401 — The New Rachel

 

Best Song

Blaine, Wade, Tina and Brittany – Call Me Maybe


















Rin says: First of all, let me make it very clear that I despise this song and everything about it, and how it became so stupidly huge. And I hate Glee for giving it even more legs to stand on.

BUT.

I didn’t hate this performance, not a single bit. It made me smile so damn much, and even when I was capping the scene I kept giggling and pointing at their shiny, hilarious faces. I love these kids, I really really do. And I thought it was really smart of them to include Wade in this performance, because all of the cute from Blaine, Brittany and Tina was bound to rub off on him. And it did.

Also what I really liked and appreciated about what Glee did in this episode, is that they let these guys, the new seniors, have the first episode. The kids who have graduated were gone, except for Rachel and Kurt (which, obv, never do an episode without them thanks.) and I liked that they were given this time to re-establish themselves and show that they can completely hold their own. It honestly gave me hope for the rest of the season, which I have been dreading more than I can say, but they proved to me that while the old kids were away they could still bring the cute and funny. MAKE NO MISTAKE, GLEE, I’M NOT SAYING I’LL PUT UP WITH NO OLD-KIDS FOR VERY LONG. I DO NEED TO SEE A FAMILIAR FACE, PROBABLY BY THE NEXT EPISODE WOULD BE GOOD.

And? Tina and Brittany? Jesus christ, why has it taken this long for them to sing and dance together? It was one of my favourite parts of the number, AND THE EPISODE. Look at them! The pointing, the faces, THE HAIR FLICK. Amazing. And I just really love seeing them all be so playful together, it was so sweet and exactly how I like my Glee kids to be served. We’re also getting new relationships and interactions, which is awesome. Brittany/Blaine — adorable. Tina/Blaine — adorable. Tina/Wade — adorable.

I’m also very much enjoying the levels of Tina we are receiving. I give my thanks, and pray it continues.

After writing this, I scrolled back and looked over the caps one more time and said out loud, whilst resting my forehead on my hand, ‘Oh my god, they’re so freaking cute.’

Sophy says: I’m blessed to have no feelings at all about this song due to never having heard it or heard of it before. I may as well live in a cave, right?

Anyway, it meant I went into this performance with no pre-existing irritation. It was all just Tina, Brittany, Blaine and Wade to me, and whilst I knew that I would be squealing over having my babies back in my life no matter what, I wasn’t aware of just how fantastic this combination would be. And you know what surprised me the most? How great Tina is when she’s cute/funny/feisty/in our faces. I mean, I’ve enjoyed Tina in all her various incarnations, but I feel like this might finally be the season with which she comes into her own – by which I mean becomes a fuller and more stable character. She’s never really been someone I could identify with, because there was never really enough of her at any given time to quite decide who she is, what she wants, how she feels, where she’s going. But maybe I’m going to get all that this year?

Or that’s what I was hoping at this stage in the episode, anyway, prior to Marley/spotlight. Still, I have high hopes for Tina as a character, partly because they took the bold step of splitting her and Mike up. It’s not that I had any objection to the two of them as a couple, it’s just that Glee kind of whisked them over the finish line behind our backs, to the point where we were never allowed to bond with them as a ship. I’m hoping they’re going to give Tina a new love interest. Or even better revisit her relationship with Artie in some way. I always felt dropping that did both characters a major disservice.

Brittany was adorable as ever. Wade fitted in nicely. And Blaine.Well, Blaine is always perfect to me.

Absolutely adored his thrusting pose at the end there. He really was channelling the old Rachel – as in Rachel Berry when she still had her baby teeth and was already upstaging people left, right and centre.

And look, okay, I did feel like the whole ‘Who’s the new Rachel?’ plot was poorly constructed and came to a rather lame end (the kids let Artie decide? Really? He simply pronounces the new Rachel to be Blaine? Marley/spotlight?). But Artie was right on the money. If anyone was going to be the new Rachel it would be Blaine, and I’m hoping that any trouble in Klaine paradise, or even just the distance between them now that Kurt’s in New York, will allow him to further cultivate his Rachelness. By this I mean that not being part of an OTP 24/7 might allow him to be a little bit less ~nice and a little bit less, well, ~normal.


&
Blaine. Jumped rope.



Rin says: Blaine is literally the lamest person on earth. And I LOVE HIM FOR IT.

I also enjoyed the synchronised rhythmic cup percussion.

p.s. the Klaine scene was adorable.

Sophy says: OH GOD HE JUMPED ROPE. HE TAUGHT KURT A LIFE-LESSON VIA THE MEANS OF JUMPING ROPE.

I don’t.

And yes, Klaine scenes are always adorable (except when they’re horrible stomach achey messes outside gay bars, but whatever). But I really wasn’t sure about the song choice here. I actually love the song, and I think Darren et al did a really nice job with it. It just felt as though it was chosen more for being a hot track of the moment than for having real relevance to Kurt’s situation. Every time Blaine passionately insisted that he was never going to change who he is, I was like, “Okay… what?” Basically there’s only one part of the song that truly fits Kurt’s situation, and that’s the bit about not holding back and giving the Academy a raincheck. Which… embarrassingly literal. Please stop, show.

And I have to say that I once again really noticed it when they didn’t kiss at the end. I just feel like the two of them have been together publicly for so long now that it’s rather ridiculous for them to just hug at a moment like that as though they’re some kind of besties. THEY’RE GAY BOYS WHO ARE GAY FOR EACH OTHER GAY GAY GAY. THEY HAVE HAD SEX. GAY SEX. GAY GAY GAY.

They should be allowed to press their darned lips together. The way Glee tells it you’d think gay couples only kissed on Birthdays and twice at Christmas time.

(I KNOW RYAN MURPHY I KNOW.

I know if you had it your way they’d be kissing all the way to the bank. And stuff.)


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Biggest LOL

The welcome back interview for the new seniors





Rin says: I cannot look at the girl holding the banana without laughing. Especially that first cap, with her expression and the way she is holding a notebook… it all looks a little too familiar.

I’m actually a little offended. “Over-enthusiastic, ready to please, asian glee fangirl” is a role I was born to play! Where was the call, Fox? WHERE WAS IT? :-.

Um.

What I do love about the whole Tina has an asian assistant, is that apart from the lols, it is definitely playing into that time Tina said, “…if I don’t have many Asian sex symbols to look up to, I have an obligation to maybe become one myself.” AND I JUST. WHAT? Tina? CONTINUATION? I don’t?

ARTIE’S LITTLE WAVE TO THE CAMERA. HE’S USUALLY SITTING.

AND SAM. HE LOVES TO DO IMPRESSIONS. AND HE GETS ASKED TO DO TAYLOR LAUTNER, AGAIN.

AND I DIED? =))

and

TURNING MIKE CHANG FOREVER INTO MAKE CHANGE FOREVER. =)) =))

This was the perfect way to bring us back into McKinley.

And Tina? Are you going to make it a habit of echoing Quinn Fabray? First it was get it right, and now you’re all about how change is good? I’ve got my eye on you.

And just because.

Sophy says: AAAAAAAAAAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHA HOLY MOTHER OF GOD TINA’S ASSISTANT IS THE BEST. Seriously, her face. I wish that girl was going to be one of the new series regulars. She’s easily the one who made the best impression on me in this episode. Just saying.

HER. FACE.

Like, the only person who could have done it better is Rin of Rophy, as demonstrated above. But yeah. Amazing.

And I have to give special props to Jenna’s face too, right after she throws the banana. Just glorious. WHY ISN’T THERE A CAP OF IT, RIN? EXPLAIN YOURSELF?

I’LL FIX IT:

I’m 90% sure she would have burst into song if they hadn’t cut away.

AND ONE MORE FACE SHOUT-OUT. ARTIE’S FACE. LIKE, HIS FACE IN GENERAL IS JUST AN AWESOME FACE.

And Sam doing the Taylor Lautner impression made me just laugh, in that way where it’s almost like I’m screaming to myself.

So yeah, I think I was just about hyperventilating with delight at this point. Because FFFFFFF.

Sort of wondering why Brittany wasn’t interviewed? I know she’s not a new senior, but she’s still a senior? :(


&
“GLEE!!!”


Rin says: So much face palming. Will, you major loser.

Sophy says: Oh god, I nearly choked. And his slick new hair and waistcoat only make him even more of a loser. Like.


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Best Scene

“Good enough for Pretty Woman, good enough for Kurt Hummel.”









Rin says: Oh my heart. Have these two ever taken a wrong step? I think not. They are by far and wide the best parent/child relationship on the show, and also just one of the best relationships on the show. They’re kind of right up there with the greats.. Buffy/Joyce, Keith/Veronica…Kurt/Burt. Yeah, they don’t look out of place amongst them.

One of my favvvvvourite bits during this scene is Chris Colfer’s face as he’s looking out of the window in the third cap. The trepidation on his face is AMAZING and it reminds me of why this guy has an Emmy under his belt. He’s so good, and I’m so excited to see what they’re going to do with Kurt in New York. Yes it was ridiculous that Kurt didn’t make it into NYADA after all of that hoo-haa, but I love that this is the way they’re getting him to New York. It’s so much easier to settle back into what you know after you’ve been rejected, it’s safe and easy. But Blaine and Burt love Kurt enough to know that he couldn’t stay in Lima, because it wasn’t what he truly wanted and he needed to spread his wings and move forward. Even if that means leaving behind what he knows and loves.

And okay, I really wasn’t going to go there in this recap because there isn’t a need to. But it… so strongly reminds me of Faberry. AND I’M SORRY. I’LL BE QUICK. But in the Klaine scene where Blaine is telling Kurt he needs to go to New York, because it’s his time… he also says.

“You don’t belong here anymore.”

You guys. You guys. You guys.

When other canon ships start mirroring Faberry, you know Faberry are something special.

The other part that killed me during this scene is when Burt says that Kurt won’t come back. And they say their I love you’s through the car window, and as Burt watches Kurt go he starts to tear up. And I start to tell myself these are only fictional characters and there’s no need to tear up along with them. AND KURT TURNS AROUND AND DOES A LITTLE WAVE. AND AWWWWWW. :X

I hope it’s not too long before these two are reunited again. I mean, I want them to be apart for a good amount of time, so that it makes the reunion that much sweeter. But I also just really love having Burt around? He’s the world’s greatest dad? Has the mug to prove it?

Sophy says: LOL BURT. “Good enough for Pretty woman, good enough for Kurt Hummell.” IS HE AWARE THAT PRETTY WOMAN WAS A PROSTITUTE???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

UM.

But yeah, this scene was pretty perfect. Okay technically it might have felt a little like overkill, given the big Kurt/Burt scene in last season’s finale, but I think that’s just a function of how quickly they’ve swept Kurt off to New York. On the one hand I’d say it’s a mistake – I’d rather see Kurt take some time to make that move, instead of just texting his dad to start packing his things while Blaine chucked cups around to show him the way to live. The speed with which Kurt was out of there was honestly a little ridiculous, but hey, this is Glee. Most of the time, when things move forward, they lurch. And I do most definitely understand the urgency in terms of getting someone to New York who will bring out the Rachel in Rachel, more on that later.

Still, the scene itself cannot be faulted. Mike’s face, like. MIKE’S FACE. I’M SORRY BUT. He’s right up there with Lea Michele in my book for being able to gush forth oceans’ worth of pure, unfiltered feeling just via the means of face.

I just.

And like Rin, I really loved the look of trepidation on Chris’s face, as well as Burt’s admission to himself only that Kurt won’t actually come back.

AHHHHH SHAKING AND CRYING.

And I am glad that someone has finally made the point that NYADA is not the be all and end all. I mean, does every performer on Broadway come out of a particular New York tertiary institution? I’d guess not. There are other ways for Kurt to get where he wants to go and I hope he doesn’t give up.

I think I saw someone saying that it’s unrealistic for Kurt to end up working in showbusiness, because most kids, even the talented ones, don’t. And to that I say a firm “Yes,” and a firm “No.” I mean, I agree in principle. If I were at the helm of this show I would probably discipline myself to only allowing a select few kids to actually make a life for themselves in show business, and I’ll admit that Kurt is very much a niche performer. But who knows? Maybe one day in the Glee-verse some gay man who loves show tunes will be chatting with his friends and a lightbulb will come over his head and he’ll be all omg, I should do a show about this, brb finding a ragtag bunch of incredibly talented and unique leads.

Maybe that’s how Kurt Hummell would get his foot in the door. Just saying.

All I know is that it would make me terribly sad if he gave up so easily on something he is so good at and loves so much. And as for those rumours slash suggestions that he will or should turn his attention to fashion?

PLEASE. GOD. NO.

Not because I don’t think he’d be good at it. Not because I don’t think he’d enjoy it. But just because the gay boy goes for fashion, really? And worse than that the gay boy settles for fashion. Because that’s where he belongs, you know? It’s almost like putting the woman in the kitchen. because she’s better off there.

JUST.


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Best ‘Brittany is random’ Moment

“…and it’s hard making out over Skype. You can’t really scissor a webcam.”


Rin says: I know they’ve said it before, but jesus christ. I just laughed and laughed, how can they say that on Glee. =))

ALSO I HAVE TO QUOTE THIS BIT TOO.

“I had a song in my heart, Blaine Warbler, and you killed it. Now I have a dead song in my heart, and pretty soon, the corpse of my dead heart song is going to start to smell.”

BLAINE.

WARBLER.

BRITTANY STILL THINKS BLAINE’S LAST NAME IS WARBLER.

Fucking greatest.

Sophy says: BRITTANY WAS SO PERFECT IN THIS EPISODE. Pretty much everything she said and did was amazing.

And yes that includes her liking Mercedes’ new haircut when Mercedes was actually Wade. And had just been introduced as “Wade ‘Unique’ Adams”. Loudly. I know a lot of people read that as racist, or as a dig at people who are overweight, but to me it was just Brittany being Brittany. Right up there with thinking Joe’s a girl because he has long hair and also because Quinn might be into him. And repeatedly addressing a middle-aged woman on the prom committee as Rachel.

I love her I love her I love her.

You know what else I love? Her dynamic with Kurt and Blaine. It’s actually sort of refreshing having half the club gone (ALTHOUGH, COME BACK TO ME MY DARLINGS NEVER LEAVE ME, NEVER GO.) in that it’s shaken up the relationships a little bit. I mean, have we ever really seen Kurt, Blaine and Brittany sitting down and chatting over coffee? Have Tina and Britt been this cute together all along and I just wasn’t seeing it over all the Brittana cute?

I know it’s tough for Brittana addicts to have the two separated, but hopefully we’ll get to see new sides of them as individuals in the meantime.


&
Random, but we need to mention it.




Rin says: So. What the fuck happened over the break, you guys?

Last I heard, we were all — Okay this Wade/Unique thing was nice and all, but Newell is not a strong actor and probably needs to leave forever, and oh my god get the fuck away from my New Directions.

But they brought him back and I didn’t hate any of it. I actually quite LIKE it. It works.

Last season, at least for me, the Unique character felt more like a gimmick, and more of a way for Glee to say, ‘HEY LOOK! WE’RE BEING SO INCLUSIVE, AREN’T WE?! 8-. ‘ And it’s kind of ironic that this recap is following on from the Throwdown recap where we were frustrated about people bringing Glee down and not recognising how inclusive they really are. But you know, for that to work, there does need to be a real effort to make it about a rounded-out character and not a flat image.

