYFRIENDS. Not to mention tell them you’re going to be thinking about kissing them every time they see you from now on. That’s not smarmy and gross at all.
I just. Stop trying to make Chivalrous Brody happen, show. First because he’s not actually chivalrous. Second because Quinn is the chivalrous one around here, GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT.
Meanwhile, if Quinn shows up and starts approving all over Brody the way Kurt is, there’ll be trouble. Okay, well, there won’t be, because I’ll immediately just fanwank that any and all approval on Quinn’s part is 100% a matter of Anyone but Finn.
I mean, Brody’s one redeeming feature is that at least he’s not going to freaking propose.
PS. When I say I prefer Finn, I don’t mean I wasn’t jumping for joy when Rachel painted over him. The joy was just a little undercut by the immediate pan to the damn orchid. I DON’T CARE HOW PRETTY IT IS, IT NEEDS TO GET OUT AND LEAVE RACHEL ALONE.
Also Lea Michele’s face is too perfect.
I’d be lying if I said Brody was the only no, though he is the biggest one in this episode. Other no’s include Rachel’s awful, awful “sexy” performance. Seriously, it’s a dance class you guys. Why did she not actually dance? Lying on tables and being sexually assaulted is not dancing. No matter how much you mess with your hair.
On the plus side though, I didn’t mind Cassandra so much in this episode. I mean, she’s still way, way, way out of line with her bullshit about refusing to teach a student because she thinks she’s not sexy… but Kate Hudson did a better job of charming me than she did last week. Maybe it helps when she doesn’t dance? I did feel a flicker of irritation when she was stretching, because she can’t point her toes. IF YOU CAN’T POINT YOUR TOES DON’T TRY TO POINT YOUR TOES? YOU’LL GET A BETTER STRETCH WITH A FLEXED FOOT ANYWAY?
And obviously Jake/Marley is a no. Is there a viewer on the planet who thought that was well-handled? Seriously, all they’ve done is look at each other lingeringly a couple of times, and she’s psychoanalyzing him? His jacket shows how he’s been hurt or what the fuck ever? His hair? What is that about? His hair is perfectly normal? I just? Shut up, Marley?
And since the fuck when is he an ~artist?
Fucking atrocious writing, and the actors did not have the charm to make it fly. I laughed out loud at Marley’s face when it was revealed that Jake was dating Kitty (worst “plot twist” ever? Yes/yes?), and I straight up spluttered at the end of the episode when Marley sang a song that is essentially about deep depression and suicidal thoughts to express her feelings about a boy SHE DOES NOT ACTUALLY KNOW. AT ALL. Quite frankly it just made her come off as some sort of hysterical creeper. And not in an awesome Rachel-with-the-rubber-gloves way. Because she’s not that kind of character! This level of melodrama totally could have worked for Rachel Berry, yes even in episode 2, yes even having known Finn for ten minutes. Because she is sixty times larger than life. Marley is slightly smaller than life. Like a poorly manipped head on an ill-fitting body.
And a final no to any and all Justin Bieber. LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE, BIEBER. Seriously, the whole way through that song I was distracted from Artie and Blaine’s adorablness by how awful the song was.
Rin says: lol oh god, ‘Everytime’ is probably my favourite Britney song, if I had to choose a favourite, and yeah. I KNEW THEY WOULD GIVE IT TO MARLEY Ofc, give her the one song that people actually like and enjoy, so we can all like and enjoy Marley too! No. No. No.
And guys. There isn’t a single thing that Brody has done that has seemed okay to me. ALL THE OTHER NEW CHARACTERS HAVE HAD MOMENTS THAT HAVE BEEN OKAY FOR ME. EVEN HUDSON. SJP, PROBABLY NOT, BUT THAT’S JUMPING THE GUN.
Brody is just one big NO. I feel like he should just have a permanent big red NO symbol across his face the entire time he’s onscreen.
The worst thing about his character, is that he’s so clearly being ‘groomed’ to be the perfect-not-perfect ~boyfriend for one Rachel Berry. Even before the show started, everyone was looking at pictures and saying they already preferred him to Finn, because he’s ‘hot’ and.. what? WHAT? Right, cause the number one thing that Rachel should care about is ‘hotness’ you guys. Yeah. Disregarding the fact that he’s actually not that ‘hot’ when you take into account his actual personality.
