Katy Perry – Firework
Rin says: I kind of hate Katy Perry. I think ‘Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?’ is one of the stupidest lyrics I’ve ever heard. This episode didn’t have much to choose from though, so it came down to Rachel Berry and her wonderful self. And just look at her in every single cap, adorable.
And I like sparklers.
Sophy says: KATY PERRY, STOP FUCKING WATCHING AMERICAN BEAUTY, OKAY? YOU’VE HAD ENOUGH.
The fact that I’ve chosen this as best song really just shows how utterly crumby all of the others were. Because my first thought when this started up was ‘Katy Perry? AFUCKINGAIN?’ And then I went like this:
So yeah… I was not thrilled with this song choice… but Rachel Berry was singing a love-song to herself, you know? Into her hairbrush? With sparkles? Exactly how am I supposed to resist that? Especially when other options include Tina fake-crying for no good reason and a number that made me remember what a horrid songwriter Paul McCartney can be.
“Maybe try rocking back and forth. People do that in movies.”
Rin says: Needs more Brittana scenes, just because they do have a really cute chemistry.
Sophy says: HAHAHAHA I LOOOOVED THIS. The way Brittany was stroking her, while she explained that she just tries to be honest with people about their suck.
Kurt: Okay, can I ask you something? Because we’ve always been completely honest with each other. You and I? We hang out. We sing flirty duets together. You know my coffee order. Was I supposed to think that that was nothing?
Blaine: What do you mean?
Kurt: I thought the guy that you wanted to ask out on Valentine’s Day was me.
Blaine: Oh, wow. I really am clueless. Look, Kurt… I don’t know what I’m doing. I pretend like I do. And I know how to act it out in song, but the truth is… I’ve never really been anyone’s boyfriend.
Kurt: Me, neither.
Blaine: Let me be really clear about something. really, really care about you. But as you and about twenty mortified shoppers saw, I’m not very good at romance. I don’t want to screw this up.
Kurt: So it’s just like When Harry Met Sally, but I get to play Meg Ryan.
Blaine: Deal. Don’t they, uh, get together in the end?
Kurt: Could I get a nonfat mocha, and a medium drip for my friend Billy Crystal?
Blaine: Ah, you know my coffee order.
Rin says: These two have the potential to be one of the better parts of Glee, because I like that they didn’t go there immediately and that Blaine isn’t the completely put-together guy that he appears to be. And the dialogue was a lot better than what Glee has done in the past. Also the When Harry Met Sally reference was cute.
Sophy says: I really enjoyed these two in this episode. I mean, the whole thing with Kurt assuming he was the valentine was a bit of a stupid cliche but… Chris Colfer kind of has a knack for making shit shine. I did like how their stories mirrored one another, and how it showed that as high as that pedestal Kurt has Blaine on may be, in reality he’s just as clueless a kid about all this as he is – because they both do exactly the same thing, don’t they? Just Kurt is a little more subtle/less scary about it.
(THE GUY WAS WORKING, BLAINE. COME ON!!!!!!!!)
But I think the main reason I choo-choo-choose this scene is that I liked the fact that Kurt just told the truth – he just laid it all out there, from his feelings, to his misguided expectations, to the whole what do we mean aspect – and Blaine, in return, gave him the most honest and straightforward answer he could manage.
It was all very Emily Fitch.
Best ‘Brittany is random’ Moment
Brittany was off her game this episode. But Rophy can be random too.
Rin says: I could stare forever.
In fact, don’t mind if I do.
Sophy says: YOU’VE GOT TO GOT TO BOUNCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rophy Says No!
Lauren. And Puck. And Lauren.
Rin says: I really really really hate Lauren. She’s totally up there with my most hated characters, and I only have about 3 of them. I think what they’re trying to ‘say’ and ‘do’ with Lauren is just ridiculous, and not just with the shit they’re trying to pull with Lauren/Puck. There is absolutely nothing likeable about the character, and yet we’re supposed to think she’s omgawesome!!! …?
She’s mean spirited. A bully. She has no right being in the Glee club on accountability of not being able to sing or dance.
And the whole thing just stinks of ‘see! being large doesn’t mean you can’t get the hot guy in school!’ — just. No. The whole thing in of itself is insulting, if they wanted to try and make this story happen then you treat the characters just like any other character and not include all these lines of dialogue about how Puck LOVES CURVES! And how she’s a WHOLE LOTTA WOMAN! And have her eat IN EVERY SCENE.
Sophy says: Ugh, ugh, ugh. If they were going to do this storyline then they should have done it with Mercedes. I have my issues with that character from time to time, but at least she’s actually kind-hearted and talented and you could see why someone would fall in love with her. I mean. Puck is in love with Lauren because she’s a rude bully and that turns him on? Really show? REALLY?
Just about everything that could be wrong with the Puck/Lauren storyline is, but I think what I hate most about it is that it’s a fat joke pretending to be uplifting. I mean… it’s all about how she eats all the time, and trades dates for muffins, and throws the little people into lockers, and Puck’s not “ready for this jelly,” and Santana can’t budge her because you guys, she’s fat, and in case you didn’t get it here’s a musical number.
So on the one hand it’s offensive… and then on the other it’s political correctness gone nutso with the Obesity! Yay! Like. No, okay. You do not look like America looks, Lauren. You look like some of America looks. And Puck is not “kinda scrawny” okay? He’s healthy.
I also hated the obvious attempt at manipulating the audience into liking Lauren by having her tell off Santana. Please, show. They’re both bitches, stop trying to pretend otherwise. And at least Santana is a funny bitch who occasionally makes out with Brittany.
Rin says: Truth.
Also, this bullshit.
How dare they. HOW DARE THEY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sophy says: They’re not even being discreet about it.
Also, this bullshit.
Stupid. Stupid, stupid, STUPID. As is the entire Finn/Quinn plotline most especially the fireworks oh my god, and the whole thing about Santana giving them mono.
Also when Finn was all hesitant and creeped about kissing Becky and wound up going for the cheek? That was one of those times I drafted an angry letter in my head, then realized fictional characters don’t have addresses.
Head In Hands
Kurt/Rachel being adorable.
Rin says: Still loving these two, and want moar. Less of Mercedes though, thanks.
Sophy says: Kurt/Rachel is the best!!! And yeah, butt out of my platonic OTP please Mercedes. Although you did give them some pretty awesome advice this episode, so we’re cool… for now.
“Oh my god, I made the whole thing up in my head didn’t I?”
Rin says: I have no idea why Sophy told me to make this Most Rophy. I don’t make up stories in my head.
Sophy says: Rin/Minky.
Rin says: It’s a thing asshole.
Quinn Glory Shot
She still looks amazing with mono.
Rin says: I’d risk it.
Sophy says: I wouldn’t even use a tongue condom.
Rin says: That’s the most disgusting thing you have ever said.