I feel like they really took the time to think about how Unique would work in a more realistic manner, especially now that she was going to be a McKinley student. And you know, the scene in the cafeteria where Unique comes in with makeup and everyone tells her she needs to go take it off — the unexpected happens. You expect her to be fierce and say she is who she is and doesn’t care what others think. But she doesn’t. Because you know, she’s a new kid at this school and wants to fit in. And you see that bit of uncertainty across her face as she tells them that she’ll go ‘take off her face’ (WHICH! TAKE. OFF. HER. FACE.) and honestly the whole thing is pretty small. But it’s the nuance and the details that really work at making Unique/Wade seem much more real.

Nice job with that one Glee.

‘Unique’s eyes…they are on FIRE!’ also made me laugh out loud.

And finally, in the first cap. WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THE CHEERIO IN THE BACKGROUND WITH A NECK BRACE? =)) =)) Christ. Is that a purposeful hilarious background detail, as a commentary on how Sue is INSANE? Cause, yes, I dig it.

Sophy says: WHAT HAPPENED? I was so apprehensive last season about Wade/Unique joining the group, because whilst I very much enjoyed her performances, I wasn’t that keen on Alex’s acting. And yet somehow he managed to waltz into the club and seem right at home? Really, it seems as though he may even have taken some acting classes over the break, or at least thought quite seriously about who his character is and how he’s going to sell her to us.

And here’s where I run into trouble. Him? Her? I’m honestly not sure about the pronouns. I’m old and stupid and I’m not sure to what extent Wade creates Unique and to what extent he – she – lives her? Hopefully this is something the show will address moving forward.

But yeah. She fitted right and didn’t bother me one bit. In fact, I found her adorable. Most especially when she said she’d take her face off.

I just.

IT WAS SO CUTE, YOU GUYS.

Never take your face off, Wade/Unique :(( Neverrrrrrrrr :((

And can I just say that with this addition to the cast they seriously have to do La Vie Boheme at some point. Like, maybe for the next Nationals. Because oh my god.


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Rophy Says No!

Marley Sue



Rin says: Okay, my thoughts on Marley, and her whole spiel aren’t as ferocious as I thought they would be. But overall they’re not pleasant.

And hey, it’s kind of a good thing for us to have a WHITE, BLUE-EYED BRUNETTE to dislike. See, we don’t discriminate!

Here we go.

I love love love her mum. And I think they are trying to tell a really nice story with the two of them, however that’s kind of where it stops.

Because it all becomes too much, in too little time.

Marley is a complete Mary Sue. In every single way, she’s presented as a character with so many LIKEABLE qualities that it becomes ridiculous.

I mean, in just the one episode we learn:

Pretty
Sings well
Heart of gold
Morally good
Fantastic relationship with mother
Can’t afford designer labels! :(
Wears a jaunty hat
Performs hands down one of the best auditions Will has ever seen
Has star quality
Just wants to be a singer on the radio :D
Helps out her mum after school
The classic — HAD NO FRIENDS AT OLD SCHOOL, NEW CHANCE AT THIS SCHOOL
Stands up to THE COOL MEAN KIDS
Has a mini whiteboard in her locker with ‘I LOVE <3 MY MUM’ written on it (seriously?)
Teaches all of the Glee kids a lesson
Immediately gets lead vocals
Has more than one jaunty hat.

I’m not opposed to ‘good’ characters you guys, in fact they’re some of my favourite characters of all time. e.g. Dr Cameron, Leslie Knope,  Hermione Granger, etc. The problem I’m having with Marley is that she is completely overworked and unbalanced as a character. She has this and this and this and oh look how awesome I am! Except no, Marley would never say that, ’cause she’s so humble too! It honestly reads as a really poorly written original character that you would find in fanfiction. Over-idealised, with no areas of grey. Just white. She’s an angel you guys. AN ANGEL. Maybe the jaunty hat is supposed to symbolise a halo.

And yes, this is me being not as ferocious as I thought I would be.

I want to say that I HOPE they change my views on her. But I’m pretty sure they’re going to continue down the path of Marley = Better than sliced bread.

I also really don’t like how I’m getting the idea that they’re really going to push Marley as the ‘new Rachel’ — as in, have her be the star of New Directions. I don’t need a new character shoved so violently down my throat, especially when they already have a plethora of stars within the group. Don’t try to sell to us that the seniors are getting their chance now that the others have gone, and then conjure up this new girl to take the spotlight. I just, don’t care.

It also flat-out stunk that Marley TAUGHT THE GLEE KIDS A LESSON. It’s upsetting because we know these kids and have seen them grow over the years, and I thought they had gotten to this place where they didn’t give a shit about being popular because they knew Glee was special and being a part of that, and having each other, was more than enough. Instead we see a bunch of insecure 17 year olds, clamouring around to win the favour of the bitchy cheerleader and her jocks. Just? Eye-rolls. So many. 8-) 8-) 8-)

I don’t hate Marley. I just don’t see why everyone is so head over heels with her already. I’m indifferent at best about her. And am I the only one who thinks of the lab from Marley & Me whenever her name is said? Except even that Marley had more character flaws.

I wish they mixed it up a bit. How about a cheerleader that is actually nice? Maybe? Jake may be okay, I didn’t have an adverse reaction to him. And the parallel at the end of the episode was nice. BUT WHERE’S MY EMMA AND BIESTE? I NEED THEM. And how old is Becky? Did she graduate? :(

I won’t go into Kitty. But. WELL YOU GUYS CAN IMAGINE THE FURY OF HEARING ‘SHE’S LIKE QUINN FABRAY’ COME OUT OF SUE’S MOUTH. Don’t worry, Kitty is on my list too.

Sophy says: Well. I do. I do hate Marley that is.

I hate her like I hate spider bites on babies’ faces ON THEIR BIRTHDAYS.

This girl? THIS GIRL.

I don’t even know where to start.

Let’s just say that I found myself thinking how ‘Marley Sue’ was the most apt bitchy nickname possible for her, and then I realized actually the most apt bitchy nickname possible for her was ‘Marley Rose,’ which you guys is her actual name.

HER ACTUAL NAME IS MARLEY ROSE.

YES.

IT REALLY IS.

IT IS.

AND I JUST????????????

AM I READING TWILIGHT FANFICTION????????????????

IS SHE AN OC WHO WILL WIN THE HEARTS OF EVERYONE IN FORKS AND SOMEDAY MARRY JACOB AND MAKE HIM HAPPIER THAN “BELLA SWAN” EVER COULD?????

To be honest, that’s where she belongs. In Forks. No, in an even shittier version of Forks, written by an 11 year old who learned everything she knows about writing from Twilight.

I. JUST?

Wow.

Okay, I think Rin has covered most of what’s wrong with this character with her gloriously on point list above. But let me just say this: she is, hands down, the worst thing Glee has ever done. That includes Holly Holliday – probably only because Holly wasn’t a regular, but still. No mean feat. I mean, you guys, I had major issues with Lauren Zises, as has been well documented in these recaps, but Marley has me looking back on her fondly.

There are two things that will make it impossible for me to warm to a newbie on a beloved show. She is doomed if she is a) practically perfect in every way, and b) in my face. Marley was both. And then she just had to push the envelope by teaching the characters I know and love a valuable lesson about being as perfect as her.

It was a fucking home run if this was an exercise in how not to introduce a newb. It was flawlessly awful writing. And despite the fact that I enjoyed this episode for the most part, it does make me terribly concerned about the show’s future.

It’s ironic that only a couple of days before this episode aired, Rin and I did our recap for 107, in which I opined that Glee had lost some of the bite it once had – many of the characters had been normalized to the point where the fun had been beaten out of them, and many of the whackier side characters had been axed altogether. I grumbled about how Glee used to feel like more of a black comedy than an after school special – or rather that it used to get the balance between being wickedly funny and delivering a positive message right. I remember expressing some hope that the shake-up in season 4 would shake out some new comic talent.

It hasn’t. I mean, it really, really hasn’t.

Unique is a good time. Brittany continues to deliver. Blaine provides epic lols via the means of lame. And Rachel and Kurt together will always get a giggle from me. Tina has really stepped up to the plate in terms of comedy.

But all the new characters are as lol-free as they can be. Okay, maybe, maybe with the exception of Kitty. The lines for Kitty were pretty decent. I probably would have been tickled if they’d been coming out of Quinn’s mouth. Or, you know, Santana’s mouth, since she seems to be a mix of those two. And it’s not that I found the actress so very bad with her delivery. She was passable. It’s just that passable won’t cut it when the last person carving the school up with her tongue was Naya Rivera, you know?

More than anything, though, it’s the writing that’s the problem there. Another mean cheerio. Yawn. If we were going to have a nauseatingly sweet character, it should not have been the sweetly talented tomboyish brunette with jaunty hats. It should have been the Head Cheerleader. That might have been interesting. For two reasons. One, it’s never been done before. Two, its very newness would make it the perfect breeding ground for hilarity.

Kitty should have had a heart of gold. Kitty should have had the fat lunchlady mum who sewed her Cheerios uniforms out of scraps. Kitty should have been the one who put decency above popularity. Kitty should have been the one who just wanted to be a dancer in any professional company, but was so damn good at Cheer try-outs Sue had to put her at the top of the pyramid even though she loathed her and every gooey, fuzzy thing she stood for.

I would have poked fun at that character. Everyone would have poked fun at that character. And they would have loved her too. And I might have loved her.

What Glee has given us instead are a bunch of pallid cliches who bring no humour to the show and no tension to the narrative.

I’ll reserve final judgment on Kitty because we’ve seen so little of her. Who knows, maybe they’ll develop her in a way that will surprise us all. Maybe the actress will rise to the occasion over time. But I have a sneaking suspicion that no matter what they do with her, she’s doomed by this introduction to be a weak imitation of Quinn and/or Santana. Either that, or she just stays the two-dimensional jerk she is now. Neither prospect is particularly appealing.

Puck’s secret brother? Eh. I’ll reserve judgment there too, although I can’t say I’m impressed with the retread. The only way it could be interesting is it they follow through on the rage he was talking up in this episode – if he is truly damaged and anti-social. But can Glee really manage that? Even if they can, should they? I worry that to tell that kind of story properly would change the whole tone of the show. And more than anything I worry that this kid will wind up being something out of a completely earnest version of Urban Glee. He can do anything that he puts his mind to, you guys. Doesn’t matter that his momma’s on the corner selling body for the rock.

AND SEE THIS IS WHAT I MEAN. Let’s look at the Original Puck. He was fucking hilarious and wrong and amazing. And underneath all that, he had layers. Those layers were first and foremost his true feelings about Quinn and the baby, which kind of got screwed up and shoved under the carpet. But later he had other layers, as shown in his scenes with Bieste. In contrast, Puck 2.0 is showing his hand right from the start. And so far is showing no signs of being a comedic character in any way. Which is the same problem with Marley. She is not a comedic character in any way.

All the Glee kids in the original cast were funny. Tina, Artie, Mercedes, Kurt, Finn, Quinn, Puck, Rachel… even Will himself. They were all constructed as characters on a comedy show right from the start. I’m not saying they don’t have their dramatic moments too, but first and foremost they were funny. Even characters like Lauren and Holly were at least intended to make us laugh. With Marley and Jake they’re not even making an effort. They’re just writing straight, humourless paint by numbers characters – people who belong in Disney Movies being played by Hillary Duff and whoever that guy is from One Tree Hill.

And Marley is the worst of them. Marley and her fucking jaunty hats. OH GOD. She is the blandest, “cutest,” bestest, goodest, magic in her throatest heap of steaming CRAP EVER.

I mean, I know I should probably be reserving judgment on her too, like I am with Kitty and Jake, but I just can’t. It’s like if Marley was eggs, this episode was Glee throwing them on the floor. It’s too late to go back now. The only way is omelette. A gross omelette with egg-shells and floor in it. I mean, okay, I’d try to forgive and forget if they completely changed her character to please me, but that’s never going to happen is it? This is who Marley is: good, pure, ambitious in a non-threatening “appropriate” way, pretty in a Nickelodeon kind of way, she can sing like how a lot of girls can sing, she wears jaunty hats, she loves her mum, SHE THOUGHT THE GLEE KIDS WERE DIFFERENT.

There is nothing interesting about her. Nothing. And yet she is treated by all the characters as though she were interesting.

And seriously, if the whole ‘New Rachel’ thing was the set-up for the kids unequivocally accepting someone who happens to be Marley as the star of the club, I will make SO MANY EMPTY THREATS to quit watching Glee. You have no idea. Like, they’ll be pages long. Because as far as I’m concerned Tina, Artie and Brittany are all more seasoned and attractive performers than this girl. And to compare her to Blaine in terms of leadership and star quality would just be laughable.

So.

That’s just how I feel.

I mean, really, when she was singing New York State of Mind with Rachel, I just kept asking myself incredulously how on earth the writers thought this would be a good idea – to put this kid up against Lea in the very first episode – are you KIDDING ME? Every time it cut to Marley I was struck, hard, on the head, with a saucepan, by how inferior she was. Lea Michele – Rachel Berry – she’s come a long way on this show, but from day one she has known how to infuse her performances with all the emotion and intensity in the world. Marley – Melissa – she just sings. It’s not the same thing. It’s like the difference between buying a cake and baking one. And, you know, even if Marley wasn’t an awful character and a lacklustre performer, it still would have been foolhardly to pitch her against Lea. To in fact allow her to muscle in on Rachel Berry’s only song in a season premiere that was named after her. Her first big song at NYADA and some random gets all up in it with her jaunty hat? Really?

And then there’s the fact that she sang again at the end. There’s the fact that Marley sang more than anybody else in this episode.

MARLEY SANG MORE THAN ANYBODY ELSE IN THIS EPISODE.

Did they not learn their lesson about this shit with Rory??? And that episode wasn’t even a season opener. It certainly wasn’t a HUGELY EMOTIONALLY CHARGED SEASON OPENER in which the whole damn show was being shaken up and the last thing fans wanted to feel was that the new girl was more important than the girl. The girl who made this show was it is.

Oh and let me just say one more thing. I nearly choked when Sam and Marley bonded over being a poor-ass goody two shoes. Like. I literally yelled at Rin as Sam approached her ‘I BET THEY BOND OVER HOW THEY’RE BOTH SO POOR AND DECENT AND STUFF’. And then they did.

Erg.

Okay and now let’s talk about the hats. Yes, we actually do need to talk about the hats. The problem with them is that they’re what confident people wear. You know, seasoned hipsters and pretty girls who want to make sure they’re looked at without actually looking like they particularly want to be looked at. In the real world unassuming, shy sweetie-pies don’t wear hats. They don’t have the balls. On TV, they do. Because it’s just another way they’re, like, super cute and fashionably anti-fashion without really meaning to be.

That’s the problem with the hats.

And that’s the problem with Marley in general.

COME AT ME, MARLEY-LOVERS. COME AT ME ALL YOU LIKE. I WILL NEVER SURRENDER.

SHE. IS. THE. WORST.