PLUS, HOW HILARIOUSLY BAD AND PATHETIC WAS IT WHEN HE GOES, ‘Rachel…noooo..’ when she confronts Cassandra? Lol. Can’t.
I JUST HATE HIM. I don’t think I’ve ever hated a character on Glee this much. Yep, he beats out Holly Holiday and Zizes. AND IT’S ONLY BEEN TWO EPISODES, AND I HATE THAT WE HAVE A WAYS TO GO. Oh god, I just thought about him turning up at Thanksgiving, WHICH YOU KNOW HE WILL BECAUSE HIS FAMILY LIVES OUT OF TOWN, AND HE HAS NOWHERE ELSE TO GO!
Just get out and stay out and I really hope Quinn rips off his penis.
And he dies.
Sophy says: HE’S NOT EVEN THAT HOT WHEN YOU TAKE INTO ACCOUNT HIS ACTUAL FACE? I mean, no disrespect to the actor, he’s a good-looking guy and all, but it’s not like he’s hotter than Mark Salling. And if Rachel was going to be swooning over people based on physical hotness she should have been sending Tina to crack dens and scrubbing Mike Chang’s toilet a long time ago. Let’s be real.
Congratulations! We didn’t hate you?
Sophy says: Way to go with the dramatic pointing, Kitty! I straight up laughed out loud, and not in the embarrassed angry way I laugh out loud at Marley. So Kitty, we create this new category in honour of your little outburst. Any and all newbies can apply, but we don’t expect it to be filled with much other than Random Rachels from week to week.
KEEP UP THE NOT BAD WORK.
(Did Kitty really remind anyone else of Reese Witherspoon this week? She definitely seemed more Rachel-ish than Quinn-ish, and I liked it. Less slinky bitchiness and more hysteria, Kitty! More pointing and gasping! More cheese. It suits you.)
Rin says: YOU GUYS. WE’RE FIERCE QUINN STANS, REMEMBER? REMEMBER US?
And we both absolutely died at this part. It was so ridiculous and well done that we couldn’t resist. And hey, we’re not scared to admit when we’re wrong and actually enjoyed something a character did, so well done Kitty. You spawned a new category!
I like that she has a bit of cheese to her. Quinn Fabray was anything but cheesy, in fact she was the complete opposite. WAIT, I’m talking about early Quinn. S1 Quinn. THESE DAYS QUINN FABRAY IS THE CHEESIEST GIRL IN
OHIO NEW HAVEN. I mean, when she’s not forlornly staring out of a window on a rainy day, thinking about what the weather’s like in New York, she’s reminiscing about bathrooms and how they changed.
I was shouting abuse at Kitty in episode one, and in this episode she left me in a fit of giggles here. So.
I think I’ve come to realise that they’re really trying not to make Quinn 2.0 because quite honestly it’d be embarrassing to even try. They picked a very basic body double (LIKE AS IN, WHITE BLONDE FEMALE), and are very much steering clear of Quinnville (population: Rachel).
Why does this sound so defensive? IDEK. Who cares about Kitty, really.
(I do. If she keeps pointing and being lame.)
Sophy says: HAHAHA See, I think Quinn was extremely cheesy in early season 1, just in a really different way from, say, Rachel. She was like… head cheerleader with a cross round her neck, president of the freaking celibacy club, and she choreographed ludicrously minxy, coy routines to things like I Say A Little Prayer… but the way she was really not cheesy, was in terms of being in control. The Quinn we met in season 1 was always in control – of herself and just about everyone around her. If she was ever going to be ridiculous, it would most definitely be a careful and conscious choice connected to some higher purpose. That girl would never have busted out the dramatic pointing at a pep assembly. She might have snickered. She might have raised a well-manicured eyebrow. But this? This is not her style at all.
It’s Rachel’s style.
Head In Hands
“Living here with you instead of those dorms? It’s heaven!”
Sophy says: See I wouldn’t have thought it was possible to squee that much whilst riding a bike. Like, surely at some point you’d just keel over. Oh Rachel. Love these two together. Love their bikes and their wine and candles and their unrealistically awesome and artsy loft. Love it all.
(Except the hints at Kurt/Fashion. Did not love them at all. Sigh.)
Rin says: THEY’RE SUCH A CLICHE, AND I LOVE THEM FOR IT.