&
Kate Hudson as a dance teacher.





Rin says: She just looks so clunky you guys. Like a horse dancing. Maybe that’s why Lea was so in awe.

I really am the last person who is qualified to talk about technique and all of that, but I do have 9 seasons of experience in being an avid SYTYCD fan. So.

My biggest problem with Kate Hudson playing a dance teacher, is that it’s such an obvious bit of stunt casting. And that rubs me in completely the wrong way because it says they don’t trust in their cast to be interesting enough to get people to watch the new season, and it says they don’t believe the fans are loyal enough to tune in. When really, the main reason fans have been tuning out is because of how sloppy they can be when it comes to actual plot. Not because of the lack of Kate Hudson. And yeah, I still don’t know anyone who would tune into Glee just for Kate Hudson. Are the general public really that easy? :-s I worry.

Um but yeah. The second problem I have is that Kate Hudson isn’t even a good choice. It does’t make any sense…unless they cast her purely on the ‘pathetic drunk’ aspect of the character. Then, bravo? But she’s supposed to be a dance teacher at one of the TOP (if not the top, in Gleeverse anyway) dramatic art schools in NEW YORK. New York, you know, that city where it’s the hardest place to make it? And we’re expected to believe that this is one of their teachers? A clunky horse that wouldn’t even take home gold in the dressage event.

I mean, in the first season of Glee they actually cared about who they were asking to guest star, didn’t they? Menzel, Chenoweth.. broadway veterens who are more than qualified to play the characters that they do. Eve, Groff, NEIL PATRICK HARRIS… you know, these are all people that make sense.

I honestly don’t even hate Kate Hudson, I’ve seen How To Lose a Guy, Bride Wars, Something Borrowed etc. etc. and yeah, she’s kind of the same person in everything she does, but she fills that character adequately enough. She’s always a bit of a bitch, and that’s a role. Whatever.

But on a show like Glee, I would much rather someone who is actually a trained dancer playing the role of a dance teacher. I’m not crazy, right? That’s not a lot to ask for. Why couldn’t it have been an unknown? I mean, the entire cast of Glee was practically unknown (except for Jane Lynch), and it’s hard to believe it can be luck when they uncovered an ENTIRE CAST OF GEMS. They obviously took lots of care when creating their characters, and casting the roles. Even the minor roles — I mean they created the role of Brittany because Heather was so talented. But who’d have thought that other asian in the background was the best dancer on the show? And Naya?! I’m pretty sure Santana was never meant to become the character that she became, but Naya’s brilliance meant her character needed to shine too.

Why couldn’t they have done that with this role? I mean, I don’t even want to say the character’s name because it’s so stupid. But they had a real opportunity, and they passed it up.

And maybe I’m making a big mess of something that isn’t really a big deal, but I feel like I have to because Glee made such a big fucking deal over this Kate Hudson thing. I didn’t even watch a single promo, but I still know they mostly read as Glee season 4: Kate Hudson. AND HONESTLY? Get fucked. Glee is so much better than Kate Hudson. And I feel like it’s one of those things where she’s using Glee as a platform to try and ~ignite some buzz for her career, and try to appeal to younger audiences. AND I JUST. I love Glee. I don’t like feeling like they’re being used.

Sophy says: I really thought Kate Hudson as a dance teacher would be my biggest problem with this episode. I was not banking on Marley being… Marley. Alas. I don’t really have big feelings one way or the other about Kate Hudson as an actress. She’s just always been sort of there. And she’s just sort of there on Glee too. I mean, the bitchy dance teacher is on page one of a handbook I’m putting together called ‘How to write with cliches,’ and maybe that doesn’t help. Maybe that makes it significantly harder to make an impression, like it’s hard for the girl in beige and brown to pop next to the girl in red. You really need to be Jane Lynch to make these kinds of roles work, and Hudson is not Jane Lynch. The writing for the Cassandra character is pretty average, and she isn’t able to elevate it, and that is why the casting really, really grates with me.

First and foremost it bothers me that they cast someone who isn’t a dancer as the dance teacher at this mythical star-making performing arts school in New York City. This character should be the best of the best, or at least should be able to show evidence of having been the best of the best. Kate is a layman with a modest quantity of natural grace. It’s just fucking not cutting it, no matter how much she rolls around on the floor or whips her hair in her face.

(Meanwhile, did anyone else keep flashing back to ‘Hairography’ and thinking I see what you’re doing there, Kate.)

Um. Yeah. It bothers me that Glee put so much effort into casting actual A-level singers in roles that would require actual A-level singing, and even in roles that didn’t necessarily require it – washed-up April, never-made-it Will, never-really-made-it-either Shelby, never-gonna-make-it Jesse… it bothers me so much that they made that effort when it came to singing and no effort at all when it came to dancing. I guess this is the dancer in me talking, but it really does smack of something I encounter all too often in the world of the arts – people who don’t really get that dance is an art, not something anyone who can shake their hips can do.

Bottom line, they should have shown greater respect for dance as an art, by casting a dancer in this role. I say this because this was not an either/or situation. There are plenty of dancers out there who can also act and have the comic chops to pull off an evil vodka-swilling has-been coach from hell. And the worst part? Hudson doesn’t have those chops. The only circumstances in which I could forgive a non-dancer being cast in this role is if, you know, that non-dancer was Amy Poehler or something. But to nix the dancer aspect for someone who is not a comedian and not really anything to write home about as an actress generally?

Sadface. It is mine.

And okay, I read this idea somewhere in fandom about casting Heather in the role of the NYADA dance instructor and to be honest I think that would have been brilliant. I wouldn’t even try to justify it. I wouldn’t even mention the similarity. It would just be one of those things that people would shake their heads over, until maybe the last episode of the show, where it would be addressed in some hilarious ‘I don’t give a shit about jumping sharks’ way. That’s something ‘Popular’ would have done, right? And it would have been amazing.

I’m also going to need to go for a bit of a rant now. I’ve seen some people in fandom saying how there was really nothing wrong with Cassandra’s teaching methods – in fact she’s doing the kids a favour by letting them know now that most of them aren’t going to make it – and specifically she’s doing them a favour by bullying  and publicly humiliating one of the girls about her weight, on account of how people in the industry are going to bully and publicly humiliate her similarly and this treatment will a) grow her a thick skin, and b) motivate her to lose weight and excel in her field.

Um.

No.

Bullying does not toughen people up. Humiliation is not a motivator to be the best you can be.

Okay, I’m not going to speak for every human experience. Sometimes people respond differently to similar situations. All I can say is that I’ve seen this kind of behaviour from dance instructors and I’ve seen the consequences of it and more often than not they are not pretty. People hating themselves. People throwing their dreams away – people throwing their lives away. People actually dying. Those are very real consequences that flow from bullying and public humiliation of this nature. And to say that we should prepare people for it because it’s going to happen to them out in the world? That is the most bogus argument. It really is. It’s like saying ‘Oh, hey, you’re going to be walking through a bad neighborhood late at night on Tuesday, let me just punch you in the face to get you ready for that.’ And more than that, it’s about giving into the bullies. No, it’s about living up to the bullies – it’s about doing things their way. That is never the answer.

Let me be clear – I don’t have a problem with Glee portraying this. They’ve been doing it for years with Sue and with Vocal Adrenaline, but it’s fine, it’s okay – because it is something that does happen, and I’m pretty sure as yet that it’s not supposed to be condoned behaviour. But to anyone in the world out there who thinks it’s a good thing. To anyone who thinks being called ‘Muffin top’ is being done a favour?

Please… think again?

Meanwhile, I need to briefly mention this character’s name. Cassandra July? Really? What is it with these new characters and their fanfic names?

Oh yeah, and I really hated the way she said “Welcome to Nyadahhh!” at the beginning. Like. I just. I really hated it. Idek.


&
Brody.




Rin says: Guys, I voted for Dean when he was on Australian Idol. Okay? So, don’t even.

But Brody sucks.

What’s annoying is that Rachel just came off an entire season where she was always on Finn’s arm. And now that they’ve finally gotten some space in between them, they throw the first guy available at her? WHY CAN’T WE EVER JUST GET RACHEL, AND RACHEL ONLY, for more than an episode? Just one, even? Or why couldn’t she have made an actual friend at NYADA? I mean, I’m totally on the position that Rachel would really struggle with making new friends, so why couldn’t they explore that? Instead of, Hi Rachel, NEWWWW LOVE INTEREST.. EHH???EH???? :D

And don’t tell me they’re just making Brody a friend. Are we not all aware of how S4 is going to be all about Finchel growing apart, finding new people, and then at the end of the season they find each other again and are the otp to end all otps?

Brody is like….he’s so crisp and clean in his appearance that it’s boring. Glee has people as their characters, you know? Everyone has their look and thing — they’re unique..JUST LIKE IN THE REAL WORLD! Brody looks like he was pulled straight out of a GQ magazine or something.

AND I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH HOW MUCH I HATE HOW BEFORE RACHEL PERFORMED, THEY SHOWED BRODY GIVING A NOD. Like, OH! BRODY NODDED HIS APPROVAL TO BE AWESOME, I CAN BE AWESOME NOW. Like, what the fuck was that? I get that Rachel is struggling and that her confidence has been shaken because everyone else is so amazing and NYADA is rough, but I don’t like that they just met and suddenly he’s the reason Rachel can be Rachel.

And then the scene with the photo. Oh dear lord, just fucking hell. Get out.

YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW RACHEL, AND YOU’RE TELLING HER SHE SHOULD JUST ACCEPT AND BECOME THIS NEW AND IMPROVED GIRL. ????????????????????????????????????? WHO DOES THAT? You fucking moron, Rachel Berry is the greatest human being ever invented, and much better than you. Much, much better.

Urgh.

Just another bad new character.

I hope Kurt hates him. But he’ll probably love him because EVERYBODY LOVES BRODY. LOOK AT HOW PERFECT HE IS. Urgh.

And that part where he goes, “I’m straight,” …….in what world. IN WHAT WORLD WOULD THAT EVER MAKE A GIRL SWOON?

IN. WHAT. WORLD.

Sophy says: I was just frankly aghast – aghast – when this guy got to muscle in on Rachel’s first big performance moment at NYADA. I mean, I was even more aghast a second later when I realized Marley was going to muscle in on it all the way from Lima, Ohio, but still. That little condescending nod of his head was completely unnecessary – his presence at Rachel’s side altogether was completely unnecessary.

Excuse me, show, but didn’t you break Finchel up so that Rachel could go out into the world on her own? I realize that she’s only just met Brody, and that Brody is the one encroaching on her life rather than vice versa, but it still kind of ruined the symbolic magic of our first episode with Rachel in the big city to have some guy trailing around after her giving her pep talks. She was meant to be a sister doing it for herself??????? Just??

And really, this is some seriously fanficcy writing. Rachel goes to college and immediately meets a hot boy who is unnaturally interested in her life? A hot boy who duly shows his romantic interest in her, but then proceeds to be non-threateningly supportive and hover like some kind of spirit guide? Please.

I also can’t say I was fond of his Finn-esque introduction. We’ve already had the flashback to that with Finn and Sam. We don’t need it rehashed a third time with Rachel and her hot spirit guide. He was also a bit disturbingly Finn-esque in his borderline offensive complimenting of Rachel. “New and improved”? Really? He knows fuck all about who Rachel was, is, or is going to be. And taking a picture of them together on her phone so she can make new memories? One of the most obnoxious things anyone on this show has ever done.

And again, the issue with this character is that the actor is not funny. Cory is funny. Mark is funny. Both of them could have pulled off, for instance, the “I’m straight,” line, either with boyish charm on the one hand, or with laugh-out-loud, scoundrelish self-absorption on the other. Jonathan Groff would have slayed that line like he was a knight on horseback and it was a fearsome dragon. That’s part of the problem: Jesse is a better Brody than Brody. And as soon as I start thinking of Jesse I start thinking how ludicrous it is that NYADA will take this boy, that NYADA will take the Ave Maria girl, but it wouldn’t take him.

And that brings me to my issues with Rachel in this episode. Rachel is sad and lonely and out of her depth. That’s good. That’s exactly the way I would have had it. Except I would have had her feel that way for organic, Rachel reasons, not for external Kate Hudson reasons. Rachel’s dance teacher is the only reason she is falling apart in this episode. Sure, she misses everyone back home, but she was always going to miss everyone back home. Sure she feels insecure about the situation with Finn, but that was a given too. I wanted to see Rachel struggle at NYADA, because of who Rachel is and because of how damn talented everyone around her was. We haven’t actually seen any talent at this school. So far we know that Brody can carry a tune. We know that the only person other than Rachel who sang in Thibodeaux’ class can’t carry a tune. We know that Rachel’s brilliant dance teacher is in fact a delusional, alcoholic hair-shaker of no artistic substance, such that even her justified criticisms of Rachel’s form are rendered irrelevant by her general meanness and hypocrisy. There is nothing going on at this school for Rachel to be insecure about and there really ought to be. I wanted to see her struggle with feeling like a small fish now that she’s in this enormous pond. And I wanted to see her struggle socially too.

It took Rachel so long to really bond with the Glee kids at McKinley. It was something she worked at. It was something that the shared experience of being on this little island of Losers helped her to do. It was the Glee club against the world, and so over time they became family. Over time she knew what it was like to be loved and understood. With NYADA the rug has been pulled out from under her – or it should have been. I was hoping to see a Rachel who returned in some ways to the girl she was when we first met her. Determined to the point of being abrasive. Insecure in ways that made her a little crazy sometimes. Wanting everything so much that a lot of people wanted to punch her in the face about it. But that’s not how Rachel has been written at NYADA. She’s been written more like Marley Sue.

In the bathroom scene with Brody, I honestly felt like I was watching Lea play another character. She was sweet and non-confrontational. She was just a girl. And honestly, I kept thinking that the Rachel Berry I know and love would be rattling off her reasons why co-ed bathrooms are a breeding ground for unwanted attentions and have the potential to scar her for life, and the very least he could do would be to not wander around in a towel attempting to flirt at three o’clock in the morning. She is here to become a star, not play up to his aftershave commercial fantasies. Then she would primly grasp her toiletries bag and make a bee-line for the shower cubicle. But she doesn’t. She just ingenues all over the place.

In her scenes with Kate Hudson there’s a similar problem. She’s strong and calm, whilst tentative and overwhelmed. She’s ambitious but not so as anyone could make fun of her for it. There is actually nothing at all inappropriate about her at NYADA, and I feel there should always be something a little inappropriate about Rachel Berry.

I mean, heck, even her expression of disrespect to Kate was on the nose. She rolled her eyes because Kate had just verbally bullied a classmate about her weight. That’s something Marley would do. Rachel Berry would cause a scene at some point, I’m sure. But not via the means of her face accidentally commiserating with a fellow human being.

You guys, she was just so painfully NORMAL in this episode? And it felt way, way off. The only times Rachel actually came alive – the only times she really felt like Rachel – were in her interactions with Kurt. So for that reason, I’m very relieved that he’s going to be by her side, even if in an ideal world I would have liked to see her on her own for a little while.

But she wouldn’t have been on her own, anyway! Because Brody was there to be an insta-friend!

And to that I say, Rachel Berry would never, ever, ever have insta-friends unless they had ulterior motives. But the girl Lea was playing in a lot of these scenes? I guess she would.

Fail, show. No gold stars. Must do better.



///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Head In Hands

“Turn around.”















Rin says: I almost cried capping this scene. Because of Lea Michele.

I’m not going to go on about how frustrating it is that she hasn’t won all the awards in the world yet, but emotion just pours out of her so effortlessly that I can’t. I CAN’T.

Even if the rest of the episode was poo, which it wasn’t, this would have saved it for me. Kurt and Rachel. Soulmates.

Oh and quickly, how freaking gorgeous was this entire scene visually? The greens, blues and greeny-blues against Rachel’s outfit was stunning. And the colours of the crowd behind them. AND THE BOKEH. And the lighting as the day turned to dusk. Ahhhh, just all of it. Gorgeous.

I gotta give Glee props for how they’re handling Rachel in New York. When I saw some set pictures of Lea, in her Rachel outfits she was looking OVERLY glamorous. Like suddenly Rachel was a sex kitten, or some nonsense. She looked way more like Lea, than Rachel. And I was worried they were going to try and make Rachel all put-together and full of confidence, conquering New York with every step she took.

But they didn’t. Brody’s aside, she was the Rachel I know and love, and that makes me so happy. She spent so much of S3 being lost in the stupid-finn-wedding-thing that I’d fallen a bit out of love with Rachel. I MEAN, not a lot, just in the way where I didn’t know if I could still bring up her name when I was thinking of favourite TV characters.

But the Rachel that lied to Kurt, the one who didn’t want to show a chink in the amour, that was very Rachel. And then she calls him again and confesses everything and tells him that she’s not okay? That’s the Rachel I know and love and adore and it’s also the Hummelberry that I know and adore.

We all knew the reveal was coming, and yet? Still managed to be completely moving? The way he waved from across the fountain, and those three caps of Rachel as she spots him might be three of my most favourite caps of anything ever. Those in particular are the ones that make me feel teary, because she is SO MANY THINGS in that moment. And then that cap of Kurt as he stands there just smiling back at her. Wow, is there anything cuter?

AND THEN THEY RAN INTO EACH OTHER’S ARMS AND HAD A NEW YORK MOMENT AND OH MY GOD. We saw the spoiler pics of this, and it STILL DIDN’T PREPARE US. Nothing in the world could have for how wonderfully beautiful, and happy, and shiny they were. These two are best friends for life, and you can feel that in your bones. God I love good friendships. I really do. They’re just as important to me, that they get it right, as ‘otps’ are.

Because they can make me feel the same things.. okay… maybe not as RABIDLY, but they still warm my heart. Kurt and Rachel made me feel like Glee isn’t lost. It hasn’t gone anywhere, and change can be so good. As they keep trying to tell us.

Pretty much no show that has high schoolers graduating get it right immediately. The transition period is always awkward, but I feel like maybe Glee can do it. I really do think they did a good job with the s4 premiere. It wasn’t S1 or S3 good, but it was certainly on par with S2. I’m giving Glee at least a few episodes to find their footing, before I start to make any sort of big claims. But yeah.. I’m not mad. Is all I’m trying to say.

And her yellow hat (that gave me 308 feelings) with the side braid is the cutest thing I have ever seen in the entire world. Anyone else would be foolish to try and wear a hat in the same episode.

YOU HEAR THAT BURT??? YOU HEAR THAT?!

Sophy says: Lol, I don’t think Burt’s the one who should be worrying about his hats.

I will never ever ever with the faces Rachel makes in this scene. Lea is just magic at this stuff – the crumbling insecurity, the waves of ugly longing… how her face has not earned her an Emmy yet, I do not know.

I think Rin has mentioned everything with respect to the insane cuteness and beauty of this scene, so I’ll just second everything she’s said.

Once gay marriage happens, we need to get started pushing platonic marriage. Seriously, there should be some kind of public register that Rachel and Kurt and Lea and Chris can go to put their platonic love on the record.

Because.


&
Just. The orange. Rachel. How.



Rin says: The most gorgeous room ever? Maybe?

PAIRED WITH LEA MICHELE’S FACE?

Too much. Not enough.

Keep it coming.

Sophy says: I actually gasped at this scene because it was so pretty.

Someday I want to go to there.


///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Most Rophy

“I am a director. Therefore, I never pass up on an opportunity to judge people.”


Rin says: …How many times has Artie been Most Rophy now?

Disturbing.

Although, he has buffalo on his sweater shirt thing, so maybe all is not lost.

Sophy says: You know, when you add up all his Most Rophys you realize we love Artie a lot more than we think we do.




///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Quinn Glory Shot

Yes?


Rin says: I miss them all. Finn not so much, but given enough time I will start to miss him too.

But this girl, right here?

I really won’t be able to go very long without having her on my screen. I need more than a special guest appearance.

I need Quinn Fabray to be back.

She can bring the horse if she wants.

In fact, if Quinn Fabray doesn’t turn up to Thanksgiving on horseback, I’m going to call OOC.

Sophy says: OH MY GOD CAN SHE BE NAKED?

LADY QUINNDIVA.

130 Responses

  1. proud faberry fan
    proud faberry fan at · Reply

    i approve of quinn glory shot. if they don’t give us quinn, we get dianna, dianna glory shots. NEVER STOP!

  2. Jules
    Jules at · Reply

    I love how even though I don’t watch glee, for some reason I always read you recaps .. Marley Rose sound awful, but I kind fo like her name

    1. Sophy
      Sophy at · Reply

      Marley Rose would be an awesome name for someone who wasn’t Marley Rose.

  3. AnnYouBeautifulTropicalFish
    AnnYouBeautifulTropicalFish at · Reply

    First of, thanks for the recap ladies :)

    But what to think of this mess of an episode. I don’t know. Honestly, I was pretty scared to watch the episode since I knew Quinn wouldn’t be in it and we would get lots of new characters.

    I agree with you on almost everything. I really hated that Brody character. I mean really Glee? Rachel Berry can’t struggle alone in NYC without having a male love interest crossing her path immediately. I mean, this whole Rachel and Kurt reunion thing was built up like a Romantic Comedy ending and I loved it. But we don’t need any Brody for that.

    Rachel and Kurt were perfect and I wish the focus would have been on Rachel struggeling alone and eventually making friends in the episodes to come. And Kurt joining Rachel at the end was just glorious. I think back to the time last season when they struggled together to get into NYADA and I loved the scene in the car with the “gay high five” and all. Please Glee, give me more of Hummelberry at their best.

    Aside from the Hummelberry the Hummel family and most of all Burt Hummel, I mean wow. I love Burt so much it’s ridiculous. That scene was actually my favorite scene. When he says, “But, you won’t”, my heart broke and his “trying to hold back the tears face” just killed me. All the awards.

    Okay, on to the not so FUN part. And that is key, as wonderful Sophy pointed out so perfectly. I am really missing the fun and most of all the funny characters. I didn’t hate Marley and Jake and all the rest of whoever appeared at McKinley and doesn’t really belong in our Gleeverse yet. But I didn’t particularly enjoy them. And Marley definitely had too many songs to sing and both characters, as you pointed out, are so normal and BORING!!! And never, never, never put someone like Marley in a song with Rachel F***ing Berry. I mean, really Glee?!?

    Glee used to be endles ridiculous fun and I miss that. I also miss season 1 Sue and her crazyness. I miss Emma and Beiste. I miss season 1 Will. I miss Santana and her nasty comments.

    And I miss Quinn. I miss her so much and I am anxious to see what will happen to her in the Glee future. That guest starring thing won’t be satisfying, yet, I think, it’ll be what we can get.

    Oh, and what about Mercedes? I really wonder how they’re gonna tell her story.

    I also took issue with the Glee kids discrimenating Marley’s mom and being popular and all that. It just doesn’t make sense that after 3 seasons, only one Nationals win could make them such a**holes. That is just completely out of character.

    Anyhoo, one thing where I differ with you guys though would be Blaine “Warbler”. He really gets on my nerves. How many songs can be sung to Kurt by him at the schoolyard. Why can’t Kurt sing a “goodbye” song to him before he leaves for NYC. Why does he need Blaine’s motivational singing to get him going?
    And Blaine is “the new Rachel”, just like that? Yeah, I know he has star quality and yada yada yada. But his role in Glee club has been so unrelevant to me. He’s still a bit of the “new kid” and I don’t know if I see him as a kind of leader. I mean, why the new Rachel, why not search for new Glee club captains? We’ll see. Maybe I want to see Blaine as a character when he is not part of the cute Klaine universe. I want to know who that Blaine is. I mean, I loved him in West Side Story. Maybe more of that…

    Oh, one more thing, didn’t Chris Colfer win a Golden Globe or did I just miss the Emmy win?!?

    1. AnnYouBeautifulTropicalFish
      AnnYouBeautifulTropicalFish at · Reply

      One more thing. I didn’t hate Kate Hudson, but her dancing was horrible. And I don’t get why they can’t get someone who can actually dance or why they couldn’t give her another part. She could have been another teacher. I am pretty sure, Rachel has to take more than just a dance class. I am not an avid Kate Hudson fan at all, but I loved her in “Almost famous”.

    2. Sophy
      Sophy at · Reply

      I totally wish we’d gotten more struggle too :( Really excited to see Santana, Mercedes, Puck and especially QUINN soon. Less excited about Finn, mostly because I am scared to death that Finchel will be back together before I can breathe.

      LOLOL as cute as I thought it was, Blaine’s serenade was also pretty dumb, I admit. As in not appropriate for the occasion. We’ll just have to agree to disagree on Blaine overall though. Whilst I would love to have heard Chris sing in this episode, I’m very fond of Darren’s voice and whatnot so. Different strokes?

      I see Blaine as a leader because to me he was very much a leader to Kurt initially and because he has loads of energy and drive. But it’s tough to say for sure, since they messed with his character so much. I mean, for a long time there I was sure he was older than Kurt and then they kind of flipped that over. So I don’t even know anymore.

      OH GLEE.

      1. AnnYouBeautifulTropicalFish
        AnnYouBeautifulTropicalFish at · Reply

        Oh I’m very much dreading the Finchel of it all. Hope we won’t see it for quite a while. Like never ;)

        I really enjoy Darren’s voice as well. Just to be clear, I love Klaine and I like Blaine, but my annoyance with his character might actually have to do with the “messing around with his character part”. Oh Glee, to quote you :)

        I just hope that Quinndependence does not equal absence from the Gleeverse :(

  4. Mayon
    Mayon at · Reply

    I watched the episode and really enjoyed it but at the end of it I thought “Oh wow, Rophy is gonna become a rage elephant”.

    I loved the new seniors. Brittany was hilarious (Blaine Warbler!! Dead song in her heart!!). Blaine was fantastic in his lameness, and I like seeing him outside of his pairing. Tina was perfect. I even liked Wade/Unique and I really wasn’t expecting that. “Unique eyes! They are on fire!” was genius and perfectly delivered.

    I hate Kitty on principle. Don’t even try to take some blonde girl in a cheerios uniform and try to pretend that she is the New Quinn Fabray. We don’t need another Quinn Fabray. There is One and Only One Quinn Fabray and she is the most perfect character ever. And that new girl doesn’t begin to have what it takes to rise to Quinn’s Fabray ankle. So don’t.

    I didn’t despise Marley as much as you guys but yeah, it felt too forced. She’s perfect. Already. She’s the goody two shoes that you don’t root for. I really liked her relationship with her mom, but everything else was too much too fast to feel right.

    I hate Jake. He’s nothing like Puck. This kid playing him looks too nice to be the bad guy. And I don’t think he could make Jake believable. And of course they’re gonna pair him up with Marley. Good Girl/Bad Boy is such a new concept…

    I’m just glad that Rachel is becoming Rachel again. It’s not the New Rachel, it’s the return of the Rachel we love.
    And Kurt. And Hummelberry being roomates in NYC is gonna be epic and wonderful and Quinn could come visit them sometime.

    PS : Oh Rin!! Did you spot Melanie in the dance studio??? She’s in Rachel dance class!!

    1. AnnYouBeautifulTropicalFish
      AnnYouBeautifulTropicalFish at · Reply

      OMG…Melanie…I totally didn’t realize that she was in Rachel’s dance class. THANKS for pointing that out. I would love to see more of her on Glee :)

    2. AnnYouBeautifulTropicalFish
      AnnYouBeautifulTropicalFish at · Reply

      I just looked at it again…Am I right that Kent, Marko and Ricky were in it too?

    3. Sophy
      Sophy at · Reply

      I LOVE QUINN FABRAY’S ANKLE.
      Um.

      Yes.
      Agree.

      And I really would have liked Marley’s relationship with her mum, if it hadn’t been one of the building blocks in ‘Perfect Marley teaches Glee kids a lesson about being perfect’. Sigh.

      NYC HUMMELBERRY WILL BE AMAZING OH MY GOD I CAN’T WAIT.

      AND FOR QUINN. TO VISIT. YES. OH GOD. I’M JUST. NO.

      BRAIN CAN’T HANDLE IT.

    4. AnnYouBeautifulTropicalFish
      AnnYouBeautifulTropicalFish at · Reply

      With all the SYTYCD kids at NYADA I had to think of this routine:

      http://www.metatube.com/en/videos/68919/SYTYCD-Top-6-Melanie-Tadd-Broadway-Season-8/

      Maybe they should change up dance rehearsals at NYADA a little. Now imagine we’d switch Tadd for …

  5. Ned
    Ned at · Reply

    Best new character: Rachel’s roommate?

    To add to the Cassie problem – what was the point of her mashup? I think it works quite well, musically, but does it advance the plot or explain anything at all about the character? Maybe because it includes the word “dance”?

    My biggest issue with the new characters is not knowing their motivations yet, so I’m doing a lot of reserving judgment. Brody and Kitty are just cardboard cutouts right now, and Cassie (flying monkey kid aside) and Marley aren’t much better. Not that watching Glee for character development is wise. And they still burn through plot like wildfire, and then stop to remind these kids (these kids, really) that it’s mean to be mean. Inconsistent show is inconsistent.

    Reserving judgment seems best: they can’t set up this much obvious and not subvert at least some of it, right? (I like how there seems as much chance of Marley/Jake as Marley/Kitty, for example. And Jake huffing out when he doesn’t get his way is a little bit S1 Rachel as well.) I did like the double meaning of “the new Rachel” – how is Rachel evolving in New York; and how are they are replacing Rachel in Lima? And also that they undercut both those ideas immediately – as Brody points out, Rachel is already awesome; and Blaine is the best in the club, like Santana said last year… wait, Britt’s the best dancer by miles, and the oldest… wait, Tina’s already supposed to be the new Rachel… wait, Unique is literally MVP… and then there’s Marley, whom they eventually accept as Mrs Rose’s daughter rather than as Miss Star Power.

    Britt/Tina cuteness is fun. Dancing aside, Britt is often fun in one-on-one interactions during the group numbers. And speaking of Tina, I liked her Lea Michele hair. And her Eve.

    And, just to be Faberry about things, in my head I paralleled Rachel meeting Cassie with baby Quinn (“the new Lucy”) meeting Sue Sylvester for the first time.