The beret. The old bicycles. THE RIDICULOUSLY LARGE, BUT CRAZY CHEAP LOFT. THE DINNER ON THE FLOOR WITH CARDBOARD FURNITURE.
Ahhhh I love it.
Only Hummelberry can pull this shit off.
Sophy says: This was freaking hilarious and adorable. Loved hearing both Tina and Unique sing, and thought whole the routine was cute as hell.
AND THE FUCKING VOLCANO WAS THE BEST THING. IT WAS A LOLCANO, YOU GUYS. FOR REAL.
A quick note on Unique’s outfits. I’ve seen people saying how awful they are and I’m just??? I think she looks really nice. And classy. I could actually see Quinn wearing some of the stuff she wears, though maybe in different colours. I can’t disapprove of something Quinn might wear?
And I actually like that they’re not putting Unique in super sexy, trendy, campy outfits, because they’d run the risk of turning her into a punchline. I like her nice, ordinary, ladylike outfits.
The only downside to this routine was that it was setting up Marley/Jake. And it would have been nice to have it even remotely established in the first episode that Jake was, you know, a womanizer… prior to the song Womanizer being busted out.
BUT WHATEVER. CUTE TO THE MAX. And I’ll take Jake/Unique over Jake/Marley, please. Or Jake/Tina. Jake/Ann-hog?
Rin says: Jake/Ann-hog ftw.
I also loved this whole performance, it was just adorable, and I liked how much of the actual school/classes they crammed into it. I don’t know? It felt like these guys were actually students, maybe? Unique sitting on top of the library trolley while they pushed her across screen was the best thing ever.
AND THE VOLCANO WAS RIDICULOUS AND STRAIGHT OUT OF SOMETHING LIKE AUSTIN POWERS, AND I LOVED IT SFM?
And you guys, I thought the redhead in the library was Emma, and it creeped me out. And then I thought about how Emma should have totally been in it, AND THEN I THOUGHT ABOUT HOW BIESTE SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN IT.
And I die. It would have won all the awards if Bieste was at the front of the tug-of-war pulling Jake to her. It wouldn’t have made much sense, but it would have been fucking hilarious as hell.
Sophy says: WHERE IS BIESTE. WHERE IS SHE. WHY ISN’T SHE IN THIS PUCK/JAKE PLOTLINE.
“The only cure to loneliness is cake.”
Sophy says: SHE GASPED. AND THEN MOUTHED THE WORD. HOW?
Although I have to lol at how lax they are with Rachel’s supposed veganism. Pizza and cake? Cheese and eggs, anyone?
Rin says: You can get vegan ANYTHING Sophy. VEGAN ANYTHING. Remember when Lea was hardcore vegan but then admitted to slowly dipping back into cheese…but don’t tell her roommate?
Lea Michele. I love you.
Sophy says: FOR FUCK’S SAKE. I want to make some kind of shrine to that face.
AND PFFFF VEGAN ANYTHING. PIZZA WITHOUT CHEESE CEASES TO BE PIZZA. CAKE WITHOUT EGG (AND BUTTER) CEASES TO BE CAKE.
I sincerely hope she is softening up on that front, for Kurt’s sake. I’d resent having to get non-cake-cake every time I got cake.
Sophy says: Glorious. Yes, even Teen Jesus.
Rin says: I can’t believe we used to say that these guys wouldn’t be enough.
We need to wash out mouths out with soap, because LOOK AT THEM. ARE YOU LOOKING?
Yes, even Teen Jesus.
No Marley, no.
Sophy says: UNIQUE/TINA BEST FRIENDS FOREVER PLEASE AND THANK YOU. GAWD. THEY’RE ADORABLE.
And not just because they share my opinion of Marley.
Okay, okay, I know the show’s going to force them to adore her and all, but for now let me just revel in their disapproving headshakes BECAUSE THEY ARE THE CUTEST.
Rin says: Anyone who knows Rophy, knows that we love a good ol’ disapproving headshake.
And Tinique (I’M CALLING IT) didn’t let us down one bit with theirs. I ESPECIALLY LOVE WHEN PEOPLE CLOSE THEIR EYES AND HEADSHAKE, SO WELL DONE TINA. Well done.
And hahaha Marley’s face.
Quinn Glory Shot
Rin says: Always present.
Sophy says: And she framed the prints.