    PS: Did I imagine it, or was Burt elected to Congress last year? So he spends much of his time only an Acela ride away from NYC? Hopefully this is why O’Malley’s a regular again.

    PPS: Quinn me? Go on go on go on.

    1. Nemesis
      Nemesis at · Reply

      The Cassie/Rachel song was just to hammer the “new Rachel” point home. They want Cassie to be everyone’s new favourite, because she’s the bland FF character that’s introduced to every show at some point. Dawn in Buffy, Nora in True Blood, that blonde girl in Charmed… it’s always the beginning of the end.

      Also, the duet just showed how weak a singer that new girl is in comparison. So, Mr. Schue pretending that she’s the best thing ever was just pathetic. They’ll probably take all the solos Tina would be amazing at and give them to white new Marley Sue.

    2. Sophy
      Sophy at · Reply

      I kind of ship Rachel’s Roommate/Tina’s Assistant tbh. Star-crossed.

      I think the point of Americano was for Kate Hudson to have her ~Glee experience? I don’t know. It sucked. I’m trying to pretend it was never there.

      I’m sort of okay with Kitty being a cardboard cut-out for now, because, well, Quinn was a cardboard cut-out in the pilot. But what little fleshing there has been of Brody has turned me right off. On the fence about Cassandra as a character, but bored whilst on the fence. Same with Jake. Marley… well I don’t think I need to rehash those feelings.

      I’d be okay, maybe, if I bought your version of this ep – as in, if I believed that the upshot was really supposed to be that there is no new Rachel and all the kids are going to be equal and Marley/spotlight is not going to be the show’s new OTP… but I don’t trust Glee that much. Get back to me when they hand out parts for the school musical. Marley will be the lead and Tina will get about three seconds of screentime. Calling it. Desperately hoping I’m wrong, though.

      LOOKING FORWARD TO BURT SAVING THE WORLD.

  6. Ned
    Ned at · Reply

    To be completely mostly positive, my favourite moment came on Wednesday when I tried to counter a shitty week by spoiling myself with “New York State of Mind”. I clicked without thinking about it too much, and let the piano intro play in the background as I flicked through other tabs, so I’d more or less forgotten what I was listening to when suddenly THAT VOICE. (Said in the way I should be saying DAT ASS.) Like an old friend showing up at your door, and they’ve just won their Nobel prize, and would you like to share this lovely bottle of wine to celebrate? And then not-Rachel joined in. To the extent that the episode worked for me, it worked like this. Oh hello, you again…

    1. Sophy
      Sophy at · Reply

      Rachel’s side of New York State of Mind was AMAZING. Truth.

  7. Anna
    Anna at · Reply

    Your mention of adding up all the Most Rophies may or may not have inspired me to make a graph.

    More accurately, may.

    Enjoy?

    http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mahssli20B1qbdl5lo1_500.png

    1. Ned
      Ned at · Reply

      This is so great. :D

    2. Mayon
      Mayon at · Reply

      Pure awesomeness.

    3. Viscosity
      Viscosity at · Reply

      That is amazing.

    4. Sophy
      Sophy at · Reply

      Anna, you are very special.

  8. Juliett
    Juliett at · Reply

    Ahhhhhhh, this recap shows me that I was right in my determination to not watch this season of Glee. It’s probably one of the hardest things ever because I stupidly grew attached to everyone last year, but honestly, past the two hours around when the show was airing, I didn’t even want to watch it.

    The HummelBery seemed like the only decent part tbh, that and the Rophy caps which I’ll continue reading, all while listening to ‘Never Can Say Goodbye’ and ‘I feel pretty/Unpretty’ because if there’s one thing I can’t quit, it’s Quinn Fabray/Faberry.

    1. Sophy
      Sophy at · Reply

      JUST WATCH THE QUINN SCENES, OKAY?

  9. Nemesis
    Nemesis at · Reply

    Hahaha how do you do a Quinn glory shot without Quinn? And how did I not expect this?

    I kinda like Unique and Lil Puck. One is fun and the other really hot. (I can say that, right? Please, dear god, let him be over 20, so I’m not a creep…)

    The whole Rachel sub plot is a little lame, but it has Whoopi, so I’m good. Plus, she finally has a love interest who is hot enough for, well, most girls on the show. Finn just didn’t cut it. On any level. Kate Hudson, as much as I love her, is just a dumb, predictable character. Anyway, I’m ok with whatever keeps Rachel and Kurt together and lets them have more cute scenes like that.

    Couldn’t agree more about Marley though. They’re probably setting her and Blondieboy up, so they can have another straight white couple for competitions. Which is just gross. Why can’t it be Tina and Blaine? Why can’t they let Tina be the star for once? They never let Mercedes have a real big moment on stage, they didn’t use Kurt and Santana enough in competitions either. The one time it wasn’t the Rachel-Finn-show or the Rachel-Show, they put out Quinn and Sam. For no apparent reason. I love Quinn but there are stronger performers.

    1. Ned
      Ned at · Reply

      Average age of a Glee highschooler is, what, 28? Lil Puck is probably fine. (He does look more plausible than most though.)

      1. Nemesis
        Nemesis at · Reply

        Judging on their classes and teachers I’m surprised any of them graduated and got into a college.

    2. Sophy
      Sophy at · Reply

      Rin ALWAYS has glory shots saved up.

      I’m going to be livid if Marley gets solos that Tina could just as easily have done. LIVID.

  10. Nemesis
    Nemesis at · Reply

    I just wanted to post again because I reread your Anti-Marley part (for fun, you know) and you mentioned One Tree Hill. YES! She’s totally a bland OTH character. After it got bad. They’re trying to make her a Haley Scott/Tara from Buffy/Aria Montgomery/that girl from Dawson’s Creek and she’s just NOT. This is what happens when producers want an ultra-relatable straight white character in a show that doesn’t need one. Actually, no show NEEDS straight white lead characters, there are other options, but producers don’t seem to get that.

    “Performs hands down one of the best auditions Will has ever seen”

    Just… no.

    Everyone who ever made it into New Directions had a better audition. EVERYONE!

    1. Sophy
      Sophy at · Reply

      You take that back about Tara from Buffy. I might cry.

      1. Nemesis
        Nemesis at · Reply

        You might hate me more, if I tell you this… but I meant Dawn. I can’t tell them apart after all these years. But yeah, Tara bored me. I preferred Willow by herself or with Kennedy.

  11. Norwestorm
    Norwestorm at · Reply

    Yay! The recap is here.

    I was satisfied with this episode. Clearly it wasn’t perfect, for all the reasons you point out. I was so frustrated that we didn’t get an entire Rachel song, and that they cut to Marley on some of the big notes! Hmph.

    A lot of it ends up being neutral for me. I’m reserving judgment on the new characters, though I have to admit to being a total sucker for Marley/mom interactions. It’s been frustrating sometimes to have a complete lack of parental interaction on this show, particularly when the Kurt/Burt stuff is some of the best, supported by the scene in this show.

    I’ve been frustrated for two seasons practically with what they’ve done to Rachel as a character, but I was all right in a reserving judgment (there it is again) kind of way. I think she would have stood up and confidently delivered on her song without Brody there, so I’m trying to ignore his presence. In another site’s recap I was amused that their take on the “I’m straight” line was that Glee was the only homonormative show ever. Haha. But I totally agree in the annoyance of the shower scene AGAIN. I do like that Rachel was showering at like 3 AM, rather than giving up her routine. Cute. Very Rachel.

    You know what else would be very Rachel? Regaining her self-confidence and ambition for herself. But I guess she’s also been rather insecure also. Should I give them the benefit of the doubt for character continuity, even if it’s the watered-down version? Or wish they’d conveniently forget that again and Give us some punch?

    I read an analysis once that theorized that Rachel in a lot of ways IS Glee, in that she plays its embodiment on screen in a lot of ways. This lack of edge and dark comedy that you bemoan is in a lot of ways directly reflected in their Rachel-lite.

    Loved the reunion with Kurt.

    Hated the lack of even MENTIONING Quinn (by Rachel; we all know Sue can’t just replace her in her heart with Kitty) even with just a line like Quinn is busy with orientation week at Yale so I can’t talk to her. You know. Something. Just because she’s not on screen doesn’t mean she need to be invisible. But that’s a nitpick.

    Except that for the regular US broadcast we were shown a PSA about not texting and driving, and they showed the Quinn-truck scene! It was rather traumatic. :( Though I guess that was the point, ultimately. :-/

    Can you imagine if they had gotten a brilliant dancer, even unknown, to play the part of dance teacher? I like Kate all right. And for all her talent, Lea isn’t really a DANCER…so maybe they had to get someone she could surpass? ;) But I just keep imagining someone like Bebe Neuwirth in that role. Oh, well.

    Thanks so much for the recap. I was waiting and you did not disappoint.

    P.S. thank you for your stand on bullying. But as an aside, I did kind of chuckle in a way when Rachel’s nickname was Schwimmer because she was named after Friends, and that was the other Rachel’s OTP. Still: no on bullying!

    1. Sophy
      Sophy at · Reply

      Rachel showering at 3am was very cute… I just wish the whole point of it wasn’t just to get her to meet Brody in a ~sexy way. To be honest, I don’t really mind Quinn not being mentioned by Rachel. Theirs is a secret love. For now. I mean, as long as when we do get Faberry it’s flipping amazing. *brandishes sword*

      Ehhhh… if they want Rachel to become an incredible dancer, they’ll need to use a body double. But I don’t think she should every become an incredible dancer. If she was going to be really, really great at it, she would be by now. Nobody works harder than Rachel Berry. She’ll knock them dead with her voice and her passion.

  12. Ylva
    Ylva at · Reply

    I can only dito most of what’s been said. (you’d think that would mean a short comment, but it seems I’m not capable of those, sorry..)
    basically, the new characters are useless and unnecessary clichés, which would be less intolerable if they weren’t aloud to teach the old ones lessons they’ve supposedly learned a bunch of times before, or act as the (next) supportive alpha-male that allows Rachel to live up to her potential. God that Brody was the worst! perfect character is perfect. that is, horrible. urgh. and Rachel’s respond was completely ooc for me. though that concept hardly even makes sense on a show with such inconsistently written characters. when it comes to Marley, I didn’t even mind the kids enjoying the popularity. After all, whining about the low status of the glee club has been a constant through the seasons, but why couldn’t one of them be the one to realize it wasn’t worth it? it would have meant more now, since before they just had to settle for unpopular for lack of options, and decide to be proud anyway, but they never really had the chance to turn it down cause they’d rather be descent people. (maybee the “cool kids” sort of did it cause they’d rather do what they love, but in the end they still won prom king/queen and whatnot, so yeah.)
    Still, I enjoyed this premiere more than I expected, all on accounts of the old kids in their new constellations. They were all funny and adorable. But I very much agree on the lack of comedy on this show these days, its totally lost that edge from the first season that made me stand watching it despite the after school special tendencies and lack of continuity. I mean, this ep basically all we saw of Sue was some cute baby cuddleing! wtf?
    thank god for Brittany and Blaine Lame Warbler! they still got it. and maybee now Tina/Jenna will finally get her cance to shine?
    speaking of Tina, I really want to thank Rophy for helping me see the awesome details that I miss. Apparently I was watching too sloppily to notice the amazing faces from Tina’s assistent, very lol-worthy indeed! also, since my english is not the best, I tend to miss words here and there, which sometimes means I don’t get all of the rapid, awesome randomness that Brittany blurts out. and thats like half the show for me these days! so thanks a lot for the quotes, cause this time I actually didn’t hear that she complicated “Mercedes” on her new hair style! so amazing :) and no that wasn’t racist, just completely Brittany!

    1. Sophy
      Sophy at · Reply

      We love long comments! And I totally agree with you, I really feel that it would have been more natural for the Glee kids to realize it wasn’t worth it without needing to be shown the way by a newcomer. Oh well.

      I hope Tina gets her chance to shine, I really, really do. I suspect Marley will be hogging the spotlight, but I hope I’m wrong :(

  13. Ylva
    Ylva at · Reply

    also, Rin’s list of Marley’s too many likable qualities, ending with “Has more than one jaunty hat”! Brilliant. Truth and lols combined, the way Rophy always does it, making us all smarter and happier at the same time :)

  14. Janine
    Janine at · Reply

    I’ve let Rophy brainwash me before but I am adamant in my love for Marly Rose.
    I miss the old Rachel :( and I miss Quinn. And Brody is a toolBag.
    Uhmm, I think Tina should’ve been the new Rachel. Blaine hasn’t been waiting for as long as her and Rachel even said in props that Tina would be the star next year. I also think Blaine is extremely annoying.

    1. Sophy
      Sophy at · Reply

      Haha! It’s okay Janine. If you can put up with us hating her we can put up with you loving her. Whilst I don’t think seniority should be the be all and end all I do hope that Tina gets a chance to shine this year. I don’t find Blaine annoying, though, so I hope he gets a chance to shine too.

      BASICALLY IT HAD BETTER NOT BE ALL NEWBS ALL THE TIME. OR THERE WILL BE BLOOD.

  15. dani
    dani at · Reply

    omg you guyssss wow we really disagree a lot in this recap I can’t believe it, mainly because I ADORED some of the newbies

    jake- whatever I’m already bored to death with your face and your fake cocky attitude
    marley- yeah she’s too nice but I honestly think we’ll get more depth in the coming episodes.

    cassandra- wow, julyberry in da house.. faberry is my otp and I will never believe someone else is fit to be rachel’s life and travel love partner BUT damn! I feel like these two have awesome chemistry. besides like it’s already been told is so obvious that rachel has a thing for hot blondies haha

    brody- I can deal with you, I’m not sure if it’s actual liking of this character or maybe is just me being anti finchel. literally anyone but finn. I’m sorry but I’m enjoying every minute of it, aaand I feel it makes more sense for rachel to be with a talented hot guy instead of finn douchebag hudson

    I don’t miss finn, he can go and die in the army for all I care
    but santana and quinn… omg ;_; please come back, please

    1. Sophy
      Sophy at · Reply

      aw, dani! We can still be friends, right?

      I don’t really mind Marley being nice. I mean, like Rin said, we’ve loved a lot of characters who’ve been derided by fandom for being annoyingly good people… but I guess the thing is that Marley was nice and pretty and good and brave and super talented and totally humble about it and poor but makes up for it with jaunty hats.

      SCREAMING AND TEARING MY HAIR OUT.

      Um.

      LOL CASSANDRA/RACHEL. Quinn would throw bricks through her window.

      I can understand the ‘anyone but Finn’ sentiment, I really can. And Brody hasn’t had a chance yet to piss fandom off the way Finn has… but he’s as dull as dishwater and as fanficcy as a fanfic sandwich I’M SORRY BRODY GET OUT GO TO THE ARMY WITH FINN AND STAY THERE.

  16. Viscosity
    Viscosity at · Reply

    Some of my episode notes:

    Needs more afro, Jacob.
    Rachel’s facials haha.
    Cupcake gown cuuuute.
    No more Finn to make her to believe in herself….scratch that. You fucked it no clothes guy.
    Rachel in NY is soooo prettty.
    I’ll pretend you didn’t say that Sue and how old are you Kitty actress :x
    I’m enjoying this foursome sing-off.
    Sugar’s lunch!
    I wouldn’t want to smell the breath of an alcoholic failure either Rachel.
    What am I supposed to get from this, those who can’t do, teach? Nailed it Kate. Where’s your pants/dignity.
    No old piano guy, hmm.
    Sorry Puck’s brother, no one trashes stuff quite like Gadget.
    Ave Maria your way out the door Beatrice, bye.
    Does Whoopi ever age?
    NO. Why are you? Don’t do it. God. Gross. Rachel smoked you new girl. Embarrassing.
    Assistant/BEST.
    Huh? I wish we had steak at school instead of vegemite and chip sandwiches. Okay. LIES those were the best.
    Omg double dutch…old times. New times are great too, but there’s just something about old times.
    Blaine hasn’t found the sock store yet.
    Sugar’s lunch 2.0!
    Gee thanks Yoda and don’t touch Rachel, you’ll get her dirty.
    You have no power over me Burt damn it.
    Will is boring me, I’d rather see some Emma.
    Another Adele song ruined, you can join Holly in the useless pile Marley.
    Awwwwwwww Rachel/Kurt forever….and by forever I mean til it’s Rachel/Quinn forever?

    Great recap as usual.
    One day I’ll say it’s rubbish just to switch things up idk.

    1. Ned
      Ned at · Reply

      YES WHERE IS BRAD?! I hope they haven’t banished him to the same place as Will’s raps.

    2. Sophy
      Sophy at · Reply

      What am I supposed to get from this, those who can’t do, teach? Nailed it Kate. Where’s your pants/dignity.

      ROFL OMG ♥

      Another Adele song ruined, you can join Holly in the useless pile Marley.

      THISSSSSSSSSS. ♥

      And I think Whoopi might be magic.

  17. Elysse
    Elysse at · Reply

    Brb drowning in all the cliche characters…

    In other issues with this episode, a thousand times yes to Kate Hudson being a dance teacher. I’m a dance myself, and although NYADA would laugh their asses off if I ever attempted to get in, I could still easily do all that Kate Hudson did (aka hair flipping, being dragged on the floor and getting passed around by other dancers). UGH

    Also, why do people on Glee seem to only discover someone is a good singer while overhearing them in the shower? Creepy.

    Also also, no Quinn makes me sad. She’s my favorite. (Ok, to be fair, the list of characters I don’t despise on Glee is very short…)

    1. Sophy
      Sophy at · Reply

      aw, yay Elysse! What type of dance do you do?

      LOL GLEE YOU SHOWER PERVERTS.

  18. Stars
    Stars at · Reply

    So, long-time, Rophy-Does-Skins-recaps reader, first time commenter. I’ll admit to hating this show for the past season and a half, and reluctantly watching the first episode, mostly just because I knew y’all recapped it and I’d want to have opinions when I read what was sure to be more entertaining than the show itself.

    Thanks for holding up your end of the bargain :)

    My favorite part of the recap:

    “Excuse me, show, but didn’t you break Finchel up so that Rachel could go out into the world on her own? I realize that she’s only just met Brody, and that Brody is the one encroaching on her life rather than vice versa, but it still kind of ruined the symbolic magic of our first episode with Rachel in the big city to have some guy trailing around after her giving her pep talks. She was meant to be a sister doing it for herself??????? Just??”

    Because this show is SEXIST. I can’t say that enough. It’s mainly what drove me away from it last season.

    “And really, this is some seriously fanficcy writing. Rachel goes to college and immediately meets a hot boy who is unnaturally interested in her life? A hot boy who duly shows his romantic interest in her, but then proceeds to be non-threateningly supportive and hover like some kind of spirit guide? Please.”

    This is so spot on, re: fanficcy writing. But don’t you kind of feel like this whole show has been fanficcy writing since, like, the pilot? With a few gems in between? When i read that, I realized that’s exactly what has made me so annoyed by this show. It’s a show where the writers seem to have no sense of purpose or vision, but slap together various fanficcy moments, set to music, week in and week out. I just really think that any long-term vision the writers ever had lost when Rachel and the other main originals left the school. Their graduation and moving away has to be as far as the writers ever saw the show going when it started. Maybe I’ve gotten too picky in my old age (26) of television viewing, but shows without long-term vision just don’t cut it for me any more. There’s just no way to fake the affect that comes with the vision.

    So what do we have to look forward to, realistically? Barring some major shake up of the creative staff? Completely inauthentic feeling “Glee: The College Years” scenes with our faves? These moments will always appear at first to be our favorite candy bar, but then we’ll take a bite and realize, it’s the sugar-free version of our favorite candy bar. A few guest appearances from our other graduated favorites that will end up feeling a lot more like a Holly appearance? And what else? Brittany having a few funny lines, but even less heart than she had last year when she was attached to Santana? Blaine doing a few lame, chuckle-worthy dance moves and being a sweet kid with no compelling challenges? Artie being an asshole?

    Can someone talk me off of this ledge?

    Sorry. Long comment. I’ll stop now.

    1. Sophy
      Sophy at · Reply

      BUT YOU CAN’T HATE SEASON 3 COMPLETELY. YOU CAN’T HATE THE FABERRY PARTS.

      RIGHT.

      RIGHT?

      RIGHT?
      /TEARS OF BLOOD

      Whilst I’m not as hard on Glee overall as you seem to be (DESPITE ALL MY VIOLENT NO’S LOL), I do agree that they lack overall vision and it’s a real shame. The first 13 eps of S1 were perfect. They actually had an arc. But since then… the only thing that’s had an arc has been Faberry. So.

      I’m just going to pray they keep having an arc. Anxiously. Every night.

  19. Stars
    Stars at · Reply

    On a much lighter note, every time I hear the exposition that Finn is in the army repeated, I can’t help but think of this storyline http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ll4ub4fnwP1qhrab2o1_500.png
    and I die. Because the idea that Finn is a soldier, in the real army, where he might go to real wars, is about as believable.

    1. Sophy
      Sophy at · Reply

      BAHAHAHAHAH BEST. And by the way, welcome to commenting-land. I haven’t checked yet but I hope Rin gave you a good Quinn!

  20. Char
    Char at · Reply

    My response to this episode was an underwhelming ‘meh’. The things I liked: Kurt/Burt car scene (tears), all of Rachel’s scenes minus Brody, Rachel/Kurt reunion (mega tears).

    AND . . . Marley. Not gonna lie, I thought she was kind of adorable. And I was glad she called ND out on their shitty behaviour, because it was shitty. But to clarify – IN NO WAY is Marley anywhere near as talented as Rachel. Having them sing that song together really highlighted how her voice is above average at best. That kind of bold move is best reserved for Lea/Chenoweth or Lea/Idina.

    I READ ANOTHER RECAP WHEREIN THE RECAPPER CLAIMED MARLEY WAS A BETTER SINGER THAN RACHEL HAHAHAHAHA NO.

    Unfortunately for me, the characters that are left in Glee are my least favourites. I’ve always found Tina utterly boring and without personality (although it probably didn’t help that her relationship with Mike was her whole storyline for two seasons). I find Blaine ridiculous and annoying and eyebrows and just too MR PERFECT. Brittany, whilst being an awesome dancer and lol generator, cannot sing. And the writers set her up to be a joke character, which is why I can’t make myself care about her (and why I’ve never been a passionate Brittana shipper). And Unique – meh. Amazing performer, but another OTT two dimensional character in my opinion – this role screams ‘look how diverse we are!’ but I’m confused, like Sophy, because the writers can’t even make up their minds whether she’s transgender or someone with a drag queen alter ego. THERE IS A DIFFERENCE, GLEE.

    Why wasn’t Artie considered to be ‘the new Rachel’? (Eye roll.) I don’t love his character but boy can sing.

    Don’t even get me started on Kate Hudson and her laughable ‘dance’ moves. Smoke and mirrors, show. You taught us all about hairography, remember? JUST STOP WITH THE DESPERATE STUNT CASTING. I agree with everything everyone’s said about her clichéd to death character and it’s ALL SO BORING AND TRITE and been done before and NO. STOP IT.

    No to Brody.

    NO TO KITTY.

    NEW DIRECTIONS DON’T HAVE NEARLY ENOUGH MEMBERS. Does the school not care about this anymore?

    To conclude this disjointed and probably incoherent ramble. My favourite characters – Rachel, Kurt, Santana and Quinn – are the only reason I watch this show. They have the most layered storylines and depth IMO. So without them (and even with R&K in NY) Glee and I are going to have to make our relationship more casual.

    P.S. Was happy with no Finn. Stop trying to sneak him in via the means of photographs, show! Or if you must, at least linger over the headshot of Quinn in Rachel’s wallet.

    P.P.S. What is going to happen with regards to Quinning? #soimportant

    1. Sophy
      Sophy at · Reply

      It was a bit meh… but at least it wasn’t completely soul-destroying? Bright side.

      LOLOLOLOLOLOL I SAW SOMEONE SAY HOW MUCH BETTER MARLEY WAS BECAUSE LEA’S VOICE IS “THIN”. LOL.

      LOL.

      Lol.

      Anyway um, time is not softening me towards Marley I’m afraid. I do agree that the ND’s behaviour was shitty… but that’s precisely my issue with Marley. Every got made into an asshole so she could set them straight about it. It was just. Eh. Maybe if everyone hadn’t been such a jerk she wouldn’t have come across as such a goody two shoes? IDK IDK.

      And yeah, I noticed that Will was being kind of picky about letting people in and I was like LOL SUGAR? BUT? I mean, don’t they need 12 members to compete? Idek.

      And yes, let’s all just watch the show for Rachel, Kurt, Santana and Quinn. ie. The four characters Rophy identifies with the most – officially. (http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mahssli20B1qbdl5lo1_500.png)

      Hope you got a good Quinn :D

  21. Tammy
    Tammy at · Reply

    Okay, I agree and disagree with you. :) I actually really enjoyed this episode. I was worried that without a lot of Rachel/Quinn/Santana/Kurt I wouldn’t enjoy the show as much. They are my favorites. I really like the others, but not as much as those four. But I found that I was able to enjoy the episode even as the focus is shifting around. I was pleasantly surprised.

    Here are my feels about the episode though:
    -I find Sam more annoying now. Not sure how that happened. Maybe it’s because his character doesn’t seem to have much depth.

    -I don’t hate Marley. I kind of really liked her. BUT that is very dependent on them not keeping her the perfect America’s sweetheart character. All of these Glee kids have flaws. They are underdogs, sure, and that’s what ties them together. But they are also very flawed and that’s what makes us love them. Rachel can be grating and annoying and bossy and selfish. But that’s who she is and to love her means you love those things about her. Speaking of which, I think one of the reasons I DON’T hate Marley is because I am in no way considering her to be the new Rachel. THERE CAN’T BE A NEW RACHEL. No one can stand up next to Lea Michele. It’s just not possible, so I assumed Marley wasn’t even trying to do that. Because who would dare?

    -I don’t hate Kate Hudson/Cassandra July. BUT there’s another contingency. I think the Glee writers have a real opportunity here (if we forget that Kate Hudson is not an actual dancer). Rachel has never had an actual mentor / adult figure who could teach her anything or help her improve her craft. Will could not help Rachel grow. Well, he could help her grow less selfish and learn to work better with others, but by taking away her drive to always be the best, he actually could have hurt her Broadway dreams. But he was never going to make her a better singer or dancer. I really hope Glee makes Cassandra July that kind of character, the one who can actually get Rachel to grow. I fear what they will instead have is RACHEL teaching her dance teacher a lesson about how to work with people. No, just no. (Although the bullying has got to go a bit…not empowering to tell students they should have body dysmorphia. Gross.)

    -Boo Brody. Though I think I like you more than Finn.

    -I’m not sure yet how I feel about Jake. I’m worried they are going to beat the bad boy/girl next door cliche to death with him and Marley (Which. Jacob Marley. Really? Is it supposed to be a Christmas Carol reference? And if so, what’s it supposed to mean? Marley’s already pretty much Tiny Tim.) Glee can write much better, more nuanced relationships than that, so I’m hoping they are going to surprise me.

    I NEEDED A QUINN/RACHEL SKYPE DATE. I mean, how long would that have taken to film? But Rachel and Kurt stole my heart so I’m (almost) okay with not having it.

    Thank you ladies for sharing your thoughts. As always I remain impressed with your depth of character understanding.

    1. Sophy
      Sophy at · Reply

      I don’t think Marley is the New Rachel either to be honest. I mean, they’ve actually gone out of their way to make sure she is very different from Rachel. ie. humble about her talent, kind of quiet, just wants to be a singer on the radio, has a totally different type of voice and way of performing from Lea, and is very very normal and non-comedic. I don’t think she’s a knock off of Rachel at all, the way Kitty is a clear knock-off of Quinn/Santana. But I do think she’s going to get far far more of the spotlight than I think she should have.

      We’ll see.

      I do agree that Rachel hasn’t had a teacher who has helped her to grow and it would be great to see that happen for her. But I’d rather it was Whoopi. Or like, a version of Cassandra who didn’t use bullying and humiliation to motivate. I’ll be pretty upset if Cassandra is just portrayed as a tough but darned good teacher and if, for example, the whole ‘Muffin top’ incident is written off as her wanting to get the best out of these kids. I’ve been on the receiving end of that kind of abuse and I won’t tolerate it being treated as anything other than abuse.

      What I’m saying is, it’s okay when it’s Sue. Because Sue is evil and we all know it. And because her methods have been repeatedly condemned within the show. Jury’s out as to whether they’ll be as careful with Cassandra.

      Not sure I’m really into the skype date idea, just because my construction of Faberry is as this weird little romantic friendship that is alternately adoring and aloof. I think the lack of ordinary day to day friendly friend type interactions kind of keeps the tension alive between them.

      AND I LOVE FOR FABERRY’S TENSION.

      Anyway, thanks so much for commenting, and although it may not seem like it, I did enjoy the episode overall too. Here’s hoping we get some Quinn thrown into the Hummelberry mix soon :D

  22. Scattered letters
    Scattered letters at · Reply

    Great recap! Agree with Hummelberry rocks, Kate Hudson can’t dance (just like Finn Hudson! Hmm), Marley is NOT the new Rachel, Old Rachel should be the new Rachel, Burt and Kurt equals tears. I think your point about the actors not being comedic is spot on. So far, none of the supporting cast show any promise of doing a Naya or Heather (from background to star). I think the problem with Glee is that it is starting to be populated by one note characters. Yes, the original cast members were talented singers and/or dancers but more importantly they were really good actors who played funny and awesome/lame so very well. And even from the get go they showed so much promise as being more than just who they are supposed to play. You get funny and brash and vulnerable. Probably the one who has the most potential for layers is Jake, especially if they bring Puck back. I love Puck the sex shark but I also love the Puck that is out to prove he’s not a deadbeat like his Dad. Unique is also a great character and a landmark character in prime time regular network teen comedy show history. I just hope that the actor playing her is up to the task.

    Going back to my point about the comedy, though, Glee at it’s best is laugh out loud funny as well as poignant. I wants my ridiculous! I wants my camp! I want them with layers, and flaws, and the potential for good underneath it all (ie Rachel, Quinn, Puck), but I want them to be funny. Take out Joe because he’s just hair jokes taking up space. Maybe Sugar has the beginnings of being Ken Tenaka-esque awesome but they haven’t given her a good storyline to show this. On second thought, Dianna Agron was a better Sugar in the Props episode so, hmm… maybe it wasn’t the lack of storylines.

    Let me say though that I really, really enjoyed Tina being more fierce and liked Britney’s interactions with her (I was actually inclined to ship them after Call Me, Maybe!) and with Blaine and Kurt. Call Me, Maybe was awesome not just because they were cute together but it was performed by a bisexual woman, a gay man, a trans person and Tina (I’m not actually sure how to classify Tina because she did audition with ‘I kissed a girl’). Glee is many things but what it has done for LGBT visibility is just amazing and I will always love it for that.

    Lastly, I laughed when you talked about what Old Rachel would have done after meeting Brody in the shower. In my head, OR would have been planning picnics in the orange room, giving out cat calendars and going to his dorm room to clean it with her yellow gloves and psychotic Rachel smile. *sigh* I miss crazy, stalker Rachel. I will tolerate Brody if she comes back. ;)

    1. Sophy
      Sophy at · Reply

      Going back to my point about the comedy, though, Glee at it’s best is laugh out loud funny as well as poignant. I wants my ridiculous! I wants my camp! I want them with layers, and flaws, and the potential for good underneath it all (ie Rachel, Quinn, Puck), but I want them to be funny.

      THIS THIS THIS. NAIL/HEAD.

      And yes, Joe should def just… not be there.

      I HADN’T REALIZED HOW FABULOUSLY LGBT CALL ME MAYBE WAS. GODDAMN. THAT IS THE BEST. And I’m so pleased you agree with us in that even though we do have a lot of rather impassioned no’s to say to Glee sometimes… we really really love it. For so many reasons, but especially for what it’s done for the LGBT community.

      And you’re so right about Stalker Rachel. That would totally have worked too. ‘What’s that? Somebody has expressed an interest in being my friend? MUST SMOTHER.’

    2. Ylva
      Ylva at · Reply

      so true about the visibility! I often get annoyed with glee when it seems to focus on being politically correct at the expence of layers, archs and laughs, but when I think about it now, what screams “political corectness” to me (as a Swede) might in fact be rather bold and controversial in Glee-land! I mean, Fox tend to follow Republican ideals mainly right? and they aren’t the most LGBT-friendly… so one step at a time is still progress I suppose!

      1. Ylva
        Ylva at · Reply

        come to think about it, maybee this logic could even be valid in regards to Marley! If Romney thinks 47% of Americans are lazy idiots who don’t pay taxes, maybee there is a real need for a “poor people can be good and hard-working people”-after school special! (It’s just not that entertaining…)

  23. Sasha
    Sasha at · Reply

    Honestly…I actually did really like Marley, even if she was too perfect. At first I was apprehensive, but then told myself…she’s had 15 minutes on the screen. C’mon. We didn’t know all of Rachel’s, or Quinn’s, or Finn’s character in the first episode, even if their flaws were actually flaws. I’m certain something’s gonna be wrong with Marley. If there’s anything Glee’s good at doing, is showcasing character flaws. And yeah, I agree with everything about Rachel. She was just a tiny bit too…normal. However, the reunion more than made up for it. And dafuq, Brody. Now HE’S too suspicious. Where’s Quinn when you need her. Like…seriously.
    Tina dear, there’s a fine line between fierce and bitchy. You crossed the line hon. Along with the rest of the cast. Speaking of which, I’d like to think Marley didn’t teach the kids a lesson, but rather reminded them what they stood for, what made them all special…though you’d think three seasons would be enough.

    AND SERIOUSLY RACHEL. SERIOUSLY. FINN IS STILL YOUR BOYFRIEND?!

    UM.

    GUYS.

    Did we miss something somewhere? I thought, you know, with all the crying and “I’m letting you go” and crying and…just. What. Rachel, you are RACHEL FREAKING BERRY. YOU DON’T NEED NO MAN IN YOUR LIFE TO FEEL ASSURED. BRODY. GIVE HER FRICKIN SPACE. SHE IS A STRONG, INDEPENDENT JEWISH WOMAN WHO DON’T NEED NO BRODY OR FINN. MAYBE A LITTLE QUINN HERE AND THERE.

    SERIOUSLY.

    I dunno…Glee…sometimes I wish I could quit you. But then I see Rachel and Kurt and Brittany and just keep watching.

    1. Sophy
      Sophy at · Reply

      I agree that we didn’t know all of Rachel or Quinn or Finn’s characters from the pilot, but none of them were portrayed the way Marley was. I mean, Quinn was just a cut-out so it can’t really compare – she’s more where Kitty is now. Rachel and Finn? Finn was a somewhat dopey regular Joe who could sing pretty well. He didn’t have a poor lunchlady mum/people bully her/I stand up to them/I teach them lesson/They love me/I sing in the spotlight/I am the only new addition to the group even though everybody was clamouring to get in because I have magic in my throat story going on. Rachel was very much flawed and completely hilarious, and we def got all that from the first episode. Marley felt like she was written for like, season 4 of Gossip Girl or something. Idk.

      Did we miss something somewhere? I thought, you know, with all the crying and “I’m letting you go” and crying and…just. What. Rachel, you are RACHEL FREAKING BERRY. YOU DON’T NEED NO MAN IN YOUR LIFE TO FEEL ASSURED. BRODY. GIVE HER FRICKIN SPACE. SHE IS A STRONG, INDEPENDENT JEWISH WOMAN WHO DON’T NEED NO BRODY OR FINN. MAYBE A LITTLE QUINN HERE AND THERE.

      THIS THIS THIS OH MY GOD.

  24. Sasha
    Sasha at · Reply

    Also…”she sounds nice”.

    rachel

    rachel das gay

    RACHEL

    STAHP

    1. Sophy
      Sophy at · Reply

      LOL YES. THIS IS SO TRUE.

  25. Emily
    Emily at · Reply

    Great recap.

    I think you guys did a really great job pinpointing why exactly I didn’t like the new characters.

    They’re knock-offs of the originals, but…worse. I can’t actually decide if the writers are deluded enough to think that Marley and Rachel are similar. Given the way they were writing Rachel in the episode today, it’s very possible they do. To sum it up though, they have a new bad boy, they have a new incredibly talented underdog with a difficult family situation, and they have a bitchy cheerleader with layers (maybe? certainly not yet).

    But you’re absolutely right. WHERE IS THE FUNNY? All of these new characters are so normal! It’s horrible.

    I didn’t hate Marley as much as you guys did…until I read your recap and NOW I HATE HER. Okay, well, maybe I don’t hate her. But I don’t *like* her. In the first episode I found her to be very boring and very predictable, but tolerable because at least she could act, which is more than I can say for any of the other newbies they introduced. Fail, Glee. Fail. And stupid stupid show. WHY put her up against Lea? WHY? I’m really hoping they release solo versions of that song. Is there a petition we can sign?

    I realize that Quinn may be MIA for awhile, but I’m hoping so much that they at least have snippets of the Rachel and Quinn emailing or talking on the phone. That’s not too much to ask for, right?

    Finally, Brody. He sucks. When he said the line about moisturizer, I just pictured Jesse saying it BETTER. And the shower singing is so overdone.

    I do have to disagree with you guys on Rachel’s character being off. I don’t know. I buy that she would keep her head down in the beginning and try to reel in what had gotten her picked on in high school. It’s not the Rachel I know and love and it’s not what I think will stick as soon as she gets her balls back, but I think it makes sense that in this bigger, scarier city we’d see a quieter, shyer, less sure of herself Rachel.

    Pleasure as always to read. Recap on!

    1. Sophy
      Sophy at · Reply

      It’s hard to say. On the one hand, I feel they’ve tried hard to differentiate Rachel and Marley. Like, Marley is sweet and unassuming and decent and humble and not sure if she’s really good enough for the rest of the kids… and she just wants to sing on the radio and has a totally different voice from Lea and a totally different way of performing too. She’s really NOTHING like the Rachel we met in the pilot. But to me she is a little similar to how Rachel is at NYADA.

      Don’t get me wrong, I do think it’s possible for Rachel to be quieter or shyer in the big smoke… I just think she’d be quieter or shyer in a more ridiculous way. If she’s not being somewhat ridiculous she’s just not being Rachel to me. But it’s okay because she has Kurt and Kurt def brings that out in her :D

      ANYWAY GLAD TO MAKE YOU HATE MARLEY. No really, I am glad.

      :)

      I soooooort of don’t want Quinn and Rachel talking on the phone and stuff just because I soooooort of want it to be all tingly and magic when they see each other and I feel like those day to day interactions undercut that a little bit. Idk idk. Let’s face it, though, I wouldn’t say no. All Faberry is good Faberry.

      Thanks so much for reading and comemnting! :D

  26. Crim
    Crim at · Reply

    I watched this episode with a friend who dropped Glee in season 2, like the hot mess that is was. I stopped watching at Glee Project Kid Number 1’s first episode and followed the storylines/Quinn’s awesomeness from a safe distance. So we were ready to see this ep, see that the show got even worse, and pat ourselves on the back.

    And we did. Omfg, this was awful. AWFUL. We had almost all your reactions except that Marley is a Mary Sue. You are definitely right. I didn’t see her as one because she was so bland; all the “awesomeness” around her seemed less about Mary Sueing her on us and more about trying to give her some sparkle the actress couldn’t project on her own. She wasn’t bad (that would have been easier to handle, maybe). There was just nothing quirky about her at all. We didn’t even notice the hats, though my friend lol-ed affectionately at Rachel’s.

    Kitty’s lines, I thought, were good in that they weren’t Quinn-like or, especially, Santana-like. Her line delivery was good for what was needed – she could have been embarrassingly cartoonish, but she wasn’t. I could see her fill the Mean Cheerio spot just fine. It’d be interesting (but unusually sane) to not have her join Glee club at all and not really give her layers. I think she is even pretty and All American enough. No one is Dianna, but we knew that already.

    Why was Artie a judge for the Next Rachel when this meant he took himself out of the competition? When did he change his mind about that? And, since he did, why show him as a NR contender in the first place, writers?

    The one Most Annoying Thing was… ok, it was the juxtaposition of Marley’s audition and Rachel singing – just stfu up, M! But, aside from that obviously failtastic decision, it was that Rachel at least thinking of Quinn, if not calling her, practically shoved itself in our faces when Rachel had to deal with Sue 0.5. What really made me shout “Call! Call!” at the screen was that the Sue-lite dealt with a physical aspect of Rachel’s schooling, just like Sue. How could that not remind Rachel of the Cheerios? And Quinn, aside from being the love of Rachel’s life, is also the one person Rachel knows that could effectively deal with Sue, at least at times.

    The third most annoying thing was having Blaine sing twice, and the second time as an anvilicious callback to s3e1. And there was no Quinn setting things on fire. There’s half of why I stopped watching Glee right there in that scene. Plus, as a bonus, Blaine’s duets will now be with Marley. You have failed to the bottom pile, Glee.

    1. Sophy
      Sophy at · Reply

      YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE STOPPED WATCHING. Because. Faberry. But I’m assuming you at least watched those clips. So.

      You’re right, no one is Dianna. And I actually didn’t hate Kitty all that much, even though NOBODY SHOULD BE COMPARING HER TO QUINN, SUE. DO YOU HEAR ME? Um. Anyway I’ll wait and see but she was just kind of inoffensively there for now. Marley on the other hand. Gawd.

      I absolutely hated that Artie took himself out of the running. Not because I think he should be the new Rachel or whatever… but because I think HE should think he should be. I just. I hate that because he’s into directing it has to somehow become his ~thing, and he’s not allowed to be a star anymore. IT STINKS.

      LMFAO. Well. If you know these recaps you’ll know we’re big Blaine fans, especially me… but I would have preferred to see Kurt sing a goodbye song.. and you know, make the decision himself. But whatever.

      Blaine/Marley duets would be the weirdest thing. I know some people think they’re similar, but to me they’re really really different. Blaine is one of the few characters who’s still seriously out-there. As in… he’s very camp and over the top. Whereas Marley is the poster-child for “normal”. So. It would be the weirdest.

      To be honest though, I think the duets will be all Marley/Jake. Or Marley/whoever the other guy is supposed to be who’ll be the Finn character. And blerrrrrr.

      BLER.

  27. LauryeMal
    LauryeMal at · Reply

    I’ve this new Glee S4 resolution to always comment on your Rophycap, because you are in my top 5 reasons on why keep watching this show.

    Seriously on every cringe-worthy or head-in-hands scene my first thought was always “What would Rophy write?” and I have to say your rants where spot on, as usual.
    All your Best and Worst are undisputable.

    Loved Brittany, loved Blaine and his singing faces and exaggerating nerdy moves, I’m surprised to say that I enjoyed Unique as well (and yes I’ve laughed at Brittany’s Mercedes reference.. sue me)

    LOVED Tina’s diva attitude and please give an Emmy for “Best Background supporting character to a supporting character ” to Tina’s assistant. Pure Genius.

    I have strong feelings about the newbies…strong, negative, screaming feelings.
    I hate cast shake ups (it was one of the main reasons why I stopped watching House MD) but even if I deeply desired for the hashtag #WeDontGiveAFuckAboutTheNewKidsonGlee to trend worldwide I was ready to be open minded about them…

    And then the writers had to bully my ear with 2 and half SOLOS from MARLEY.. WTF (and why using Adele’s song?? Why? So that I can be reminded of how Holly murdered Turning Tables??.. Adele should sue Glee…). Pinning Marley up immediately on a duet “versus” Rachel was cruel and yet perfectly adapt; if they wanted to sell her as the “New Rachel” they’ve failed miserably. (I’m lukewarm about Marley’s voice…Lea was raising the roof as always on the other hand). If you need new blood for the show at least have the decency to write new characters not pale Kinko copies of the original ones.
    I want wit, kookiness, goofiness or even randomness à-la Sugar in my New Directions not a trash bin of goodiness straight out from a Disney special. With hats.
    Maybe it’s just me but isn’t it weird to wear hats indoor? I’m pretty sure we weren’t allowed to wear hats in class in my HS. Plus hats indoors where Kurt and Brittany thing… shooo Marley shooo!!

    I suspend my judgment on the other newbies…except for Kitty..she’s no Quinn or Santana and if she’s even try to walk in those mighty footsteps she’ll skyrocket on my black list faster than Finn.

    But srly.. the Glee writers need to take down a notch on the “stereotypes 101” class they’ve all clearly mastered. I sometimes wonder how it is possible for the same people who wrote an amazing character like Kurt’s dad to wrote bs like the “cruel yet somehow motivating alcoholic dance teacher” (more on that later) “the new buff/cute/seemingly perfect guy that our LEAD JUST MET but somehow has to lean upon to vanquish her insecurities”, “the mean cheerleader” etc… com’on guys.. show me a little effort at least.

    … and Kate Hudson…The only thing I didn’t mind about her were her abs, and only because I’ve the shallow gutter mind of a teenage boy.
    But I did enjoy the dance number, I think she did a great, flawless performance full of energy… AHAHA NO WAY.. just kidding.
    I’ve watched the whole number counting how many times you could see her double actual making the difficult-real dancing- passages.. (I stopped at 7 btw..)
    he was horrific, like in Nine (still waiting for the reimburse for those 2 hrs of my life ).

    In conclusion… #WhereTheFuckIsQuinn ???

    1. Sophy
      Sophy at · Reply

      Laurye YOU ARE THE SWEETEST. And we feel you, we really really do. Especially this part:

      I hate cast shake ups (it was one of the main reasons why I stopped watching House MD) but even if I deeply desired for the hashtag #WeDontGiveAFuckAboutTheNewKidsonGlee to trend worldwide I was ready to be open minded about them…

      And god you’re so right. The amazing thing about Burt was how he went against the grain. I just. I’m okay with Glee writing stereotypes…. as long as they’re meant to be hilariously over the top and ridic. But flat-out non-ironic stereotypes? Worst.

      #WhereTheFuckIsQuinn. Don’t stop till it’s trending.

    2. Ylva
      Ylva at · Reply

      “on every cringe-worthy or head-in-hands scene my first thought was always “What would Rophy write?””
      Haha, I do that too these days, with everything I watch!
      no TV experience feels complete without a Rophy recap to justify or challenge my opinions.

  28. Mia
    Mia at · Reply

    I know you guys will probably want to rip my face off and eat it for saying this but…

    You dislike Marley for being a Mary Sue

    You like Blaine.

    Blaine is THE ULTIMATE Mary Sue. So, I don’t get it. By that philosophy it would be logical of you to dislike Blaine.

    Also I call some MAJOR bullshit on Artie naming Blaine “The new Rachel” or their new leader so to speak. Let’s see, who was in the race to become “The new Rachel”:

    1. Tina, who dumped him and left him for Mike.

    2. Brittany who cheated on him with Santana all throughout their relationship and ultimately dumped him to be with her.

    3. Unique, a strong black woman. (Something Artie wishes he could be, lol). Regardless, she’s pretty much a stranger to him.

    4. Blaine. (Seriously, what can even be said about him? His character is pretty much flawless and that’s what makes him so fucking boring and bland to me. I wasn’t joking when I said he was the ultimate Mary Sue.)

    Blaine won because Darren is Ryan’s favorite. End of story. I’m not even being biased, if I were then I’d say that Brittany should’ve won because aside from her I honestly don’t care about any of these new directions members.

    But If we’re going for talent and for “what’s fair”, Then Tina should’ve gotten leadership. Jenna and Kevin are the best singers in the new directions right now.

    I think it’s pretty sad that they’re putting Tina in the backburner again and I thought it super shitty that they made her break-up with Mike into a funny throwaway line. If it were one of the main couples breaking up like that, ie: Brittana, Klaine, Finchel. All hell would’ve broken lose.

    As a majorly hardcore Brittana shipper, I know that if they’d done that to Brittana, Cosas malas would have happened. But sadly it seemed like no1currd about Tike :/

    1. Char
      Char at · Reply

      ‘You dislike Marley for being a Mary Sue

      You like Blaine.

      Blaine is THE ULTIMATE Mary Sue.’

      Agreed. Sorry, Rophy. I still love you. (But I will never love Blaine.)

      ‘Blaine won because Darren is Ryan’s favorite.’

      AGREED.

      1. Sophy
        Sophy at · Reply

        You’re totally entitled to not like Blaine, but I honestly don’t think it’s reasonable to classify him as a Mary Sue. I mean, I said all this to Mia below, but he has exhibited some unequivocally flawed behaviour, like, repeatedly. And he kind of thinks he’s the business. Which again, is a major Mary Sue no-no. So.

    2. Sophy
      Sophy at · Reply

      Not going to rip you a new one Mia, but I am going to disagree with you. I’m not sure whether it’s that we have different definitions of Mary Sue or different assessments of Blaine’s character, but either way I don’t think he’s a Mary Sue. For a start, he’s way, way too ridiculously lame to be a Mary Sue. Mary Sues aren’t lame. They just think they are. But really they’re kind of amazing and everybody around them knows it. Blaine thinks he’s amazing all by himself.

      That’s the thing, I guess. He’s way too into himself to be a Mary Sue, IMO. And of course he’s committed too many overt transgressions. eg. hogging the solos at Dalton, casting Kurt as his duet partner just because he wanted to sing with him, being sexually aggressive with Kurt when drunk, not caring about Rachel’s feelings or Kurt’s when he had his little foray into bisexuality, being unspeakably bitchy to Sam just purely out of his own insecurities and issues with Finn… those are flaws. Blaine has them. In this episode, at least, Marley doesn’t have any.

      Darren may be Ryan’s favourite, but IMO that’s a whole other matter.

      ANYWAY, you probably won’t have to put up with too many more Blaine solos, because they’ll all be going to Marley grumble grumble.

      It was kind of brutal to split Tike up like that, but then I keep thinking… that’s how Tike got together… by Tina/Artie being brutally split up over the summer. So. KARMA, BITCHES???

      Anyway, thanks for commenting!

  29. Rebeccapedia
    Rebeccapedia at · Reply

    1. I AM NEVER EVER EVER EVER GOING TO STOP LAUGHING AT THE HORSE JOKE RIN YOU LITTLE GENIUS!!!
    2. Blaine has been the new Rachel for a long time, HE IS BLAINE WARBLER!
    3. I was afraid you guys would be all “Oh give Marley a chance!” because for the main part she didn’t bother me too much, but then they had her INTERRUPT Lea, queen of everything, at a STREISAND song, and just, NO NO NO NO, balled up fists, but then I thought maybe I was just being a childish Lea-stan, you guys have vindicated me, she sucks, hooray!
    4. Also Kitty is a poor Quinn, she’s clearly what Ryan wanted out of Dianna but couldn’t get
    5. Poor Tina, I feel like by mid season we’ll all be like “REMEMBER WHEN WE ACTUALLY THOUGHT TINA WAS GETTING A STORY YOU GUYS?!?”
    6. Fuck hats. (Although that may be a Ryan inside joke since he knows about the yellow hat stuff)
    7. I just need more Rachel, half a song is not ok, it’s never ok!!
    8. Will disgusts me more than even Sue thought possible. He was rude to Jake, and what happened to needing 12 members and letting everyone (SUGAR!) in, what is this dickish behavior about?!?! UNIMPRESSED. Let them in, so what if they quit in a week or two? I hate the obligatory struggle for members that’s clearly coming.

    1. Sophy
      Sophy at · Reply

      LOL TOTALLY. Blaine and Rachel have always been very similar characters to me, though perhaps Rachel had a darker edge for the first season and a half of the show or so. They’re so alike to me which I think is why I love it when they perform together. Both totally camp, ridiculous characters with inflated egos but bubbling insecurities too. Both extremely enthusiastic about their own performances. lololol best.

      I WILL NEVER GIVE MARLEY A CHANCE. Well, I would. If she doesn’t get shipped with the spotlight after this episode. but I’m guessing she will. Marley/Spotlight. Urg.

      IF SHE STEALS TINA’S SOLOS SO HELP ME GOD.

      To be fair, I don’t think Will meant to be rude to Jake… but it was still kind of stupid of him. And Idk what his fuckery is with not letting people in. Looks like ~popularity went to his head even more than it went to the kids’ heads.

      THANKS FOR COMMENTING :D

  30. Whymz
    Whymz at · Reply

    Ok. I had to sleep on this recap. I am not sure how to express my feelings. I actually really liked Marley. Something about her just melted me. Maybe it was her mom and their relationship. Don’t hate me. Also, I HATE HATE HATE Kitty. What is she like tranny granny or something? What the ever lovin F is THAT? No. So much NO. There is and can only be one Quinn Fabray EVER!!!

    (I will cut a bitch!) I’m lookin at you Murphy.

    Oh and I am officially convinced that Ryan is aware of Rophydoes. especially after seeing Tina’s RINssistant. Yup. Only RIN could have done it better!

    Please oh please can I have a badass QUINN?

    1. Sophy
      Sophy at · Reply

      DON’T MISTAKE LOVING MARLEY’S MUM FOR LOVING MARLEY. Her mum was pretty awesome. Although she shouldn’t talk about magic throats anymore.

      You know, I’m not going to relent on the Marley issue at all… but…. I did kind of like her interactions with her mum in an isolated way. I mean how can you really dislike them together, right? It’s just that I hated that it was all just a set up for Marley to Mary Sue her way into the Glee club and teach everyone a lesson. Bler.

      Hope you liked your Quinn :D

      1. Whymz
        Whymz at · Reply

        I get what you are saying. I don’t think there can be any comparison to Rachel and her voice. I just kind of liked her and her face.

        No Quinn = No joy for me.

        Haven’t gotten my Quinn yet but Rin never lets me down!! lol

  31. Kayla
    Kayla at · Reply

    The thing that annoys me most about the new characters is the names. Cassandra July? Marley Rose? KITTY? Those are not names. Those are stupid. That’s all.

    1. Kayla
      Kayla at · Reply

      okay also i was just thinking about it and i actually know a girl who is a cheerleader and pretty popular and is a great singer (she placed in the school’s talent show two years in a row) and she’s kind of bitchy (then again we’re not really friends so i don’t know her toooo well) and her mom is a lunch lady at our school. and no one even cares. bitchy girl + lunch lady mom would have been an interesting dynamic to see. break the cliche, glee.

      1. Sophy
        Sophy at · Reply

        Damn straight!

    2. Sophy
      Sophy at · Reply

      LOL IKR

  32. a.b.
    a.b. at · Reply

    I hope whoopi cuts brody – with a knife – in the next episode.

    That’s the only thing my brain retained after scrolling through the quinn gifs.

    1. Sophy
      Sophy at · Reply

      THESE HOPES ARE MY HOPES.

      I think Rin wants Quinn to rip his penis off.

  33. Angelica
    Angelica at · Reply

    I love Dianna and all the Dianna/Quinn caps and gifts in the world are never enough but how about we give a shout-out HeMo’s guns on the 5th cap of “Call me maybe”? They’re good!!!

    In another Dianna related note, can I get a gift of Dianna showing off her guns? Pretty please?

    1. Sophy
      Sophy at · Reply

      HeMo’s guns are pretty special. And all the parts of HeMo.

  34. Crim
    Crim at · Reply

    I forgot to say this the last time: I didn’t like the Burt scene. *pauses for dramatic effect* It’s not that Burt wasn’t flawless, because he was – like he always is. But isn’t this the SECOND TIME that Kurt gets a storyline because he is such a privileged lil’ precious boy? So, so good for you that you can afford to go to to New York to feel better, Kurt. Just like you could afford the private school to escape bulling. Wow, I so feel for you. Bonus for this being your boyfriend’s idea. Way to butt in on some other family’s finances, Perfect Boyfriend Blaine.

    Anyway, the Burt scene was overshadowed by my astonishment that the whole plot line was so rushed; it was like TPTB knew they had to have Kurt in NY in the first episode and couldn’t care less how he got there. Very Glee.

    In unrelated news, there is now even less of a reason to follow up Glee: there will be a (non-Glee) Lea album. Lea. Album. Mind. Blown.

  35. Char
    Char at · Reply

    Just putting this here . . . vintage socially awkward Rachel.

    http://belleanima.tumblr.com/post/31889523363

  36. Mad
    Mad at · Reply

    “Blaine is literally the lamest person on earth. And I LOVE HIM FOR IT.”

    I KNOW RIGHT.

    I TOTALLY THOUGHT OF RIN TOO OMG

    I KNOW UNIQUE IS GROWING ON ME. I think UNIQUE’S EYES really clinched it for me. I JUST. PLEASE REFER TO YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON OCCASIONALLY AGAIN. *cackling*

    *rolling around on the floor because YES LA VIE BOHEME*

    BURT IS A PERFECT HUMAN FOR EVER I CAN’T

    UGH YES THANK YOU Marley is goddamn Marley Sue. I just. NOOOOOO. I started to like her a bit in the Britney episode when she was talking to Unique all cute but then came…..JARLEY. OH. MY. GOD. I JUST. NO. THAT WAS THE MOST AWKWARD THING I HAVE EVER SEEN. NO NO NO NO NO TO JARLEY. Like what was that shit. “Oh, he is so sad and damaged I must save him.” Excuse me Anastasia Steele.

    Like seriously they could have given her a not love triangle storyline and are we HONESTLY DOING THIS AGAIN? A WEAKASS VERSION OF QUINN/PUCK/RACHEL/FINN WHATEVER? DO NOT WANT ANOTHER STUPID LOVE TRIANGLE.

    I want this to be the SENIOR’S year. Plus Hummelberry in New York obviously. (Yeah, still kind of bored by Brody.) I don’t want a million Marley songs. HER VOICE ISN’T EVEN THAT AWE-INSPIRING OK. I just. AGH.

    Also did you guys shout “NO PUCK COME BAAAACK” when he made his brief glorious appearance.

    I just. Ryan is not winning me over with these new people. The stuff with the seniors was all season 1 black comedy hilarity.

    Can’t the newbs just sway in the background for this year? And then the writers can work out real storylines for them later on, and then in the mean time they do storylines for the SENIORS.

    1. Mad
      Mad at · Reply

      Also, yes about the kissing. I know there’s the whole “well they’re in public in high school in Ohio” but by now that just doesn’t cut it anymore. I can probably count on one hand the number of times those two had any private moments together. It’s like they need to be chaperoned or something, in case they get closer than three feet together. The solution to “oh it’s public school in Ohio” is to have private moments like they did a million years ago with The First Time. It was a great episode, but since that was like the only episode where they got to kiss, it has become a Very Special Episode. These two are supposed to be in an intimate relationship. As in they don’t just “tenderly hug” every once in a while.

      The writers are claiming that it ISN’T Fox, but um, in Ryan’s new show The New Normal, which is on NBC (adult Kurt and Blaine as people are calling it, haha) David and Brian have kissed as many times as Kurt and Blaine have, and it has only been three episodes.

  37. CinderProp
    CinderProp at · Reply

    The whole time Marley was on, all I could think about was that movie Marley and Me. I would absolutely rather have an adorbs puppy on Glee.

  38. buchai
    buchai at · Reply

    I loved Marley and Brody the first time I saw them coz they were hot. heeeeee judge me. I was there watching, waiting for the flaw/s in their character and it never came. I said to myself, maybe they’ll surface next episode. Watched the second episode and they never came(spoiler).

    Brody is ridiculous, his lines are all cheese and no bacon(I miss Quinn). I mean, who is this guy? Who says things like that? I can’t be comfortable with a person who thinks of kissing me even when I’m talking about my subway sandwiches not having enough lettuce. That’s what he implied, right? Like I said ridiculous.

    Marley is so one dimensional she’s practically a cartoon, no offense to Ropher toons. I know people like Marley irl, I steer clear of them because boring. In a like manner, I’ll steer clear of Marley until she develops some layers.

    P.S. I miss my manic depressive, repressed ex cheerleader.

  39. Ella Symington
    Ella Symington at · Reply

    I think Marely Rose would be a cool name for like a bad ass tbh. Remember when Quinn was a skank? If someone like that was Marely Rose.. I actually hate Marely tbh even the whole eating disorder thing.

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